Relationships 2.0: The Power of Tiny Interactions
episodePreviously titled “Relationships 2.0: The Power of Tiny Interactions + Your Questions Answered: Erica Bailey on Authenticity” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 3, 2026
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What is the importance of social connections for well-being?
This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Many people would say spending time with close friends, quality moments with family, playing with a pet. Most of us can agree relationships are at the heart of a life well-lived. Social science research bears this out. Countless studies suggest that our emotional ties to others shape our well-being. Long-running analyses that track people over time show that social connections are not just about our emotional well-being, they're important determinants of our physical health. But it's one thing to say that relationships are important. It's another to go about getting them or preserving them. Lifelong friends move away to other towns and countries. Romantic relationships come undone.
Relatives pass away. And especially as people get older, many find it difficult to form new relationships, even as they yearn to feel close to others. New psychological research suggests a solution to this problem, or at least a partial solution, and it's one that's easily accessible to everyone. Last week in our Relationships 2.0 series, we looked at the common mistakes we make when negotiating with other people. This week on Hidden Brain, we bring you a user's manual on how to boost your social connections and your happiness. Rigorous studies suggest that the problem of loneliness is growing around the world. Many people feel they don't have others in whom they can confide. Making friends can be hard, especially if you're someone who is naturally shy. At the University of Sussex, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom studies what we can do to combat the growing challenge of social isolation. Gillian Sandstrom, welcome to Hidden Brain.
Hi, thanks for having me.
Jillian, I understand that you were somewhat introverted and shy as a child. Can you describe the younger version of yourself to me?
I was definitely a shy kid, very bookish. And so I remember, you know, anytime we went to my grandma's house for Christmas and all the cousins and aunts and uncles were there, I would be off in a room somewhere with a book, just finding the quietest place in the house, just sitting there reading. And my dream when I was a kid was that I would grow up and I would live on an island. I don't mean like a tropical island. I mean, an island that was just me. My own island, where I had a big library, and that was my dream.
As a teenager, Jillian's shyness intensified. It got to the point she found it difficult to even have routine phone conversations.
Oh, gosh, that was the worst. And I felt like every time I did it, I would get off the phone as quickly as possible. And then my mom would say, well, did you ask this? Did you say that? And of course, I never did any of those things. And so it just felt really stressful and anxious about talking to someone on the phone.
And I understand this must have been especially hard for you because you had one member of your family who was the polar opposite of you. Tell me about your dad.
Yeah, actually, I feel like my whole family was the opposite of me, but especially my dad. So my dad is just, I think he's sort of a king of talking to people. He had this knack for approaching people and figuring out how to connect with them and start a conversation. And so anywhere we went would take a really long time. You know, going to the grocery store would take three hours because he would stop and talk to everybody, especially kids. He loves talking to kids. He'd always tease them and get them talking. But he would ask a kid who looked like they were about five or six years old, he'd say, how old are you, 12, 13? You know, just something ridiculous that would make them feel like they had to sort of disagree with what he'd said. Or he'd ask them, you know, if they had any pets at home and, you know, ask if they had a pet alligator or a pet hippopotamus. You know, just ridiculous things that would make them respond.
And did you really feel like you were embarrassed when he did these things? Did you try and prevent him from doing it?
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