Anna Williamson: Panic Attacks, Gossip & Chodes
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How was your birthday? Very good, very good. It was a chilled affair, but yeah, nice. Sometimes I go all in on birthdays and then other times I sort of leave them. But it reminded me, however, that I have not always been called Jake. Pardon? When I was born, I was named Luke. So genuinely, for the first six weeks of my life, I was called Luke. There's a photo of me. I'll see if my mum can send it in of my mum holding me. And there's a balloon saying, welcome home, Luke, for like six weeks. And then it just wasn't like clicking. So they said, oh, we're going to change it. And I shit you not, twice a year, someone will be talking to me and be like, so anyway, Luke. Oh, I don't know why I've called you that.
That happens about twice a year.
What the flying pig fuck.
You used to be called Luke for the first six weeks of my life.
Your real name's Luke?
Yeah. Do you think I look like a Luke? Well, it's not overly different to Jake, is it? Yeah, it's got similar vibes. Well, it's two letters different. I think my dad said someone at the pub said, yeah, but, you know, at school they'll say Luke Puke and he's like, oh, I don't want that. Let's go with something else. They've gone with Jake, which rhymes with fucking everything. Jake Snake, Jake Cake, Jake Lake, Jake Rake. All of it. Very strange, isn't it?
No, you got me on the wind-up here, haven't you?
No, I'm serious.
I'm serious. Is this a wind-up? I'm serious. You know what's coming next, don't you? What? Eyebrows. I'll eyebrows it. Don't make me FaceTime your mum. I'll call her now. She'll be confused. I'll call her now.
Come on.
Oh, you. Oh.
Hi, Jokey. How are you, Mr. Starlat?
All right, that's enough of that. You're on speakerphone, I'm doing the Joe podcast. You're parking?
I'm parking, I'm parking. I'm trying to park in this crazy town.
I just wanted to ask you a quick question to prove something.
Go on then, go on then.
What was I called for the first six weeks of my life? Luke. Why? Why was that?
I hadn't really thought of a name for you, Jake, if I'm honest with you. Right.
Like an afterthought. We're not excited for like nine months, being like, oh, that's something to do, think of a name.
You want the whole story properly, without interruptions.
Oh, wow. All right, okay.
I've got your nanny sat next to me, so she can verify what I'm saying.
That parking sensor's having a field day.
It is, it is, yeah. So, your dad and I wanted to give you a name, and we were thinking about a name for you, which actually, we didn't want an Indian name for you, to be honest, because your surname was quite lengthy, Bhardwaj.
Two syllables, it was two syllables.
Well, no, but in terms of like, not many people have heard Barbarage, have they? So to make it easier, we were thinking more forward thinking and planning around the fact that make your life easier and give you just a really short, punchy name.
I think forward planning would have been thinking, let's come up with a name.
So we thought of Luke in the end. So we brought you home, and then we thought of Luke, and then we tested it out on you, and we said, hey, Luke, Luke over here. Hey, Luke, Luke, look at this, Luke.
Why were you doing it in a Scottish accent? Hey, Luke.
Anyway, it didn't work. It just didn't work. It wasn't rolling off the tongue. And in the end, we actually even got a balloon. I've got a picture of Luke holding you with a balloon in the background.
Luke's holding me.
no me holding you stupid oh right stupid and then and then it didn't work so we we burst the balloon and we went back to the drawing board and in the end it was Jake and so you just you changed Luke by two letters and just put J-A Yeah, we did actually. That's right, Joe. We did do that. But I always had it in the back of my mind. I always knew that we wanted to give you a short name because you were going to be something in your life. You were the road to wherever you were going to be because you were always singing, dancing and being funny from the moment you were born, to be honest.
Oh.
Isn't that right, Mum? Yeah. But don't forget, Jake, one other final thing is that you do have a middle Indian name.
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