Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.TV.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Sram Band coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get over Tony. It's Glenn!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! Make some noise for a rap band, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best damn band in all of the land. Make some fucking noise for them, everybody. There they are.
Raúl Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Matt Muehling on the electric, John Dees on the keys, and that's Dee Madness on the bass guitar.
hell yeah what an episode we have for you this is brought to you by netflix where we are currently right now in the top 10 with our hit new episode once upon a time in texas live on netflix it was taped here on new year's eve go watch it on netflix if you haven't already tell your family to watch it just keep it rolling over and over again and uh that's all good you guys excited to be here
Very good. Very exciting stuff. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you right here, right now. Redban uploaded the wrong episode to YouTube this week. He literally uploaded last week's episode to YouTube. So right now, there's just about three-quarters of a million people angry on the internet right now. So...
Red Band is going to leave and go upload the episode. I, for the first time ever in the show's history, will be on sound effects. And it's going to be an exciting start to the show. Red Band's gone. This is what we've always wanted, ladies and gentlemen. Go upload the fucking episode, Red Band.
We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas, March 28th. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. TonyHinchcliffe.com. Get tickets now.
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Chapter 2: What exciting news do the hosts share about their upcoming shows?
And I'm like... Oh, shoot.
I was like, oh, God. So how'd it go? Were you panicked? Did you end up relaxing? Was the crowd with you? I kind of loosened up after a little bit, but it was weird. Also, like, the place that we did, there's a water park inside of it. There's a water park inside of the comedy club? Yeah.
You don't look like you should be around a water park.
Chapter 3: What unique experiences do the guests share about their recent performances?
Oh, 100%. Yeah.
Yeah, dude. I'll tell you that. Yeah. You should have seen how fast me and Enrique went down those water slides, dude. It was nuts. For different reasons, dude.
Oh, yeah. No, we went, dude, I'm not sure if you've been a fat guy on a water slide. It's like the best, dude.
I was going like, I was like I was in Top Gun, just going down those water slides. Just like, I'm like, ah! That's it. Faster than normal. Fat guys fall faster. Oh, dude, it was like a greased up whale going down a slide, dude. It was nuts. Amazing. Yeah, I kept my shirt on, though. Yeah, shirt on guy. Enrique's shirt on, too? Yeah, his shirt on, too. Yeah, yeah.
That back was a little bit wetter than usual on Enrique.
Let me see those fat tits, dude.
Take that. Tommy's trying to see those tits. Take that hoodie off. Let me see those fat tits. How many of you want to see his tits right now? The first comic of the night. Show your fucking tits. Let's see those tits, dude. Racist fuck. Show your white tits. Tommy wants the tits, bro. Please be pink. Please be pink. Oh. Oh, he's saying no. You have big areolas? I'll take over for Red Band. No.
What are you afraid of? What exactly is it that you're shy about right now? Can you describe your tits to us at least? Yeah, they're very voluptuous. I need to lose some weight for sure.
But yeah, I don't know. I just feel like my shirtless body on the internet's not good. Yeah, no, of course.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts engage with the audience during the show?
Look at the lashes, though. Look at them fucking bounce.
It's like my boobs, dude.
Show me your fat tits. JJ, how else has your life changed since winning a golden ticket on Kill Tony?
It's been incredible, man. The comedy stuff's been going great. Actually, me and Mason Bird work at the same Dutch Bros right now. That's another guy that got the golden ticket. Dutch Bros. Yeah, I got him a job at the Dutch Bros. Yeah, me and him are just making coffees, dude. It's been great. I've been just crushing chocolate milk, man. Like, a lot. Get out.
Tell us more about this chocolate milk addiction.
Yeah, so I tracked it. I started doing math. Because you get as many drinks as you want when you work at Dutch Bros. You can just drink as much as you want. They don't stop you. How happy this boy is. My life's going great. I got a golden ticket on Kill Tony.
I'm drinking as much chocolate milk as I want, man. It's sweet. Holy shit. You're the largest five-year-old I've ever heard. Yeah. No. So you can drink as much chocolate milk as you want. And I tracked it. So apparently I've been drinking about 32 ounces of chocolate milk a day. Like, that's a big gulp cup full, no ice. That's what I'm crushing every day. That's why your earlobes are milking.
Yeah. Dude, I got some big areolas. I can breastfeed you right now.
Please. Again, you're the one afraid to... I'll show my tits if you suck on them. Okay, now we're negotiating here. Now we're negotiating.
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Chapter 5: How long ago did Timely Rain start stand-up comedy?
Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you go wrangle Timely Rain real quick? Prince. So how long ago did you start stand-up? She's been signing up since when?
Chapter 6: What challenges did Timely Rain face while commuting for stand-up?
She's been signing up, I think, like two or three years.
She used to take the bus from Houston to Austin and do stand-up and crash at her friend. Wow. Did she know you fucked Yehi? We did not fuck. Y'all can bring that up. See, I did not tell her that I was going to say that. Look at me. Did you fuck Yehi? Look at me. Look me in the fucking eyes, motherfucker, with those creamy, plastic eyes. I know you.
It was a completely sterile conversation.
It was more of a fine alignment.
Yeah.
A massage, if you will. How long have you been with Timely Rain?
It was like two weeks after I got on this show, actually. We started a...
Again, when is that? February.
It was February. Remember, I had to come back for your show on Wednesday and his show on Thursday, and I didn't know anything about Austin, so she accompanied me for all of that, and we just started hanging out all the time.
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Chapter 7: What is Timely Rain's relationship with her boyfriend?
Random whores in the audience just yelling stuff out. Absolutely incredible. Oh, there's a lot of fans of the whores out there. Are we ready? Ladies and gentlemen, here's the Kill Tony debut. No, you sit on D Madness' stool while he goes pee. Go on, sit down. Sit down, Colin. Jesus fucking Christ, just sit down. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the Kill Tony debut.
Years in the making of Timely Rain, everybody.
Here she is. The first time me and my boyfriend ever slept together.
When he got in bed, he accidentally, like, kneed me right in the pussy. I was like, that's a weird way to check if I have a dick.
My new boyfriend, he's really nice. He likes the Muppets. And he sings Wicked with me in the car. So my mom really likes him. But he's a little racist, so my dad likes him, too.
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Chapter 8: What unique experiences does Timely Rain share about her life?
He does comedy as well. And he's been doing it for way less than I have. And he gets booked more than I do, which means not only is he funnier than me, it means he sucks better dick than I do too.
I love Austin I really do but man half the people look half the men here look like they'll roofie you while the other half of them look like they're like um actually it's called Rohypnol thank you my name's Tyler Rain Tyler Rain welcome to the show hi hell yeah we just heard all about you it's an anomaly how many times you've signed up and not gotten pulled I've wanted this for so long wow congratulations thank you you're in it thank you
Hell yeah. Thank you. Thank you. So timely. How long have you been doing stand-up exactly?
Four years. Four years. Actually, this week is my four-year anniversary. Nice.
And all of it in Houston, Texas?
Houston, Texas.
How do you make money?
Stand-up comedy. Oh, nice. I produce shows, but I also do a bunch of gig work. I work at the Renaissance Festival, and I'm like a bartender at different theaters and stuff like that.
What do you do at the Renaissance Festival?
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