How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
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He has spent 20 plus years as a dating coach, coaching women on how to find a great man. And so who better to help you understand what women really want than a man who coaches women? Evan Mark Katz is my guest. He's the original dating coach going way back to 2003. He's helped over 13,000 women find love. He's also got a really good podcast called The Love U Podcast. That's the letter U, which has racked up over 3 million downloads. And you've seen him in places like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Today Show. And yeah, he knows women very well because he coaches women. And you can find out more about Evan Mark Katz at his website, evanmarkkatz.com. Evan, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you so much for having me. This is a delight and a surprise. And I think we're going to have a lot of fun today. I know. I feel like we're mirror opposites in a good way. It's like Superman and then Bizarro Superman. I don't know if I'm the bizarro one in that scenario. I am the bizarro one. Definitely. It's all good. And again, I love that you're leading with that. But the truth is, we're probably quite similar. Let's find out. Let's find out. And one of the things that you help women with is you talk about helping women attract a quote, high value, commitment ready man. And I help my guys try to become that guy. Basically, I want my clients to have women see them as, hey, here's boyfriend material. Here's a high value guy. Maybe give us an insight into what women think they want in a man.
What are they looking for? How can my guys be what women want while still being themselves? Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty tricky thing because fundamentally you don't want someone to have to change their personality to find love. That's not the answer. So there's contradictory advice. There's just be yourself. Which, you know, be your authentic self. If your authentic self isn't working, then there's probably something to learn. But you shouldn't have to go through a personality-ectomy to find love. So I think it's, in most dating coaching, it's both and. People can change within a certain capacity, but you know the pickup artist kind of guys who... wear pimp hats and use pickup lines and stuff. You could play that role, but it's not really you. You can't keep that up for the rest of your life.
So at some point, you have to kind of find the point in the Venn diagram where you're There's what women want. There's who you are. There's a small overlap and all you need is one. So I think that's sort of the key is you don't have to sort of contort yourself to be who you think women want you to be as much as be the best, most confident, most evolved version of yourself. And some woman will be thrilled to have met you. Yeah. as opposed to trying to retcon yourself to be what you think she wants? I would think it'd be really difficult. And as a coach for women, I say the same thing. If you are a sweet girl next door, we're not going to turn you into a seductress. If you're an introvert, I'm not going to turn you into an extrovert. We have to work with what we're given. And so there is a lid for every pot. Some pots have more lids than others. That is true.
But at the core, there are 50 million married couples. Do you think everybody had to pretend to be someone else to find love? I don't think so. Right. A lot of my guys struggle with, and I wonder if women struggle with this. I'm actually dying to ask you this. So maybe the most universal problem I hear from men is some variation of, I don't know what to talk about, or I don't know what to say or how to say it in a way that works with women, whether it's a dating app opener.
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