Chapter 1: What unexpected discovery did Hannah share?
sup gigglers gary fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed i mean the day just got away from me can i just say what happened to hello how are you how are you my galileo gigglers thank you now proceed I just want to give a shout out to Last Pod. We started off with a news alert. Yeah. What was crazy is we had finished recording.
We put our podcast equipment down and the video was just playing. And we were just chatting. We were just chatting. And I told Grace, like, can you just cut that into a clip? And, you know, it's crazy. You couldn't tell if we were podcasting or not. Because, like, we're the same audience.
like i had something to be said about like our friendship can i tell you what i'm actually most pissed about in that like situation the engagement us weekly got from the gigglers they're not i can't wait for the follow-up about my utis they're gonna be in a staff meeting and be like number one article this week page to sorbo's uti My comic got 17,000 likes.
Even when I say something funny, I can't get that many likes. And do you want to know what's pissing me off the most about it? Was I was waiting until this episode to bring up that I went past my four month mark and have not gotten a UTI. But I don't want them writing a follow-up.
I think it deserves a follow-up because people are hanging on the edge of their seats right now about your UTIs and if you're going to live or die. Also, Us Weekly, we have to next time tell the gigglers not to comment on their stuff because it's like you can't reward bad behavior.
No, you can't. I'm like, guys.
Can any sleuthers see if Paige actually... This is the problem. I can't tell if you're right or not because you've lied since and told me you have a UTI about certain times. You literally this week lied to someone about a migraine.
I felt one coming on. How did you know about that?
I know everything.
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Chapter 2: How did the hosts react to their podcasting experience?
So I went a little dark because I was like, it has to last till Sunday. I'm obsessed with this woman. She was, she was an artist. She wasn't a spray tan person. She was an artist.
And as a spray tan artist, it takes one to know one. It takes one to know one. Game recognizes game.
She said to me at the end, like, look, a lot of girls don't like to like sit in it anymore because they're used to like the quick, quick ones. And I'm like, I love marinating. And she's like eight to 10 hours. And I said, honey, I love laying in bed for 8 to 10 hours. I got you.
So what made her... What differentiated her?
Mixing up her own stuff, okay? A potion. Not just throwing a bottle in there. Mixing up her own stuff. And then her technique was... It was a ballet. It was truly. You also love a soft touch. You love a soft touch. I love a soft touch. She was like, also, I feel no pain when it comes to beauty. Like she's like, it's really cold. And I'm like, literally do whatever you need to do.
well i had my america's next step model week where i got it okay you know what's crazy is like this is a normal week for me this is yeah this is your like days off yeah this is my hobby Paige, this is so me. So I'm walking, trying to get, trying to find this facial place.
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Chapter 3: What are the hosts' thoughts on UTI follow-ups?
And as you know, I just Googled and I liked the photo of someplace. And these gigglers stopped me. They said, Hannah, what are you doing? Because I was just lost on a corner.
normally when people see me I'm doing something weird I was literally like turning around lost and they're like what are you looking for and I'm like I'm trying to find this place and they were like oh are you going to this facialist and I'm like never heard of them before and they're like well they're the best you should have and I'm like well you should have told me before I booked this yeah so I get to the place it's locked
Also, it was like in the back of a back alley. No one's there. She ends up texting me and like arrives to open the place. And I'm like, OK, this is OK.
Get the worm.
OK. This was this was 5 p.m. But OK, I got dermaplaned. She did cut me a little.
OK.
By the nose. But I assume that's a risk that you take whenever you get dermaplaned. maybe then i go to get my nails done when i tell you it was like an snl sketch she looks at me and she goes you have a lot of skin i thought i've hit every insecurity a person could have she's i'm like what does that mean i have a lot of skin wait what does that mean
I feel like she was taking out the cuticles and I guess it was like taking forever.
Okay.
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Chapter 4: How does Paige feel about her recent glam experience?
Like we only care about gay hockey players, which I'm sure half of you are gay. Like, that's why you're so mad at us. Yeah. And then I don't know if you saw clips of like. Wait, and never did I think that Flava Flav was going to be one of the number one feminists in the year 2026. I mean, what is happening? What is literally happening?
Do you know Eileen Gu, the skier? I don't. I'm proud of her. She's like a supermodel. You'd love her. She looks like a supermodel.
Is this a girl that's like 22 years old and is like so fucking smart?
Yes, and eloquent. She's talking about neuroplasticity. And the guys are like, let us make bad jokes. Also, look, I'm the first one who loves a joke. Not a good joke. It's like we're not in elementary school. Like, let's not invite the girls. Like, good one. It's also like, guys, it took you 40 years. You're losers.
Like, I was talking to a guy about this and he was like, well, I don't know if you understand that, like, it's like a big game because it's 40 years. I'm like, do I understand that they've sucked for 40 years? No, I get that. Like, I get it.
As we're seeing in a lot of these sports, I always say, I'm not saying men and women are the same. They're different. And that's okay. But they should be treated with equal respect. And different sometimes means that people enjoy watching women's sports more. For example...
Some people love watching women's tennis more than men's tennis because it's more complicated in terms of strategy because their serves aren't as big. So it's not just holding serve. With girls' tennis, crazier stuff happens. It's more entertaining. There's longer points. And like women's golf, people like to see...
there's just like so many different things and women's basketball also there's reasons people like it more and as we're getting more visibility the men better watch out they better watch out don't you have a fucking mom call your mom and say this but this is the thing i'm so sick of these men being like i didn't know and then i had a daughter you shouldn't have to have a fucking daughter oh girl that is so annoying
and also i personally like a lot of these athlete men not good people and i've heard a lot of women and i'm not gonna match generalizing but raise your hand if you've been personally victimized also not to like take this to a serious note but like the whole like not all men i don't have a single friend i do not have one single female friend who
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Chapter 5: What funny incident happened to Hannah while searching for a facialist?
So anyway, I digress. speaking of men like a really like i'm in a really manly jacked up right now speaking of men i was in st louis when i tell you there's two men who are so handsome in the second row of my show like you can they're sitting i can tell they're six three you can tell a strong torso
I can tell that these women stand up and it's going to be like, I can spot a torso from a mile away.
And these men, their shoulders jacked and their chiseled jaw lines. And this is Missouri. So they're just wearing, you know, normal Midwest clothes.
and i'm so fucking full of myself i'm like okay the two hottest men in missouri were like we have to go see the hannah burner show and i would have called them out in the beginning but they're so hot i was like didn't want to get them angry i got nervous i did i did at one point i was like they keep staring at me this is crazy they're obsessed with me they're obsessed
like the whole show staring at me and then towards the end i finally am like look i have to say it everyone feels weird why are you two sitting next to each other because you know we don't like when two men sit next to each other at the show they form alliances it makes people uncomfortable and i go and they just are looking at me stern handsome gorgeous and i go you two better be fucking each other where they both are like we are
oh thank god they look like the two football players in a rom-com that are just like the stars of the football team sitting next to each other googly eye over me and i said thank you for coming to my show um how did you guys meet and they were like at the gym And I was like, I know your bodies are gorgeous. I can tell under your shirts.
And I said, how did you approach each other in the locker room? And they were like, I gave him a look. And I realized straight girls are not aware of the gay look that is rampant. I am. Rampant. So you can see when the look happens?
I feel like, no, Hannah, this is not even just in my imagination. I feel like I've watched straight guys do it.
to other gay men yeah because there's a look they give which is big like straight girls you don't we don't have it in our repertoire like will i fuck but like there's a whole different gay male gaze that they communicate with each other on a different wavelength because i think that i think that they do it quicker than like a straight girl and a straight guy like i fucking and
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