Why We Got the Cops Called on Us
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What sparked the conversation about divorce and family expectations at the start of the episode?
You are my mom or dad, I just wanna let you know I smoked a lot of crack before we did this. And you should stop listening right now.
Welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless. I'm Chelsea Torano. And
I'm Dr. Lindsay.
And welcome.
Each week we're just two dumb girls chit-chatting away. Sometimes we're smart, always hilarious. Yay. And if you are my mom or dad, I just want to let you know I smoked a lot of crack before we did this. And you should stop listening right now. A phone call that I had last week with my mom. She was on my ass about everything. Only we get in trouble
for getting divorced.
I know, right? I thought you guys were really extra nice to me because I'm getting a divorce. They were like, now Lindsay, are you sure you can stay in Colorado by yourself? I don't know if you can handle it. And what's that Chelsea up to? Dad was listening and he said that you guys were doing heroin. But no. Your family hates a clip and then they're like Is she doing OnlyFans? You better not be doing OnlyFans. I was fired up yelling at her. You don't even know what you're talking about. You listen out of context and clearly you are listening to the full episode. Yes. I wish you could have heard. I was so mad. She got me all fired up and my friend came to pick me up to hang out and I was like, what? I'm a bitch right now, okay?
And you're gonna get it. Yep. Uh huh. I did that to you the other day. Sometimes the next person just gets it. So that's how my parents are handling my divorce. Oh my mom was talking about money and she's like, Well, you know, you got a budget. You can't be getting your lashes done and your manicures and your pedicures and your haircuts and your Botox and your makeup and your gym membership. I'm not that broke. I'm not that broke to be ugly. In the next breath, she's like, Make sure that you have enough money saved up so you can send all the kids and your brother and sister all Christmas presents. I don't know what you want from me. A lot of mixed messages.
I don't know what you want.
Do you want me to spend money or do you want me to save money? I don't know. Poor.
Yeah I am. Yeah I am.
Procast bit. Really plays into the I'm all in. Montage isn't as cool if you're not doing it. No one wants to see the montage of you get divorced, all of a sudden you have a hot new rich boyfriend. That's not the montage. You wanna see the montage where I'm like, I'm sad, I'm crying, crapping by a little side hustle over here, side hustle over there.
She looks at her checking account, it's negative.
And I leave you five dollars on the counter Like no, I got it. I got it. That's the montage. Uh-huh. Yeah. So fun times.
We're only like an eighth of the
way through the montage.
Ha ha ha ha ha
I hope we get there fast. I
know. Every two months that's like an eighth. So like let's go.
We are
l
limping a lot. We're done. There we go.
We had a real pick me up this weekend. Girls Weekend. Girls weekend that looks like what you see on Instagram. I never thought it was possible. Mm-hmm. Two weeks ago, you were my only friend. And now here I am going on a girls trip. Fancy restaurants happening places. Things were crowded. Mm-hmm. We were in Wisconsin. Oh
my gosh, the people are so nice there. Yes, they are. You want to put your jacket on a doorknob along with your purse, all of your belongings and your most valuable items? Sure. Right this way, ma'am. Literally. Mm-hmm. Felt so safe. Yeah, we are leaving our shit all over this bar because
no one's going to take it. I didn't believe it. I must have checked for your purse a dozen times. Oh yeah. I haven't lived in a community like that ever. Um, yes.
We're in Madison Go Badgers and won by the way. Yep. Not that we care. It's a nice crowd of people though, because you have some college kids and twenties, thirties, forties. Everyone is standing around, a hand in their pocket and a beer in the other, chit chatting, minding their own business. Dad jeans. Uhhuh. Dad bods. Dad sneakers. Uhhuh. Windbreakers around the dad bods. It was like
Yesteryear.
Mm-hmm.
Dads of the nineties.
Yeah. And Chelsea didn't know that these men here, they love their wives.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What sparked the conversation about divorce and family expectations at the start of the episode?
0:00–6:44
2
How did Chelsea and Lindsay describe the vibe and people they encountered on their girls’ weekend in Wisconsin?
6:44–12:15
3
Why did the hosts think the police would have been called when a guy pushed Chelsea at the bar, and what actually happened?
12:15–17:11
4
What was the “tall, hottest man” story and why did it become a focal point of the night?
17:11–24:10
5
How did the “honeypot” strategy play out and what was the outcome of the phone‑number experiment?
24:10–29:05
6
What went wrong with the crock‑pot at home and how did the missing can opener affect the hosts?
29:05–35:35
7
How did the hosts reflect on their friendship dynamics and the “midwest nice” culture after the weekend?
35:35–41:11
8
What final thoughts and calls to action did Chelsea and Lindsay leave listeners with at the end of the episode?
41:11–45:08