How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Sun, 24 Nov 2024
Do women confuse you? Would you like to get better at connecting on and off the apps, but you struggle to read women? In today’s episode of the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast, dating coach Connell Barrett welcomes a very special guest: Instagram influencer and dating expert Lindsey Metselaar, host of the wildly popular dating podcast We Met At Acme. Once a single woman herself, Lindsey is here to help you read women on dates, on the apps, and when you want to approach.In their fun, lively conversation, Connell and Lindsey discuss:(8:47) How Connell Went from Paralyzing Approach Anxiety to Confidently Meeting Women IRL(13:37) How to Compliment Women with Authentic Charm, and Zero Creepiness(20:00) How Lindsey’s Podcast, We Met At Acme, Helps Millennials Improve their Love Lives(24:00) Why A Woman You Like Suddenly Goes Quiet(29:50) How to Tell if She’s into You(36:07) Why Women are Drawn to Vulnerable, Authentic Men(48:07) How to Flirt with Women without Being Weird(52:29) First Date Topics to Talk About…and NOT to Talk About(53:33) The Charming Way Women Want You to Approach Them(56:52) Why Humor is More Attractive than Good Looks(59:36) Women HATE HATE HATE When Guys Do THIS!(1:01:44) Lindsey’s Top 4 Dating Tips You Need to KnowAre you ready to stop being confused by women, and start understanding how to read and connect with them? Listen now!READ LINDSEY’S SUBSTACKhttps://wemetatacme.substack.com/CHECK OUT HER BINGE-WORTHY DATING PODCASTWe Met At AcmeGO TO HER WEBSITE TO LEARN ABOUT LINDSEY’S LIVE SHOWShttp://www.wemetatacme.comFOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO TALK ABOUT 1-1 COACHINGhttp://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACHhttp://www.datingtransformation.com/flirty30
Chapter 1: How can I overcome approach anxiety?
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. As always, here to help you flirt, gain confidence and get a great girlfriend. And we're doing this all with authenticity, radical authenticity. Not a bunch of weird toxic pickup moves or alpha male BS. And this is the seventh and final episode of this week's seven-episode relaunch.
We've done seven straight episodes of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. And we're going to continue doing two episodes per week forever, pretty much till the end of time. But I thought a great way to finish the seventh straight episode in seven days is to replay a fantastic episode I did with somebody I'm a really big fan of. Her name is Lindsay Metzeler. She's an influencer on Instagram.
She is a dating expert. She hosts a kick-ass podcast called We Met at Acme. And Lindsay and I have a great conversation that you're about to listen to where she's going to tell you, here's what women want.
Lindsay is formerly single herself, and she's also a dating expert, and she really knows how to read women, how to decode the signals that women might send you, things like how to figure out if a woman is into you or not, how to understand why a woman you're talking to and you think everything's going great, all of a sudden she goes quiet or she gets somehow turned off. Lindsay is fantastic.
for these kinds of insights because she is a woman. She knows women. She used to be single. She hosts a fantastic dating podcast. So I think you're going to get a lot out of this episode. And if I'm going to give you the... Look, I hope you listened to the whole thing. It's 45 minutes of your time spent very well.
But if you want to go to three or four of my favorite parts, I would definitely go to the 20-minute mark of today's episode where Lindsay talks about her podcast, We Met at Acme. and how it helps millennials. So if you're of the millennial age, go to the 20-minute mark. She'll talk about how her podcast can help you out. And if you just want to find out if a woman is into you,
How to tell if a woman is or isn't into you. How to read those signals. The 29 minute and 50 second mark is a great place to go. Here's a really good one. At the 59 minute mark, she talks about something that guys do that they don't know they're doing that women absolutely hate when men do it. It's a very simple thing that you might have done on a date. Find out what it is.
It's pretty simple, so easy to fix. That's at the 59-minute mark. And then at the very end, I asked Lindsay. I put her on the spot. I said, give me your top four dating tips. Lindsay does this really cool thing on her Instagram. We met at Acme is her Instagram. And on her Instagram, she does four tips. Everybody needs to know. So I asked her for four dating tips.
So at approximately the one hour and one minute mark, we end with Lindsay sharing four dating game-changing dating tips that are going to help you out. So if you want to know what women want and how to better read women, Lindsay Metzeler has the answer. And again, check out her Instagram and definitely check out her podcast, We Met at Acme.
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Chapter 2: What should I compliment women on?
Chapter 3: How does Lindsey's podcast help millennials?
Get out of the men's room. Go back over to her. I walked to her table again and then I circled it once maybe twice and I wanted so badly to approach her but it was like there was an invisible barrier it was just it was almost like there was a force field around her I couldn't do it the thoughts that held me back were oh man these people are gonna see me approach a girl
If she shoots me down, I'm gonna feel so fucking creepy. I don't wanna be a creep. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice boy from Ohio. I don't wanna creep out a girl. I don't wanna get shot down. And basically I circled her chair for about, I don't know, off and on for about two or three minutes. And I was kind of like a frightened shark circling, but too afraid to bite, quote unquote.
Anyway, I couldn't get the courage up. And finally, after a few minutes, I go back to my seat and I see her walk up and she just walks out. And I watch her walk away on Park Avenue and 29th Street in Manhattan. And I remember thinking, damn it. What's wrong with you? Why can't you approach a girl?
And I remember also thinking, there goes another really cool, potentially awesome, intelligent, fun, definitely beautiful woman who could have been in my life. I could have had a date with her maybe. Who knows? Maybe she would have become my girlfriend. If nothing else, I could have just stepped up and taken an action. But I didn't do it. And I felt like I couldn't do it.
Chapter 4: Why does she suddenly go quiet?
And I sat down and I grabbed a pen. I had a pen with me and I started writing on a Starbucks napkin. You suck. You suck. You suck. And that was when I was really upset at myself. And that's when I went online and found the guy who became my first coach. Anyway, the lesson here or the kind of the takeaway I want to share with you is if you are, first of all, just know that you don't suck.
I wrote a book called Dating Sucks, But You Don't. And the message here of this book, among the messages, is, hey, man, if you can't approach women, it's not that you suck. It's that dating is hard. It's that approaching can feel very challenging and very scary, but you don't suck. Dating can definitely suck, but you don't. You're awesome. And I had lost that.
a sense of my awesomeness at that time. And I just could not approach women. So I needed help from a coach. you may not need a coach. I wanna give you a tip right now that you can take out into the world and use it today that'll make it so much easier to step up to break the ice with that attractive women who you see at a bar, at the gym, at Starbucks, wherever you might be.
Here's what I wish I had known back in 2008. Basically, it's a mindset fix and it's a practical tip. I could not approach that woman because I thought, number one, it's creepy and weird to hit on girls. And also, I literally didn't know what to say. I literally had no idea what the right thing to say was. So here's a two-part tip.
Tip number one is I want you to give yourself permission and remind yourself that It's true. Women don't want every man approaching them, but they definitely want a high-value, awesome man with a lot to offer to chat with them. And you have to get in touch with what you offer. You have to get a sense of, hey, I have some really great things about myself, whatever they may be, right?
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Chapter 5: How can I tell if she's into me?
I have this hobby, I have a full-time job, I'm a good cook, I love to travel, I'm fit, I'm at the gym all the time. You gotta remind yourself that women do want men of value. to break the ice with them in a charming way. So they don't want to get hit on, per se, but they do want a high value man like you to break the ice and make her smile.
So I was so worried that day about being creepy, hitting on her, getting blown out. It was a mindset issue. Remind yourself, it's okay to approach. You're not hitting on her. You're breaking the ice. You're giving her a small gift. The gift of a short, authentic, brief, positive interaction. And women love that. Women love that. So tip number one is just give yourself permission.
I'm not hitting on the girl. I'm giving her something of value, a moment with me. And the second tip is what to say, right? You might not know what to say. Here's the great way to always know what to say. Look at the woman you want to chat with and notice something about her that's not looks related that you like and appreciate.
So don't make it about, or at least don't make it about her physical features, okay? It can be a compliment on her look, her style. But don't make it about her lips, her body, her T and A, obviously. Here's a great way to approach. Compliment something that you appreciate. For example, if I could go back in time to that girl in the Starbucks, I would say, hey, excuse me, miss.
I just want to say that you have great style. You're really put together and you have awesome style. That's not hitting on a girl. That's just giving a genuine compliment about her cool denim skirt and her, maybe she, I forget it's been so long, but let's say she was wearing cool pink Chuck Taylor sneakers. Excuse me, miss, I love your style. Great sneakers, awesome denim miniskirt.
You got it going on. And let her respond to that. There's something about an authentic, specific, well-intentioned compliment that nine out of ten women will take very well. They'll appreciate it. And then you've broken the ice. You've done the hardest thing. You've said something to a woman with good intentions. And then she'll take it in.
And then in terms of what to say next, we'll go into that on a different podcast. But think of it as a compliment. Think of a compliment as a small gift. You're not out in the world trying to take from women. You're not trying to get phone numbers. You're not trying to get attraction. You're not trying to get sex. I mean, not at first. Eventually, we want those things in a win-win way.
But if you want to get rid of approach anxiety today... Make it about, I'm going to give genuine, sincere, real compliments to women without agenda, and then let those compliments land and see how she responds. If she smiles and says, oh my God, thank you so much. You noticed my awesome leather jacket. I appreciate that. Who knows? She might ask you a question or compliment you back.
And now you're talking to a really pretty girl who you just approached, and that's when good things can happen. But even if it doesn't go further than the compliment and she accepts the compliment, I promise you, you feel so much better by taking that action.
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Chapter 6: What are the signs a woman is interested?
You're going to get so many great tips from Lindsay. You're going to love this conversation. Stick around. I'll be right back with Lindsay Metzeler.
I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help.
He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell, or a team member, will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self. A charming gentleman.
That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic, romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women.
Chapter 7: What are Lindsey's top dating tips?
Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye.
And we're back with Lindsay Metzeler. I'm super psyched to have Lindsay here. Lindsay is a native New Yorker and she hosts a podcast called We Met at Acme, which is a popular and I can verify an awesome millennial dating podcast. I know because I was on it, even though I'm way too old to be even close to a millennial.
We met at Acme is also a brand about all things dating from live events, mixers, retreats, and more stuff that I'm sure we're going to get into. And plus, I'm just a huge fan of Lindsay's Instagram, where you can get a lot of really great practical, quick dating tips.
She does this really cool thing where she gives tips in fours, which I love, like four mistakes not to make on first dates and the like. And her Instagram is at we met at Acme. Get ready because Lindsay is a dating advice machine and I'm super stoked to have her here today. Lindsay, welcome to Launch Week here at Dating Transformation Podcast.
I am honored to be here. Thank you for having me.
Your resume is so long, we have no more time for questions.
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Chapter 8: How important is vulnerability in dating?
Let's pack it up then.
But thanks for stopping by. Cool. Well, let's start. Let's get right to it. Let's talk about We Met at Acme. I'm sure you get this a lot. So pardon the cliched question, but what does the name mean? Where did it come from? And of course, what's the core mission? What's the core message of We Met at Acme?
The name came because I was very single at the time of starting my podcast and I was frequenting Acme, which is a club in the city. And I had met some people there and I knew some people that met there and it just kind of rolled off the tongue and sounded really, really nice. And the second part of the question was, remind me again.
Well, your main mission here, you primarily talk to millennials, as I understand it.
Yeah.
What's the core mission? What's the core message?
I do talk to millennials. The core message is really I'm trying to be like a big sister character to a lot of people in the dating world. Yeah. The message is like, you are amazing. You know your self-worth. And date like you are the shit, basically. Date like it's about you choosing them, not them choosing you. And here are some ways to make dating not as stressful.
And that's when the rules come in.
I don't know if you ever want to write a book, but that's not a bad working title is Date Like You're the Shit. Instead of the fuck trope, maybe you'll start the shit. You're the shit trope.
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