Hot and Unbothered
Listen If You’re Lacking Love in Your Life (Stop Chasing Love & Find it Within)
23 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the real reason we crave love from others?
The real reason why you feel like you are always chasing love or you feel like you are never deserving love is because you are so focused on trying to earn it from other people instead of cultivating it from within yourself.
So if you want to learn how to fall in love with your life, yourself, and the world around you and to level up to unlock the hottest, highest, and healthiest version of you, this is the podcast for you.
Welcome to today's episode of Hot and Unbothered. Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to my podcast.
If you're new here, my name is Brianna Gomez, but you can call me Bri, and I am your host of Hot and Unbothered, the ultimate place to be for the it girls who just want to become the version of themselves that's on their vision boards, that's on their Pinterest boards, but not only look the part, but feel the part, and that all stems from within.
That's the most important thing that we talk about here on Hot and Unbothered is that, yes, the external stuff, the glow up, the skincare routine, that is all great, but but it all means nothing if it doesn't come from a place of love, intention, and depth. The surface level stuff, it might look pretty, but it will not last even a second and it will not serve you
any good or any purpose, if you aren't making a full internal shift, a shift of perspective, a shift of heart, a shift of worth, that is the key to becoming truly hot and unbothered and truly glowing from the inside out. So today, we are getting into all about love. As Valentine's season approaches us, it's something that for a lot of people is
You might even feel an emptiness, if you will, or some sort of annoyance or some sort of issue, some sort of bone to pick with the idea of love. And this might be because you're seeing other people have things that you don't. This might be because you're bitter about an ex or just something bad happened on that day or you don't have love from family, friends within yourself.
A lot of people don't like Valentine's Day because they have created this narrative for themselves that they don't like love. They don't do love. They don't do the mushy-gushy. They don't do the romantic romanticization. It's just not for them. I am here to tell you that love is not something that has to be given to you, that has to be
earned or deserved or granted access to you by some external figure, by some other person. I am here to tell you that love is something that is already held within us and you have the choice actively every day to decide whether or not you want to open your heart, whether or not you want to exude love or hatred or bitterness or resentment or pettiness. You have that choice in your heart.
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Chapter 2: How can we cultivate self-love and confidence?
That is not love. Love comes from intention. Love is not a material item, yet somehow we've treated it as something that is so quantifiable. How many friends do I have? How many likes did I get? How many calls do I get on my birthday? The silliest things, we tie our worth to that, when in reality, that is something that someone can give and take away just like that.
When you create true love and cultivate that deeply within yourself, that is something that cannot be taken away. That is the difference from materialistic, surface-level, quote-unquote, love, if you'd even call it that, versus love that is deep, that is intentional, that has a firm foundation, that cannot just be taken away from you like that.
And that is where you really have to strengthen the idea of love within your heart because you have to know that it is yours. If you take away one thing from this episode, I just urge you to know and remember and tell yourself, That your love is yours. Your worth is yours. And that is locked up in a safe inside your heart. No one can touch it. No one can take it away.
But when you become the kind of person who is desperate for love, who is desperate for validation, who stays even when they are mistreated, even when they are unappreciated, even where they are not welcomed. You stay because you are so desperate for this love, this affection, this validation. You are then opening up that heart. You are opening up that worth, that love.
And you're putting it out on a platter. And you are saying, take it. You're saying, I'll give it to whoever wants it. And I know this sounds so sad. And I know that it might be really harsh. And it might feel like something that is beyond your control. But the reason I say this is not to be harsh. I say this to you because out of a place of love because I've been that person.
Some days maybe I still am that person and I know it hurts. I've been that person who will be yelled at, who will be screamed at, who would be hurt, but will still stay because I don't know who I am without this person loving me. I don't know who I am without those words of affirmation and reassurance.
And that shouldn't tell you like, oh, wow, my worth really is tethered to this person and I really do need them. That should spark something within you. A light bulb should go off telling you, okay, yeah, I do tether my worth to this person. And that's not healthy. And you know what? That's not healthy for either one of you.
Even if there's a person in your life, maybe they don't upfront hurt you. Maybe they're really good to you. But if you still tether your worth and existence to them in your relationship and how you guys are treating each other and the standards of your relationship and how well it's going, That's not healthy for them either. So it's hurting yourself.
It's hurting the other person and it's hurting the other people around you because maybe some of you have been in that position where you can see your friend who's in that toxic relationship per se and it becomes an obsession and you see them become so obsessed with this person and their worth becomes so attached and dependent on this person where you watch their self-worth wither away and it hurts you.
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Chapter 3: Why is feeling 'enough' an internal journey?
and you would be fine. The sun would rise again. You would wake up. Yes, it might hurt, but you would be okay. You would get to a place where you can build new relationships, where you can make new friends because you have that worth within yourself. And because you don't use the love that someone else gives you to tell you that you are worthy, you know that you are worthy.
And that worth is what tells you what you will and won't tolerate in your relationships and in your friendships. That worth tells you. what you do deserve in life. And I need you to know that love is not something that is earned or proven. It is something that is deserved, not by the grace of others, but because of you.
You know in your heart that you are deserving of true, genuine love, friendships, and relationships and intention so strongly that you will not tolerate any less from anyone else. You don't need the fakeness. You don't need the unhealthy codependency.
You don't need the hot and cold back and forth toxic relationship that people are so tethered to because you know that you deserve true, genuine, healthy love. And the way that you really know what that looks like is through example. And what better example to set for yourself and for the relationships in your life than the relationship between you and yourself?
You know that true love exists because you exist and because you love your life and you love yourself so strongly that no one can take away from it. And that is how you know you are deserving of love. Not because someone else tells you you are, not because they're validating you. So you're like, okay, I feel good. I can sleep at night knowing that someone else said that I'm worthy of love.
My mom told me I'm worthy of love. My boyfriend told me I'm worthy of love. So that's good. Like, at least I can sleep knowing that. Like, no. So long as you put your happiness, your well-being in the hands of someone else, you won't be happy because you'll be constantly afraid that someone is going to give or take it away. It's like if you had your most prized possession, okay?
Heirloom, 24-carat diamond from your great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, okay? And you give this necklace to somebody, a partner, okay? You put it in their hand and you're like, okay, this really means a lot to me. Please don't break it. Don't do anything with it. And if it's the right person, maybe they will take care of it.
But just the fact that you are going to openly give your prized possession to somebody... And just sit there and stare and wait to make sure that they do the right thing with it. Or wait for the moment that they give it back. Why would you ever hand that to them? Where you can just have it on you. You know what I mean?
You can keep that to yourself and you can let other people look at it and admire it and... that doesn't mean you have to fully straight up give it away. I don't know if that was a silly example, but it works in my brain. And so you might be asking, okay, we've heard enough, but how? How is one supposed to create this love within themselves if I don't have it?
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Chapter 4: What are the signs of conditional love in relationships?
And it is so, so powerful. Don't forget you guys can buy my Hot and Unbothered Becoming Her Planner that has lots of intentional prompts in it as well. So that way you can just kind of focus on your life and your priorities and just really moving for you instead of starting each day wondering like, what does everyone think of me? What is this person going to respond to me?
Am I going to see this person today? Instead of doing that,
focus on your priorities and I've been so lost in my life to the point where I have based my entire life of like waking up checking my phone and seeing if this person texted me or waking up and whatever plans I had that day if someone else texted me and was like oh like I really want to do this or like I need someone to go do this with me I'm like yes yes whatever it is I'll do it like
We have to outroot that people pleaser mindset out of ourselves too because I think that people pleasing comes from a place of needing validation from others also and wanting love from them also. And I do have a people pleasing episode, which I highly suggest.
If this episode resonated, you should definitely go listen to that as well. But I love you guys so, so much. I hope you enjoyed this episode.
If you did, don't forget to rate it five stars and leave a review for the chance to be featured in next week's episode. You can also follow me on my socials at Brianna Gomez with two Bs on Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Pinterest.
Spotify, all that good stuff as well. You can follow the podcast at hotunbothered on Instagram and TikTok.
You can also join our hot and unbothered besties group chat to keep each other accountable. That's on my personal Instagram too. I love you guys so, so much from the bottom of my heart. If you listen to this full episode, you should be very, very proud of yourself. And if you ever feel like no one loves you, no, that is not true because I love you. God loves you.
and you love yourself, okay? I love you guys so, so much, and I will see you next free day. Bye.
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