Should everything be 50/50? Money in relationships
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This is an Irish Independent Podcast.
So money is one of those things we all like to pretend doesn't matter when it comes to love. We tell ourselves it's about, you know, chemistry and kindness and finding someone who makes us laugh. But then someone orders the most expensive thing in the menu, suggests that we split the bill to the cent, and suddenly money is very much in the room. So how much should money matter in a relationship? Well, I'm Jennifer Zambrali, and today I'm joined by matchmaker Mireille Lachman for an honest conversation about money, dating and relationships. But before all that, let's have a quick chat with Darren O'Connor on the topic of money. Must be funny. Money, money.
Do you want a rich lad? Absolutely. Yeah, see, I knew you'd say that. A hundred percent. And I've kind of decided. But they might make you happy. Yeah, but have you ever seen someone unhappy on a speedboat, Jen?
This is very true. Have you dated rich men?
Not that I know of, unless they were pretending. No, but my sister actually, I have a specific story in mind that comes to mind. My sister has this cafe and this man came in and he was older, I would say. And he could just tell by him that he had money and he was in cycling gear. And something just came over me. He was really rude. And I got really annoyed. And I said to my sister, I was like, can you believe that's what I'm going to end up with? And she was like, what? And I just was like, I've accepted that I'm going to be marrying for money.
Not a cyclist.
No. But he had the look, his hair was real voluminous and he smelled nice.
Like money.
You could just tell, yeah. He had a smell of money off him. I could sniff it out of anything. But yeah, I just was like, that's the way it is now. And I'm like, I've accepted that.
It's not the way it is. It's not. So on dates, when you're dating, what is the etiquette or what is a big turn off? When on a first date, you're on a first date, because I haven't been dating in 20 years. Are you automatically splitting the bill?
Yeah, I would always, you see, they have to nearly jump at it because I will just have it out. I can't cope with the awkwardness. I will have the card out before the man is like, before we even go into the place, I'm ready to pay. So I love, like everybody wants to be treated like a princess. You know, I would love on the first date.
Or a prince or whatever you identify as. Exactly. Everyone likes to be treated full stop. Everybody likes that gesture of somebody going out of the way to give you a little treat. Yeah.
Yeah, and I love to treat as well. So I think it's just that kind of give and take. But at the same time, it makes me uncomfortable too.
Well, it can breed resentment. I mean, I'm a treater. I love to spend money on people. You know, I'm always at it. But if you do it too much and then it becomes a habit, then you can get a little bit... They never have their hands in their pockets there. Yeah, and that would be a bit of an ick for me. And that's bad as well.
Yeah, that's true. But I think, I don't think I'd be able for it. I go over and above like for, you know, people. And it's not, is that the people pleasing thing again? That it's not that I expect it back. But I'd never do something with the intention of it being reciprocated.
If a guy or if a person you're dating, if they pay for the meal, do you automatically think, oh God, I'm going to have to sleep with him now?
That's it. Yeah.
It's... Oh, they've just spent 200 euro. Yeah, like they're... No, that's called a different thing. But do you feel that's a sign, clear sign that they like you? Or how do you feel?
I don't know. Like, I feel... I don't know how people... I would always feel like if someone is to... pay for something, I would feel like I owe them something, definitely.
Yeah, you do.
Even a drink, anything. Yeah. And that's that kind of fine line. But that's my problem as well, that it's like they say actually with men, there's some part of that, like me, Tarzan, you, Jane, part of their brain that lights up like they want...
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