Chapter 1: What life-changing discovery did Paige make?
Sup, gigglers.
Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.
What's up, my grisly gigglers? We're back. Two episodes a week is like, I'm in a K-hole. I'm in a giggly K-hole. I'm going to be honest. At first, I was like, are we going to be able to do it? We have crazy schedules. We're tired. We're like... We have so many excuses for anything. And it's...
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Chapter 2: How does Hannah's experience as a sex therapist influence her views?
I don't know how we weren't doing it. I have so much to say. We would forget things. So by the time it was a week, I'd be starting from zero. Let me start. Oh, you begin. You haven't said anything about my god-awful hair color. Because it's made up in your head. Hannah, this top layer is black. You're no better than a man. You really aren't. This top layer is black.
She goes, I'm a dark, dark, dark brown, and this is light black. I'm a chestnut. You're a chestnut.
Chapter 3: What are the challenges of managing busy schedules?
I'm chestnut under here. Yeah. And here is black. Why don't you just embrace your Megan Fox moment? You look like a Kardashian. Okay, fine. I have some hot takes. Okay. I'm so sick. And tired. And tired of motherfuckers when I'm in a public restroom. Oh my God. We're changing the name of this podcast to just Hannah Shits. My life is in the bathroom. Hannah talks about and also her shitting.
My life is just one trip to the bathroom with breaks in between. This is just a gripe I have that I need the public to know about. What is with people trying to break the fucking door down when it's clearly locked? Like, you know, there's two types of people. When you don't know if it's open or not. Is this multiple stalls? Multiple stalls.
This is also when it's just like you're in a coffee shop and there's one bathroom. When you go to check if it's locked or not, You don't need to fucking have a full-time kidnapping situation. Just lightly press it up and down. So you're saying the initial door they're banging on, not your stall door.
But even the stall door, when they try to open it, it's like they aggressively, if I push it hard enough, it'll pop open. Just lightly push, and you'll know if it's locked or not. I'm sitting there in a hostage situation, someone banging the door down, and it's like clearly it's locked. Did you put your leg up to keep the door?
Yeah, that never happens to you, where you're just having a peaceful poop, and out of nowhere, you're getting assaulted by someone trying to open the door. What ever happened to a light tap? That's never happened to me. Well, you don't go to public restrooms. No, I have, but I'm not in there long enough, I feel like, for people to be like, what's going on in there?
So you're saying that I'm actually sick. No, but I feel like I'll get in. They've called the manager at this point.
They're like, something's going on in there.
Someone's trapped. But I feel like I have bad luck where I'll be like, okay, this is my one time of solace during the day, going in this restroom, locking the door at peace, and immediately someone's knocking. And I'm like, I just got here. And now I'm on the countdown. I have a quick bathroom thing that might change your whole life. I got a new toilet. This toilet has a bidet. It has a dryer.
The seat is heated. It wipes your ass for you.
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Chapter 4: Why do public restroom experiences spark frustration?
It essentially does. Yeah. I don't think I can go back. I can only go to the bathroom in this one specific toilet and that's it. Well, they do say not using a bidet or not using like a wipe is like flossing without brushing your teeth. Well, now I'm like, Why aren't these in everyone's home? This is disgusting. Because we're not Japan. Because America is behind. I started on my squatty potty.
That's like my favorite. You still have the squatty potty. Of course. I've had it for like six years. We go to the bathroom differently. Let me just tell you that. I've lit a candle. Yes. Yes. I have classical music. Put your phone on. Do not disturb. Let go and let God. What a great way to start Friday episode.
You were talking about something earlier and I want to bring it back up because I had something to say about it. And it was Harry Styles. Yeah. What was your question? Well, I said, what do we think about Harry Styles? Because I have some Gen Z correspondents that tell me what's going on. He's coming back to MSG. Tickets are like $1,000 each.
I did an Amazon Live yesterday and I had a girl write in like, oh my God, are you going to get tickets to...
Harry Styles and I was like no like I didn't even know Harry Styles tickets went on sale I didn't know does he have new music I have no idea oh he has a new album this is the thing we weren't One Direction girls I'm not a fan he's there Justin Timberlake before Justin Timberlake is what he is now there's no one in the world I'm a fan enough of to stand in a queue Okay, are you British now?
No, because like when you go, like if you go on and you buy a Giggly Squad ticket, you're getting a Giggly Squad ticket. You're not fighting the other people. Like I've never gone on, I've never set a timer like Ticketmaster is putting these on now. Let me go stand in the queue like virtually and wait. What do I look like? You know what I do respect though?
That he's like, yeah, I'll go on tour, but I'm only doing it in one place. You come to me. I actually, I think that's so efficient. It's so fuck boy of him though. Be like, come to my house or don't. Send me an Uber at least.
My thing though is like with him dating Zoe Kravitz, I wouldn't have seen the jump from Channing Tatum to Harry Styles, but also none of my boyfriends have ever looked similar or even act. See, all of mine look exactly the same. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Wait, I've actually never. I want over 6'2 with blue eyes and I'm done. We're good. I've never mentally looked at them all in a lineup.
But yeah, mine is like. All over the place. And I mean, the range you have, babe. It's incredible.
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Chapter 5: What are the benefits of using a bidet?
It's just science. You can't date him because your unregulated nervous system, your 20s, you're like always unregulated. But by your 30s, you're like, we need to regulate something. If I'm waking up in the middle of the night thinking about something in my 30s, I got to get out of there. I hate to say this, but like if I'm not eating, at first it's fun. At first you're like, we're detoxing. Yeah.
But if I can't eat, That's a serious problem. That's when my mom pulls me aside and she's like, you didn't eat your bolognese? The henna I know would have had seconds, thirds, and fourths. The second I can't eat a pasta because there's a man in my life that's making me nauseous, I need to get rid of him. See, when that hits, I'm like, let me stay one more year. really get this body right.
He's just gotta not respond two more times and I'm at my goalie. Can I say one more thing about men? Yeah. I had this epiphany with actually Ally on the road. No men are assistants. No straight men. If you wanted an assistant and a straight man walked in the room, you'd be like, oh, I'm looking for someone to help me. Men don't help you.
One time when I was like looking for assistance, I like gave a criteria and they were like, okay, Paige, that's illegal. We can't, there can't be an age range. You can't say one gender. I'm like, she's like, I'm just looking for a Gemini. I'm like, no one over 30. Gross. I want them young and scared. But the truth is, like, if you think about it, like, there's no male assistant.
I guess, like, I'm thinking about, like, WME, the agency there are, and you're always like, okay, well, we're missing a lot of details in that email. I don't know if I ever get emails from a guy assistant. I'd love the stats of how many male assistants they are and also how quick they get promoted. I was just going to say how quick they rise to, like, being an agent compared to the girls.
I mean, a gay man assistant is great, except I feel like he was judging me all the time. Yeah, I could see that. I almost hired a gay... Which I could use. Guy assistant, yeah. Wait, I saw something on page six, which, like, I rarely go on page six, but sometimes I like to have a little goss. But, like, I don't believe... truly anything I read on there.
It's more like, what are people's PR pushing? Yeah, it's more like fan fiction. It's more like, oh, that was a fun story to come up with. Sometimes I've read full stories about myself and I've been like, when did that happen? But anyway, so I go on page six because I was really looking for more Victoria Beckham stuff because I can't get enough.
This is definitely not true, but there's an article that says Nicola's dad, who is a billionaire, gives her $1 million a month as her allowance. I have so much respect. I just don't think it would be true. And then the rest of the articles, the Beckhams did not foresee their son signing a prenup. They thought it would obviously be the other way around. Mm-hmm.
But I'm just thinking, like, what could one do with a million dollars a month? I'm going to say it, not to be, like, too optimistic about life, but more money, more problems. Yeah, totally. Like, I had a friend who was really rich, and her family was always fighting because, like, so-and-so got gifted a Lexus, and she got gifted an Audi. And, like, this is what they're fighting about.
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Chapter 6: How do personal relationships affect mental health?
I don't know how she got. How the hell did she get in the drawer? She can open cabinet like she can open. It's you ever like have one of those bathroom cabinets where when you open it, there's like a hole in the underneath. There's like a hole somewhere. OK. She slithered away and she scared the shit out of me. I scared the shit out of her. We both went. Des is like, what's going on?
I'm busy choking to death. We had a crazy morning. But, like, at any time, your cat could be, like, in the fridge. Like, people don't talk about that enough with having cats. Like, they literally see a room and they're like, I will find the one hiding. People always think they lose their cat. Honestly, not Daphne. No. Well, poor girl can't. One, she can't fit in that crevice.
Maybe she'd like to, but she's like, I can't. Cats can contort their bodies. She's a designer, so, like, you don't.
contort it yeah she's trying to put a burk in like in a suitcase and crumbling yeah you're not gonna smush it you can't you'll hurt the leather yes that's what Daphne is I was just gonna say I don't know why I'm asking you this which is such a mean way to start this sentence give it to me but I feel like I'm always like looking for new jeans you go this is more just towards the ether this isn't towards you actually don't answer this
Like, no matter what day of the week it is, no matter what season it is, I'm always like, I have no pants. Yes. And like, I hate my, I always hate my jeans. Even if I see a girl wearing a pair of jeans and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm looking for. And it looks good with the outfit. And you order those jeans, then I get them and I'm like, I fucking hate these jeans.
Well, depending on your body type, it's a whole thing. Also, I don't know about you, but when I shop, I shop for tops. Shopping for pants is like a like... That's like getting new shoes. Not new shoes. That's like getting a new house. Yeah, no, it's a big commitment. Yeah, like trying on pants. Also, I feel like I don't want as many pants as I have tops. Here's what I also do.
I feel like I'm always ordering pants. I'm trying them on and I'm returning them. Yeah, because I feel like you can deal with kind of an uncomfy top. But if your pants are uncomfortable, like you can't run around. I'm just having pant problems. What brand jeans are your go-to? So I love Abercrombie & Fitch. I love Madewell for just, like, good jeans. They're not too stiff.
Like, I can't always fit into, like, vintage stiff jeans. I'm obsessed. That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for, like, a stiff, comfy jean. I can't. It's not going past my thighs. I love Agold. Agoldi? Yeah. I love their... Barrel jean. Okay. I'm obsessed with their barrel jean. Everyone compliments me on it.
I don't know if it's just like... Do you want to know the jeans I've been wearing the most? What? I have these like black jeans from Mango. Great. It actually pisses me off because I'm like, these were the least expensive of all the jeans that I'm looking at. I have a pair. I don't know why I did this. I literally got bullied into buying a pair of Kate jeans.
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Chapter 7: What insights can we gain from discussing dating and relationships?
It's what they're known for. And then you get it and it tastes like shit. And you're like, I just want the cheeseburger. I just want the cheeseburger. Why did I get this pasta that has all this weird shit in it? When in doubt, I'm ordering a grilled cheese sandwich.
what you'd never go wrong if you're ever one of my biggest feelings that I hate is when you're hungry but you don't know what to eat never happens to me but yeah wait really I'm like a pregnant woman I know every time what I want I'm very into it. You're never, like, walking around the kitchen at, like, 7 p.m. and you're like, what do I even feel like?
Well, I've never been in a kitchen, first of all. No, I always know. It's, like, my calling. That's your superpower. That's my superpower. Like, I also wanted to make an app that's, like, you know, you go into Uber Eats and either you want, like, one specific dish. Like, you're like, I need eggplant parmesan. Yeah. But I want, like...
to see all the eggplant parmesans, not just the random restaurants, but also put in, do you want sweet? Do you want savory? Do you want vegetable? Put more general things, and then it gives you more specific recommendations. Because deciding what you're going to eat every day gives people a lot of anxiety.
OK, I low-key wish that when you went on Uber Eats, you could have friends, and then you could see what they were eating. Oh my god. I want to be an Uber Eats influencer. I would be like, guys. No, I think they should do. And you would take photos with it? Because how many times are you like, okay, same thing with like Netflix.
I wish I could go onto my Netflix and I could have friends and I could just see what they were watching. So I could be like, oh my God, I forgot about that show. Maybe it's like an app. See, we like to come up with business ideas on this. Maybe it's like an app called Taste where it's everyone's taste.
Oh, she already named it.
I have the logo. It's, it's in the works right now. Just definitely. So it's like, and it's your taste for all genres. So it's all in one place. So then you see like what people are eating and everything can like what you're listening to, what you're eating, what, yeah, what you're watching, um, And we might have to cut this out because we need to trademark. We need to do this.
That's a brilliant idea. Because also, let's be honest. Word of mouth is what works. Not people like not a television commercial. You're not suddenly going to be like, oh, I need that tonight. Unless it's kinder chocolate, then absolutely. Which, by the way, is still waiting for my shipment. I'm like, I better have a fucking year supply of kinder because I love that shit.
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Chapter 8: How do societal expectations impact self-expression?
I'm losing my mind. And finally, they're like, we can't find you in our system. So it's like when you put in your password and it doesn't work. And then you... You try to do a new password and they're like, that password is the old password. That's literally, I'm like, guys, clearly I have it because I'm getting charged every month. I want to get out of it.
So I finally just hang up because we're about to take off. And the guy next to me is like... Sorry about that. No way. And I was like, I am so sorry. Cause I was trying to speak low, but he's like health insurance is a motherfucker. Right. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. You just heard me in my darkest hour. Like I never want anyone to hear me on a customer service call with health insurance.
Like I am depleted. I am beaten down. I have no belief in myself or the world. And then we ended up kind of bonding. And what I love about when men talk to me at the airport, they don't ask you questions about themselves. What do you mean? Like, you know, sometimes you get stuck in like a conversation with like a random mom. Yeah. And she's, you know, where are you from?
And it's nice, but you're tired. Yeah. This man starts talking to me and I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to have to get into a conversation. Yeah. Talked about himself for 10 minutes and then left me alone. I said, men are amazing. And that's some of my best dates. I take back everything I said about men. You start talking about his job. Never asked me what I did once. Never asked me what I did once.
And for the first time, I was like, thank God it's a man because I was not in the mood to get into it. Because a woman would have been like, what are you dealing with? Because they're like, maybe I could help. A hundred percent. This man talked at me for 10 minutes and I said, I'd rather be on the phone with customer service, but this is fine. And you were thankful. Grateful.
Their lack of interest. He probably was like, there's no way this girl has a job. I just heard her trying to cancel health insurance. There's no way she's capable of anything. He was like bragging to me about his job too. I was like, okay. He also asked me what to do in New York City. I blanked. What do you tell people? Hannah, I literally, people will DM me.
Also the snowstorm, I was like, stay inside. Girls will always DM me like, what's a fun place for me to go to my, for my birthday? I'm like, I don't know. I haven't known a fun place in five years. Also like, I'm a girl. Normally I'd be like, okay, like go thrifting in the Lower East Side, walk around Tribeca, Soho, West Village. I said that to him and he was like, okay.
He's like a 40-year-old, like, engineer. No, I'm so bad. And if anyone ever asks me that, like, in my real life, I'm like, why don't you text my friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, she always knows. Do you have a restaurant that you recommend? No, there's too many. There's so many. I mean, yes, my favorite restaurant of all time in New York City is Bar Pity.
But that's not a restaurant you're, like, getting dressed up and, like, going. That's just... I don't know. Like you can go and sit, you can wear sweats. Also, what's fun about New York is when you're like walking around, you get starving and you pop into a place. That you've literally never seen of or heard of. Opened up yesterday.
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