How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Tue, 28 Jan 2025
How do you make her want YOU to be her boyfriend? It’s simpler than you think. Just show her these 10 “green lights.” In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett teaches you 10 attraction triggers that help women see you as boyfriend material. And these are NOT sketchy pickup moves. They’re practical strategies to showcase your most authentic, confident self, and create true connections. Because women are drawn to authentic gentlemen!You’re about to learn…03:32: Green Light No. 1: How to Be Authentic and Spark a Romantic Connection09:29: Green Light No. 2: How to Lead a Date with Confidence12:42: Green Light No. 3: How to Play Up Your Passions to Stand Out from Other Guys16:17: Green Light No. 4: How to Talk About Your Future in a Compelling Way19:48: Green Light No. 5: How to Be Playful and Create Instant Chemistry26:16: Green Light No. 6: How to Flirt in the Way Women LOVE, without Being Cringey30:04: Green Light No. 7: How to Ask Great Questions that Keep Conversations Flowing34:40: Green Light No. 8: How to Talk About Your Ex the Right Way37:48: Green Light No. 9: How to Tell a Story that Helps Her Open Up to You40:24: Green Light No. 10: How to Make Her Laugh and Feel Instantly Drawn to YouListen now, apply these techniques, and find your dream girlfriend!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What are the 10 green lights for attracting a girlfriend?
It gives her the cake and the frosting. The frosting is the flirty playfulness. The cake is sincerity real. This is the real guy. And man, women like cake. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and attract a wonderful girlfriend into your life.
And do it without weird, sketchy pickup moves. Authenticity, baby. Women want the real you. And today's a great episode. I'm really psyched for this. I want to give you 10 green lights that are going to help a lot more women see you as boyfriend material. Because here's what I know you want. You want a wonderful girlfriend, an incredible relationship. And not only do you want a great girlfriend,
Wouldn't it be a nice bonus if you had women saying to you, hey, I really want this to go somewhere? Or what would you say about becoming exclusive? Or as a couple women have said to me over the years, hey, do you want to be my boyfriend? I would like to just date you and only you. I want you to have that feeling too, OK? I want you to have that feeling too.
Chapter 2: How can authenticity spark romantic connections?
And today I'm going to give you 10 green lights to help you project that most authentic, attractive version of you so you can be that guy who women say, hey, I want to be your girlfriend. Let's take this somewhere. And have it be a wonderful, gorgeous, cool, intelligent, stylish, successful, awesome woman. Because that's what you want, right? But there's some problems that stand in the way.
You probably have dates. First dates that don't go anywhere. Women don't want to see you for second dates. Or you're not sure how to flirt. Or you just don't know how to put that boyfriend vibe out there. become, project that side of you that women want to turn into their relationship. And that's what today is about. I want to help you do that. A couple episodes ago, I did 10 red flags.
10 red flags that push a woman away. So I hope you checked out that episode. If you haven't, please do. And now today, we're going to talk about the opposite. 10 green lights that make women see you as a boyfriend. And Here's what we want, or here's what I want you to know. Here's a little secret before I get into these 10 green lights. What makes a woman say, I want this guy as my boyfriend?
Every woman has her own personalized blueprint for what her man is going to be like. And it's different for every woman a little bit, but there's some commonalities. Every woman, pretty much every woman, wants a guy who is confident in himself and who leads the dating dance. Every woman wants a guy who can flirt. Every woman wants to feel some good flirty vibes with a man.
Every woman wants a guy who's ambitious, has passion for life, at least parts of life. And of course, every woman, in my opinion, pretty much every woman wants a guy who is uniquely authentic and can be his real self with her. You've seen reality shows, dating shows. I just want him to be real, lower his walls, open up.
That's basically a woman's way of saying, I want authentic men who put their real selves out there. And they also want fun, fun, flirty dates. So today's episode, I'm going to give you 10 green lights that are going to help more women say to you, yes, you are the man for me. So here we go. Let's get to it. Let's dive in. Here is green light number one. Be radically authentic.
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Chapter 3: What is the importance of leading a date with confidence?
Women can sense a fake guy a mile away, a guy who has an agenda, who's trying to be a fake alpha male, who's using scripted planned lines. Authenticity is so attractive to women because when you are radically authentic, you are showing women, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm a truthful, real man of integrity. And that creates trust.
Also, when you are truly authentic, you become your most confident you. And women are craving a guy who is confident in himself because that's universally attractive. It's the ultimate green light to a woman. He's really confident in who he is. And at the same time, she needs to trust you. Because there's a lot of guys women can't trust, right?
So here's an example of what I call radical authenticity. This is from the opening chapter of my book. I'll give you a quick CliffsNotes version of it. But this opens my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. One night, 16 years ago, I'm in New York City. I'm on a rooftop bar approaching women for the first time in my life. I was really vibing with this really wonderful blue-eyed actress named Kelly.
Chapter 4: How can expressing your passions make you stand out?
And this wavy-haired investment banker swooped in and he and his two investment wanker friends basically took her from me in a sense. Not took her from me, but kind of barged in and started chatting her up. Suddenly I felt invisible because I'm naturally introverted. I'm a shy, introverted dude naturally. And
Once upon a time, I would have just backed down and said, okay, well, I guess I'll let these Wall Street dudes, this wavy-haired Wall Street dude, take my girl. But I had a coach with me that night, my very first ever coach, who was taking me out and helping me approach women, just like I do right now with my clients. I go out and do these wingman weekends.
And this is what my coach was doing with me. And he said... I went to him and I said, what do I do? These three guys are kind of interfering here and she's talking to them, not me. He said, walk over there and I want you to say and do the most honest thing. What's the deepest, most honest thing you're thinking and feeling right now? Go over there and tell her that and do the thing.
And so I marched back over there and I took her hand and I pulled her away from them, gently but firmly. And I looked at her and I said, hey, you're with me tonight. You and I were hitting it off and I don't like it that you're talking to some other guy because I like you and I want to get to know you better. And this was a really bold thing for me to do at that time.
Chapter 5: Why is it essential to talk about your future on dates?
I had never approached a woman before that night, let alone barged in and taken a woman by the hand and pulled her away from these other guys. But I had already clicked with her. We'd had a real connection. And I felt like, okay, what's the deepest connection I'm thinking and feeling. Just go with that.
And I just laid it on the line really, really, really confidently, but also authentically and vulnerably. I made myself vulnerable to rejection. She could have easily said, get away from me. I don't want to be with you. I want to be with this Wall Street guy. Get away, Ginger. But she didn't. It actually turned her on. She said to me, wow, you just took me away from those guys like you own me.
And I said, I don't own you. I don't even know you that well, but I want to get to know you. You're pretty, you're smart, you're cool. And to me, tonight you're with me. And then she swooned a little bit and we kissed. And that night changed my life. So that's an example of me being really radically authentic. So what's the fix for you? Here's your action step. No, I'm not saying go barge into...
Chapter 6: How can playfulness create instant chemistry?
conversations and drag women away from guys. That is not the lesson here. Please don't do that. But I do want you to follow this philosophy. Here's your new philosophy. Adopt this on dates and when you approach. And when you're texting women. The philosophy is what I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing.
I want you to filter your communication with a woman you're attracted to through this lens of what am I thinking and feeling right now? And say and do that thing. As long as that thing is G-rated, or at least PG rated. Don't be vulgar and don't channel some insecure version of you. But I want you to channel what I call a higher self, a more authentic, genuine, real version of you.
Just what you're thinking and feeling is what you're saying and doing. And this will help you stop filtering things through the lens of what's the right, perfect move to make? What's the perfect thing to say to a woman? What's the good game? Those are not helpful questions. I want you to filter things through the lens of, what am I feeling? What's a deep, honest truth I'm feeling?
And share that with her. Like I shared Kelly. I said, Kelly, I think you're awesome. I think you're sexy and cool, and I want to get to know you better, and I don't want you to be flirting with other guys. I want to be with you tonight. And she was like, okay. And we spent the night together. Literally, she came over to my place. So... There's your new philosophy.
What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Bottom line here is this is going to free you to just express a more real self as opposed to filter it through the lens of what's the right thing to do for a result? Or how do I get her to like me? I don't want you to think that way. I want you to think, oh man, what's the real me thinking and feeling right now and share that.
And this is going to set you free. Okay, green light number two. that women want to see in their future boyfriend is be a man with a plan. Be a man with a plan. Especially on first dates. I want you to lead. Think of dating as a dance. And your job is to lead it. Our job as men is to lead that dance. So plan a great date. Make decisions. Be the one to choose what you're going to do.
I mean, run it by her. But you can say, hey, great. Friday night it is. I'll come up with a plan for us. Here's what we're going to do. I'm thinking tapas at this wine bar, Friday night, 7.30. You just show up and try to look as pretty as me. Sound good? Women love that kind of leadership. To this day, when I plan dates with my girlfriend, my now
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Chapter 7: What are the best ways to flirt without being cringey?
long-term girlfriend, she just writes me and she says, ooh, I love it when you plan. Makes me all swoony. And lots of women have said that to me in the past. So yeah, women love a man with a plan. I remember, talk about boyfriend material. Talk about being the guy who women want as their boyfriend. I remember this. So I dated a woman named Lorraine for a while.
This is way, way, way back when I was first working on my dating life. But one of the first things I did is I said, hey, I'm going to be a really good planner. Lorraine is a very assertive, confident person. She's a doctor. She's not afraid to take the lead in most parts of life. But she told me on our second date, she said, I love what a great planner you are.
I planned both of our first two dates out really well. And she said, I love what a great planner you are. It just made her smile, made her happy. And a few dates later, we were exclusive. She basically made it very clear that she wanted me to be her boyfriend. And I never forgot that lesson. So be that guy who plans and be a leader on the date as well. Lead the date to good places.
Maybe you're on a first date and you can ask yourself, oh, wait, this conversation is drifting off into a topic that's not helping the date. We're talking about politics or we're talking about the weather instead of getting to know each other. Lead the conversation to a good place, to a better place. Lead it back to you and her and how you connect as people.
Or switch topics to something that's more conducive to connection. Or another tip I got from one of my old coaches is the power of let's. L-E-T apostrophe S. Let's. Hey, let's do this. Let's go have one more drink at another bar. Or let's go over here and go play darts. Or let's go out again. Let's, let's, let's. Be that guy. Be that man with a plan. And let women know where you're leading them.
So that's number two. Green light. Be a man with a plan. Women love a man who plans. Green light number three is be passionate about something. Play up your passions in dating. By the way, all these tips, all these green lights, these are for all facets of dating. This isn't just first dates or approaching. It's for dating apps as well. It's for texting. Playing up your passions is great.
Let's switch to dating apps for a second. You definitely want a sense of passion to come out on your dating profile. So make sure one of your prompts talks about something you're passionate about. I took up piano recently. I took up piano, and I'm now playing piano every day. I take lessons once a week. I'm only six months in, but I'm so passionate about it. It's fun.
And I put a prompt on my online dating profile, and all of a sudden, I started getting all these matches. My prompt was something about New Year's resolutions. Like, this year I want to get even better at piano and awaken my inner Elton John. I love it. Something like that. And so many women messaged me, oh my god, that's so great. I've always wanted to play piano, take lessons.
What songs can you play? It was a great icebreaker for the dating apps. So conveying your passions is really attractive to women. Because the thing is, having a passion or having passions in life, it conveys a full, interesting life, a well-rounded life. And that's magnetic to women. So maybe you're into music. Maybe you're big into fitness. Maybe you run marathons.
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Chapter 8: How can combining playfulness and sincerity improve your dating life?
What's the other part?
All the other parts.
Blushing a little bit.
No, you're not.
Blushing on me.
No, no, no, no, no.
How do you know I'm not?
Because I know you and you don't blush easy.
You do that with your chin. So what did you notice about that clip? What I noticed about it is how he uses sexual innuendo. He uses his voice in a way to be funny, to be silly, but also to flirt with Kate. And he's really good at... at exaggeration, and he's good at making fun connecting things that don't usually go together. So I hope that Craig Ferguson clip helped you.
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