Chapter 1: What humorous topics do Bob and the co-hosts discuss at the start?
Walkable Wage. Nipple and Milky Man extraordinaire. Tongues Frog Clouds and Texan. Goes deep and vines. Multilingual Mark kills it at Korean. Goes down and rams while getting erect. And deploys numerology. From eyeball faithfulness to birthday proposals. It's time for Dice Breakers 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast. It better be your favorite podcast. I don't want to hear any shit about you listening to any other podcast. This is the only one. We're the only one for your ears and your eyes. And if we're not for your eyes, I don't know what to do with you. I have nothing to tell you. I have nothing for you. Welcome back.
That's right, it's Distractable. Everyone knows from these intros which podcast I'm talking about. It's always obvious. It's always self-evident. If you've never seen the show before, I'm hosting because I won the last one, and I have my other two co-hosts here who are going to be competing to win this one, and then they'll host the next one.
I give them points, and I write them down in a book that totally makes sense and is not at all going to be a documentation of my slow descent into madness. Anyway, my name's Bob, I'll be your host, and I'm joined as always by my competitors, Mark and Wade. Hello! Yeah!
Woo!
Yeah! I'm ready to win. Are you doing like boxing stuff, Wade, or what is that? Oh, yeah, I'm big into it. You seem like you know what you're doing. Oh, yeah. And Mark was already triumphant, and let's be honest, I'm heavily biased towards Mark, so he's got a great shot today. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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Chapter 2: What is the format of the Dice Breakers game introduced?
I'm going to give you a bias point, Mark. All right. Didn't even have to pay for that one. I like being the underdog. Wade, I'm going to give you minus one underdog point just to really spice it up a little bit. Excellent. Call me Rocky Boa Constrictor because I'm ready. Anyway, I have an episode prepared for today as per usual. But before we do that, we always do small talk. How you doing?
Oh, man is so good. There's so many things happening. Good. Wade, how are you? It's been not great. It's been not great, but you know, we're getting through it. All right. Back to Mark. Back to Mark. We can't have any of that down. Tell us about all the good things that are happening. No, no, no. Yeah, I'm not here for that. I'm not here for that.
By the time that this episode comes out, I will have been at the Oscars and that horribly embarrassing thing that happened to me occurred. You know, honestly, I'm just going to own it. I did that intentionally. I don't care what people think. That was all me 100% intended.
There might be people that say they represent me that say that I didn't know what I was saying in those moments or what I was doing with my arms and legs and head and whatnot. Intentional. I meant it and I meant everything I did. Justin Timberlake's going to reveal his nipple. Wait, that was a Super Bowl halftime shit on an Oscars. Yeah, and this is already happening.
It's not that I'm going to do something. This has already occurred. He's going to have had revealed his nipple. Oh, yeah, but I'm always a week behind, so I'll watch it next week. And I can't believe you pulled that outfit off. Thank you. It was tough. Very stylish. It was great being there by your side. Thanks for making me your plus one. Damn it. He's really affecting the time stream now.
Holy shit. It went from not knowing what's going on to knowing exactly how to exploit it. Wait, our timeline. I had forgotten. My memory is so bad. In other news, I've had more time to get back into learning Korean. I've started doing that.
There's a cool app that I'm going to shout out that I might regret because you never know when these apps and companies can turn into horrible cesspools like Duolingo. Sure. Really, really tanked everything they had. Well, not really. I think they're still, you know, number one app, but you know, it won't be. Anyway, Kimchi Reader, the website for it is like Kimchi Dash Reader.
And so Kimchi Reader is great because it does exactly what I was doing with the other ones, not sponsored. I don't think that they have enough money to sponsor because they got like nine reviews on the Chrome extension store. They can't afford us. Well, they couldn't afford me, that's for sure. Anyway. By extension, us.
It's great because there's a lot of apps that allow you to watch Netflix and it can parse the words and it can show a language list, but none of them really work perfectly for Korean. And this one is purpose-built just for Korean, right? So it can parse the words better. It has better dictionaries for the idioms and the slang.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts engage in small talk before the game?
I suppose it's possible, but it's unlikely. You can do it. As a man who's walked one mile every day so far this year and is still not falling behind and still keeping up, I can tell you, you can do it. That settles it. It's time to stand. I've been saying that I was going to do this for all because I'm like, ah, there's one way to easily make it healthier. And I'm going for it.
I just saw a TikTok of this exact clip where Mark was like, can you believe we could choose to be different people? I'm going to choose right now. And then he, oh, fuck. My desk's broken. Oh, just stand. You just have to stand but crouch down so you're in- Alright! Wait, since when are you taller when you stand? I've always been taller when I stand!
Every time I've stood up, my head has gone out of camera! Oh no, there's a- I could lose a point for that. I forgot. Oh, that's true. It might just be unplugged. Hold on. I'm going down. Here I go. He's going down to his real height. Look out! He's jumping down off his chair of tallness. What's this unplugged USB down here? I don't know, far away, Mark. Oh, wow, it's like a cave down here.
Oh, can we come into the cave? Can we come hang out? No, no, no, no. Did you guys see the discussion? Because when I was playing Resident Evil, in the opening video, I go to the settings and it shows I have 192 gigs of VRAM. And the internet was very, very confused as to why I had that much VRAM. It's for the movie.
This is the computer that got bounced around when doing the movies and I switched over to it because I was like, I deserve the best. I mean, you do. Anyway, I'm going back down now. Okay, bye. Have fun in your cave, buddy. I hope you meet your... My what? Nothing. I hope you meet nobody. It's your desk. I hope there's no one down there. There better not be anyone down here.
If there's someone down here, that's concerning. Run. He knows. He's coming. What? Huh? I'm not talking to the secret fourth person on the call. Aha! Change is upon me! It disconnects right... now. Fuck.
that was so taut it was so taut oh i was right he just saved it i was 100 right okay i gotta adjust i gotta how do i what the this is the most entertaining thing i've seen all day okay man live a more exciting life then come on well i woke up and came straight here so i didn't really see much there we go hey i made it it's a miracle editors freeze it in horrible ways oh Guamify. Guam him.
Make Guam shoot out of my mouth. That's going to be one hell of a fluid simulation. Since as we know, Guam is just the ocean. I did not know that. Look at this guy. This tall guy. Man, it's really... Whoa. Oh, it's so nice up here. Do you remember we learned there's a window in your office, too? We could relearn all these lessons and re-change your life back again. I had closed it.
Your goddamn right. I had closed it for some reason. Why did... Oh, that's so nice. Look at all that. Mark, have you ever had water?
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Chapter 4: What are the hosts' personal updates shared during the episode?
Oh, my God. You're right.
I don't have my water bottle here. Oh, man. If I could just have any consistency in my life ever, I'd be such a good human. Just wait until you drink some water and blow your mind. Or chocolate milk. Is that just a big glass of chocolate milk? It's a big Dutch Bros cup. It's literally like a 30-ouncer of chocolate milk. That's pretty wild. I've just got really small hands, actually.
It's a normal-sized cup. I didn't know you were really into the president. Oh, fuck. Never mind. I got giant hands. This is the biggest company you'll ever see. I didn't mean to do that to you. That's my bad. I'll give you a pity point. Thank you. I need it. Anyway, all my dreams came true, and I am now the proud owner of a 3D printer. That's my small talk. Congratulations.
You might think I would have something 3D printed at hand, but it's all, it's gone. It was previously sitting right here, but I printed a holder. So now the AMS, which holds the spools of plastic is mounted on top. And I printed so much stuff. I set it up Friday afternoon and it's been operating all but like eight hours since I've had it put together.
And mostly what I've been printing is parts for the printer itself, which is so fucking fun. I love when you get a thing and then you make things for the thing with the thing to improve the thing. Also, I've printed a new piece for James's trains. He has those wooden train tracks that the IKEA ones and I printed a curved bridge. It's cool. It's so cool. Damn. That is cool.
Guys, I'm a 3D printer guy now. I have a print going right now. I'm watching it on my phone. I'm proud of you, man. Welcome to the club. We all know what those are. Therefore, we're all part of the club. Yeah, we all love it equally. You know what they are. Yeah, no, that's why I'm part of the club. Yeah. What are they? They're printers that print things that are 3D. Yeah, that's true.
Did you see the new advancement in 3D printing technology with the holograms? Yeah, that Bob got one. No, the holograms. That's old news. Of course, I'm in the club. Why wouldn't I have seen it? Yeah, he gets the emails. It's actually a really interesting advancement where they have a gel medium.
It's kind of like Disney had something where they had a gel medium and they would print in there and it would suspend it and it would print faster. This actually uses reflective mirrors to have light concentrate in where a hologram would normally be. So you can get little glass things and you can have a hologram in there. and it's like, oh, it's a 3D shape. That's been available for a while.
But in 3D printing terms, if they use UV light and they have projected hologram inside there that's consistent, it will cure the resin in the shape of the hologram, thereby 3D printing the entire object at once inside the gel medium. And it takes like in 10 seconds, it prints like a tiny thing like this.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts incorporate humor in their answers during the game?
It would be cool. It'd probably take many years before it scales up. But the fact that happens at all is it makes a lot of sense. You know who else takes things that aren't 3D and makes them 3D? Bakers found a really cool French Asian bakery. That does sound cool. What's it called? All right, here we go. I hope that's how it's pronounced, but it sounds good. That sounded good, right?
It sounded like a real words. That sounded really good, man. Yeah. T-O-U-S-L-E-S-J-O-U-R-S. It's so good. They've got some really good stuff. Oh, Tous Les Joux. What's your favorite thing to get from there? I assume you've been there. You didn't just find it and not eat there. What did you get? Oh, God. It's like a slice of strawberry something cake.
They also have like a just a Belgian waffle, like half dipped in chocolate. Molly got it's not strawberry shortcake, but it's kind of tasted like strawberry shortcake. Strawberry cloud cake. I had a slice of strawberry cloud cake. That was fantastic. Oh, cloud cake. Yeah, but they've got like they've got, you know, fruit pastries. They've got like breakfast pastries.
They've got all kinds of stuff. French pastries. I'm familiar with. I'm completely unfamiliar with like Asian baked goods. Is the cloud cake like an Asian baked good thing? Because I've not really heard of that before. I couldn't tell you what comes from where and I couldn't tell you the name of most things. I just looked and I was like, that looked like bread with chocolate, Wade-like.
French I've seen, croissants, whatever, but I'm just completely ignorant of like, I'm sure that there's plenty of very cool, very interesting Asian baked goods that I'm unaware of. Anyway, that sounds delicious. Do they door dash? Can I door dash some of that? I haven't looked, but it's kind of fun to go. I know not a person who goes, but it's fun to go.
You grab a tray and you put some paper sheet things over the tray. Liner? No, it's like the wax paper kind of thing you put on the tray and then you grab some tongs and you go around, you like actually put the stuff you want on your tray. Oh, that sounds fun.
And then they've got nice little sitting areas so you can sit and eat there or you can get it to go and they'll bundle it up for you and stuff. Like it's just a nice cute little place. But for you, you have to order a cab every time you want to go there. Yes. Unless it's walking distance. I hitchhike. It's not walking distance. Oh, that's a bold move.
Then you have to buy twice as much so that you have pastries to share on the ride home. Well, and it's easy to get the ride because all you do is you go, and people are like, ah, cultured, get in. And then they take me there. I'm not going to question that. I think it means mister. I could probably be wrong. Look, I don't speak French, but I'm pretty sure that's exactly how it's pronounced.
I took Spanish and it's nothing like what I just said. Pronounce it like Spanish. Yeah. I turned German. Is that Spanish? No, like a Texan Spanish, you know? Well, no, Texas Spanish might be even better than that. Yeah, that's right, buddy. Remember the Alamo, senor? Kentucky Spanish. West Virginian Spanish. Recuerdos el Alamo? Yes. That's in Texan, right? Alamo, that's in Texan?
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Chapter 6: What strategies do the hosts use to guess each other's answers?
cut to black uh so we're gonna go down to one episode a week on mondays for a little bit we don't know exactly how long um because the way these podcast things work now that we're we're no longer in that deal we are wandering free and alone and lost like little lambs and we have no home and we have no peace um also i need to go on a honeymoon
There's no hard date, but we're going to take some time to like have a little bit of an easier schedule and hopefully Mark and Amy have a really nice trip and actually get to celebrate that you're married now and not just get married and then dive immediately back into the movie thing. Cause you were right in the heat of it right then when all that went down. But yeah,
um it'll be nice we'll have a little break but we will be back and we'll probably make some sort of announcement and depending on if we get some new contract or whatever like well you'll be able to tell or if the filming for the sequel steel bladder starts uh so that's why we're going down to one a week but we will be back that's the that's the that's the end of it that's the whole announcement did a scary transition
Anyway, unless anyone else has any other small talk. Do you want to play a game? Yes. Did I talk about on this show how there's a, I don't know if it's Christian, but like a religious knockoff of Saul. Have I talked about that here? A religious knockoff of Saul? Oh my God, let me see if I still have the image. I just made this really stupid pun when I saw a video.
I didn't watch the video, but I saw the thumbnail about it and I turned to Molly and I was like, do you want to pray a game? I've never heard you say that before. It's called the Reconciler. The Reconciler? What a terrifyingly long name. I don't know if I like the Reconciler. Redemption is the only way out. This is a game we've played before. Kind of.
I have to be honest, I saw someone talking about this on the subreddit. It's my idea, but I definitely stole it directly from someone else's brain. You guys remember when we played Dice Breakers? Which was a thing where I gave you a prompt or I asked you a question and then you rolled a die and you had to answer at the appropriate level of whatever you rolled.
So you had to try and if you rolled a nat 1, you had to give me a nat 1 answer, so on and so forth. Well, same premise, except this time each of you is going to have your own die in your own hands in front of you that neither of the other two of us will be able to see. I will give you a question, a sort of classic ice breakery question, something really stupid.
You will roll your die and then you will have to give an answer that gets us to correctly guess what you rolled for your answer. And you gain or mostly lose points depending on how far off. I'm going to say my guess is the one that counts for points. Whoever's going, the other two, we can talk about it. But whatever my final guess is, you will win a point if it's correct.
If it's within one, you get no points. But if it's two away, you lose a point. Three away, you lose two points, so on and so forth.
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Chapter 7: What are the final scores and reflections on the game?
It's got to be like a one or a two or something, right? clearly you're going for thoughtful smart i don't know i'm getting i'm getting something fairly high there's no way he rolled a nat 20 already is there i don't know i mean who knows what if that dice is loaded i would be the least shocked person in the world it's literally made of beads that's true that's true It's the most unfair hand.
He walks into a casino with that dice. It doesn't get stopped by security. I love the bring your own dice casinos. Those are my favorite. Do you know what's inside that thing? I know it's covered in beads, but Mark has a point. I don't know what that's made of. God, no. I imagine it's pure poison and terrible toxin. That had to be high. I'm going to guess you rolled a 19.
Do I wait for Mark to guess too, or do I...
oh i have to guess i mean you can guess mine is the one that determines the points but i would go with like all the meaning and importance being he rolled a seven and his name already has sevens in it so i'm like i bet it's seven or something glad bob's my judge it's a 16 a 16 well that's what does that have to do with what you were saying that's silliness what did i guess 19 you did so you lose one point
Yeah, I guess that went pretty high there. I was like, okay, what's a good above average answer? I don't know what would have been better than that. Now that I think about it, I did give it pretty 20 vibes. That was, that was, you really went for it. You kind of went all out for the answer there. I feel like 16 is like just verging on like, yeah, that's a good answer territory. Not like,
Well, I thought that was kind of like 10. 10's average. 15 is above average. Like, you know. I mean, maybe I'm, I don't know. But when you're actually playing like tabletop, if you have to roll a d20, don't you usually need to roll pretty high to succeed at things? Is it usually like a 50-50?
In the system we're playing in Pathfinder, it's kind of like usually an 11 or higher is what you need to succeed. Oh, okay. Well. And then weapons can crit anywhere from like 18 to 20 typically, depending on what kind of weapon you have. Well, I was wrong, but Mark was wronger. It's okay. I'll pay the price for that. All right, Mark, your turn. Yep.
What item do you hope will be obsolete in 20 years? Now roll an answer. It's like on a line, I think. Okay, I think I know. Walkers for old people. You know, the big ones. Because I'm like, cane or nothing, buddy. You know, that's what I'm about. But walkers, you know, the big ones.
Like in Unisonus, when I was the old guy, I hope that medicine advances to the point where old people don't need them because they're so strong. They don't need those walkers. The big ones. Oh, no. Yeah, Bob, where are you on the scale on this one? Wade, you go first. Help. Help me. I'm thinking it's somewhere between a 3 and an 18. I'm going to go with an 8.
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Chapter 8: What announcements are made regarding future episodes?
so badly wade has the most will to live yes all right fine congratulations wade that means that with a score of four to two possibly the lowest score we've had definitely close wade is today's winner god i've had the hell of a losing streak i think it's cost me the season There's no way. That was me winning. Oh wait, no, Wade won the last one I hosted, but it's because it went to sudden death.
You actually were winning that one. Oh wait, yeah, Bob's won the last two I've hosted. But you won the space tier list. Bob's won the last three I've hosted. Wait, keep looking back, Wade. Four I've hosted. Okay, hold on a second. Five I've hosted. Wait, wait, hold on. Wait a sec. Ah, there's Mark. Keep Keep going, keep going. Wait, let's keep going. No, you won You Will Resolute.
You won that one. Yeah, keep going. Okay, so five to one. Wait, no, that was a tie. Who won it? I didn't circle, I don't know. But you won the one before that, 20 to 17. Mark, I think your problem is that I don't win enough because Wade ended up winning this one and the last one, but they were very close. But then you won Space Tier List, How Do You Pan, Snow Days.
Wade won one, but then you won Half-Life. By ten point. Uh, anyway. It's me you gotta impress, buddy. I'm the one ruining your win streak. And guess who hosts the next episode? Bob, hope you have one in their banks for no reason. Oh man, yeah, I'll be ready to host. Don't worry. Mark, do you want to give a speech? No is an acceptable answer. No, I got it. Alright, listen.
There comes a time when, uh, it's like me never winning the, uh, the streamy for gamer of the year. I've never won it. I probably never will. And, you know, I have to come to terms with that. We all have to come to terms with that.
And sometimes, if I don't win the year of the year thing, I will flip the ultimate unfair coin and we will look through Wade's book of wins and I've never calculated how often I lose his games. And we will see if there is bias. Then I will accept the answers and it's fine. And you know, I hope only that the streamies also has a big coin to flip for its own unfairness. I'm sure that they do.
Wade, would you like to give your winner speech? Yeah, hold on one second. I'll give it. No particular reason. I won. Big surprise. 17. I hate this game.
wait can i just say i'm looking at the season stats right now wade is dominating in wheel spin points wade has won 55 wheel spin points mark is 46 and a half and i've won 46 but points without wheel spins i'm dominating 648 to mark 626 to wait 542. And the wheel's the only one that loves me.
The total episode wins as of the last episode, the smell you could lick was Mark with 33 episode wins, me with 33 episode wins, and Wade with 29 episode wins on the season. So actually, Mark, you're tied for the lead, if anything. Does it come down to this next one? Is the next episode the decider? Oh, is that pressure on me? Yeah, I guess this is kind of this next one that Wade hosts.
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