Our Top 10 Premier League "Rats" of All-Time...
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What defines a football 'rat' in the Premier League?
We have got a belter of an episode today. We are talking top 10 Premier League rats.
I've got a controversial one for you now. Now, I think he has got all of the hallmarks of a rat, but I question his consistency to make it in the top 10 rats.
How does Jordan Pickford qualify as a rat?
Go on.
I question the heart.
Heart of the rat.
Yeah, I don't think he's got the heart of a rat.
Okay, so he's not a thoroughbred rat, is what we're saying.
He's not a thoroughbred rat.
Who are the top contenders for the Premier League rat list?
He's so good. He's a pretender. He's a pretender.
Right, N'Golo Kante is the classiest rat on this list, I guarantee it. Yeah, he's like the good-looking rat. He's probably the one that's got like... He's the Louis Vuitton rat. The Louis Vuitton of rats. Do you know what the world record is for a player to most red cards in his career? Professional player. 46 red cards. The undisputed king of chaos. But as I punched it, he has headed my chin. Mate, I'm half knocked out for a second.
Why is Jamie Vardy considered one of the best rats?
I'm sure of it, right? I'm like, what the heck has just happened here? My top three rats of the Premier League era are... We've got one more thing to do.
Pick a manager.
Oh!
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Fozcast. We have got a belter of an episode today. We are talking top 10 Premier League rats. Now, when I say rats, okay, Tom's going to define it for us. I'm not talking a dirty player. I'm talking a rat, a little ferret, somebody who gets about the pitch and disrupts. Tom, give me the exact definition.
Okay, right. Well, my exact definition, which I've carefully put together, and then we've got an AI definition. Okay. So the one we've put out on socials, a footballing nuisance, never gives their opponent a minute, works their socks off, and is frankly a pain in the ass.
What role does aggression play in being a rat?
Brilliant. That is my definition.
Oh, I thought that was AI.
I was going to say, that's brilliant. And then the AI one is the master of dark arts, annoying and effective, and a constant wind-up merchant, which I'm not as sure about. Oh, I don't mind it, though.
Yeah?
Are current players losing the rat qualities?
A master of the dark arts,
Birmingham had a team of them. Yes, we did, didn't we?
I do agree that the Master of the Dark Arts is a factor. It's an absolute prerequisite for a rat.
You have to be good at that.
Who would be the ultimate manager for a team of rats?
And we will be crystal clear for anybody listening abroad and lost in translation. A rat. Footballing rat. This is a term of endearment. Endearment. Yeah, you need a rat. Everybody has to have a rat in their team.
If your team had one, you were successful. You had a chance, didn't you?
And this is different to a shithouse.
Yes, it is.
There is an overlap of shithousery and rattery. but they do sit in different categories.
Who's the biggest shithouse in the Premier League right now? Emi. Emi Martinez. All right. Move on. So there is a difference straight away, okay? A shithouse is somebody who winds up people who, yeah, basically just gets on your last nerve, all right? World-class goalkeeper, love you to bits. World-class shithouse, though. A rat, you need that industrial little dirty, dirty... Yeah, chomping at your heels.
Good. I love it. I'm hearing a shout from back there, Jay. What a shithouse. I'm not sure shithouse jerky.
I'd say maybe a little bit class clown. Jamie, just keep making sure everything's running smooth, right? Keep your opinions to yourself, okay?
Right. So we're going to do a top 10. We probably won't put them in order. And we're going to do our usuals like yes, no, honourable mention. Brilliant. Okay. I'm going to throw one out to start with. I think there's one goalkeeper... Premier League that actually belongs on the rat list. A goalie rat. And he's not a shithouse. He's a goalie rat. Always talking, always badgering, always shouting, always annoying. Oh, Pickford.
Jordan Pickford. Goalie rat. He is the biggest goalie rat I know. And I totally agree. Brilliant suggestion. Brilliant one to get. But do you know what? We did a podcast, didn't we, with Michael Keane a few weeks back. Brilliant episode. Michael, what a boy. And I said to him, what's it like playing behind Jordan Pitford? Because he is constantly on the go. And he went, do you know what? At first, yeah, maybe took a bit of getting used to.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What defines a football 'rat' in the Premier League?
0:05–0:22
2
How does Jordan Pickford qualify as a rat?
0:22–0:33
3
Who are the top contenders for the Premier League rat list?
0:33–0:59
4
Why is Jamie Vardy considered one of the best rats?
0:59–2:03
5
What role does aggression play in being a rat?
2:03–2:19
6
Are current players losing the rat qualities?
2:19–2:31
7
Who would be the ultimate manager for a team of rats?
2:31–54:38
Speakers
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