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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
It's a Lot is recorded on Gadigal land. We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this land and to elders past and present. We also would love to extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people listening today and remind you all that sovereignty was never ceded and it always was and always will be Aboriginal land.
It's a Lot is an
Hi, everyone. Listen, first things first, I'm going on tour. Yay! My show is called Abbey Chatfield Loves Men. Please go to the link in the show notes or my link in bio. My link tree is Abbey Chatfield Loves Men because the title of the show is Abbey Chatfield Loves Men. Star, star, not all men though. So the idea of the show, people were pissed in the comments.
I'm like, this is actually, and I even wrote in the comment, in the caption, sorry. You know, it's not, it's genuinely not a show about shitting on men. It's a show about shitting on the manosphere. Okay. And those two things are different. And people get me confused when I talk about misogyny, when I talk about patriarchy, when I talk about the manosphere. They go, she hates men.
It's like, no, no, no. I actually love men. This is why I'm doing them this service of pointing out the way the manosphere fucks them. And whenever I speak about the way the manosphere negatively impacts men, all these men come in my comment sections and abuse me. Yet when a man does it, they all go, yeah, bro, thanks, yeah. What a fucking good guy, like pointing this out, bro.
Like, yeah, thanks so much.
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Chapter 2: What does it mean to be an Alpha Male?
So I have decided to do a whole show about it. It's partially ā it's a comedy but it isn't like pure stand-up. I'll have stats. I've got my classic PowerPoint. It's an hour long. And if you want VIP, you pay an extra $20, I think. Maybe it's $30, but I think it's $20. And it's the first four rows of the theatre and we just have an intimate Q&A afterwards.
So, yeah, I think because, you know, they were like, do you want to do meet and greets? Do you want to do merch for the VIPs? There may be merch there but my merch thing is I worry that they'll be wastage. Yeah, fair enough. That's why I haven't done it previously. I think I did it years ago but my last tour I didn't do it.
I think we are going to do merch because little BTS guys, the original poster was supposed to be an illustration by this amazing illustrator but we needed it to be a photo so boring stuff. But now I have the potential to do a cool illustration of me as the merch and If I pay her some more money, don't worry, Neryl, I am going to pay you more money for that.
But I didn't want to do merch as the VIP package because, like, maybe you don't want the T-shirt. Maybe you don't need the tote bag, you know. I also didn't want to do a meet and greet. People have asked me if I'll do a meet and greet. I've done a meet and greet once before and it was so bad. It's very exhausting, I can imagine. It's exhausting but I also feel like it's bad for the people.
Like I don't mind being exhausted if ā People are enjoying it.
Yeah, true.
Like if I'm getting paid extra for people to meet me, I mean, God, I already feel like a fucking wanker going, yeah, pay up. Like there was this video of Logan Paul, I think, or Jake Paul, one of those ugly men, talking about like someone wanted a photo with him and he asked if they'd paid for the meet and greet or it was something like that. And I go, God, you're a dick.
Like what a dicky thing to do. So I already feel weird going you guys get to pay to meet me for three seconds. Very strange. So instead I thought a Q&A could be nice with only four rows. So it should be about maybe 100 people or under. Yeah, very cool. Very intimate. And it's ā You know, it's scheduled for half an hour, but if we're having fun, then I'll stay for longer.
You know, if there's enough questions or we could just have a yap or you could just tell me to tell you stories or whatever. So that's what the tour is. Nice. I'm so excited. It's in July. Get your tickets. I am freaking out that everyone hates me. So if you could go and buy tickets just to prove your love.
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Chapter 3: How can body language impact relationships?
Yeah. But he says that nice guys are an issue because, as he puts it, these guys end up acting as emotional tampons for women. They listen attentively as their female friends tell them about what jerks the real men in their lives are. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry.
By that point, they've usually already had kids by some jerk who bailed on them and the kids and the thought of settling down with a weak-willed man who will stick around and bringing steady paycheck is starting to have an appeal. So he's saying nice guys are merely weak-willed men who essentially get the dregs of the alpha males and
who have bailed on them after having kids and now you're left with women who will only want you for your steady paycheck and your weak will.
Bizarre.
It's a really bizarre approach to the world.
And then being like, yeah, God forbid you're friends with a woman.
Well, yeah, and also like God forbid you are a man. Like the way that ā The way that this is framed is like, and you're nothing. You'll be left with the worst. You're left with some random guy's kids. And this is still a big thing in the manosphere where it's like, what are you going to do, raise some random guy's kids? Like, what the fuck? What the fuck's putting that?
Like, you can't have a woman that's ever had kids before. She should be a virgin. No tattoos, no debt. You know that thing? Yeah. They love saying no debt as well. It's like...
In this economy? Aren't you hustling? In this economy, what, you're going to meet someone with no hex debt?
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Chapter 4: What are the biggest misconceptions about women?
Yeah. And he's gone.
women are scared of being called sluts rather than I just ā Didn't dig any deeper.
I just called her a misogynistic slut. He's gone, hang on, they don't like that behaviour. It's like he's Pavlov's dog. He goes, oh, wait, I didn't get sex when I called her a slut. What should I do now? Let's go back to the barriers. There is so much advice still to this day, 21 years later after this book, that is men saying if she says no, just keep, you know, she's lying.
Just keep pushing, yeah. She's too scared to seem easy. Yeah. She's playing hard to get. No woman is playing hard to get. I don't know if that's just me because I have ADHD. Maybe I don't, but like.
Yeah, like at most I would say that there are women who are, maybe not comfortable with like communicating their desires. They're not comfortable saying like, hey, can you go down on me? Yes. Like that kind of thing. But that doesn't mean that they want men to push things on them that they don't want to do.
Persist past their barriers. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And the ironic thing is ā for example, speaking about I want you to go down on me or even like saying I want to have sex with you or kissing someone first, anything like that, even flirting with someone, the way that you do that is not persisting past barriers. It's actually respecting the barriers. Yes.
And speaking about other things and not saying, yeah, well, you're a slut. For you to get laid, you're going to have to create a situation where the woman feels like she can have sex with you without consequences for her. It's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to hear an example of an interaction that he had?
Oh, please.
When he was dating.
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Chapter 5: How can men avoid being friend-zoned?
So if I broke my leg today, though, I'm actually not on the Western Front.
And also penicillin hasn't been invented yet in 1914. Yes. I actually don't think it's guaranteed that I'm going to be sitting pretty.
Yeah, maybe you'll get a little bit of morphine or something and you'll just get some yummy laudanum. Yeah, ooh, it's laudanum.
It's like one of those old school opiates that they used to have in the early 1900s. I'll write that one down if I break my leg.
So here's the thing. Reality is what you perceive it to be.
Yeah.
Yep. So we've all, again, we know this. Basic philosophy. Basic, like, yeah, existence. Like, you know, when I was in grade one, I understood that I didn't believe in God, but some of my friends went to church. Yes. I don't know. Like that's just difference of opinion. It's just living in the world. Yeah. There is no objective reality. Everything is open to interpretation.
How about if it's a rainy day? You'll have an entirely different perspective depending on whether you want to go to a picnic or if you're a farmer suffering through drought. Yes. Yep. Again, I can't be both of those people. So either I'm happy about the rain and sad about the sun or I'm happy about the sun and sad about the rain.
Yeah.
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Chapter 6: How should men handle jealousy in relationships?
I think friends. Also, by the way, Sex and the City had been out for like years at this point. Like this is not like from the 1930s saying and their friends will call them a slut. It's like I don't think many women. were calling them a slut in 2005 for talking to a man at a sandwich shop. If they did, that friendship was never meant to last anyway.
Another reason to avoid women in groups is you'll often be cock-blocked by their friends. Yep, because they're protecting the women. Other people will interrupt the conversation, take the woman elsewhere and do various things just to prevent you from having sex with her.
Yeah.
Yes, correct, correct.
God, these bitches, all they want to do is stop me from having sex with their friends.
Cockpock, cockpock. Oh, my God, they don't want her to be a slut. Like they're also scared of their friend being called a slut. They're all in fear. Ever had a woman's friend jump in and say, come on, we've got to get going and pull her away? Uh-huh. That's his evidence. When a woman is by herself, she acts differently from when she's with others.
Even the most outgoing social butterfly will have a normal rapport type conversation when she is by herself with you rather than entertaining a group. So he's saying women who are usually social butterflies will diminish themselves when they speak to him. Yeah. Essentially. Good on you. Great. The next place to meet them? Online. Online.
Oh, yeah.
Which in 2005, I don't want to go too much into this. It is very funny, but it's all very dated. Yeah. He's literally talking about eHarmony.
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