Great Company with Jamie Laing
FEARNE COTTON: How I Set Boundaries & Stopped Being a People Pleaser
20 Mar 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: How did Fearne Cotton start her career in the entertainment industry?
I had diluted myself down to a version of me that was just beige enough to get by, so no one gave me shit. It absolutely crushed me.
Being in the entertainment business, it's all about being liked.
But it was survival being likable. Because if I wasn't likeable, I didn't have a job. The audience turn against you, you are screwed. And I was incredibly depressed for a long time and on medication just to like, you know, still going to Radio 1 every day and having to deal with all of it. It all just hit me in one big lump and it was utterly horrendous.
Hello, I'm Fern Cotton and I'm in great company.
A round of applause for Fern Cotton, everybody. And now here's Fern Cotton. I heard that you had a boyfriend once who said you could never get any tattoos. And so to rebel, you got a tattoo. Is this right? Do you want to see it? Fucking massive.
That went down really badly.
You started TV at 15.
Yes. Very lucky. I have a job that I love and I've been doing it for a very long time. But it can be absolutely horrific.
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Chapter 2: What challenges did Fearne face with anxiety and people pleasing?
And two things can be true at the same time. And then sort of subsequently went through a big, big patch of anxiety and panic after that that was, you know, debilitating. So it was suddenly out of nowhere? Yeah. I couldn't do live TV. I had to stop doing live radio. I couldn't drive a car on the motorway or an A-road because the speed would give me a panic attack.
But the last four years, I have tackled all of it head on.
How do you do that?
Okay, so I can't believe I'm saying this.
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Guys, welcome back to another episode of Great Company. Firstly, thank you so much for coming back. Really appreciate it. Today's episode is with a great friend of mine, Fern Cotton. And weirdly, Fern and I and a couple of our friends, we go for dinners like every other month to chat about life and everything. So having this podcast here is like one of our dinners.
We chat about parenting, the fact that I've become a new dad, that is kind of really interesting for me. We also talk about how Fern is stopping being a people pleaser. And we also talk about how she experienced panic attacks and anxiety and how she's overcome that.
today's episode goes all over the place and I can't wait for you to listen to it now before we start again if I can ask you just one thing which is subscribe to our show I know I keep asking you every single week but it does us wonders and it means we can keep making the show better and better for you each week so join the community and click subscribe if you can okay here we go enjoy this amazing episode of Great Company with Fern Cotton having kids is exhausting
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Chapter 3: How has Fearne learned to set boundaries in her life?
You know, I'm not sort of wiping shitty arses anymore, but... Yeah, that's a good thing. You are dealing with other stuff like get off your phone, get off the PlayStation. You know, there's other things that replace the shitty bums. And sleep can still sometimes be bad if they're ill or one of them's had a nightmare. You know, my daughter will still get in the bed with me here and there.
So, yeah, which is gorgeous. But this is like... You're in this for at least 18 years, Jamie Lang, okay? Like, this is... Crazy. It's just endless.
I used to look at people who had kids and I used to think, poor you. Yeah.
But also I used to think like, it can't be that hard.
It can't be that hard. Yeah, like what do you do all day? Yeah, like come on. And then when you have kids, there is like this, your brain opens up in a weird kind of way and the whole idea of life changes. Everything. Everything changes. Everything.
And I'm in a really nice bit of parenting. I'm really enjoying the ages that my kids are at now. Honey's 10, Rex turns 13 in a couple of weeks, which is wild.
Is it totally wild?
Yeah, he's the same height as me. It's just like, what's going on? Who's this huge man? But it's so nice because we're doing stuff together. Like me and Rex started boxing together last week, which was so fun. And, you know, Honey is a classic 10-year-old who wants to talk about makeup and skincare, you're not using.
But we're having fun chats and it's just a whole new era that I'm entering that I'm loving. Are you a cool mum? No. Rex says cringe to me five, six times a day. It's constant cringe.
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Chapter 4: What experiences shaped Fearne's identity as a public figure?
Fucking massive. Because I'm quite all or nothing with not everything, but some things. So when this person was like, you shouldn't get any more tattoos, I went big.
It's this flower. Wow. As you can see.
That's amazing. So suffice to say, that went down really badly.
Young Fern Cotton in her 20s dating. Was that a wild time?
Yes. Mainly because I could never understand at the time what is all of this about. But I was followed relentlessly by paps at that point in my life.
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Chapter 5: How did Fearne cope with the pressures of being liked?
Relentlessly. Like they boarded flights to LA to pat me at the other end. And no one paps me now. I'm far too boring. And I'm very comfy with that.
Do you look back at your early years and that period? Fondness? Like it? Love it? Do you miss it?
What do you feel? I look back at bits of it with pure delight because it was, I did some extraordinary things and things that I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to do. Like the amount of travelling I did and interesting people that I met and people like Amy Winehouse who are these mythical creatures. And it's like, I was so lucky I got to interview her. I got to hang out with her.
I got to see her perform. I feel so lucky that I got all of those opportunities. You know, Radio 1 especially was, gave me just so many brilliant chances to see the world's greatest musicians this close playing live.
In that live lounge?
In that live lounge. I mean, they are some of the greatest moments of my life. Like who? Like what people did you have? One that stands out, which I'll never forget. It was at Maida Vale. And I was quite literally stood in a big studio with my producer, Just Us Two, and Eminem, on his own, stood as far as you are away from me now, rapping in my face.
And I'm just stood there going, how is this happening? Like this shouldn't be happening. I'm just some twerp from the suburbs. What is going on? And you see the level of exception with someone of his caliber. I have never seen anything so slick in my life. In the rehearsal, he was swearing and
cussing and we were like oh my god this is gonna i'm gonna have to interrupt him mid live performance and stop it and as soon as he went live he self-edited like i've never seen and he was full of charisma full of energy he was he is just it and i there's moments like that that i just feel so lucky to have experienced But I think there's some real stand up moments like my early 20s.
I must have been like 23, 24. I got to do this quite long form interview, which was rare at the time because podcasting didn't exist. This is like 20 years ago with Prince William and Prince Harry. And we were all kind of the same age. So we kind of, you know, all stood there awkwardly in our 20s making small talk. And it was a real out of body experience of just like.
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Chapter 6: What role did her upbringing play in her career choices?
I know. Do you know what? I chatted to Catherine Ryan and she said to me something slightly depressing. She said when she went to her first comedy gig, when she started going on a bit of a tour, her tour manager said, this is going to be your most exciting moment. which is kind of upsetting, and that childlike energy.
There's innocence to it. I think getting the Disney Club job is still the greatest moment of my career, and that was the first day of it.
Was it really?
Yeah, the greatest day of my career, without a doubt, because I just felt like, in that moment, I felt like I had made it, and I've never had that feeling since.
The one thing you know you're good at is interviewing.
Yeah.
You know, I've been on your podcast and it's just the way that you move through the narrative and you make someone feel comfortable and you ask great questions. Have you always been like that?
No, God no. And I'm probably only at an age now where I feel happy sitting here and going, yeah, I am good at it. I think we're all told, all of us, that we shouldn't say we're good at things. It's like, what a big head, whatever. But it's like, I've been interviewing people for 27-ish something years. You'd hope I'd be good at it after that long, after doing something again and again and again.
And I used to obviously be terrible at it. I think the ultimate goal... when you're good at something is being able to enjoy it whilst you're doing it. And when you're not good at something without any judgment, because I was terrible back in the day, you're not enjoying it because you're just scrambling constantly and hoping that you get through it.
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Chapter 7: What insights does Fearne share about overcoming personal struggles?
And I was a young woman, probably in my early twenties. And I was taken up to a hotel suite with this guy and I'm inexperienced and I certainly don't have the confidence. And I instantly feel like he is far superior to me. And that was the transaction. And he said to me, something along the lines of, you know, what's your like kink in the bedroom? And I'm in my early 20s.
I don't want to talk about sex in my early 20s. I'd be much more comfortable now I'm in my 40s and it's something I don't feel like women should be ashamed to talk about. In my 20s, I was terrified to answer that question. And again, now, if I was uncomfortable answering something, I'd say, I'm not, I don't want to answer that. Or look, you know that that's not cool to say that. Let's move on.
But back then I did not have that confidence. And because I was sort of, you know, like trying to think of anything. He then said, oh, blah, blah, blah, a brilliant musician that I knew who was about the same age as me. She said it was wearing shoes in the bedroom or something. So I thought, oh my God, she came up with an answer. She must have just felt really cool about saying it.
I've got to say something. So I gave an answer. I have no idea what I said. Very uncomfortably. I felt sick about it. Went home, dreamt about it. Couldn't stop obsessing about it for weeks. Felt ashamed, foolish, like I'd been sort of coerced into this position I didn't want to be in. It was just horrific.
That journalist wouldn't ask a man the same question. God, no. Of course not. Did you feel like you had to be even more likeable and liked because you were a woman?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I think it's the same today. You know, if you're a CEO, a female CEO or female director or a female, anyone who has a level of authority in the workplace. we could still be called bossy, a bitch.
You know, we need our female authority to still actually be soft and gentle and nurturing, whereas men are seen as assertive and they have that position of authority and we listen. And I think that's still true today. I don't think that's changed at all. So I think that's the issue we've got is we I'm the first generation in my lineage as a female to have a career.
My mum had four or five different jobs at any one time, from being a cleaner to delivering clothing packages, and my grandmas didn't work. So on one hand, I'm like, Christ, I've got a responsibility here. I need to go out in the workplace and give it my all, and I can hear them cheering me on. But equally...
The world still says, well, you better be fucking loading the dishwasher while you're doing that. Like, you better be doing the school run every day. So I don't think much has changed. But I think back then, you know, it was the era in the 90s of the lads mag. And you had to be a kind of, if you wanted to go from kids TV to adult TV, you needed to be a bit sexy and lose the pigtails.
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Chapter 8: How does Fearne view the concept of likability in her life and career?
And I think they saw that I had this great interest and passion in something and an opportunity. So they were like, go for it. Absolutely go for it. We're behind you.
And I've only realized now how much of a toll that probably, you know, took on them because, you know, my dad would have to, for instance, every time I was to miss a day of school, he'd have to go to the local town hall to get some sort of letter to say that I could miss school to then, you know, go and go to the studio for the day. And he was working long hours. He was a sign writer and,
So I think I just was like, yeah, I'm just living the dream and doing my thing. But for them, it was weird. And, you know, I'm sure they had concerns about me entering this weird industry and who they could trust and who they couldn't. And, you know, it's been just a wild rollercoaster.
So would you allow Rex to go and do something like that?
If he was really adamant that that's his path, that's what he wants to do, I would. But not without a lot of deep conversations about what it means. Not the job itself, because I think the job is like any job. You learn a skill, you get better at it over time. But I think the public facing bit, that's the bit where I would want to sit with him and say...
you know, this is full on and you need to be ready for it. And also some of it's going to be awful. It just is. Like some of it is going to be really hard. And, you know, are you up for that? And I think I would worry a lot about that side of it, but I'm not going to stop my kids doing anything.
Because that's the hard thing, right? You kind of want to allow your kids to fall out the tree and hurt themselves, but also you want to teach them how to climb at the same time. So it's a weird balance that you have with them, isn't it?
Yeah, I think especially if it is a job that you've done and you've made the mistakes, you don't want them to fall into the same sort of... problems, but they need to, to learn. You know, like when we were kids, people give you advice and you're like eye rolling, like, yeah, yeah. And then you make the mistake and you're like, oh God, that was really not good. That was bad.
And you sort of wish you had listened, but you've got to make the mistake yourself. So I I don't know. I mean, we're not there yet with any of it. And I don't know how I would deal with that conversation. But I would certainly make my priority ensuring that we would always have an open conversation about how hard it is to be in the public eye. And
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