How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Thu, 19 Dec 2024
Are you facing a lonely New Year’s Eve? Just you, Ryan Seacrest, and the ball—along with your romantic hopes—dropping. (More like New Year’s ROTTEN Eve…) Guess what: 2024 doesn’t have to end that way! In this episode of the “How to Get a Girlfriend” podcast, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett shares 25 powerful, practical approach moves to help you land that magical midnight kiss with someone special. You’ll learn how to defeat approach anxiety, confidently talk to women, and maybe ring in the new year with a new love—or at least a sexy make-out. And you’ll do it all with class. Think authentic charm, not creepy smarm.With 12 years of experience helping men approach and talk to women, Connell shares these game-changing tips:1:16: Why Ryan Seacrest Sucks (Let’s Vent)5:17: A Mindset Tip to Fix Approach Anxiety10:50: Three Openers to Use with Any Woman12:01: How to Stop Fearing Rejection and Get in the Zone14:39: The Bold Approaching Move that Dials Up Attraction with Women18:12: The Three Questions to Ask Every Woman You Meet20:45: The “Z Pattern”—a Technique to Create Romantic Tension with Eye Contact22:11: Three First-Kiss Moves that Work Almost Every TimeListen now and make this New Year’s Eve as fun and sexy as a first kiss.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES: http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]"True confidence comes from commitment, not from fearing the outcome." - Connell Barrett"What seems risky is often the safest path to success." - Connell Barrett
Chapter 1: Why is Ryan Seacrest a topic of discussion?
And we're almost at New Year's. New Year's is very close. New Year's is, as this episode is dropping, New Year's is 11 days away. And it's coming fast. And if you're like many single men, you might be looking at a long, lonely New Year's Eve. You know? Just you and Ryan Seacrest watching the ball drop. Not to mention watching your romantic hopes drop. More like New Year's Rotten Eve. Am I right?
Oh, and a little side note here. Here's a quick 30-second rant. I hate Ryan Seacrest. I can't stand Ryan Seacrest. He's so bland. He is the exact opposite of being an authentic, real, raw person. He's just so bland in the middle of the road. And does he have to host every show in the world? Does he have to host Wheel of Fortune and his talk show and his radio show and American Idol?
He's everywhere. Scientists say that 75% of the earth is covered in water. The rest is covered in Ryan Seacrest. Okay, end of rant. Basically, the holidays are here and loneliness is really something that's pretty brutal for a lot of people, especially men. You know, a lot of men really struggle with loneliness. I know I did, which I'll tell you about in a second.
There's a recent poll that came out by Pew, which said that one in three adult men are romantically unattached, which is a record high. And an amazingly astounding 63% of men between the ages of 18 and 30 are single, compared to 34% of women 18 to 30. So 63% of men compared to 34% of women. And I know all about being lonely.
Chapter 2: What are some mindset tips to overcome approach anxiety?
I spent a lot of lonely Christmas Eves, a lot of lonely New Year's Eves with my parents. I barely dated in my 20s and well into my 30s. So I had a lot of lonely New Year's Eves at home alone, drinking. There was one New Year's Eve I drank. I'm sober now. There was one New Year's Eve I drank two bottles of wine. And drinking alone by yourself, not my best moments from the past.
I'm 700 days sober now, by the way. But back in the day, I really struggled with loneliness, and it took a toll. I drank too much. It just hurt my confidence and made me feel kind of hopeless. Now, I changed all that. I've been a dating coach for 12 years now. And as a dating coach for men, my mission is to help single, lonely men connect with wonderful women and find love.
And today I want to give you 25 tips, practical tips, so that you can be with a wonderful woman on New Year's Eve and get your midnight kiss. Because one of my favorite ways to kick off finding a great girlfriend for a guy, is what I do is I play wingman for my clients in New York City. We go out on the town and I help them chat up women in bars and lounges.
And New Year's Eve is actually the best night of the year for a single guy to go out and make sparks fly with women. Got the festive energy, got bustling bars, lots of parties, and it's a great night to meet women and have that maybe, just maybe, a midnight kiss. And so this episode is dropping just 10 or 11 days before New Year's Eve. There's still time.
There is still time for you to be spending New Year's Eve with or to meet an incredible woman on New Year's Eve and have that first kiss at midnight. Okay, I'm not saying it's going to be quite as lovey-dovey romantic as, you know, what's that famous scene in When Harry Met Sally? When Harry... confesses his love for Meg Ryan.
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Chapter 3: What are effective openers to use with women?
How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts.
I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.
Chapter 4: How can you stop fearing rejection?
I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Love that movie. So I'm not saying you're going to fall in love on New Year's Eve, but you know what? You might be able to meet the woman who's going to become your girlfriend in 2025. And you could absolutely meet her on New Year's Eve and have that first kiss. So with that in mind, here are 25 New Year's Eve approaching tips.
To help you click with somebody special, it's going to help lead you to a romantic, connected, and of course, consensual kiss on New Year's Eve. And by midnight, you know, the confetti isn't going to be the only thing that's starting to fall. All right? Let's think romantic. Here we go. 25 ways to get that kiss on New Year's Eve with a wonderful, incredible woman. Who knows?
She might even become your future girlfriend. Tip number one, give yourself permission to approach. Many men are just too terrified to approach women. I actually once coached a firefighter, and this guy could courageously run into burning buildings, but he couldn't talk to a cute girl at his local pub. So please hear this. It is not creepy or weird to talk to women in a bar or restaurant.
Now true, women don't want every guy to approach them, but they are dying for an authentic gentleman like you to approach them. So give yourself permission to approach. It's okay. Women want you to. Tip number two is convey the authentic you. Forget the kinds of cheesy scripted lines and gimmicks that pervade so much bad dating advice out there.
Ignore all that awful advice from the manosphere about being an alpha male. That is toxic BS nonsense. When talking to women, be authentic. Channel that most honest, distilled version of you. Because that's you at your most confident and attractive. Because when you hide behind lines or you hide behind a persona, a woman can tell. Her bullshit detector is as finely tuned as the Richter scale.
But when you're authentic, you awaken your best, truest self. And it's like the difference between a watery wine spritzer and a shot of Irish whiskey. So give her the good stuff. Because the man you are at your core, whether you're a comic book nerd or a single dad or like a cool dork like me or a nerdy engineer, show women that guy. Women like you for you.
Approaching tip number three to get that kiss on New Year's Eve, find the right New Year's Eve venue. The bigger and more crowded the venue that you choose, the better. And successful approaching is partially a numbers game. It might take a dozen conversations before you click with somebody. So what you can do is Google New Year's Eve events near me to find
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Chapter 5: What is the 'Z Pattern' technique for romantic tension?
Nice, large, spacious bars, good-sized lounges, maybe restaurants that are having big bashes on December 31st. So buy your ticket in advance if it's the kind of venue that charges tickets. Because a lot of places sell tickets to their big New Year's Eve events, and if you don't have a ticket, you won't get in. So Google New Year's Eve events near you or near me.
Okay, tip number four, bring a wingman. Yes, you can go out solo on New Year's Eve, but it's so much easier. if you have a buddy at your side. When I was first learning about approaching women back in the late 00s, I had a great wingman, a guy named Terry. And Terry and I would give each other fun little exercises.
Chapter 6: What are the best first-kiss moves for New Year's Eve?
And there were so many approaches I did, so many women I met, I wouldn't have done if it wasn't for him because he was pushing me. So here's a bonus tip. If you bring a wingman, you can give each other little missions to do. One night I gave Terry $100 and I said, I will approach every woman you tell me to. And if I don't, you keep that hundo. And guess what?
I talked to more women that night than I ever had before. And the same goes for him. He told me once, he said, Connell, I'll approach any woman you point me to. And if I don't do it, you can punch me in the arm as hard as you can. And I think I only had to punch him once.
So anyway, bring a wingman and you can even give yourself, give each other, keep each other honest and give each other fun little approaching missions. Okay, here's a, excuse me. Here is tip number five for getting that first kiss on New Year's Eve. Approaching tip number five, dress to impress. If you're not Hollywood handsome, no worries. Women don't care if you're good looking.
What they do care about is that you're looking good. When it comes to approaching success, good looks are a lot like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. But sharp style, that is a must. There's a men's health survey. 78% of women said that dressing well is the sexiest thing a man can do. And 85% of women
said that a well-dressed gentleman is sexier than a man with a million bucks. Think about that. That's how attractive good style is to women. So here's some style rules, really quick ones. Your shirt, your pants, your jacket should be tailored for your body, or at least appear to be. No baggy or ill-fitting clothes, and no pleated khakis. I want you to be a hot guy, not the helpful Honda guy.
Tip number six to get that New Year's Eve first kiss. Do this when you enter a venue. Walk up to the very first woman or person you see. Could be a woman, could be a man, could be a little old lady, could be a mime. I don't really care. Walk up to that first person you see and say, hey, happy new year. Keep it short and sweet.
What this does is you begin to adjust to the social environment and it gets you into a conversational mode. So don't worry about approaching women right away. Just walk in and start being conversational, start being social. Okay, here are tips numbers seven, eight, and nine. Three quick tips. Test drive these three openers. Here you go.
Opener number one is ask a woman, hey, what resolutions did you make for 2025? This shows genuine interest. The next one is, hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm... name, then give your name. That's very direct, but gentlemanly. I saw you and I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm Chris, whatever your name is. And the third is, you seem like my type and you look like you're up to no good.
I like that. Especially the part where you say, you look like you're up to no good. You statements are powerful openers because they're about her, and saying that you look like you're up to no good is subtly challenging and creates some flirty tension. You struggle with dating, right?
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Chapter 7: How to dress to impress on New Year's Eve?
Here's tip number 13 for approaching on New Year's Eve and getting that New Year's Eve kiss. Stand tall and look her in the eye. There was one winter night I saw a woman wearing a very stylish coat. I approached her. I said, you look like the cover of a J.Crew catalog. And I got her number. And on our first date, I asked her what she liked about our initial conversation.
And I was fishing for a compliment about my witty, funny opening line. But she didn't even remember what I said. She said, you know what impressed me? You stood up straight and you looked me in the eye. So stand tall and look her right in the eye. Tip number 14, take romantic risks. Take romantic risks. Or put another way, what you think is risky is safe and what you think is safe is risky.
This was one of the biggest aha moments I had. I've got clients, this blows their minds and all of a sudden they're doing risky things. And they're scared, but it gets them great results. Because there's a paradox with approaching. Safe is risky, and risky is safe. A committed move that feels risky is actually safe and smart. Because that commitment helps get the result.
You have to do something 100%. Either do it all or don't do it at all. Think Daniel Day-Lewis committing to a role. Or LeBron James committing to driving hard in the paint. They don't fully commit. They're not going to get their result. On the flip side, a safe walking on eggshells approach, that's very risky. And by walking on eggshells, I mean your voice gets timid.
You say things like, oh, hey, hi, excuse me, miss. Hi. Sorry to bother you. Excuse me. Hi. Over here. Over here. Hello. Just doing that creeped me out. That kind of safe walking on eggshells approach. is very risky because those uncommitted social cues can lower your stature in her eyes. And that leads to the very rejection that you're trying to avoid. So when you approach, fully commit.
And no matter whether it goes well in terms of how she responds or not, just go all the way. Because being risky is the safest thing you can do. Tip number 15, talk about you and her. She is her favorite subject in the world and you are her second favorite subject for as long as the two of you speak. So a lot of guys say to me, what do I talk about? What do I say? I don't really care what you say.
Don't worry about what to say. Worry about what do I want to know about her or what do I want to share about me? It's that simple. So keep it about you and her, not the weather, politics, other people. Keep it about you and her, mainly. Okay, here are tips numbers 16, 17, and 18 to get that first kiss this New Year's Eve with a sexy, beautiful, awesome woman. Ask her these three questions.
Ask every woman these three questions, okay? At least every woman you talk to for more than a minute or so. Ask, what's your name? Right? How obvious is that? Everybody's favorite word is their first name. My favorite word is conal. My second favorite word, by the way, is diphthong. Fun fact. So learn her name within a minute or two of meeting her and tell her yours.
Exchanging names takes you from two strangers talking on New Year's Eve and turns you into two people getting to know each other. Next question is, ask her, who are you here with? A woman you meet on New Year's Eve, she's going to be out with other people. You need to know if she's with her friends, her family, a date, her husband, her rabbi. This is just valuable intel.
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Chapter 8: What are the key tips for approaching women successfully?
Notice what trait you like about her besides her obvious physical assets. Is it her wit, her intelligence, her lilting feminine laugh? And tell her. Be vulnerable. Say, hey, you know what's really sexy about you, Denise? It's the way you always have a witty, funny comment. That's really sexy and rare. Just don't call her Denise if that's not her name. Let other guys objectify her.
You're that rare gentleman who's bold enough to call her sexy, but you're glimpsing the real inner beauty, the authentic inner beauty that's shining from within her. That's going to make her feel so special. And it's genuine too. It's not bullshit. Okay, tip number 20. Tip number 20 is befriend the friends. Meet the people she's with.
She's going to be with some people on New Year's Eve or anytime you go out for that matter at a nighttime spot. She's never going to be alone, so meet the people she's with. Just be friendly and sincere with them. Women love it when a guy bonds with her crew, her posse. So win over her friends, and that's going to help to win her over. Tip number 21.
When you go for a first kiss, don't fear the cheek. It's okay. In my 20 years studying dating and romantic connection, I have never, as far as I know, blown it with a woman by going for a kiss. and getting the cheek. That never blew me out with a girl. I did blow it many times when I wanted to kiss a woman, but I did nothing. I was afraid, and I chose cowardice, and she lost interest.
I know this because a woman named Brandy once told me, Connell, you had your chance back there. I lost interest. Brutal, but truthful, and that helped me. So you're not going to lose points with women by going for a kiss and getting the cheek. You will lose points if you don't try, okay? Nothing wrong with fear. There's something very wrong with cowardice. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Tip number 22 is turn up sexual attention by looking at her using the Z pattern. The Z pattern just means when you're looking at her, when you're conversing, look at her and imagine there's a Z pattern going from her right eye to her left eye down to the
down to the right part of her mouth to the left part. Basically visualize a Z going from left to right, your left to right, for her eyes, down to her mouth, and from left to right on her mouth. That Z pattern, she'll see you looking at her eyes and her lips. Women love eye contact, but they also notice when you're looking at a woman's lips, and that gets her thinking about kissing.
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