How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Thu, 02 Jan 2025
Feeling stuck in a dating dry spell? So was Jake. At 30, this shy, nerdy engineer (and proud Creed fan) felt too afraid to talk to women. And he hadn’t had a girlfriend in a decade. But with personalized guidance from dating coach Connell Barrett, Jake learned how to confidently connect with women on the dating apps and IRL. In one whirlwind week, Jake went on five first dates. “That’s more than I’d had the entire previous year,” he said with a laugh. Then he met bright, bubbly Allie, who’s now his girlfriend. “I knew she was the one.”Channeling Creed, this episode will take your love life… higher! Connell and Jake discuss:09:30: The Missed Approach Opportunity that Ignited Jake’s Breakthrough13:35: The Mindset Shift Every Man Needs to Attract His Dream Girlfriend16:30: How Jake Landed Five Dates in Just One Week17:28: The First-Date Aha Moment that Led to a Sexy Make-out20:25: A 15-Minute Ritual for Instant Confidence22:06: How Connell’s “80-20” Flirting Rule Helps You Know What to Say to Women34:17: A Playful Teasing Move that Builds Attraction on Dates40:45: The Wordless Approach Technique that Works in Loud Venues45:38: How to Help the Right Woman See You As Her Dream Guy58:19: Connell’s No. 1 Daily Dating Tip to ApplyWith Allie as his partner, Jake’s decade of loneliness is behind him.Listen now and start your journey to finding the girlfriend you deserve!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What struggles did Jake face before finding love?
And Jake just became so much more confident, good at flirting, good at approaching, a lot more dates from the dating apps. And I'm really proud to say that working with But by working with Jake, we were able to get him this incredible girlfriend. And that's what this podcast is called. It's called How to Get a Girlfriend.
So you're about to listen to a fun conversation I had with Jake, basically all about the problems he had and how we fixed them. and how he was able to get a great girlfriend. And along the way, don't just listen to Jake's successes, but also listen to the insights, the tips.
I share a lot of insights, so does Jake, by the way, in this episode about how to talk to women on first dates, about how to get more matches, about having the right mindset, what I call the higher self mindset. that radically authentic self, that most confident, badass version of you, that's the guy women are going to be most attracted to.
So please enjoy this conversation with my former client, Jake, who now has a great girlfriend. He's going to tell you how he brought her into his life. And going forward on this podcast, I want to help you get a great girlfriend. So listen to Jake and I talk about everything from flirting to dating to creed. The band Creed. Enjoy. Hey, Jake. Happy holidays, man. Long time no chat.
Chapter 2: How did Connell help Jake boost his confidence?
Yeah, same to you. Great to talk to you. Yeah, thank you so much for being here. Our listener is super psyched to hear about your journey from struggling in a lot of ways. with women and struggling with approaching and what to talk about on dates to now having this incredible, incredible girlfriend named Allie.
We're going to talk about you and her shortly, but I thought you and I might begin at the beginning. When you first came to me, you reached out and booked a free call with me and said, hey, Connell, I need some help with some things. What were some of the things you were most struggling with when we first spoke?
Yeah, totally. So it's crazy to think where I'm at now compared to where I was a year ago. So, I mean, I had, I'd kind of been reading through your book and, you know, I just, for, for many years, I'd been out of college for seven, eight years and just really struggling to find a good rhythm with dating. I would occasionally go on dates, maybe a couple of dates per year.
but just really couldn't seem to get the dates flowing. And I tried several different things. And I think just when I got on the phone call with you, It just was really, I think a sort of a pivotal moment where I was like, all right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to focus on dating and make it a top priority. Um,
and really learn how to date because I definitely had a lot of skills that I was lacking, like being able to get on dating apps and actually take a girl from the first message to off the daps to a date to the, to the first kiss. Like that was just completely foreign to me. as well as many other aspects about... As I recall, you wanted a few simple things.
I remember you saying, I just want to be able to go on a dating app, get some matches and get dates. I want to be able to approach women and be confident and know what to say. And I think most of all, you wanted a great girlfriend. Could you elaborate on just what you wanted on day one?
Yeah, for sure. I think I wanted... I wanted the feeling of like, I knew what I was doing when I, when I talked to women, I think the, the feeling, the feeling of, um, uncertainty was just, was killing me. So I just wanted that. I wanted that comfort that, that just like ability, that smooth ability to uh, go on a date with a girl and just know how to know how to kind of lead things.
Um, and I, you know, I did want a girl, I wanted a person that I could share my interests with and share just fun, you know, fun dates with be intimate with. And, um, and, Yeah, it was something I hadn't really had much before, so it was definitely a very strong desire.
As I recall, you hadn't had a girlfriend since maybe the mid-teens?
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Chapter 3: What is the '80-20' flirting rule?
Yeah, I mean, the first thing was just A few tweaks to the dating apps and starting to getting some matches. That was... a big shift and I could finally kind of start to, instead of just thinking about what I would do and what I could do right and wrong, it was, it was actually, I was out there going on dates and getting to talk to you about it.
And, and really, I think one of the big things that was helpful was, you know, you really, it was almost, uh, a chore at the beginning but you were you were just constantly making me do the heads and tails analysis what went well what went bad And I think that really helped to force out that negative voice in my head and really got to also just go out and enjoy some fun experiences.
So you're talking about what I call the coin of self-assessment.
Yes.
Here's a tip for everybody listening. When you go out into the world, whether it's a first date or an approach, or a match on a dating profile and you're messaging back and forth, after any interaction with a woman, you want to start with heads.
What I mean by heads is we want to start with something positive and empowering, which is what are one to three things that you did well and feel good about? Because it's so easy to focus, to beat yourself up and to say, oh, Connell, I approached that girl, but she didn't give me her number. She wasn't into me.
And if you do that, not you, Jake, but the royal you, if you don't focus on some positive things, then that can hurt your mindset. So we want to start with, hey, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? So I remember you going out to approach some women there in your hometown or near your hometown.
And you reported back to me one night you had talked to like five, six, seven, eight women one night out at the bars. And maybe you didn't get phone numbers or dates that night, but you did two or three other things really well that I think started to give you a little bit of hope, a little bit of like, hey, wow, I can talk to women and they talk back and everything's okay.
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Chapter 4: What are some key moments from Jake's first dates?
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think really being able to just focus on it was, was a big deal. So, uh, you know, I've got a full-time job and everything. So, but I was going out multiple times a week, at least, you know, two or three times. I, I like to try to do a sort of a nighttime, um, you know, scene and a daytime scene, at least, at least once a week. Um,
Yeah, I would sometimes go out to bookstores or go out to the stores. Yeah, just getting in the rhythm of just chatting girls up, saying like, hey, what do you think of this jacket? Or what do you think about these things? And when I could get out of my head and just kind of – be present and just ask things that were on my mind, the connection started happening so much faster.
Awesome. Great. Let's get into that. I'll let you choose the context for this next question. The context could be approaching, could be first dates, but share a story or two. Share an aha moment you had where you realized, oh, whoa, that's... what I can say or do to get more confident, get a better reaction from women. What stories, what aha moments jump to your mind?
Yeah, I think there were... There were a couple... I think there was the first week where I really started getting a lot of matches on the dating apps. And I think I went on... four or five dates in a single week, which was just, that was more than I'd been on the entire year before. And I just remember, I remember there was one of them,
It was kind of a last-minute date that I set up, and me and this girl met at this little downtown, just outside the city vineyard place and had this Latin dance night that I didn't even know was going on, or actually learned about it just before. And I'd done a couple of Latin dance classes back then,
a few years ago when I was trying to learn, you know, some different skills that would be useful in dating and I'm not, not a great dancer, but just being able to, I think coming off this high of, of, wow, I've got these matches, I've got these, um, you know, I'm, I feel, feeling like I'm having some success. Um, just went into this date really confident and, um,
was able to, you know, have some conversations with this girl and, and we went to the dance floor and by no means was, was, uh, you know, tearing up the floor, but just being able to have fun and, you know, went really well. We were dancing and kissing and, and it just was, it was a, it was like one of the first experiences where I was like, oh man, this is a girl I literally met
30 minutes ago, and she's already just like, we're having a great time, having fun. And yeah, it was amazing to see that that was possible for me.
Yeah, well, compare that abundant mentality you were beginning to tap into. Three, four, five dates that week, kissing a girl you had met 30 minutes before. That's what I call dating abundance, where you have all these new wins, or at least options and possible wins, compared to the scarcity that you had when, quote, a creepy loser was running your dating life.
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Chapter 5: How can you shift your mindset for dating success?
Yeah, like what's your favorite band? What are some bands or musical artists you like? Pop or rock, anybody?
Oh, man. It's kind of a meme for me this year, but been into Creed this year. Okay.
Confessions of Jake. Talk about being vulnerable and authentic, admitting that you like Creed.
Fine.
No judgment. No judgment here. I guess my point was about to be, it still is, when you're on a date, you don't have to be Creed's greatest hits. Every song doesn't have to be a banger. You can just kind of have some jams, have some kind of B-sides. And then every so often, maybe you throw... I don't know. What's Creed's big hit? Give you some Creed music. Cool.
One higher per date is enough to make a woman go, damn, I like this guy's music. But yeah, you don't have to be Creed's greatest hits, or I'm a big Beatles nerd. It doesn't have to be the number one, 20 number one hits. It could be side two of Abbey Road on a date. Some girls just want to jam and like, yeah, rocking out to some tunes.
And that's my little analogy for you don't need to fill a date or an approach with amazing content. Just 80-20 rule. 80% sincere, normal, authentic. 20%, 10 to 20% can be what I call man-to-woman communication. Flirting, teasing, compliments, the fun parts of banter. But 80% of it can just be Jake being Jake. Because guess what? Jake is more than enough because he's Jake the creator.
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. Thank you so much for having me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed.
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Chapter 6: What are practical dating tips for shy guys?
Chapter 7: How did Jake go from zero to five dates in a week?
Chapter 8: What is Connell's number one daily dating tip?
Right. The higher self needs to be reminded every day that he's inside of you. So here's something you at home can do every single morning. Every single morning, take 15 minutes. I call it the confidence kickoff or an hour of power. 15 minutes minimum. It can be up to 60 minutes.
And literally write down or better yet, say verbally three to five things about you that you know make you a good catch for women. and make them I am statements. I am successful. I am big hearted or I speak three languages or I love to travel. It can be anything.
You just want to shift that lower self mindset away from the things that you think you lack and start focusing on the things you know you offer because that's how we essentially flip that switch and put that higher self in charge. But he needs to be reminded every single day or else he won't show up. And then we've got creepy loser or Connie showing up and,
Instead of Jake the Creator or Connell fucking Barrett, which is my higher self name, which is so stupid. It's brilliant. Connell fucking Barrett. Anyway, okay. Back to your story. So all of a sudden, you've got some great leads coming in on dates. You've got multiple women wanting to have dates with you.
I remember you struggled early on, or one of the things you were struggling with before you and I worked together was, what do I talk about? Is my content good enough? Is my flirting good enough? And I gave you what I call the 80-20 rule to follow on dates where most of what you say doesn't have to be amazing. Anyway, talk about what I call the 80-20 rule, if you would.
Talk about how that helped you either with dates or approaching or both.
Yeah, I remember that. That was a big kind of shift for me because I found myself going into dates feeling like If I wasn't performing at the top level for the entire date, it was going to be a failure and it was going to be my fault. I remember you telling me, 80% of the conversation can be kind of boring.
I remember saying, Jake, I dare you to be boring. I remember I said, go up and approach women and ask them about AI. I don't know how that went, but I just remember you like, okay, if I could talk about AI, I guess I could talk about anything.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I think – yeah, I mean what it came down to was I think one of the big things that was holding me back was my just fear of being boring and uninteresting. I thought that I had to be super interesting to a girl for her to be attracted to me when it was really – I just needed to show up as myself and be a interesting, like just normal person.
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