Kelsey Waghorn: The Gratitude List
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When did John introduce his new book Thirst and what themes does it cover?
Hello everyone, it's John here, just letting you know that I have written a book. It's called Thirst, 12 Drinks That Changed My Life, and it's out now. In many episodes of How Do You Cope, you'll have heard me talk about my relationship with alcohol, and in writing Thirst, I wanted to explore what alcohol means. Why did it mean more to me than other people? Why did it mean some things felt better, and why did it mean so many things went wrong? I also talk about lots of other things you'll have heard me and my guests discuss on How Do You Cope? Meditation, physical pain, gratitude, trauma, and therapy. There's even a chapter about my bum and its relationship with Buddhism. So if that piques your interest, Thirst is out now, and the audiobook, read by me, is available wherever you get audiobooks from.
Welcome to the Gratitude List. And I'm delighted to say that Kelsey Waghorn is still with me and is going to share some of the things she's grateful for. And you actually mentioned in our main discussion, you sort of listed meditation, breathwork, gratitude as some things that had been really helpful to you. And I guess like gratitude will have been in your in your sort of landscape very early on, because when you come out of your coma, I guess part of you or part of what people are saying to you is you're lucky. You're lucky to be in this kind of pain and hell. And I wondered, was that helpful to you in a sense to go... Yes, this is a strange version of what luck looks like.
Probably not at the time, but lucky me, yep.
Was that a way of engaging with your pain to be like, well, you know, because a lot of the people on the island sadly died. And I guess pain is the most...
most intense feeling of being alive yeah yeah i don't think i thought about like that um definitely not at the time but yeah i suppose and that kind of if i'd had that sort of mindset about it at the time maybe that would have been helpful so when did sort of gratitude enter your toolkit of of coping Especially probably about three years after the eruption. I started doing it with one of my therapists, Sam. And then I actually started doing it with my best friend. Every evening, one of us would set a reminder on their phone to, we would do three things we're grateful for and one thing we learned. that day we would do it we did it every day for i don't even know how long but i mean some days it was literally just as simple as my coffee wasn't burnt this morning like it can be literally as simple as that or i get to go to bed in five minutes after i've had this tedious conversation with you
So it can literally be that simple. If you've had an absolute shitter of a day, it can literally be that simple. So it was always quite funny doing that with her after a bad day because you'd end up in stitches one way or the other. So it was always quite funny.
And someone asked me today, I was talking about – I was talking about breathing and about how my instinct now is to focus on my breath if I'm stressed. And he said, how do you make that habitual? How do you make that automatic? And I said, well, you know, what is a habit? You do it by doing it every day. And eventually you stop realizing you're not thinking about doing it. So what did you find? Were those initial few gratitude lists like you thought, oh, this is fun or this is silly or I can't really be bothered? Or was there a point at which you're like, oh my God, this actually works in some way.
Yeah, yeah. It is quite funny because initially it was just, I can't remember which one of us was going through a shit time, but it was just, all right, you need to see a bit more light in your life and we're going to do this together because I'm not going to make you do it alone. So I was like, we're going to sit in this tedious little task, five minutes every evening. I think my alarm went off at 7pm every night and it was just like, we're just like three in one. and so it was three things you're grateful for one thing you learned that day sometimes the thing you learned was that i don't like doing this but in the next day it's like i've learned that i would like to retract last night's learning and it was that i actually do like doing this so it could be as tedious as that or it could be like really deep and meaningful like maybe you've had this like very insightful day like yeah sometimes it was quite deep or that you'd learned um
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