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It's A Lot with Abbie Chatfield

NMF: A Wedding, A Cake, and a Club Bathroom

07 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What cultural respect is acknowledged at the beginning of the episode?

0.031 - 17.29 Abbie Chatfield

It's a Lot is recorded on Gadigal land. We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this land and to elders past and present. We also would love to extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people listening today and remind you all that sovereignty was never ceded and it always was and always will be Aboriginal land.

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23.737 - 41.93 Unknown

It's a lot. It's a lot. Nightmare fuel. The last one that we did, or maybe it's a few ago now, the cousin one. Yeah. Yeah. That's last week's one. I've been rinsing that to people. Have you told anyone else? Oh, I told the chat GPT story to someone, to a room of people recently.

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42.311 - 53.707 Unknown

Remember when the girlie sent us the screenshots that the boyfriend had been asking, like, is it okay to cheat on my girlfriend? Yes. It's one of my favorites to go to. as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's really nice when everyone goes, I love it. I go, interesting. I have a story for you.

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53.807 - 54.808 Abbie Chatfield

Can you imagine?

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55.129 - 74.858 Unknown

Can you imagine? Picture this. Yeah. Picture this. Your boyfriend's using chat GPT to figure out if he should cheat or dump. Cheat. Cheat. And dump, I presume. Anyway, that isn't today's nightmare fuel. So let's get started. We've got some quick fires today. I love a quick fire. Let's go. Three, two, one. Hi, Abby and co.

75.395 - 101.498 Unknown

I was just listening, I was just catching up on old podcasts and I heard the wedding nightmare fuel and it reminded me of a friend I had who he got engaged but then had this issue whenever he got drunk he thought he was in love with me, which he never talked about when he was sober. Okay, is that an issue or is that just a confession? He had this crazy issue. It's like narcolepsy is an issue.

101.859 - 101.959

Yeah.

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And like suddenly he would just be in love with me. That's fucking crazy. What the hell? That's like me being like Adam's pranking me because he likes me. Like this person's going, it wasn't that they actually loved me. It was an issue. Yeah, it was just an issue that they had. Yeah. And then during the engagement, he would take to ringing me at 2am to tell me he loved me.

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And then he was going to break up with his fiance. Hold on. That is an issue. Yeah, that's quite the issue, actually. I'm seeing, I'm seeing, I'm picking up what you're putting down with that one. Yeah. Yeah, right. Let's see where this goes and we can discuss after. Which he didn't do. Anyway, the wedding came around. I thought everything was okay. He did get drunk at the wedding.

Chapter 2: What is the story behind the wedding nightmare shared?

186.903 - 218.803 Unknown

The wedding toast. The wedding toast. The reception hall full of friends, family. Your grandma's there. You can't take it back. This is the moment of your love. Yeah. And your partner has mentioned another woman's name. And it was awkward. Yeah. My husband, my now husband, he was my boyfriend at the time, was like – Who is this friend of yours that loves you and is toasting you at a wedding?

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220.486 - 250.459 Unknown

There was 11 guests at this wedding. That's worse. That's worse. That's worse. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Would it be worse if it's 400 or 11? I think they're equally as like, there's no scenario. There's no scenario in which this is good unless you're in like a throuple. Yeah, but then even then you're like, wow, you two are getting married and I'm the secondary partner, you know. Yeah. That is 11.

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But see, at least with 400 people, if you're a person, you can go, oh, better go to the loo. Yeah. Oh, there's no escaping the questions afterwards. It's like the bloody Last Supper. All the disciples are there. So everybody was like. oh, who are you? And luckily his wife didn't speak English, so she didn't know what had happened. Oh, my God. Anyway, we didn't stay friends. No, that's so dark.

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279.575 - 298.975 Unknown

No, no, no. His wife didn't speak English so. So he's like deliberately dropped this in the vows being like I can get, well, not in the vows, in the speech being like I can get away with this because my wife doesn't speak English. Do you think it's deliberate or do you think that it was, you know, a slip of the tongue and he's gone, just keep going, just keep moving?

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300.44 - 322.885 Unknown

I think it's, I reckon it's deliberate. Also, if you're with, I reckon they're underestimating the wife's intelligence because if you're with an English speaker, like if I was with an Italian speaker, if you were at the stage of marriage, you would know the words beautiful, woman, beautiful. And you obviously know your own name. Yeah, you know your own name.

323.606 - 341.652 Unknown

So if you heard beautiful woman, and then you also would presumably know the name of all the 11 guests. Yeah, probably. I reckon she just decided to pretend that she didn't understand. But there's no way that you would be marrying an English speaker and you don't know the words beautiful woman. And again, or you'd go, even if you didn't,

341.834 - 368.428 Unknown

You'd go, why did you mention this chucky caller in your speech? It feels like the same kind of like class of kink of like getting caught having sex in public. Like it's kind of like a shame. Exhibitionism? Yeah, exhibitionism to me. Humiliation kink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it's intentional? Yeah. That's so dark. That's so dark.

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Okay.

369.695 - 385.73 Unknown

And I did here on the grape. Sorry. Also, why the fuck, if you're marrying someone, they don't speak English, why the fuck is your toast not in the language that they speak? Yeah. Put some effort into it. Yeah. Did we see Riley's wedding on the weekend? Yes. She did a bit of Morty.

Chapter 3: How does the toast at the wedding create an awkward situation?

386.05 - 404.61 Unknown

You know why? Respectful, lovely girl. And Brittany Hockley did her vows in, oh my God, I can't remember what language her husband speaks. The language of her husband? I want to say German. German? She did some in German. Hello, us Berlin. et cetera. Yes. I mean, that's a lovely thing to do. Yeah.

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405.251 - 433.931 Unknown

So why isn't his, if she speaks not a lick of English, can't even know the word beautiful woman, we're doing the toast in English. I think you're right. I think it's intense. Fine that she cheated on him. So maybe they're back together though. I don't know. Anyway, that was fun. Goodbye. That was fun. Next one. So, I just need to tell you about the weirdest night of my life.

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433.951 - 455.997 Unknown

Love how this has started. Like a voice note from a friend going, so, just going to tell you something. Let's start. At the time, I was 18 and newly single. And I was out with my best friend for her birthday. We got chatting to two guys who were also best friends and we just ended up taking them home, basically. The living room was decorated for her birthday and it had a K-Kim.

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456.162 - 481.798 Unknown

We left the boys in the living room to go into the bathroom. I think we're like touching up our makeup. I don't know. We come back and there is cake everywhere. What? I'm just sick. Why does so many men go into rooms and want to destroy things? Yeah. You know? It's a sickness. It's a sickness. Cakes, weddings. Countries. Countries.

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482.774 - 500.58 Unknown

floor is on the walls it's on the sofa i'm so confused i turned to the guy that i'm i've taken home and he's got his top off and he's got cake all down his chest like in his chest hair and i i just said to the other guy what is going on he said he got hungry

502.535 - 526.753 Unknown

doesn't answer my question like why is there cake on the floor what is yeah okay you got hungry so why is it on well lick it up off your own chest then you're wasting it if you're hungry yeah get to work going on but um I actually didn't question it further uh so unfortunately I've got no answers there but I ended up sleeping with cake guy who knows why I decided to do that but I did

526.97 - 559.912 Unknown

So we're having sex. I'm a missionary. He gets off. He turns around and gets onto all fours. So he's facing the wall. Okay. And I can just see his butthole. I say, are you okay? He turns his head to look at me, dead in the eye, and he just goes, lick it. Kind of hot. I'm going, Adam, when you get home from America, turn around and spread it. Strangers you've met at the club. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

559.992 - 577.303 Unknown

You've had sex for the first time. This is not your loving partner of two years. True. I'm also deprived because Adam's been away for a week and a half now, two weeks, and I'm going, I would love it. I'll say anything. Hairy chest covered in cake. I go, is this Adam? What the hell? Yeah, look, stranger at the club. Also, have a shower. Yeah.

577.323 - 595.772 Unknown

Is he still – wait, are they still – he's still covered in – oh, icing. Covered in cake and he would have the swamp ass from being at the club. Oh, I bet you could get a crazy UTI from this. Oh, it would be insane. Some sort of mouth ulcer as well. Foot and mouth. Yeah, foot and mouth disease.

Chapter 4: What bizarre incident occurs involving cake at a party?

1229.989 - 1248.646 Unknown

I was like, yes, he did. Apologize. And he was like, I didn't even say it. I was like, you just said, fuck you. And she kept saying, I'm sorry. He didn't mean it. I'm sorry. He didn't mean it. And I looked at her and in my head I was thinking, queen. But I looked at her and I said, you don't need to apologize for him. He's a fully grown man. I was like, apologize.

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And he looked at me dead in the eyes and he said, I'm sorry you interpreted it that way. Yes, thank you so much. Sorry, the bartender's here picking up our empty glasses.

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1263.985 - 1289.942 Unknown

thank you um anyway to say i was gagged in a bad way and i went okay and i turned around and then they promptly left after that anyway that's how night man feels love you love you that felt like we were on a phone call with the chooks calling us going you'll never believe what happened yeah like i'm imagining i'm at home doing uni work this is And my friends are out drunk off their heads.

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1289.962 - 1312.742 Unknown

And you get the messenger video call. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. And they're all there going, babe, like honestly, babe, you'll never believe what happened. You'll never believe this guy. Oh my God. And it came up to me. Yeah. These girls aren't doing that, but I'm just having memories, flashbacks. I love this. That was beautiful, Amy. That was really great selections. Thank you so much.

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1313.202 - 1324.452 Unknown

Please, please send us voice notes from women's bathrooms and also get other women involved. That was so funny going, Queen, come in here. I'm on a podcast. I'm on a podcast. And she was. Guess what? You made it.

Chapter 5: How does the narrator describe their experience with 'cake guy'?

1324.612 - 1339.335 Unknown

You made it. Love you all. Send in your nightmare feels to hello at It's Slot Podcast or use the link for the form in the show notes. Keep sending them in. I love yous. And I really feel good after that.

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