Dr Sara Gottfried & Brad Jacobs: The #1 Skill Men Are Missing And It’s Not Confidence | DSH #1811
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Are men and women changing roles in modern culture?
Now, do both of you feel like women are being a little masculine these days, though, because they have to work more than they used to in the past?
I've been at these institutions where there are a lot of women who are incredibly masculine and sometimes even have toxic masculine.
What does 'healthy masculinity' look like?
And so it makes sense because women are fighting in a system where often men have power over them and it's the way that they've reacted.
How do childhood experiences affect adult behavior?
But I don't think we want to match the behavior of power over and toxic masculinity. Women need to like really reach into their biology and respond from that way.
What are the links between trauma and physical health?
Women are incredibly good at regulation.
Why do high-achievers struggle in relationships?
We're really good at co-regulation, kind of like what you do with a baby to calm a baby down when it's upset. And so that's where we need to really shine is to regulate ourselves and co-regulate others.
What is the importance of emotional regulation for men?
And when you think about masculinity, I think of it around a polarity.
How can tracking physiological markers improve health?
You know, we talk a lot about feminism, but femininity, divine femininity, powerful, beautiful, and divine authentic masculinity.
All right, guys, we are here at A4M. We got Dr. Sarah Gottfried here today and Brad Jacobs, and doing a little fun episode today, a quick little 25-minute episode. Thanks for joining us, guys.
Hey, Sean. Happy to be with you.
Yeah, nice to meet both of you. How did you two meet and get acquainted?
Yeah, good to be here. We met about 30-plus years ago as interns. Wow. That's older than I am.
Yeah, I was just going to ask, were you born yet?
Yeah, 28.
What role does nature play in mental and physical well-being?
Exactly. So you were both interns at the same company? We were. Wow. Same hospital, UC San Francisco. Holy crap.
Yeah, we were little interns, you know, little white jackets, stethoscopes around our necks. Nice. Little dorks.
Bright green. A lot of strange things, I know. Yep. Were you, like, friends the whole way through, or did you rekindle at some point? Yeah, rekindled professionally, what, a decade ago?
I always had thoughts for him.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what it was.
And vice versa.
What are you talking about? She says that, but I don't know if I believe her or not. When you're talking about masculinity, I mean, it's a good topic to get girls interested in you, right?
It is. You've got to lean in and you've got to see if they're ready, if they can take it and handle it.
Well, if it's done right.
Right. There's a lot of... We were talking about this before we started filming, how it's not done right in certain circles. That's right. Yeah, the toxic masculinity, they call it.
Yeah, or even the opposite, the collapse, where people just give all their power over to the women, right? Yeah. And zero-sum game. What would you call that, a simper? Yeah, people spineless, floppy, a simp. I call it M2. I call it M1. This M3 method I've been building out that really focus on M1 are folks that are strong, decisive, protective, the good parts, but emotionally shut down.
And this is a good segue, but who a man is today has a lot to do with what they do. Like how they grew up with, right?
Oh, it's true. What was modeled? What kind of experience they had with power? You know, was it abusive? Was it used in a way that was, you know, trying to change behavior in a negative way? So you can measure that. You can do it with the adverse childhood experiences score.
Yeah, I took her test. We'll link it in the video for people watching. I got a seven and it's out of nine, right?
That's right. So that's pretty high, Sean.
Yeah, that's pretty high. And mind you, I grew up in a middle class, upper class family, you know, both self-made millionaire parents. And I still got a seven.
Yeah, so it's, you know, you can't tell from looking at a person what their ACE score is. And what we know is that that level of trauma is associated with 45 different diseases, not just the ones you think of like depression or anxiety or even post-traumatic stress disorder, but autoimmune disease, stroke, cardiovascular disease. Whoa. There's a long list.
And you're saying this. I mean, while I just got a blood test last month, I'm on a pace for an autoimmune disease. So I didn't even realize that could be connected to childhood trauma.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Are men and women changing roles in modern culture?
0:00–0:13
2
What does 'healthy masculinity' look like?
0:13–0:21
3
How do childhood experiences affect adult behavior?
0:21–0:32
4
What are the links between trauma and physical health?
0:32–0:34
5
Why do high-achievers struggle in relationships?
0:34–0:44
6
What is the importance of emotional regulation for men?
0:44–0:47
7
How can tracking physiological markers improve health?
0:47–1:21
8
What role does nature play in mental and physical well-being?
1:21–30:25
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from Digital Social Hour
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