Chapter 1: What chaos ensued when Paige lent Hannah her YSL windbreaker?
you know we're making art here my gaggle of gigglers yes phenomenal one oh my god now my head's all big also you complimented my t-shirt at the airport and i was like
No, you were being low-key chic at the airport. You've never said those words to describe me before. Well, let's apologize to the Academy. Yeah, for? This is our first late episode in forever.
Well, we were bamboozled. We were hoodwinked.
Grace is on vacation. She left us for dead.
We're literally lost chickens without her. Honestly, Josephine texted me over the weekend. She was like, did you take any pictures? And I go, I knew I was forgetting.
No, Grace is on vacation. Text me. Be like, are you OK? And I'm like, yeah, go have fun. Go have fun. Meanwhile, we're drowning. We're drowning. We're drowning. We had a crazy weekend in the in the.
No, we really did.
Festival.
I feel like we should start from the top. Should we just address Windbreaker Gate? I feel like it's such a scene that needs to be set. Yeah. Because it's such a full story. Let's start on Monday. Let's take it all the way back. Monday morning, we record the pod. We do some more housekeeping things. We're having just such a good best friend day. Hannah comes back to my apartment.
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Chapter 2: What was the significance of 'Windbreaker Gate' in their weekend plans?
Like I was thinking about like if I were to get like bolognese on it. I can't just buy her another one. It's done.
No one has this color combo. You can't find this color combo in the streets. I had to have it sourced. Yes, it's an endangered species.
She had to give away rights to her firstborn to get this windbreaker.
The coveted is how I sourced it. They got it.
But I also think the windbreaker is one thing right now that's you coded and me coded. And also it fit me. You were so excited. You're like, you're perfect. I'm to worry about you. Thank God.
It was perfect. And so I literally mentally checked that box like, OK, Hannah has an outfit. Great. We're good. We can go to the event.
but immediately i was scared i was like do you want me to take it with me and you were like yeah and i'm like you don't want to pack it you want me you trust me to pack it like you were like you're a grown-up just figure it out i was like take it so okay i mentally checked that off my list we get to the airport wednesday we're flying to la we're sitting we're waiting for our plane i'm making casual conversation i'm sorry wait were you not recording that's okay
That's okay. That's okay. It's fine. You can't beat yourself up over small things. It's okay. Grace, where are you? We're drowning. Okay, so anyway, so back to our story. So we're sitting in the airport. I'm making casual conversation. When we land in LA, Hannah is going to the Chelsea Handler live show.
But you didn't know what you were in for. I found out my Hulu special is dropping June 5th. So I was like, I have to do press when I'm in L.A. And I find out that they were there. We book a podcast in the morning, a Netflix brunch and the show at night. Now, look, I'm a resourceful person. And if I find an outfit that works. Why risk an outfit that isn't going to work?
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Chapter 3: How did Hannah's outfit choices impact their event experience?
God forbid. God forbid the trip we were taking for work for three different events. God forbid you brought a second outfit. Two books, Hannah.
The people who were cleaning the room like organized them somewhere. Left them in the hotel.
because i i didn't remember that old hannah packed books so when i was wait that's so funny i left my pimple cream in the hotel and that's so me i get there and i'm i i take out the ysl windbreaker i hang it up because i have respect for you and i was nervous about it like i was actually freaking i kept checking it like every 10 minutes to make sure it was still there it's like your passport when you go on a trip you're like you keep like unzipping your suitcase you're like okay
literally and then I realize I'm wearing my cute capris and I go what a huge massive thing we forgot a thong So I go on Instacart. Yeah. Target. And I press thong and I'm like, I hope whatever male Instacart guy.
And then you like said the Hail Mary 10 times.
Did the rosary. Yeah. And I was like, I'm a little slut. And I sent for also what I was like, what girl needs Target thongs right now? So then I go to the Chelsea Handler show. There's a lot of reasons. Yeah, I had to go to the Chelsea Handler show, so I was like, let go and let God. I hope the Instacart finds its way back to me.
Oh, commando to Chelsea Handler show or underwear from the day?
Oh, no, I was wearing jeans.
I was wearing jeans, so that was fine.
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Chapter 4: What celebrity encounters did they have during the weekend?
Because of the fact that you had to order thongs because.
If I showed up at the Netflix brunch with panty line Oh, I would have been mortified because it like it's with your windbreaker. So it's like disrespectful The the YSL outfit was perfect and I did put on really nice heels for the show But I ended up like having this big podcast in the morning and I was like Paige Would love me to wear the YSL for that And all these things are photographed.
Then we go to the craziest Netflix brunch and they're taking photos everywhere. And the thing is with the blazer, the blazer, the windbreaker, it's not subtle. Like it's it's the moment. So people aren't going to forget that I was wearing an orange windbreaker everywhere. So at this brunch, I run into Kate Hudson. I say, oh, no. Oh no, this is my nightmare.
And she's like, are you, you're doing the panel with me later, right? And I said, and I'm like trying to cover the windbreaker. I'm like, yep. And I'm like, can't wait to see you there. Kate Hudson shows up in a gorgeous gown. I'm staying there in my windbreaker.
It's literally art. She's standing in like an art piece that she's like, oh, it's a skirt I had. I'm like, that should be in the Louvre. And Hannah's here.
In the same windbreaker she saw me in six hours ago. Tell them what my mom messaged you.
So then I'm on the plane Friday morning coming back to the East Coast. I get a DM from none other than Lenore Burner. Who hasn't spoken to me unbeknownst. Did Hannah's luggage get lost? Question mark. Why is she wearing that outfit? Question mark. I go, LOL. She said she wanted to wear it. She doesn't look bad. But did she wear that two days in a row? Period. I'm confused. Period. Sorry.
Hannah, I nearly fell off my chair.
And this is why no one will ever hurt my feelings because my mom is my biggest op. My mom goes, I'm confused, sorry. I love how she's like, I need to first find out from Paige why this has happened. I love how she's like, she doesn't look bad. It's just like...
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Chapter 5: How did the Chelsea Handler show go for Hannah?
And no one gives you any credit for how beautiful you are. Like that was the vibe we were giving to each other. And I feel like Kate Hudson was so Hannah coded in so many different situations. And let me tell you, she's the definition of whimsy. There's something about her aura that's very calming while also being, oh my God, I don't even know what the word is.
It's not starstruck and it's not, you're not like, Did you say starstruck? Starstruck? Like it wasn't like I was starstruck, but I was very aware that you're like, this is a celebrity.
Well, you're a bitch because Kate Hudson, we asked her about revenge, how they feel about revenge. And Kate Hudson was like, we love forgiveness. And I was like, I love that, Kate. I love forgiveness too. And then you called my ass out and you said, Hannah Burner, you are the most vengeful person I've ever met. Stop trying to suck up to Kate Hudson and make her like you. And I said...
How dare you call me out? I was about to be best friends with Kate Hudson and then you called me a fraud. I like forgot the crowd was there because I was like, don't embarrass yourself in front of Kate Hudson. Yeah. But Kate Hudson, what I love about her is she's exactly how she is in every rom-com.
Like she's the same person. Like if you think about meeting her, it's exactly who you want her to be. to be.
Easy laugher, charming little jokes under her breath. Oh, she's just so iconic. And she's nominated for an Oscar for singing last year. Yeah.
And you just want to like keep looking at her and like be around her. She has a very like infectious smile and personality. And Brenda song. Oh, my God. One of the most down to earth. Very nice. Just I just felt like we were girls together.
I didn't want to bring this up on the panel because it seemed like too intense, but I was like, she's been acting since she's three years old. Like the fact that she's as normal as she is. She's been in a lot of stuff too. A lot of stuff. She's had so many different lives in Hollywood. The fact that she's so fucking well-rounded and cool and like,
like she was in the facebook movie oh my god she's done everything also she's married to macaulay culkin i forgot about i mean she's london tipton she's london fucking which was always my favorite i feel like i was like a little bit too old for that show but i knew well you loved i knew i was a london tipton girl i'm also a sharpay evans you wanted your name to be london tipton
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Chapter 6: What unexpected challenges did they face while traveling?
All the brands are there. I love my Agold bum barrel jeans that I got there. I like live in them. And then also I'll randomly get like skincare sometimes.
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I got a spray tan at 10.30 p.m. after the Chelsea Handler show.
And we were getting on the plane and Hannah was like, I have a spray tan tonight. And I was like, pardon? I was like, you didn't even tell me. And so then I was like, well, I'll get a spray tan too. I can be your pale, weird friend. Which I've been many times. It's not that bad. The only place I like getting spray tans is in Los Angeles. They don't fuck around with it. They're artists.
Like I've yet to find a really good spray tan artist in New York City for whatever reason. I feel like everyone goes to Sugared and Bronzed in New York. And I not that I dislike them. I just feel like I did that in my early 20s and they changed their formula at some point. And ever since then, I don't feel like it looks the same on my particular body.
You just Kylie Jenner snapchatted them. Like the fucking marketing girls like, oh, no, I love them.
No, I love them. I think they're great. They are great. I think they're great. If you're the kind of girl that's like, I'm making an appointment. I'm going after work on a Thursday getting ready. I don't like to leave my apartment. So I like someone to come to my house. I've yet to find someone in New York City that comes to my house that I think is good.
Love sugar and bronze. i had a little incident with them where i was there this was during like reality tv and a girl was like in my labia lips and she's like by the way like i love you on summer house and i was like and then i got on the subway after and sweat through my entire tan and i was like this is gonna work But I feel like L.A.
has to be good spray tans because people around you are tan. We're New York. When you get a spray tan, everyone else is pale. So it doesn't even have to be that good. You're like, I'm glistening. We're L.A. You're competing with actual tans around you. They contour.
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Chapter 7: What funny moments occurred related to fish and salmon sperm?
After college, I was teaching tennis in Shelter Island to like, six-year-olds to like 85-year-old men. And one of my older male clients was like, oh, Chelsea's coming to play doubles with us today. Because she was dating Andre Balazs at the time, who had a hotel on Shelter Island. Who the heck is Andre Blanc? You just said that like we all know. He's a hotelier. Oh, chic.
I've never said hotelier before. That was iconic. Chelsea fucking Handler comes in. And this was like during Chelsea lately. And this is like my knees went weak. I was like double faulting. I was like so nervous. It's one thing to like be with your, the person you look up to for like a minute and meet them.
i played two hours of doubles with her that's intimate it was crazy and i i had to pretend that i didn't know anything about her i was like where are you from new jersey wait i love that she's from new jersey like i think new jersey gets such a bad rep but i genuinely do think some of the funniest people i've met in my like personal life Are from New Jersey.
And at the end, I was because I was I had no idea what I wanted to do for a living. I did not think I was going to be in comedy. And I was just like, do you have any advice for like women in the workforce? And she looks at me and she was like, I got lucky. And then when I met her years later, I told her about it. And she was like, I must have been high. Don't. That doesn't ring any bell.
Horrible advice.
Like I've never been to Shelter Island before.
That wasn't me. You weird freak. Here's one thing I want to say about Chelsea Handler and I'm not even trying to like suck these celebrities like assholes. I'm like genuinely saying my experience. I think they're in any field no matter what you do for a living. I think there are so many women that say I want to like make room at the table for you or I want to like help you.
I want to be a mentor or whatever. Chelsea Handler is one of those people that I feel like says that stuff and actually means it. Like, any time I've ever seen her in a public setting... I've never felt more safe to be with someone. And it's almost in, and I know she doesn't have children. It's almost in a very maternal way.
And so like, it is something to say about, like, I think that women who don't have children, sometimes people can say like really mean things to them. And I, and I think that your maternal instincts can come out in so many different ways rather than just having children. There is something so maternal about her that is so comforting. And I feel like she genuinely means what she says.
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Chapter 8: What insights did they share about celebrity culture and personal experiences?
You deserve it. And we'll talk to you guys later. Oh, and everyone mark your calendars. June 5th. Take out your gel pens, your Sharpie, whatever you use. Put it in your little journal.
And Hannah looks so good in her. We're excited. We're good. We got approvals.
We're excited. We love you guys. Bye.
Bye.