How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Thu, 24 Apr 2025
Not getting good matches? Think the dating apps are rigged against you? Have hope! The truth is, you’re just making a few profile mistakes that hurt your results. This episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend” is Part 2 in a series on the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Dating Profile. It’s the same strategy that dating coach Connell Barrett used to meet his girlfriend Jess. You’re about to learn 6 powerful fixes to finally start matching with women you want to date.Highlights of this Episode:01:32: The Real Reason You Don’t Get Good Matches05:15: The Secret to Taking Photos Women Can’t Resist08:56: How Connell Instantly Became 88 Percent More Attractive in His Photos17:50: The Mistake You Make with Photos that’s Costing You Matches22:11: The Action Photo that Will Get Women Liking Your Profile29:57: How to Melt her Heart … and Match with You!34:38: How to Write a Flirty Prompt to Escape the Friend ZoneListen now so you can finally start getting matches!DO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALLWITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-1 COACHING:www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[email protected]
Chapter 1: Why am I not getting good matches on dating apps?
What that means is you're missing several of what I call the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. There are 12 core essentials that pretty much all or most need to be there for you to get maximum number of good matches. Once I dialed in all 12 of these essentials, I started getting tons of really good matches. My clients and I have literally gotten thousands of matches.
And we've been on hundreds and hundreds of dates combined. Actually, I've been on hundreds and hundreds of first dates. And so have my clients. And actually, I met my girlfriend, my soulmate, Jessamyn. I met her on a dating app. So yes, the dating apps can and do work, and they can work for you. You just have to do it the right way.
And so this is part two of a four-part series I'm doing here on the podcast. And I'm going to walk you through in detail the first six of the 12 essentials. I'm going to give you the foundation of an online dating profile that converts. And by the way, if you missed part one, feel free to go back and check out the last episode where I give you the full 12-point checklist of all 12 essentials.
It's just a good, quick CliffsNotes version of these 12 things. It's a great way to troubleshoot your profile. What you might want to do is go back and listen to part one and say, oh, wow, I'm missing four, five, six of these 12 essentials. And then you're going to know what to work on.
And then come back and listen to this episode because right now I'm about to go deep in really practical ways so that you can have the first six of these essentials handled. Okay, so before I give you the first six essentials, let's zoom out for a second. Your dating profile isn't some group of photos and a few prompts. I mean, at least your profile shouldn't be that.
Your dating profile, think of it like a story. Your dating profile is a story that you're telling women. And the title of your story should be something like, I'm a good guy. I'm a great catch. and a date with me would be fun and flirty. That's your story, or some variation of that. We want women to look at your profile and hear your story. I'm a great guy, I'm a great catch.
A date with me would be fun and flirty. If a woman feels that, takes in that story when she sees your profile, you're gonna get a ton of matches. But let's be honest, right now that's not the story your profile's telling. Your profile is probably telling a story like, here are six random photos I found on my phone. Please like me. That might be your story.
Or your story might be, hey, look at this photo shoot I did for Hinge. Look at all these pictures. Do you like my photo shoot pictures? No, we want the story to be, hey, look at my life. Look at what a good guy I am. I'm a great catch and I'll be a fun, flirty date. That's all you need to make a woman feel to get that right swipe. OK, so think of these 12 essentials I'm about to go through.
These are like 12 chapters in the story of you being a great catch and a great date, okay? So we're gonna tell the story of you. And if we tell the story of you in the right way, that's when the game changes, okay? So here we go, let's get to it. Here is essential number one. Essential number one is a magnetic first portrait. Why is this essential? Well, your first photo is your billboard.
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Chapter 2: What makes a great first photo for dating profiles?
then she's not going to swipe right. She'll swipe left. So what do we do? Here's how to do it right. You need a magnetic portrait. Now, you already know the basics of a really good portrait, probably, if you've done some content research about online dating photography. You know, no sunglasses, look at the camera, good style. All these things are true. You probably already know these things.
But here's the secret. Here's what really makes your profile, your portrait photo magnetic, which is that you smile a real authentic warm smile, no Zoolander glares, no fake stiff, say cheese photos, but a real authentic smile that is informed by actual genuine positive emotion coming from inside of you. I'll tell you how to do that in a second.
And the power of an authentic smile is a real game changer for this opening portrait. It's a real game changer to get you the matches you want. So I know you can't see these. I'll put these two photos on my Instagram so you can see these if you want to. But I have two photos. and that I had taken from a recent photo, or not a recent, a photo shoot from a few years ago.
And these two photos I tested on a platform called PhotoFeeler. PhotoFeeler.com is a website where women rate the attractiveness of your photos and portraits for online dating. I absolutely recommend you use PhotoFeeler. So I have these two portraits that were taken of me. And by the way, I'll describe these two photos.
In both photos, I'm wearing the same outfit, a blazer, a blue blazer, a tie, and I'm looking basically nicely dressed up. with nice natural lighting, same posture, same everything, a portrait from the waist up, okay? So it's two photos. In the first photo, I'm trying to look serious, cool. Basically, let's call it Zoolander Connell in this first photo. So the first photo is Zoolander Connell.
And this Zoolander photo of me, I tested on PhotoFeeler and it got me a 4.8 out of 10 for attractiveness. Then I tested the second photo, which was taken literally seconds later. And in the second photo, which is identical to the first in every way except one, the second photo, I have a big, warm, real, authentic smile. Let's call this authentic smiling, Connell.
The second photo got me a 9.0 on PhotoFeeler for attractiveness. That's right. Women found me 88% more attractive instantly when I smiled a real smile. Again, these two photos are identical in every way, same clothes, same backdrop. They were taken seconds apart in Zoolander Connell, 4.8, authentic smiling Connell, 9.0, 88% more attractive. That's the power of warmth and authenticity. And
I thought, oh, maybe this is a fluke. I ran the experiment again. I did the same thing, two different photos of me. These are two photos of me sitting in my apartment on my couch looking at the camera. Again, Zoolander Connell, or this one's more of a stiff, kind of a say cheese smile. Let's call it stiff, barely smile, or fake smile Connell. Got a five out of 10 in attractiveness.
And authentic smiling Connell got an 8.7. So roughly 68% more attractive. So why does this happen? Why are you instantly two, three, four times more attractive when you have an authentic smile versus a fake smile or versus no smile? Well, science has the answer.
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Chapter 3: How can I improve my dating profile photos?
Chapter 4: What are the essential qualities of a dating profile?
And that's why we want that first photo, which should be a portrait. We want it to be a magnetic portrait that makes her want to swipe right. So here's where you go wrong, though. Most guys go wrong in this way. If you're like a lot of guys, you just grab photos from your camera roll and put what you think is the best photo in the first slot.
Or a lot of guys do get photos taken, but their photos look stiff and unnatural. The smile looks stiff and forced. And what happens is these photos, these opening photos look like pretty much all the other photos of other guys on the apps. And then you just blend in with the crowd and you seem ordinary. And if you seem ordinary rather than great guy, great catch, possible boyfriend material,
then she's not going to swipe right. She'll swipe left. So what do we do? Here's how to do it right. You need a magnetic portrait. Now, you already know the basics of a really good portrait, probably, if you've done some content research about online dating photography. You know, no sunglasses, look at the camera, good style. All these things are true. You probably already know these things.
But here's the secret. Here's what really makes your profile, your portrait photo magnetic, which is that you smile a real authentic warm smile, no Zoolander glares, no fake stiff, say cheese photos, but a real authentic smile that is informed by actual genuine positive emotion coming from inside of you. I'll tell you how to do that in a second.
And the power of an authentic smile is a real game changer for this opening portrait. It's a real game changer to get you the matches you want. So I know you can't see these. I'll put these two photos on my Instagram so you can see these if you want to. But I have two photos. and that I had taken from a recent photo, or not a recent, a photo shoot from a few years ago.
And these two photos I tested on a platform called PhotoFeeler. PhotoFeeler.com is a website where women rate the attractiveness of your photos and portraits for online dating. I absolutely recommend you use PhotoFeeler. So I have these two portraits that were taken of me. And by the way, I'll describe these two photos.
In both photos, I'm wearing the same outfit, a blazer, a blue blazer, a tie, and I'm looking basically nicely dressed up. with nice natural lighting, same posture, same everything, a portrait from the waist up, okay? So it's two photos. In the first photo, I'm trying to look serious, cool. Basically, let's call it Zoolander Connell in this first photo. So the first photo is Zoolander Connell.
And this Zoolander photo of me, I tested on PhotoFeeler and it got me a 4.8 out of 10 for attractiveness. Then I tested the second photo, which was taken literally seconds later. And in the second photo, which is identical to the first in every way except one, the second photo, I have a big, warm, real, authentic smile. Let's call this authentic smiling, Connell.
The second photo got me a 9.0 on PhotoFeeler for attractiveness. That's right. Women found me 88% more attractive instantly when I smiled a real smile. Again, these two photos are identical in every way, same clothes, same backdrop. They were taken seconds apart in Zoolander Connell, 4.8, authentic smiling Connell, 9.0, 88% more attractive. That's the power of warmth and authenticity. And
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Chapter 5: How do I create an authentic and attractive smile for my profile?
But I think these first two really are going to make or break your profile because if we hook a woman with those first two, boom, boom, one, two, punch, she is so in. Okay, essential number three, the man of action photo. Why is this essential? Well, you want women to see you as a man who's engaged in the world, who's active. He's dynamic. And that's where your man of action photo comes in.
Women are drawn to men who are out there living life. Not couch potatoes, but men who are engaged in the world. She wants somebody who's alive, who's living, who leads. She wants a man with at least some edge and vitality. And your man of action photo tells her, hey, I go places. I take action. I live life. Remember, it's part of a story.
This is a 12-chapter story of why the story of you, why you're so amazingly dateable. And we want her to see that you're out there as a man of action in the world. Now, here's where you go wrong, though. Men go wrong by not having a photo like this. And that implies that you're not a man on your path, which makes you seem ordinary.
Also, if you only have posed portraits, which some men only have a bunch of photos from their last photo shoot, then that can make your profile seem too editorial, like a fashion shoot. And that doesn't show you as a man of action. It changes that story from, look what a great catch I am, to, hey, look, I took a bunch of photos for Bumble. Do you like them? We don't want that story.
So here's how to do it right. Here's how to find, not find, here's how to take a great man of action shot. You want to simply look at your current life and ask yourself, what do I do that's visual that can capture me in a moment of action? And this, again, this has to be authentic. Don't steal the ones I'm about to share with you for me because it won't be you.
But my man of action photos show me performing improv on a stage. I do improv comedy, musical improv theater. So I'm performing improv on a stage, but I'm doing it dynamically. I'm in a scene. I also have a man of action photo where I'm crushing a forehand on the tennis court. I'm a big tennis player. I'm not great, but I love playing.
Um, I've got, um, clients who've had really good man of action shots, things like rock climbing or just rock wall climbing at your gym. It's a great shot. Uh, one of my clients, uh, attends boxing classes and there's a really cool shot of him in the ring at boxing classes, sparring with somebody, uh, you surfing.
If you're a surfer, skiing, kayaking, basically anything involving movement or engagement. Have a photo taken of you in a real life setting. I've got a lot of clients who take dance classes. I have a client named Andrew who's a big salsa dancer.
He had a photographer, actually just a friend, come to one of his group dance classes and take a bunch of photos of him spinning beautiful girls around in his class dancing with women. And that sends such a great signal on his online dating profile. Because guess what? A woman wants to go on a date with a guy who knows his way around the dance floor.
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Chapter 6: What should my second dating profile photo look like?
Of course, we don't want to do this just for results. We want to do this because it's real and authentic. But if it's the truth, tell the truth. Talk about it. If you volunteer with kids or you work for a nonprofit, if you help rescue pit bulls, there is nothing wrong. with mentioning this on your profile, as long as you do it in a way that's not coming off as bragging.
We want it to come off as you just expressing something that lights you up, that allows you to give back. And that's really attractive. And it's part of what women want. Women want a kind guy. So make sure you have either one photo or a prompt that tugs at her heartstrings, but in a genuine, real way. Okay, and here is essential number six. flirtatious energy. Flirt.
Somewhere on your profile, you want to flirt. Here's why this is essential. It's a dating app. People are here to flirt and to date and to connect. Eventually, get intimate. So why wouldn't you flirt? Here's where you're going wrong, though. Here's where most guys go wrong. You're playing it too safe.
You don't put any flirtatious energy out there either because you don't know how or you're afraid you'll come off as creepy or weird. But it's not weird to flirt. It's a dating app. You want to flirt at least a little bit. So it's not creepy or weird to flirt. What's kind of creepy and weird is to not flirt on a dating app and treat Bumble like it's LinkedIn.
So if your profile doesn't give her any romantic energy, then you're going to end up in the online dating friend zone. That's right. The friend zone doesn't only happen in real life. If you don't flirt a little bit somewhere on your profile, then you can end up in the online dating friend zone where women swipe left on you. Okay, let's not call it the friend zone.
Let's call it the Tinder tundra or the hinge hinterland. The Bumble Bermuda Triangle. Coffee meets no one. And the bagel dies a lonely incel. Bottom line is you can end up in the friend zone on your profile just like you can in real life. Here's how to fix it. Here's how to do this right. This is so easy to fix.
We just want to write a prompt that paints a picture of what a fun, flirty date with you would be like. That's all. Just one prompt with a nice specific description of what it might be like to go on a date with you. So for example, you might write, quote, together we could sneak off to my favorite secret speakeasy for strong cocktails and a little naughty banter. devil emoji or winking emoji.
That's one option. That's one I've used. Another option, I'm just showing you what has worked for me and my clients. I'm not saying you should copy and paste these. You want to make sure these prompts are genuine and authentic to you. Here's another option. Let's get tacos, talk trash about The Bachelor, and see who's a better kisser. Parentheses, I've won awards just saying. And here's one more.
This dumb little line got me so many matches. I wrote, I'm a gentleman on the street. With a dad bod in the sheets. It's funny, I guess. It's silly. It's a little bit self-effacing. I'm talking about my dad bod, which is attractive to be self-effacing. But I'm also painting the picture of me in the sheets with her. That's flirting.
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