Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hedger!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Ladies and gentlemen, you made it to the number one live podcast in the world.
Chapter 2: What sponsors are mentioned in this episode?
You guys excited, huh? Make some noise for Brian Redband. Hi! This is Kill Tony, brought to you by Squarespace.com. How about a hand for the best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen? That is indeed Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Huevos Rancheros, Michael Gonzalez. The great Matt Muehling on the electric. John Dees on the motherfucking keys.
And this, my friends, is the one and only Dee Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, lordy. A lot of fun stuff planned for tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Very exciting stuff, ladies and gentlemen. Two of my favorite guests in the history of the show. Two of the best to ever be on. Two of my favorite stand-up comedians. Make some noise for the great and powerful Eric Griffin and Jim Florentine. Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely. Eric Griffin. Jim Florentine. Welcome, gentlemen.
Eric Griffin's on tour at ericgriffin.com. That's Eric with a K. Jim Florentine on tour, jimflorentine.com. The podcast, Everybody is Awful. Welcome back, guys. How are you? Those jokes were amazing. Thank you. You're going to kill. Thank you. We're going to do a live on Netflix, which is going to be great. Yeah, it's going to be nuts. So I can't even cut any of those jokes.
Well, we're going to see. I have a feeling they might cut to something real quick. The band just starts playing or something like that. I'm like, I got more. We'll see. We'll see if Hollywood lets me do some Texas chaos out there. They're going to lower Ari Shaffir into acid while you do that Kobe joke. Like every Kobe joke, he gets lower.
Yeah.
Amazing. Well, you guys know how the show works. Over 240 people signed up for the chance to perhaps get pulled out of this bucket tonight. If I do pull them out, that means they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else we bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.
And so I've pulled the name out of the bucket. We go wrangle them from the bar across the street. And while that happens, ladies and gentlemen, I get to bring up one of our amazing regulars. How many of you are real fans of this show? Well, you guys are in for a treat. You know them, you love them. Ladies and gentlemen, rising superstar, make some noise for KC Rocket, everybody.
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Chapter 3: Who are the featured guests in this episode?
Nah, man. Sorry, I said that kind of cryptically as if something bad happened with the Roomba. Not since the accident, I don't have a Roomba. The Roombas are just wide enough to suck a kid under. You wouldn't know it. I lost a son. No, I don't have a vacuum, but I'm working on it. It's true.
That's the sound of a Roomba, for those of you that don't know. Red band soundboard at full effect. Amazing. How old was your son when the Roomba sucked it up? What do you call that? Sixteen, yeah. Sixteen years old.
Sixteen, yeah. Wow, tiny little guy. But it was a, it's a chicken or the egg. Was it a big Roomba or was it a small son? And... It was the perfect storm, really. The Roomba was just big enough and my son was just small enough, so. An afflortion, if you will.
Yeah, really late stage afflortion, yeah. 16-year-old afflortion.
I love it.
What else is going on, Casey Rocket?
Been dealing with that, and... Something like that never really goes away, so... I'm trying to make the best of it for now. Yeah, it's been a bad summer. I'm just spending time working on my novel and hanging out with you guys.
Oh, Eric Griffin. Your novel? Please tell us more about what you're writing about. I'm guessing it's called When Men Were Men. A novel by Casey Rockett. It's a whole Roomba chapter. I just don't know how he sits still to write a book. You have to really sit and focus.
I'm guessing you have a standing table, and it's on wheels, and you're on rollerblades, and you're just flying around the room like a Roomba. Like a Roomba, huh.
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Chapter 4: What unique experiences do the guests share?
Yeah, it was real cool. And I used to give her grocery store flowers sex. That means that it wasn't Louis Bagg or Lambo sex, but it was pretty cool. And she was taking a shower one time. She left her phone. And she came in and I was like, you know what, let me call it. Let me see what cute nickname she gives me. Is she going to give me Mar from Home Alone?
Is she going to give me special needs Jack Harlow? You know what she gave me? The bitch was doing charity work. Charity work was the name of my phone. That's been my time. Thank you all so much.
Fuck yeah. Drew Nickens getting the bucket started for us tonight. I think we all have a brain injury now. I love it. Drew, how long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up about six years, Tony. I love it. Where at? I live in DFW now. I've done it in DFW for about four years. And I've been in Shreveport before that. And College Station. So I've been everywhere.
Yeah, you've been everywhere. Right next to each city's nuclear plant. I wish. It would explain a lot. What happened when you were in the Navy? What happened to your brain? I was in the Air Force, and I got bullied real bad. By your own? By people, yes. But you know what?
It's made me realize that I need to treat people kindly and just be the best person I can be. You know, when you get things like that, you can be sad or mean, but you do whatever you can, man.
Keep going, keep going. What are you saying? Keep that flow going.
I just know that it happened for a reason.
What happened exactly? I gotta know now. You bullied somebody and then they bullied you back? No, no, no, no, no. I was a weirdo. I liked wrestling. I liked Yu-Gi-Oh. I was an easy target. Wow. Sometimes this answers the question. Chicken or the egg right here. Do people with brain injuries like wrestling? Or does the... No, no, it was before the brain injury I liked wrestling. Right, okay.
And then I really enjoyed wrestling after that.
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Chapter 5: What personal experience does the speaker share about a car accident?
I was in a really bad car accident. And a couple days later, he was like, hey, nephew, can you take me to the store real quick? And I took him to the store. He was like, let me tell you something. Everybody in the family believed me when I said I got in a car accident, but I really relapsed on crack.
Chapter 6: What shocking revelation does the speaker make about their past?
And I was in the west end of Atlanta, and these young niggas was beating my ass, because I had some money on me. They tried to distort me, right? And I wanted them to get my money, because I'm not a bitch, right? And they were beating me up, and I thought I was going to die. And when I thought I was going to die, I said, hey, hold on, stop, stop beating me up. Wait a minute.
If you're going to kill me, let me smoke crack one more time. And he said, you know what they did, nephew? They let me smoke some crack, and they let me go home. Them's some good people. He said... He said, I didn't relapse on crack. Crack saved my life.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. You did it yet again.
That was a risky one right there. I ain't know if I did that one yet. I was scared.
Chapter 7: What humorous interactions occur regarding dating and personal life?
I was like, did I talk about crack at this one time?
Well, we're going to find out, that's for sure.
They're definitely going to tell us if I did, God damn it. Can I tell you something, Tony? Yeah. I've never kissed a girl in Austin before. You ain't shit. I ain't never kissed no bitch in Austin before. However tall you want me to be, I ain't never kissed no bitch in Austin.
We'll see about that. We'll see about that. 90% of the girls that come up here for the Kiss Me segment, you would literally be like, no, I've kissed a girl.
I'm good, I'm good, I've kissed a girl. Bro, I'm telling you some real shit. When you said it, I was like, this is going to be some big-ass, ogre, dirty, ugly bitch. Yeah. And then God's daughter walked out. I'm like, damn. It was truly unbelievable. Man, she is beautiful. I love you. Yeah. I know where she at, I love you. I was here the whole time, nigga. I been in the room. I love her.
It's okay you kiss the retard, baby.
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Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude with Drew Nickens' performance?
You feel what I'm saying? I like rocks.
All right. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. She works at the Betty, the best new bar in Austin, Texas. You gotta fucking go there sometime. Final. Gotta stop hanging out in the fucking freezer of comedy clubs and go hang out sometime in the actual city. I'll be hanging out. Okay. Eric Griffin, you've seen Cam before? No.
I just feel Riley might be a little scared. Why would she be scared of me? Well, I don't know. Who would she... Oh, shit.
I mean... Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
I would want to ask Riley... Who her father would be most disappointed by?
The retard. Or you say it. Only you can say it, Eric. Nah, man. We know what we're saying. Jim Florentine. I saw Riley run out of the room real fast. That is incredible. Cam, why do you have a robber's mask on?
It's a ski mask. I be going skiing sometimes. What's so fucking funny? I be skiing, bitch. In Austin. Nah, I'm lying. Like, shit, I've never skied in my life. I ain't got no haircut, and I wear this like a, I wear this like, so I don't got to show my hairline.
Okay. Yeah, yeah. All right, cool.
I be thinking about shit like that.
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