Ex-CIA Operative: “Every Time You Speak, You’re in a Psychological War”
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What does it mean that every interaction is a psychological transaction?
How do you read people's behavior? There's a lot of different ways to do that. So if you boil it down into its most basic form, all relationships are transactions. And every time you are co-located with another person, you're in some kind of relationship, which means there will be some kind of transaction. Even if I'm a cute girl and you're a cute guy and we're at a coffee shop and we're not talking to each other, there's still transaction happening. Interesting. Right. I look at you. You look at me. That's a transaction. That's an exchange. It's a it's an exchange of what we call social capital, which is the currency of relationships. Right. That's why a lot of times flirtation starts when one person looks at another person.
There's an exchange. Right. That exchange is also known as a transaction. So I look at you. You look at me. We've just exchanged. We've had a transaction. The beginning of a relationship is there. So if you kind of advance that into any number of, whether it's professional applications or personal applications or parenting applications, anywhere you go, you start to see that there's this constant transaction, this exchange of a currency that we call social capital that creates an environment of reciprocity. where you want to return a favor or I want to return a favor, we want to return and exchange the value of the currency that we're exchanging. When you learn how that works, then you see it play out in both verbal communication and non-verbal communication.
So you start learning like which verbal words are higher level currency, which nonverbal behaviors are lower value currency. And if you want to build currency, build capital very quickly, you use high currency words, high currency actions, and then all of a sudden the other person feels indebted to you subconsciously for reasons they don't even understand. Whoa. And you can essentially direct and control their behavior from there. Can you tell when somebody's lying? Yes. Well, you can tell that through many, many tools before you ever have to worry about what's very popular, which is what people call microexpressions. So if you've ever heard the term microexpression or people talking about lie detection through microexpressions, like twitching of the eyes or the number of blinks or what happens on the face,
Those are very nuanced ways of determining if somebody is lying. Some of the easier things you can do is just listen and read body language and verbal language against what you know to be the baseline that that person has. Interesting. So there's like a change. Correct. That's what you're looking for, is you're looking for the delta, the difference between the baseline and their response to a certain question. And even then, you don't know. It's not like a smoking gun. That was a lie. It's more like a data point where you're like, I sensed, I assessed that there was mistruth somewhere. Wow. So then you ask another relevant, related question and see if you get the same indicator again. And then you do that four or five, seven times because there's a relationship and a transaction, right?
Telling if somebody's lying to you is not an instantaneous thing. It's a thing that takes time. Whether it takes five minutes or five days, the power isn't in how quickly you do it. The power is in that you know how to do it. Hmm. But you still have to know where to look, right? Right. To be able to identify a change. Correct.
How can you spot a lie using micro‑expressions and baseline behavior?
So it's in the nonverbal behavior. It's verbal languaging. Yep. I guess you could say. Yep. So for example, right, nonverbal behavior, when you suspect that somebody is lying, you're looking for nonverbal behavior that demonstrates a threat response. People are going to be using this against their spouses. I mean, and they're not using it. Sorry, not sorry. They're not using it against. They're just using it during the transaction. Yeah. Right. But so so an example of like a defensive nonverbal movement is when people cross, when they cross their arms, when they put their legs together, when they cross their feet like this, like this.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What does it mean that every interaction is a psychological transaction?
0:00–3:16
2
How can you spot a lie using micro‑expressions and baseline behavior?
3:16–6:14
3
Why is mirroring someone’s posture important for building trust?
6:14–10:07
4
What is social capital and how does it affect personal and professional relationships?
10:07–13:01
5
How does first‑mover advantage shape the flow of social capital in a conversation?
13:01–15:05
6
What strategies do covert operatives use to generate demand and control supply?
15:05–17:58
7
How do you safely travel and conceal your movements on covert missions?
17:58–19:47
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from EverydaySpy Podcast
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