Football Ramble

A European Royal Ramble

14 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

A message to all commentators who solemnly declare fans don’t like to see scraps on a football pitch: we absolutely do like to see it.Kate, Vish and...

Rooting for Darth Vader

13 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Hard luck, Chelsea fans - King Carlo and the old guard were back for one last grift. Rio Ferdinand's certain it was illegal.Marcus, Vish and Pete are ...

Phil Neville on a hoverbike

12 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Luke and Lars check in with the Conte Revolution at Tottenham and look over Luton’s incredible rise as they push for a historic promotion.&n...

Just get him a phone

11 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Man City vs Liverpool was billed as the best clash of the season – and, blimey, for once it actually was!Jules, Pete and Lars are your chaotic trio ...

The Preview Show: A goal from Thor

08 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're all fuelled up on Europa juice as we take a look back at a bumper night of European action on today's Preview Show, sponsored by Betway. Ma...

And I eat crayons

07 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Everton were dragged deeper into the mire last night as Sean Dyche’s band of merry men figured out how to kick the ball in the net just in time.Kate...

Give an Ince, take a mile

06 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Liverpool and Man City got off to a dream start last night, despite Diego Simeone’s best efforts to turn his tie into a feverish nightmare for every...

The Big Bird Bandits

05 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Kate and Jim are joined by Lars Sivertsen to look over a cracking night for Big Pat and Crystal Palace, as they dispatched Arsenal under the lights.&n...

Let's be Frank

04 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jules, Luke and Jim feast on a ten-course Barclays banquet, as a brilliant Brentford swept Chelsea aside and Eddie Howe's 'no fear, no idea' managemen...

The Preview Show: Goth Hodgson

01 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After a brief trip over to Speller International Island, we’re welcoming the return of the Premier League on today’s Preview Show, sponsored by Be...

Jabulani memories

31 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The final pieces of the World Cup puzzle are coming together this week, so Marcus, Andy and Luke settle in with some updates. Mexico and USA punc...

Mad Serge strikes again

30 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

England cantered past Ivory Coast thanks to a vintage Serge Aurier display, in spite of the Boo Boys at Wembley who gave Harry Maguire a hard time.Jul...

Inflatable unicorn NFTs

29 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Ahead of a delicious smorgasbord of World Cup qualifiers, Kate, Vish and Pete are here to tell you everything you need to know – and quite a lot of ...

Can I have some viennetta with that massage, please

28 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

England threw it back to Euro 2020 all over again: coming back from 1-0 down thanks to a late soft penalty at Wembley. In Gareth we trust.Marcus, Vish...

The Preview Show: A seagull took my calzone

25 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Well what a night of international football! Roberto Mancini and his gloved posse have missed out on the World Cup. But fear not – weathered England...

Throwing a fridge at Alan Pardew

24 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Fernando Santos is making a fool of himself, Zlatan’s being really humble and Gareth Bale’s back to match fitness – you know what all that means...

Neil Warnock vs B-Rabbit

23 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

As the Chelsea takeover gathers apace Marcus, Andy and Vish discuss the latest and how fans are finally finding their voice on their club’s future. ...

Off he pops

22 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After twenty-two years in showbusiness, Mike Dean has announced he's stepping down at the end of the season. Get your bedazzled whistles out, the Fare...

Corinthian Too Casuals

21 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The quadruple is still on for Liverpool after they survived a stern test at a bouncing City Ground last night. There goes Diogo Jota again, must remem...

The Preview Show: Stupid Sexy Jesse

18 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The football gods threw us many a bone last night, as West Ham dethroned the Europa League kings, Everton rescued a vital win and Barça kicked off th...

Running? But we're footballers.

17 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Kate, Luke and Andy get stuck into a cross-continent football feast on today's Ramble, as spirited performances from Arsenal and Lille left them with ...

Alas, there will be no silverware

16 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Vish and Andy react to another Champions League Groundhog Day, as Man United stuttered to a halt and Atlético looked like their former dastar...

He’s still angry with me

15 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pep Guardiola went about his usual policy of making friends (Crystal Palace's Vicente Guaita) and alienating people (Kyle Walker) after City's draw wi...

A big bath of chips

14 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jules, Jim and Vish look back over a Barclays Sunday Funday as we hone in on a vintage season finale at both ends. Arsenal showed their defensive...

Help I Sexted the Football Ramble

13 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Join us for a very special episode ahead of Red Nose Day, as Kate and Jim are joined by presenter Jordan North and etiquette expert William Hanson fro...

The Preview Show: None of this football makes any sense

11 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Vish and Andy take stock of just how warped football has become as Chelsea brushed aside Norwich with numerous sanctions looming over Roman Ab...

The house always wins

10 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Remember PSG, you can throw endless Qatari money at some of the world’s best players, take the reigns from Leonardo because he’s a fool and win th...

You'll Never Walk Around

09 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Job done for Liverpool after a stuttering last 16 display, as Virgil van Dijk suffered his first Anfield defeat since 2018's loss at the hands of Alan...

Haha no but seriously

08 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

At least Frank Lampard was there to watch Harry Kane nearly break his record last night! Haha no but seriously, Everton are genuinely in real trouble....

Big bangers!

07 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Manchester City mercilessly put Ralf Rangnick’s holiday camp to the sword, as Manchester United looked limp, bereft of ideas, and defensively shot. ...

The Preview Show: A Fistful of Vibes

04 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Join Marcus, Jim and Vish on our charge towards the weekend via another Preview Show, sponsored by Betway!Norwich will hope the spirit of Delia can gu...

What next for Chelsea?

03 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jules, Andy and Vish react to the seismic news that Roman Abramovich looks to sell Chelsea after nineteen years. We discuss some myopic reactions from...

Get this Vardy started

02 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Burnley's stuttering form was struck by a bolt from the blue last night. A shithousing pest of a bolt in the form of Jamie Vardy - Brendy's cavalry ha...

You haven't seen Squid Game, have you?

01 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

With FIFA and UEFA banning all Russian clubs and national teams, we wonder if this might prove a watershed moment for football. Or maybe they'll go ba...

A tale of three goalkeepers

28 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Jim and Pete look back over a tense Carabao Cup final where penalty specialist Kepa Arrizabalaga sent the 22nd and final spot-kick into the st...

The Preview Show: Sven heads to Pyongyang

25 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Jim and Pete pack their bags for a globetrotting episode of The Preview Show, sponsored by Betway! We've got Fizzer in Miami, McVish at a live...

Conor Gallagher's High Flying Eagles

24 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Yesterday reminded us we should enjoy Conor Gallagher's sumptuous touch and finish while we can. Before he returns to sit on the Chelsea bench, anyway...

Juventus 1-1 Half of Rochdale

23 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Last night's Champions League brought an air of inevitability about it, even if Juventus could only draw with Rochdale's twin city over in Spain.Kate,...

Aarhus! In the middle of our street

22 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jack Wilshere's back in town, baby! Never mind the injuries, the age or the penchant for a cheeky dart behind some bins - reserve that man a spot on G...

Goal - RODRIGO | Assist - EUNICE

21 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Biblical conditions threw up all kinds of curveballs this weekend, including a hatful of goals for Burnley and a crazy game at Elland Road. And at the...

The Preview Show: Beaten by a WiFi password

18 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Come for the defensive capitulations, stay for a Valentine’s Day meal with Claudio Ranieri - we’ve got all bases covered on today’s Preview Show...

Big Brendy Energy

17 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Kate, Andy and Jim settle in for another Champions League chinwag, as Liverpool kept an enthusiastic Inter at arm's length and Bayern nearly fell vict...

Sit down, drink water, relax

16 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pep Guardiola can take his own advice after his plucky underdogs blew Sporting to smithereens over in Lisbon last night. Strange that they're still&nb...

Duck, duck, duck, Bruce

15 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Plenty of chat to stick into that slither of a gap between the Premier League and European midweeks, as Proper Championship Man Steve Bruce got his We...

You’re a wizard, Graham

14 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

There’s romance in the air up on Tyneside, as the Kieran Trippier love-in continues and King Kevin Keegan celebrates his 71st birthday. Oo-la-la.Jul...

The Preview Show: On Marcelo's Secret Service

11 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Leeds vs Everton this weekend means Marcus, Luke and Andy can reminisce about Spygate ahead of Lampard vs Bielsa. Any secret report into Everton's tra...

Pep, Jack Grealish and Gary Kasparov walk into a bar

10 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

More relegation movers and shakers across last night's Premier League dingdongs, as Palace continue to trust the process while they slide down the tab...

Go along, don’t punch anyone

09 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The midweek music stopped on another round of relegation musical chairs, with Newcastle safe for twelve hours at least after they dragged Frank's Ever...

A Tour of Buffets

08 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Our valiant bid to host the 2030 World Cup has been valiantly shut down, as the Corporate Buffet Tour called into its final stop. Euro 2028 here we co...

Don't Colback in anger

07 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Jim and Pete catch their breath after a frenetic football weekend as Senegal claim their first AFCON trophy and Kidderminster Harriers almost ...

The Preview Show: New traditions

04 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Kate, Luke and Vish settle in for traditions old and new on today's Preview Show, sponsored by Betway. From Meat Loaf's beloved Hartlepool off on an F...

Roy The Mermaid

03 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We heard it from Roy himself: he caught Watford's elegant siren song as he sailed past and simply couldn't resist. Never mind about the tradition of s...

CONMELOLS

02 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Don't mourn the lack of Barclays, for the World Cup Qualifiers still provide that sweet stuff. Goals from Edinson Cavani and Luis Suárez? Bolivian pi...

Is that... is that Jermain Defoe?

01 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

A whole host of transfers arrived late in the box last night - turns out Frank Lampard is having an influence already.Marcus, Jim and Pete round up th...

A memory foam bum

31 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Jim and Pete look over the latest batch of AFCON drama, as The Mo Salah Experience swept Morocco aside and Burkina Faso continued their impres...

The Preview Show: We’re skint, but not that skint

28 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

A brief Barclays break means we get to tackle all the glorious chaos that the South American qualifiers regularly serve up. By tackle, we mean kick in...

How did your Everton job interview go?

27 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Despite Carlos Queiroz's miserly ways, Egypt lumber on in an AFCON beset with incidents and hot divorced dads, but not many goals. Kate, Andy and...

To my Sevillas for my hundred dolla billas

26 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Vish and Andy are answering the big questions on today's Ramble. Will Duván Zapata sign for Newcastle? What next for Anthony Martial? Should ...

By fair means or owl

25 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Watford hit the ejector seat on yet another manager as Claudio Ranieri departs, leaving the club managerless for the 518th time this season. Did someo...

Shelvey Bassey - Big Spender

24 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Newcastle kicked off their lads holiday to the Middle East in the appropriate fashion, with a Jonjo free-kick snatching some perhaps undeserved points...

The Preview Show: Let’s have some results, ya wee dirties

21 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In the end, Liverpool and Diogo Jota leisurely strolled back to Wembley without interruption. At least a jet lagged Thomas Partey tried his best, thou...

Just another regular day of Barclays

20 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Nothing to see here! Just two injury-time goals from Steven Bergwijn sending both Kate Mason and the King Power into a tailspin.Andy and Jim help Kate...

The Rosetta Stone of Football Podcasting

19 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Vish and Andy are now looking for a membership to Sexy Graham Potter's colony of high-flying Seagulls. All assistance is welcome.We look over ...

Heading in a tin foil hat

18 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

For all the yellow ties and #HereWeGo nonsense, the January window does occasionally throw Ramble HQ a few bones. Today, it's potential high-profile r...

Farewell, Paellardyce

17 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

There are certain things you need in a relegation scrap. Rafa Benitez is seemingly no longer one of them, but a Jack Harrison topknot looks an absolut...

The Preview Show: Having Xhaka will be helpful

14 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Realising his team was under the pump, Granit Xhaka did the only thing he could do: get sent off for a reckless high boot and inspire Arsenal to new h...

It's King Kazu's music

13 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We've always said that consummate professionals will continue to find work in the game. And so it proves: Chelsea have recalled Kenedy and King Kazu s...

The Andy Carroll Weekly Worldy Bonus

12 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

As Chris Wood hops from one sinking ship to another, Andy Carroll reminded Newcastle just what they've been missing: two absolutely ridiculous goals, ...

STANDARDS

11 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Much like Pete whenever we enter the studio, Man United fans held up a banner demanding improved standards from their ragtag bunch of jewels and joker...

Are all underdogs confident?

10 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Kate, Jim and Vish are on hand with a thorough breakdown of a cracking weekend of FA Cup action, with some unexpected giant killings alongside the usu...

The Preview Show: Another bald

07 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Luke and Pete settle in for a bumper FA Cup Third Round Preview Show, sponsored by Betway!We’ve got you covered with a comprehensive guide t...

We need an exorcist

06 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In a crushing blow to fans of last year’s Carabao Cup Finalists memorabilia, Chelsea planted one foot firmly in next month’s final courtesy of som...

Oh Dear! What Can The Blatter Be?

05 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We thought the odd Instagram post apologising for missing a penalty or a sending off was far enough. Now, Romelu Lukaku has broken new bizarre ground ...

Wazza's Discount Derby

04 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Wolves were the latest to capitalise on more Man United malaise last night, with their understated win celebrated by an understated Bruno Lage. Kate, ...

No knighthood, despite my 47 goals in all competitions

03 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Despite another year without due mentions in the New Year Honours list, Marcus, Vish and Andy are here to kick off another year on the Football Ramble...

Can I be honest, Joelinton?

28 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Despite idiotic questions from interviewers afterwards, Joelinton proved himself to be the heir to Roy Keane's throne as he dominated Man United's mid...

But can this slumpy team be trusted?

27 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus, Vish and Jim are here to chew over the latest round of Christmas crackers, with Southampton and Arsenal picking up impressive wins. But should...

The Best of the Football Ramble 2021

22 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

To round off the year, we're looking back on some of our favourite moments from this year's Football Ramble! We relive the trauma of the European Supe...

The Festive Football Ramble - Part 2

21 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Much like the UK Government, we're back with another work Christmas party! Marcus, Kate, Vish and Jim settle in at Ramble HQ for more festive fun.If y...

The Festive Football Ramble - Part 1

20 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to the first part of the Ramble Christmas jolly! Join Jules, Luke, Andy and Pete as they revel in festive cheer and pick their dream festive l...

The Preview Show: Just give it Jonj

17 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Jonjo Shelvey's return to Liverpool reminded the Anfield faithful what they've been missing: 20-yard screamers, misplaced passes and a general lack of...

The Fortress of Rob Holdingtude

16 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

With a great win over West Ham last night, can we finally say it? The Emirates is... a fortress?Marcus, Jim and Pete wrestle with that and check in th...

The Apprentice has thwacked the Master

15 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

As Arsenal's leadership group pass the captaincy parcel around at London Colney, we wonder who can take the bantle on now Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang's ...

Any excuse for a buffet

14 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Kate, Vish and Jim settle in for another Ramble after yesterday's botched Champions League draw highlighted what piss-poor pageantry we've come to acc...

God Rest Ye Merry Pentlemen

13 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Throughout the festive period, it's important to carve out a bit of indulgent time for yourself. This weekend, pour yourself a fizzy lager and enjoy y...

The Preview Show: Live laugh love, okee

10 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Foxes might not have been able to squeeze through the Europa League group stages last night, but at least a dog on Partizan’s pitch during their...

Hands on the hologram

09 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It was a landmark moment at Old Trafford last night, as Ralf Rangnick brought Tom Heaton on for his Man United debut 20 years after he first joined. T...

Killing the golden cash cow

08 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Some say the Champions League group stages are boring. We say look at Porto vs Atlético’s three red cards in ten minutes and try telling us that is...

No Iwobi, No Partey

07 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Arsenal went into Banter Club retrograde last night with a dismal display that helped Everton to a vital three points. Even some picky VAR offsides fo...

There's the banter

06 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus and Vish are joined by the returning Luke Moore for another post-Barclays bash, as West Ham's latest vintage win left David Moyes a bit *too* h...

The Preview Show: Right, said Fred

03 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Man United welcome in the Ralf Rangnick era with a chaotic win over Arsenal, with Fred epitomising the good, the bad and the batshit that Ralf must co...

I’m as famous as Troy Deeney

02 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Fresh from catching some courtside NBA action with fellow celeb Troy Deeney, Andy joins Kate and Vish in the studio to look for Saúl Ñíguez. Even T...

The Entertainers are back

01 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It seems the Keggy hoodoo is still lurking around every corner at St James' Park, as Eddie Howe is still looking to capture that entertaining allure. ...

Stretching the Geordie blanket

30 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

More bizarre football awards ceremonies last night, as Lionel Messi won the Ballon d'Or while Robert Lewandowski had to settle for the Whole Load of G...

Dyche Age

29 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Even the blizzards summoned by Łukasz Fabiański this weekend weren't enough to stop either a purring Manchester City from winning or Sean Dyche from...

The Preview Show: I prefer to kill them all

26 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Like a rock hard Mitre to the face on a freezing Sunday morning, it’s safe to say Antonio Conte was struck by the size of the task he has at Tottenh...

Do it for The Shamen

25 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Mauricio Pochettino slunk back to Paris with his tail between his legs last night after another fairytale clash with Man City, where Bernardo Silva se...

Jadon and Donny, together at last

24 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

They've crawled through a river of shite, but Jadon Sancho and Donny van de Beek have finally reached Redemption. Michael Carrick, take an interim bow...

Maybe the trophies are the friends we made along the way

23 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Club legends are ten a penny, nowadays. Whether it's Steve Bruce eyeing up the Manchester United job or Tony Hibbert joining a new club five years sin...

Now That's What I Call Manchester United!

22 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Well, the inevitable axe has finally fallen: Ole Gunnar Solskjær has been sacked by Manchester United.Jules, Jim and Pete pore over the dismal perfor...