Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com.
everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up front, Tony! It's Clint!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Oh my goodness. Make some noise for Brian Redman, everybody. We're here. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony this week, brought to you by Express, VPN, and Shopify. How we feeling tonight? How we doing out there? How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Unbelievable.
Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Michael Gonzalez, the great Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and this is the great and powerful Dee Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Wowzers, we have a fun show in store for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
You guys ready to start tonight's show?
Yeah!
Every single week, I have two of the funniest human beings on planet Earth on this show. And this is very, very exciting because this is two of our favorite guests in the history of the show. Two residents of Austin, Texas. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Joe Rogan and Matt McCusker!
Joe Rogan.
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Chapter 2: How does the show introduce the guests?
One time we did it with Post Malone. He had no idea who was going to come on until he was right backstage. I was like, dude, come on stage with me. He's like, okay. And just fucking pushed him through the door. And the other time it was Tucker Carlson.
We went out to dinner with him, totally tricked him, brought him back here. Tony goes, bring him on stage. We're like, okay. So he had no idea. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, we're going to go on stage. He's like, huh?
And the next thing you know, he's out here. Amazing performance. Matt McCusker's return. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Welcome back, my friend. Dude, love to be here. Thank you, guys. You guys know how it works. Over 250 comedians signed up for the opportunity to get a possible 60 seconds on this stage tonight.
If I pull their name, you know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts their set. And then I interview them. We find out more about them and their lives and what they could be talking about and things like that. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen.
You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? I pulled a name. They're going to go grab that comedian from the bar across the street. Poor choices here on stunning 6th Street in Austin, Texas. In the meanwhile, one of our regulars is going to perform to open tonight's show. As of about a month ago, we started a rotating panel of three regulars on the show.
And this guy took a week off in the middle. So it's been a month since we've seen him. You guys know this guy. Kill Tony Hall of Famer. Used to live in his van. Has opened the show more than anybody in the show's history. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kemp.
Thank you, guys. Hope you guys had a good Father's Day. Hope you got to spend some time with your fathers. You know, Juneteenth was Wednesday, so everyone else got to celebrate as well.
Recently went to a basketball game, and they did the wave there. I've never seen a crime wave in person before.
Yeah, love the African-American community, don't get me wrong. You know, who doesn't love a good song? Black people, they've gone through hell and they've done so much for America, but technically that is my bike.
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Chapter 3: What are the highlights of Matt McCusker's return?
I'm going to try to keep her. Yeah, be a little bit more precise. Yeah, I know for next time. I'm just not used to the sun.
That'll heat the pussy up.
What the fuck? You looked at me like I was going to rescue you.
Get the fuck out of here with that idea.
All right, never mind. Do you ever, when they have a fever, man, it's, you know, whatever. Was this a regular paddle board you guys were on? Yeah, he got us both paddle boards. So you were separate? I tied us together eventually, but yeah, she was going off on her own. She's pretty fast. Wow. So you tied to the back of hers?
Yeah, I tied front and back together.
Well, who was in the front?
Well, we were just tail, tail, nose, nose.
Just a little tight.
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Chapter 4: What comedic insights are shared about paddle boarding?
I mean, it wasn't enough for the Jews to kill Jesus once. You had to kill him again, dude. It's fucked up, man. He had it coming. We all knew that.
Okay. What's your writing process like, Tyler? Are you just playing with jewelry all day and thinking about it and how it can connect with people?
I mean, just kind of what funny shit happens. Did Jesus think that was a real thing? Jesus was off the cross and I had to put him back on. I just thought that was fucking hilarious.
You thought wrong, Tyler. How big was the Jesus? Six inches, something like that. Whoa, that's a giant Jesus to have on a chain. Is this like a wrapper or something like that? I couldn't tell you. I don't fuck with the customers. I just work in the back. You work in the back of the jewelry place, just back there like a mad chemist.
Yes, sir.
You have like a little microscope thing or something? Yeah, I have like a gem scope and a scope that goes over a big mask because you can get sick from all the dust and filings and stuff like that. You would wear a mask. You look like the type that would wear a mask. What do you identify as? I'm a white male. Yes. I'm sorry, everybody. I don't know what's going on here.
Tyler, tell us more about your actual life. What do you do for fun when you're not sitting there under a gem scope?
Yes, sir. I love pro wrestling. Big pro wrestling fan. I've been wrestling for about four and a half years as well. You wrestle? Yes, sir.
What?
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Chapter 5: What is the plot of the documentary mentioned?
It's literally about a guy pretending not to be gay and he's going so far out of the way that he lives with monsters in the woods and gets eaten.
Sounds like the story of my life. This is a Tony Hinchcliffe documentary? It's an amazing film. It's Werner Herzog. It's fucking great, man. It's really funny. It's been a long time since I've seen it.
Yeah, I don't know if he was gay or not. He had a girlfriend, and she finally went with him to Alaska.
Chapter 6: How does the discussion shift to personal experiences?
She got ate, too. And she got eaten, yeah. And not a good eating, you know?
Right. Benjamin, I like your style, man. You're getting a big joke book. Congratulations. Benjamin Grelley, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, I would love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday. Whoa, he has no idea, by the way. He has no idea what just happened. Are you in town Thursday? I would love to have you on The Secret Show at the sunset. I'll be there, 7 a.m. 7 a.m., he's going to be there.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. All right, Benjamin, get back there. Get back there.
Chapter 7: What are the implications of being an ally in today's society?
We'll see you later. Catching up with Joe. Make some noise to the lovely Heidi, everybody. You must admit, this place is a real sausage fest. We need a little fucking feminine energy. Okay, another bucket pool. Here we go. Just like Benjamin, we're going to meet them all together. It's Sebastian E.B., everybody. Sebastian E.B. 60 seconds uninterrupted. How we doing, Austin?
Okay, all right.
Damn, it's hot.
Austin, it's hot. Real quick, let's give a quick happy pride month to all the people that classify under LGBTQ MEP. You know, Ty Rivera, Bobby Brown, Tony, right?
Okay, oh.
No, no, I messed up. Right, so look, OK, look, I'm an ally. Look, I'm an ally. Unlike Tony, though, no homo. I'm wearing socks. I'm wearing socks. If you know, you know. As an ally, though, I am wondering, how deep are we going to implement it into our education system, right?
Are we going to start going A, as in lonely ass, asexual? B, as in everyone is bi, basically, right? C, as in watch for hepatitis C. D, for demisexual, and E, for everyone who's confused on the difference between bi and pansexual. We gotta look out for the dyslexics out there, am I right?
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Chapter 8: How does the conversation conclude with reflections on the performances?
Come on. Damn. Happy Pride Month, y'all. Woo!
That's about a minute. This is just like last time. No. Sebastian, it's okay. It's okay. Thank you, Tony.
Did you really do gay jokes in that jacket?
It's unbelievable. It's the color of the show. I didn't pick the color of the show. That's outrageous, sir. Okay. It's the gayest jacket I've ever seen in my life, for real. It couldn't be gayer if there were metal dicks on it. I did get it in Wimberley. You've been to Wimberley. You literally look like you're doing the walk of shame from Michael Jackson's house.
After what he did to me, I can take his jacket. Shouldn't have left it on the floor next to me.
It's crazy. Somebody said that earlier already. Damn.
What? Nothing. Never mind. I mean, if you're going to say stuff, you have to at least enunciate. There was a guy in 73 and completely out of place and delusional on before you. We understood some of it. Sebastian, how long you been on stage trying to perform? You met me last year, Tony. Okay. So what's the answer to the question? You're not memorable, Sebastian. How new is that jacket?
You're the jacket guy now. You're that guy that wore that jacket. That's what my friends say, too. Look, I've been doing this since last year, but really, technically, really four months. I quit, like, seven months. Basically... Jesus. Sebastian. Sebastian. You're in that moment right now. You're on this show. You've seen the show. You've seen the interview part. You're in that moment right now.
This is your moment. Oh, he's putting down the book. Obviously, it didn't work. So, Sebastian, do you try a lot? You seem very nervous and uncomfortable and out of place. Well, I have a jacket on. I mean, it's hot in here. You know what I'm saying? Can I take off the jacket? You think it's hot in here? It's normal temperature in here. Where you were outside was hot. That's true, that's true.
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