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Chapter 1: What led to Elis James' redemption at the charity football match?
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Hello and welcome to this latest episode of Ellis and John. And I've got to say, I think it's another mega week. Because, obviously, somebody did the Hackney Half Marathon on a Sunday. Was it you? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, it was a guy I know called Andy. And we played in the Taskmaster charity football game on the previous day on the Saturday.
And John, yet again, the guiding hand of John Robbins on my shoulder improved my life. Really? Yeah. How so? Because it went to a penalty shootout. And I didn't fancy it, having missed the decisive penalty in a penalty shootout about, when was it, two years ago. And I wasn't going to put my hand up. You were going to Paul Ince it. I was absolutely going to Paul Ince it.
Yeah, I actually caught him mid-Paul Lansing. Yeah, he did. Oh, did you?
I was halfway through saying, I don't fancy it, gaffer. When John said, Ellis fancies it. It's time for him to rewrite the script. Did you? And I thought to myself...
yeah maybe I will rewrite the script actually and I took the third pen I know the pressure one of the highest pressure sort of penalties third pen yeah rifled it into the top right hand corner yeah and it felt really really good Dave did it it felt so good And it's all thanks to John. He basically bullied me into rewriting the script of my life.
And I'm very glad he did it because I can't stop thinking about it. I've had a sort of glow for four days.
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Chapter 2: How did John's influence help Elis during the penalty shootout?
I would say, in terms of how I played... I was pretty ineffectual for large swathes of the game, but I sort of modelled myself on Lionel Messi, where I was kind of thinking, I'm just going to watch the game. I'm going to see what everyone else is doing. I'm going to find pockets of space.
So as the game progressed, I did pick up the ball a few times and I did ping a few good passes to Maisie Adam and Ellis James, for example.
in terms of how Ellis played he did have a big marathon the next day so it was quite mental that he was there and running around but he was a real impact sub and what I will say is he was an absolute mentality monster he stepped out for that penalty and he absolutely tonked it in the top corner and he looked very he was very serious he was a real bruiser is what I would say
John's performance, I think he looked very stylish in goal. He was the only person on the pitch not wearing football boots, but instead wearing hockers. And they were extremely large hockers and they made him look like a clown. So when the song Sit Down by James came on and all of the outfield players had to sit down, And only the goalies were allowed to go at each other.
It did look like a big clown running up and down the pitch, sort of flapping around. But it was a beautiful sight to see. And he was very brave and very strong, trying to save all the penalties at the end. And he got his baps out. And all of the ladies and all of the mothers, I can tell, were very pleased to see it. His baps out.
In terms of my standout players, obviously the professionals were absolutely insane. At some points they played so well that I just kind of stopped and looked at them as they glided past me and their muscles rippled. I'm going to say in the wind, but it doesn't feel like a wind ripples a muscle. But the wind was certainly adding a certain mise en scène.
The pros were, yeah, like I say, all fantastic. I thought Matt Winning was an absolute player. Great player. Because none of us really wanted to defend. We just all wanted to sort of run up and try and score goals and push the big duck around. But Matt Winning was just sitting back in the defence and doing the dog's work for the lot of us. And he played really well.
And then he almost scored a goal by running the full length of a pitch at one point. Yes, good play. And fair play, credit, kudos to him. Winning by name, winning by nature. What a day. Sending my love to you boys. At the end of the day, it was a big win for Chicken City. We're pleased to take the title and hold the trophy aloft. Thanks and goodbye.
Chloe Pets, thank you very much. Thank you, Chloe. John made two world-class stops. Did you? Yeah. I don't know if Fidu exists, but he made one stop that actually took my breath away. I just didn't expect him to get to it.
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Chapter 3: What funny moments occurred during the charity match analysis?
The semicolon has had its day. Is that the Oxford comma, the semicolon? Is that the same thing?
Will you use it for an Oxford comma? No, I don't think. I think the Oxford comma is something different, actually. Well, I'm going to decide which is the next to go big.
And I want it to be... The more than sign is doing quite well at the moment.
I see a lot of more thans. Is it time for equals?
Equals is just there and it'll always be great. Equals will always be okay.
But you don't type equals. You might draw it every so often. But equals is going to be mid-table for the rest of its life, I think. Is it the yen sign? When have you ever, considering it's on the iPhone keyboard, when have you ever used the yen sign?
I've never used it.
Never? Never. Because what could it be? It could represent a shirt with laces on the front, if you were trying to make an emoji out of it. Yeah, that's a good shout. Yeah. The little... This guy, the little squiggly dash. What's that called? I should know that. I once did a pub quiz round on the names of these marks.
Oh, yeah?
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Chapter 4: What relationship icks did listeners share with the hosts?
What's going on there? Is that a triple knot? A triple knot. Why? Because otherwise the laces are too floppy. I'm worried someone's going to steal your feet. Too floppy. Don't eat both off. Yep. Oh, God, it's another triple knot.
Dave, I mean... Your shoes are like the National Pension. This is worse than your counting.
It's been a tough five minutes for me.
Old Pentagon feet.
Right.
One of Fort Knox, that's what I was thinking of.
Right then, Dave, you can stand here by the... By the eye, I won't listen to this rubbish sign. Okay. Heels against the wall, please. You're not to raise your heels at the floor. I'm not raising! Okay, we, hang on. Don't do it with a permanent marker, John. We got it. We've got the mark.
Did you go to the top of my head? Felt like it was around my ear. There you go. Step away, please, Dave. I'm quite nervous. Because I have, for 41 years, been... Not 41 years. 41 years? You're a six-foot baby? Well, for a long time, I've been saying I'm six foot. Oh, dang! Oh, no, is this devastating?
You're exactly the same height as me.
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