Chapter 1: What is the significance of grief in our lives?
Hello, everyone. My name is Jamie Lang, and this is Great Moments. Hey, guys. This is Great Moments, where I share some of my favorite moments from my conversations on Great Company. Now, we've had so many incredible guests on the show, and there are things they've said that have really stayed with me long after the conversation ended.
So each week, I'll bring you one standout moment, something that's made me think, made me laugh or cry or change my perspective. And hopefully, there's something in it for you, too. So are you ready? Let's get into it.
Your dad wasn't around.
I mean, like, not really. So what was the relationship there? Because your mum's your kind of rock, I imagine, right?
She's my queen. She's the queen of my existence. I didn't have the best relationship with my dad. And he passed away four years ago. Wow. Christmas Day. Which is why I think Slightly a tangent, but still within topic. I think people who experience grief are one of the most loving people you could meet because we know the fragility of life and how important it is to love people when they're there.
And it's a sad club to be a part of, but the...
it's a beautiful one as well because you've we've learned the price we pay for love um but but it's nice because my mum I can do random things my mum will be like you know your dad did that exact same thing like town to how I moisturize my face or like I can personify anything I could I could do anything like I've got my imagination is so like what do you mean you could be sort of like it
Like, I could be driving and a random pedestrian just crosses the street. I'll give them a random name. I've given them a backstory. I'll be like, why have you done that, Janine? What's your problem? Or like, I can just really... I can personify any... I can build a story. You can build a world around anything and anyone. Exactly. And that's something that he would do.
And he was always the life and soul of the... He would be the one giving advice to everybody and doing all of these things. But...
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Chapter 2: How did Cat Burns' relationship with her dad influence her perspective on grief?
And he wasn't able to provide that to his family.
How old were you when he wasn't around?
But they split up when I was seven and divorced when I was nine.
Same thing, my parents divorced when I was around, yeah, split up seven, eight, divorced, yeah. Yeah. It's a tricky time. As an individual, not just the divorce time, obviously that's tricky, but in terms of growth, it's a real sort of precious time, I think, because you're still in that stage where I found that it's like parents are everything.
Yeah.
And then suddenly that separates. You're a bit like, well, the world's pretty scary because what's happening here? And you don't really understand it as well. So I didn't process it very well. Right. Interesting. I really didn't process it at all.
I think the difference there is I was happy. I was like, oh, thank God. It could just be me, my mum and my sister. We can just frolic around. This is vibes. Wow. Yeah, I was like, the vibes in this house are not good. So once he was gone, I was like, oh, yes. It's the truth.
Yeah, I mean, that's an amazing truth.
Yeah, I was like, yeah, I mean, naturally.
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Chapter 3: Why are people who experience grief often more loving?
So he most probably had ADHD and or autism. And I think he just had a lot of sensory overload. He wasn't able to regulate his emotions that well. And I think when you're in the household receiving that, that can make you... Well, that's what made me quite an anxious child. So then when he was out, I was like... Thank goodness.
And then as I got older, you know, you unpack, you develop, you know, you start to seek connection. And I think I was really boy crazy when I was a teen, which is crazy because I am a gigantic lesbian. But I was really boy crazy when I was a teenager. And even now thinking about it, it's probably because I was trying to seek a male love.
And then as I got older and lockdown happened and you unpack things, I was like... I've got males in my life that I love. I've always had boy best friends throughout my life. So I'm like, I've got the males in my life that I love. I've got that. I don't actually like any of these. I don't like them. I don't fancy them. I don't want to be with them.
And then when he passed away, that was when the real growth happened. Because it was like, you can place blame and put anger on a person whilst they're still alive. But... When they're not, it's just like you're smacking something at the wall and it comes straight back at you. Totally. And then it's dangerous. Yeah, exactly.
So I had to really unpack and forgive myself and forgive him and lots of active imagination where I just kind of close my eyes and think about my past and reassure inner child stuff and like really do the work and...
I learned from that time from my childhood when I think back to it I'm like as much as my dad wasn't great I'm like but I also had a mum who was really great and I've started just taking control of my brain a little bit more and being like well I can actually maybe I'm going to pick things from my childhood that I actually want to take with me and keep and let go of the things that I don't
I had a really great mum who acted like a mum and a dad. She did the best that she could. So funny. Made me feel so safe. I can cry to her all the time. There's so much love that I did have. And now I've got the tools to be able to look back and be like, I'm going to take this and this and this and just leave the facts. That doesn't serve me. I've unpacked it. I've healed from it.
I've forgiven myself, forgiven him. So I don't need to.
That's beautiful. Thank you. No, that really is. It's an amazing way to be. And yeah, I always live by a sort of rule, which is, I don't know, I can't remember where the quote comes from, but it's seeking revenge is like drinking poison and wanting another person to die. Yes. It only hurts yourself. And as much as it's painful to try to forgive and let go, we must try and do that in life.
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Chapter 4: How did Cat's childhood shape her emotional landscape?
Let the feeling flow through you. It will pass, as will everything.
you are like I think we have to give ourselves enough credit we are stronger than we are told we are by society and all of those things like we are very strong humans when you feel an emotion you have got the you can just let it flow through you it doesn't have to you don't have to be like no I shouldn't feel this I don't want to feel this just feel it just feel it and it will pass and then you can go about your day how did your dad die quickly?
Cancer. That old fucker. Yeah, it's not a good one, is it? It's not a good one. No, no. But it was two years, so he got diagnosed when I was 18. He was in and out of remission, and then he passed Christmas Day.
I'm really sorry. It's all right. It says, yeah, but grief, you know, back to back is like, it's tricky.
Yeah, I guess it's happened when I've been quite young, 20 and 24. But again, I think it's... Part of my story and it's allowed me to be more vulnerable than I've ever been in my life. And it allowed me to connect with everyone in my life on a way deeper level. And I've had people in my life like, oh my gosh, when I eventually experience grief, I feel like I'll be safe around you.
I think this is why your music is so amazing thank you because I think what you as you said what you do is you encapsulate feelings and emotions and you're very honest you know you one of your songs about coming out as you know as queer and that's quite a bold thing to talk about in a song right because it's a very personal thing to you but you decide to make music about it yeah which I think is amazing
Yeah, that's why I make music in the first place and why I love music because it is therapy. And there's something about, like it could be really hard for someone to say something, but to sing it is easier in a way of a poem. And I just found, I think, again, not in a mean way, but our lives aren't that unique, right? We're all in the same simulation. We're all on the same earth.
So music is a way, I think, to connect people to each other because there might be someone sitting in their room who's isolated themselves and is like, I'm the only one going through this thing. Life is just awful. I don't know why this is happening to me. And then they can slap on a song and someone's talking about that exact scenario and being like,
oh, this song has literally been written for me. I'm not alone in this. Maybe these things do happen to everybody. It might be a really awful breakup or death or something.
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