The Date Seemed Great… So Why Did You End Up in the Friend Zone? (Part 1)
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What is the friend zone and why does Connell say we put ourselves in it?
Women don't put us in the friend zone. We do it to ourselves.
How to Get a Girlfriend a little mini series here about how to escape the friend zone, how to go from being stuck in the friend zone with women to making sparks happen. And of course, being able to make those sparks happen with the woman who's going to become your girlfriend. And speaking of my book, let's begin this episode with a dramatic reading. Here we go. I'm going to do a dramatic reading from my own book. Chapter five is called How to Ignite Romantic Connection. Here we go. As he sat in the candlelit wine bar waiting for Becca to arrive, Trevor could feel the nerves churn. It was their first date, and he was excited to meet the successful chef he'd connected with on Bumble. She wasn't just a beautiful brunette.
She was quick and witty, and she matched him text for clever text. But Trevor had been struggling with first dates. He'd met several women recently, and none of them had felt a strong connection for him. And on a quick pre-date phone call, Becca gave Trevor a heads up. With the last couple guys I met, there was just no chemistry, she told him. So don't take it personally if we don't hit it off. Was this a preemptive friend zoning? It's like I'm in Alcatraz, Trevor said to me. And this night was going to be different, though, because Trevor had been working on what I call man-to-woman communication, which is a turbocharged form of flirting that amplifies romantic connection. Becca walked in and found Trevor to be warm and roguish while he was impressed by her easy confidence.
He gently teased her for running a few minutes behind. Parentheses, quote, you owe me a drink for every minute you're running late, end quote. And she laughed. Trevor gave her space, not leaning in too much or seeming overly eager. And he was playful, a trait that had long been lacking on his recent dates. And when Becca looked at his button-down shirt with her eyes looking down at his chest, he feigned offense. Excuse me, my eyes are up here, he said. Please stop objectifying me like I'm a piece of meat. She giggled and punched his arm. And then they bonded over their mutual passions. They both loved cooking. They both were into yoga. And it was during their second drink, Trevor took her hand and they intertwined fingers and Becca tossed her leg over his.
he moved closer and he whispered in her ear, you're even cooler than I was hoping for. Minutes later, they were kissing and half the bar was shooting them get a room glances. Before they left, Becca was the one who suggested their second date, which happened to be a private couple's massage at her favorite spa. Not a bad second date. And walking home, Trevor felt a heady buzz of romance, Belgian beer, and freedom. He had finally escaped from the Alcatraz of the friend zone. Okay, that ends my opening to chapter five. I wanted to do a little dramatic reading of my own book, as narcissistic as that might have been, because I wanna talk about the friend zone, which is one of the major sticking points that a lot of nice guys, introverted guys, logical, analytical men battle.
They just don't know how to communicate with women in that way that creates sparks. Because when sparks fly between a man and a woman, it can seem random. It can seem like something that just happens, like lightning striking or winning the Powerball. But the truth is, when you learn the art of what I call romantic connection or man-to-woman communication, when you learn that art, then you can add a lot of consistency to your first and second dates or to the conversations you have with women you're into. And it really is all about man-to-woman communication, which is a breezy, flirty frequency that amplifies natural chemistry. And so I think of man-to-woman communication as the one-way ticket to getting out of the friend zone and getting a lot more second and third dates and getting a lot more women into you.
So let's talk about what the friend zone is. In part one today, I'm going to break down what the friend zone is.
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Chapters
3 chaptersSpeakers
1 identifiedMore from How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Texting Mistakes that Make Women Flake Before the First Date (and 7 Easy Fixes)
8 Flirty Things to Say (and Not to Say) When You Freeze Up Around Women
The 10 Most Surprisingly Sexy Things to Say on a First Date
The 7 Lies that Keep You From Approaching—and 7 Tips to Confidently Talk to Women Anywhere
The 10 Texting Commandments: How to Stop Getting Ghosted and Start Getting Dates
21 Flirty Ways to Make Her Feel Authentic Attraction (How to Escape the Friend Zone, Part 2)