Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This podcast is for adults. R18. We'll be talking about sex. Openly, honestly, and occasionally awkwardly. If you're easily shocked, under 18, or sitting next to someone you'd rather not discuss orgasms with, maybe grab your headphones. Alright, let's get into bed. So, how should we start this?
You know how we start good sex, with a little foreplay.
Perfect. This is How to Have Sex with JJ Feeney and Melissa Franges, and we are getting you in the right position for sexual success. This is obviously a podcast about sex and how to have it. I'm JJ Feeney. If you've grown up in New Zealand, you've probably heard me on the radio at some point, but I'm a podcaster now.
I am deeply awkward about talking about sex, especially when it comes to talking about my own sex life.
Which I think we just need to honor that, that you are putting yourself in this uncomfortable position to help other people feel sexually confident. You know, not many people put their hand up and go, yeah, I would love to do that uncomfortable thing to help other people.
So I just want to say that because this whole time we've been having meetings and talking about this, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't know how, like, you know, so here you are and doing it. I'm proud of you.
If you could see me right now, I'm actually like,
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Chapter 2: How did Jay-Jay and Mel meet and decide to start this podcast?
twiddling my toes and with anxiety anyway um who are you yeah okay so my name is melissa franges i'm a certified holistic sex and relationship coach and somatic therapist and one of my biggest passions is teaching women and the curious male, how to feel sexually free, alive and turned on in the bedroom and I do that through many different avenues.
I coach one-to-one, I do group sessions which JJ has been a part of, I have online programs, memberships, all the things to really support people to feel sexually free. That is ultimately what I want to do. I want to destigmatize sex and pleasure so that we can all have better experiences in the bedroom.
And over the course of the series, we are going to teach you how to navigate all of the tricky and sticky situations, like how to have hot sex, how to give world class head, how to navigate, you know, sex and pregnancy, your libido, all those sorts of things.
and if you're watching on youtube you'll see that we are in bed together with no pants on by the way it's true and we want to say a special thank you to Dehi who has sponsored our bedding it is organic jersey cotton so it feels like your wash t-shirts you know that when it's like super soft it's got a little bit of weight to it and it's high quality i actually have this bedding at home
That's beautiful. Yeah.
So if you're not, if you're listening, I should recommend just having a quick look on YouTube at some point. Yeah. Just to see the bed and the set because we put a lot of effort into this bedroom. We didn't even fight over what side of the bed we'd sleep on. I know. It's a natural. Yeah. What side do you sleep on at home? This side. Ah, so do I. Yeah, sleep on this side.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of foreplay in sexual experiences?
Thank you for giving it to me. You're welcome. I like to mix it up though, you know. Do you? Not in my own bed, but like whenever I sleep in a different bed, like in a hotel or whatever, I would sleep on a different side. It doesn't matter because it's all about the feng shui of the room.
No, I always like to have my back to the middle of the bed on a certain side. Oh, interesting.
Yeah, we're learning a lot about each other. Let's tell you how we met. Okay, so about, gosh, a year and a half ago, I read that Mel, you were doing these BJ Like a Boss classes, which is like obviously how to give great head to people.
World-class head, by the way. World-class.
I thought, oh, this will be so funny. I need to invite all my friends and do this. So you held a class and I brought all my screaming girlfriends and we were all drunk. In fact, I was probably the screamiest. Sorry. But as I was there and learning about such great techniques, by the way, I thought, this woman needs a podcast. And I thought, how am I going to convince her to do it?
I know, I'll offer to do it with her. So it's been a long time in the making. But here we are finally.
It was such a fun night. JJ was slinging her dildo around and like standing up, doing a speech at the end with the dildo like it was a mic. It was so fun. I don't remember any of that. Your friends were great. Such a great variety of women there. Taking their rings off before they got started. I was like, oh, yes, here we go.
You don't want to hurt the shaft, do you?
I mean, the shaft can take a bit of pressure. Oh, really?
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Chapter 4: How does Melissa define her role as a sex coach?
We will. It's very important.
Okay, so Mel, let's start with you. Okay. How did you become, okay, I know you don't like being called this, but for layman's terms, a sexpert.
That's okay. Let's call it that. I don't like being called an expert because I just think it can mean so many things and then people immediately put you on this pedestal.
it's like she knows everything she does it perfectly and it's like no let's all come back to like the same level and i'm learning just as much as a person who's listening to this podcast so that's the only reason why i don't but how did i become um a sex coach so when i was 28 so it was almost 10 years ago now i went to this workshop in bali and i went up to this poster after a yoga class
and it said understanding sex and there were like tons of other posters around I was like oh my god I hope no one knows that I'm looking at the sex poster so there was an immediate shame that people carry around sex and like again I don't really know how to have sex or what I'm doing but I'm just assuming I'm
doing it okay but I want to learn more so I went to this workshop I learned so much so it was a room of like 50 women in the jungle of Ubud learning how to do breast massage learning about female pleasure learning about sexual anatomy like all the things that we honestly should have been taught when we're starting our sexual journeys and my mind was just like I literally had the visceral feeling of walking out of there being like how the fuck didn't I know that stuff and
you know like how didn't I know like my breasts like breasts have been sexualized forever and I'm just like yeah and at that point I had breast implants as well so it was I just went on this huge journey this light bulb moment of like how do I not know this I'm 28 I want I need to know more And that really kickstarted a personal journey. I wasn't ever going to be professional.
It's like, oh, I felt so empowered. I feel confident. I want to have better orgasms. I want to stop faking it and being this performative porn star in the bedroom because I thought that's what I had to be. Yeah.
what are you where did your head just go are you thinking like swinging from the ceiling or something i just think that that's how a lot of people thought they had to be oh absolutely especially when you're young yeah stupid and so i just started traveling around the world at that point in time i was working on boats traveling around the world going to trainings going to retreats just really like i was so hungry to learn more about sex and pleasure
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Chapter 5: What challenges do women face regarding sexual confidence?
you to perform and be a porn star and all that because that's what they've seen. So that was the other thing I was going to say to you about you thinking you had to be this porn star or whatever. And that's because we're trying to please him and hope that he likes us. And he expects us to be like that. Yes. I'd hate that.
Yes, porn is there for entertainment, not education. And we forget that, you know, there's people getting paid to scream the roof down. There's people getting paid to be in positions that don't feel comfortable for them because they're getting a couple of grand to, you know what, up the, you know what. So I think it's really important to remember that. And also that, why are we having sex?
You know, are you having sex to pleasure somebody else or get somebody else. I was like, remember it's for you too. Otherwise, what the hell are you having it? You know, like when I talk about getting off and I say getting off because it's like I'm not just getting someone else off. I want you to feel good about having the sex that you're having.
This has to go both ways, right?
Mutual pleasure, that's one of the things I, yeah.
You have to try and get the partner on board sometimes to be on the same way of thinking as you, though. That's the thing.
Conversations, absolutely. But it comes down to you also. I think our orgasms and our pleasure is our responsibility. We can't be like, you need to give me that. Otherwise we're completely outsourcing our pleasure and orgasm to somebody else, which... is pathetic and that's what A lot of men do. And that's why women get into those roles of I'm then performing to give you this experience.
So it's just like this natural thing that unfortunately is a societal conditioning. But I think more women learning what they want, how to have great sex, how to communicate starts to change that story of like, hey, I don't actually like it like that. Hey, can we do this instead?
This is going to be a whole episode, I think, definitely unpacking that at some point. What was your relationship with sex like before you started learning about it?
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Chapter 6: How can societal expectations impact sexual relationships?
It was just like, I just lacked the depth of what sex really is about. I never made it about me. It was about somebody else.
Was it fulfilling?
When I look back now, no. You know, when I now have had fulfilling sex, I'm like, I want earth shattering. I want like blow the roof off every time. And that wasn't blow the roof off. That was like, what do you want to do? What do you need? And how can I be that for you?
Submissive. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of, there's a lot of people like that in the world right now. Let's change that. Okay, what about your partner? What does he think about what you do for a job? Because I don't know much about your partner, just the vibe I get from social media and the few things you've said about him, but he's quite a shy person. He doesn't like a lot of attention on him.
Yeah, he's a private man. He's slightly conservative. He doesn't have social media. He doesn't like his life being portrayed all over the internet. So that's something that I respect. But he's super proud of what I do, loves what I do. He tells me all the time how amazing it is that I'm doing this and helping change people.
But I also have to be careful that I respect his privacy and boundaries as well.
Well, could you answer this one question though? Since he loves what you do and you've been doing this, has your sex life improved because of what you've been learning along the way and what you've been teaching him and what he's been teaching you.
Absolutely. Oh, my God. Yes. Yeah. Even from the last relationship that I had where I was starting to learn some of the stuff to the relationship I'm in now with Steve. Oh, and it will continue to improve and change. And the more I learn, the more, yeah, absolutely.
Can't it get to a peak where you're like, you've done everything and then, well, you just keep doing the same thing.
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Chapter 7: What are common misconceptions about sex and pleasure?
Do you know how much there is to do in the bedroom? Yes. And you think about, we're humans who are ever evolving. So our sexuality, our desires, our turn-ons, everything's evolving.
I've got a lot to learn, I think. That's a moving goalpost. So do you think that you're good at sex?
I think I'm all right, yeah. Okay, great. I'm good at sex for me and my relationship. You know, someone, I could meet somebody and they want to do things that I'm not really that into. And so they may say, yeah, it's not my cup of tea or that's not really working for me. I think it's interesting to say good at sex. You know, that puts an immediately like... oh, well, can I do all the things?
Am I confident? It puts this pressure on. Remember, you're good at sex for you and your lovers or lover.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah. Because everyone's good at sex.
Otherwise you think you're the porn star again.
We're going to exactly.
Yes, yes, yes. I've got to get that one out of my head. By the way, I don't watch hardly any porn. Just want to put that out there. Okay. I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I just don't want you to think I'm obsessed with porn. Especially not this early on in the series. Okay, what about, what's the most adventurous thing that you've done outside the bedroom?
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Chapter 8: What advice do the hosts give for improving sexual experiences?
Yeah. Like how public?
Like on a beach, but no one was there.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Or maybe it was giving someone head on a park bench outside a party. Okay. Was it dark? Some was going down, yeah.
Was it the only thing? Going girls? No, okay. That was a sinner. That was a sinner. Okay, what about, okay, now you coach, so we're getting to know you. Yes, yes, yes. And then, boringly, you'll get to know me a bit. But what do your clients come to you about? If you're a sex coach, yeah, what, like, do you have heaps of clients? What do they come to you about?
What do they want?
Mm-hmm.
A variety of things, but let me just like maybe anchor in a couple of common pillars. Confidence, sexual confidence is a really big one. Hey, how do I speak up in the bedroom? How do I learn about my body? How do I have better orgasms? So they wanna feel sexually confident. Libido, desire, always huge pillars that I'm working on with women, especially. Mismatched libidos.
Mums is a big one as well. When I became a mum three years ago, that was a big conversation of understanding how mothers can fulfill their sexual desires and feel good in the bedroom.
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