Is Mark's masochism, Bob's parental instinct, and Wade's Scottish accent enough to take down 100 gorillas? And we're only getting started... DOOM: The Dark Ages: Stand and Fight. Available now at: beth.games/3WDZI4V Visit Amazon.com/prime to get more out of whatever you’re into. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
This is what Mark looks like with half a shirt and a bagel in his mouth. Is there, do you just like not have cream cheese or did you intend to eat a plain bagel? It sounds like a judgment. I just, I would, that sounds really like unpleasant.
I'm sorry.
Do you not have good shirts or... Do they not sell whole shirts where you live anymore or... Oh, you know, the tariffs.
Ugh.
I didn't want to pay extra to get the sleeves imported. Like a Force Awakens one half portion of shirt. All you've scavenged for today.
Well, this is distractible, and that was a great introduction to what this podcast was. It's a podcast where you are trapped. Ha ha. You got tricked into this podcast. You could have picked any of the other ones on the top list, but here we are, and here you are forever and ever. You have to listen to all the episodes now. Ha ha ha ha. There's some good ones. There's some good ones. Some.
Wait, are you miming being trapped in some kind of a cage or box?
Yeah, my rope went through, but my head didn't. It's comedy. That's the kind of humor you can expect here in Distractible.
Hard, fast jokes faster than you can react to them. Don't even bother laughing. You're going to hear another joke so soon.
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Chapter 2: How many people would it take to defeat a gorilla?
Yeah, it would be really bad for the women or it would be bad for the humans, no matter who they were. But there's just too many. I feel like changing the number is where it gets interesting. Because if you say 10 guys versus one gorilla, gorilla, obviously.
90.
I feel like you're in the same ballpark. It's too many guys. It's too many. All right, let's just jump all the way to 50. 50 guys, one gorilla.
50?
Like maybe. Like there's a slight chance, but I would pick the guys. If we were betting, I would pick the guys.
If we change the parameters, I'm assuming an average dude and average gorilla, just to keep it consistent. I'm always picturing average dudes, average gorilla. I still feel like 50 is just too, like there's too many people to grab and hold. Like you send five guys per limb and then you still have 40 to go for the body.
But they can't get, like, that's the thing, right? You're reaching territory where you can't all get your hands on the gorilla at the same time. And it's not enough people where you can just literally have, like, a pile of humanity on top. It's probably close to that still.
But it's enough where, like, if the gorilla gets some space and starts picking people off, if the guys lose too many too quickly, there's a turning point. I don't think it's likely the gorilla would win, but I feel like this is in territory where the gorilla starts to have more of a chance if they're lucky or they're really smart or something.
50?
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Chapter 3: What are the odds of a gorilla winning against a group of men?
With no guns, no weapons, it's just like a fist fight. Yeah. I feel like that's a one in a million. Even if it was the most muscular, highly trained weapon of a human I could imagine, a whole grown grizzly bear or a grown male gorilla doesn't really give a shit, I don't think, about that person and could still basically tear them in half.
a grizzly bear for sure there's no way uh just like it wouldn't happen but maybe i'm underestimating people's but that just seems ridiculous to me if you got behind it where we're like choke it or something maybe i don't know how much they can reach with their claws and tear that direction like maybe even if they just fell over backwards onto you that would be pretty rough
Find the nearest tree and just scratch, scratch, and paste on that tree. Yeah. But I will say, I can't remember who said it, but it was like, you do need those people that are like, I can take a bear. Because otherwise, and again, this isn't me saying this. Otherwise, back in like caveman days, you don't take down the woolly mammoth. You don't do it.
Unless you have that guy that's nuts and being like, nah, fuck it. Let's do this, gang. Exactly. You need your Leroy sometimes, Even though Leroy can get himself and others killed, for sure, hey, Leroy Jenkins!
One out of every ten Leroys brought down a mammoth. That's why we're here today.
It's the combo, right? It's like, I feel like the space race springs to mind for this for me. The guys who were going up in the capsules, the test pilots and the early astronauts were We're clearly like, strap me on the front of this thing that's probably just going to fucking explode and blow my ass into space and see what happens.
And all the scientists are like, wow, wait, hey, maybe we can make this safer. Like, let's up your odds a little. Hang on. Like, it's the combination of the crazy, brave, insane person who's like, I don't care. I'll do it. And everyone else being like, let's help him.
This reminds me a totally different subject. But you saying that, have you heard of the XF-84H Thunder Screech?
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Well, I don't want to spoil it. You can. Oh, no, no.
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Chapter 4: What strategies could humans use against a gorilla?
But like it's so loud that people 20 miles away when it was doing test flights or further heard it like a fighter jet was flying right over their house and were like terrified of it. And flying it inside the pilot inside of it was so loud that it like physically disabled the pilots. They would get sick or disoriented.
It basically was like giving them concussions just for trying to fly this plane normally at normal speed for the way it functioned.
Craziest fucking plane ever. They got a test pilot to do it. Cause anyone that actually tried to pilot, they would go up and immediately come back down and be like, fuck this. But finally they got someone to take a like 30 minute flight. And I think he came down with a concussion. Like he literally had a concussion by the time he landed. It was that bad.
I, i that plane is such a just the best invention it's like no one can fly it everyone for 150 miles hears when it's in the air it's the most terrifying useless loud thing and it was not it's not like it was a propeller plane that could go like so fast that it was it was just kind of a fast plane that had no other it was just and
In 200 years, we'll find out that that invention led to some other use that's completely crazy and different.
Now, when you're trying to give birth, sometimes what you need... You know what's going to get that baby out of there? Just sonic booms going right into the womb. Just put the propeller in reverse. It sucks.
Nothing scares a baby out of the uterus like constant sonic booms. You know where they made that plane? Wasn't it like New Mexico or something? Wright Patterson. Hey, that's right by us.
Well, that explains why I had all those headaches a couple weeks ago.
Well, if you were alive in 1955, that would explain many things that we know about you, but also, yeah.
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Chapter 5: How does the size of the group affect the outcome?
Before we get into it, did we figure out the number where it's 50-50 gorilla people? What is our 50-50 number?
I want to know. 50-50? Average people, I would put it around 15 to 20 would be a 50-50 shot either way.
I want to say 15 would be very pretty, pretty even, pretty 50-50.
12?
That's not crazy. That sounds reasonable to me.
Yeah, 12. I could see 12 because then a gorilla would still be like, shit, 12. If it's a number that I imagine the gorilla would be like, oh, I don't like these odds, then that's about 50-50. 12, I guess, would make sense. It's enough for everyone to get in there at once. It's enough for everyone to grab some part of this gorilla.
It's enough you could lose some people and it's not immediately bad when you lose one. 10 is like pushing it.
For some reason, yeah. For some reason, I'm like, 10? I think a gorilla could take 10.
But I don't know why I'm like, ah, but 12?
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Chapter 6: What factors come into play when humans face wild animals?
Like 1v2 is like, you could be like, okay, if I really play this right, 1v3, I'm like, there's no fucking way. So it was something about a tiger seeing that. And animals and we humans think in terms of those kind of logarithmic scales. Not necessarily binary, like doubling one to two isn't as bad as one to three is suddenly very bad, but three to four is very little difference.
You know, you have to hit a threshold higher to suddenly, I think 12 is that threshold higher than 10. You really starts to make a difference. I don't know why, but it does. It feels that way to me.
Anyway, the reason I talk about this is because in this post that they made, which is a post they found on Pinterest, which is a post that originally was made on Tumblr, which has 784,000 notes, there's a game that this person Flashing Lights likes to call Don't Get Me Started.
which is where on a random topic that I'm going to give one of you guys, you have to go on an angry rant about how it's the, you just fucking don't get me started about X. When for me, it was don't get me started about a hundred people versus one gorilla. There's no fucking way that gorilla's gonna lose this fight. A hundred people, you shitting me? A hundred, like, you know, so.
A hundred people with no legs could take down a gorilla. You know, it's just like, go off on that. Oh, that's interesting. A hundred people, no limbs? No, not no limbs. just mouths and just flop and come at me gorilla maybe maybe by pure exhaustion the gorilla would get tired by the 80th person he could probably get away with having a nap in the middle of killing everybody you know
Yeah, you just... As long as he's still laid down far enough away, probably have some time.
Yeah. Ah, man, but if you see a hundred limbless people rolling down at you, it's... Yeah, I wouldn't take that fight. That's not good. All right, so I got a random topic. Sorry, I just saw the first one.
Oh, good. I think Wade goes first.
Who gets this one? All right, heads Wade, tails Bob. I forget if that's a normal... Sure, sure, sure.
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