Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Thank you. Hey, this is Brad Pitt, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get a friend on it. Let's go! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! McFerrin for Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my God. And how about one more time for the best damn band in all of the land.
Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Michael Gonzalez, and Nachos Belgrande. Ice Officer Matt Muehling. The great John Dees on the keys. And Dee Madness on the bass guitar. We're keeping the ICE officers separated from our Latino, our Latino wing. This episode of the number one live podcast in the world is brought to you by Tacovas and ExpressVPN. How we feeling tonight, people, huh?
Chapter 2: Who are the guests featured in this episode?
It feels good in here. We are home at the Comedy Mothership. So many fun things going on, so many announcements, so many great sponsors. Here's some of them that made this episode available for you right here, right now. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week, I have two of the funniest human beings in the world on this show. This week, no different.
One of them is one of my favorite comedians and movie stars. Truly, one of the stars from what I think is the funniest movies of the past, I don't know, what would we say, three decades? The other one is truly who I believe is one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Truly one of the funniest humans on planet Earth. They both are, ladies and gentlemen.
Get ready to freak out as I introduce tonight's guests. It's Steve-O and Tim Butterly. Oh yeah, baby. Yeah. Steve-O and Tim Butterly. Here we go. Oh yeah. Oh my God. Hell yes. The Crash and Burn tour is everywhere. Stevo.com, he has the great Aaron Belial out there on the road with him. Fucking unbelievable. My man. I love Aaron Belial. Yeah. We do too.
How about a hand for the great Tim Butterly, one of the breakout stars of the past year. A recent move to Austin, Texas has made him one of my favorite guests to book. And he's on tour, timbutterly.com. He's everywhere. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma. Filming his special here May 23rd at the Creek in the Cave, a new 30-minute special. So much fun.
Chapter 3: What unique experiences do the guests share about their careers?
You guys have both been on this show numerous times before. We're so happy to have you back, Steve-O, fresh off of filming the newest, what some people are saying might be the final jackass movie of all time. Yeah, dude. It's the fifth last movie. I love it. Brilliant marketing. I'm going to watch it no matter what. I swear to God, the Jackass movie.
I've always said Jackass and South Park are the only two things other than Kill Tony in the comedy world that you can always trust and fucking it's always there. I can put them on any time I crack up. Even the one, what's the one where it's like the deleted scenes kind of? Oh, the .5s? Yeah, that's the shit. Anyway, we're going to have fun tonight.
You guys have done this show numerous times, Butterly and Steve-O, so you know hundreds of people signed up for the chance, the opportunity to get on this stage. Some of them are some of the top talents in the world that know their life will change with a minute of stand-up comedy.
Some of them completely mentally ill people that literally just want to be seen for a second and realize that anyone can sign up for the show, so they take Full advantage of the situation. Recently, we've had some stalkers on the show. We've had some people that are physical threats to our audience and us. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted.
You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angriest Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview with them. I find out if there's anything else interesting about their lives and we get to all meet them together or see them again if they've been lucky enough to be pulled before.
That's about it. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? I'm gonna pull a name now, and while we go wrangle, our first fucking pull of the night. Boy, do I have a treat for you. To get this show jolted from the start, I present to you a guy so powerful that he's normally the closer. He's a Hall of Famer.
known for having more sets on this show than any other human in the history, the 13-year history of Kill Tony. Some people call him the Saratoga Singer, the Memphis Strangler, the Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine, the one and only William Montgomery. Tony, I'm about to be fucking threatening violence against Red Band's mom's pussy tonight.
This town is not big enough for the both of us, said two clinically obese people. And by the way, Red Band, your mama was so fat, now there's an Ozempic shortage. The Reverend Jesse Jackson just died, and I'm trying to figure out what he did to piss off Hillary Clinton. I asked ChatGPT to explain the concept of God in the shortest terms possible. It wrote back two words, Apex Twin.
A Texas grand jury declined to indict a man who shot and killed his daughter because she said bad things about Donald Trump. I'm no lawyer, but isn't that called justifiable homicide? Okay, that's my time, Tony. 57 seconds, exactly. Well, Tony, I was going to say to Red Band, I actually put his job application on Indeed.
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Chapter 4: How does the conversation shift to personal anecdotes?
Whoa. I don't know anything about Indeed, but I'll tell you this. You should put it on ZipRecruiter. An official sponsor of Kill Tony. Use the promo code KILLTONY and you get a month free, I do believe. I love ZipRecruiter. Yeah, we love ZipRecruiter. And Redman, you're about to love Iran because you're about to be ruling Iran for a little bit. And it was on ZipRecruiter.com.
You are applied now for the Ayatollah Supreme Leader of Iran. So Redman, get ready, dumbass. You're really going to have to lose weight over there, dude. Oh, my goodness. When you're riding on your motherfucking camels, man, your ass is going to get so loose. The Supreme Leader, ladies and gentlemen. Did your mom write that joke?
Wow, Red Band knows how to bring the crowd to a screeching halt there. All the momentum and laughter and then just... Red Band, no, but your mom did. Pussy. Oh. Last night. Okay, yeah, stop. That wasn't good. That was not a good exchange. I love it. I love it. So you signed him up to be the new Ayatollah of Iran? I did. I did. I said, he's really good at computer stuff.
He's going to be able to help y'all with all of y'all's search engines and computer stuff. And he's just really, I said, he's basically a tech wizard. He's going to be able to really help y'all with that. He's cool with having a bunch of different wives because he has a bunch of different wives in America. I told him about that.
He's already going to be cool with having a bunch of different wives. They have to be Asian women. He needs a bunch of Asian wives over in Iran when he's the Ayatollah. So, Red Bean, we'll see what happens. Just please let me come over there if you become the Supreme Leader. That'll be the first time you'll be able to ever say that I ran from you. Because you've never ran before.
The Ayatollah of breads and rollers. Jesus. Yeah, that's what you're going to be eating every night for dinner. Hey, can I have some more breads and Rolos, please? You're going to be the burrito supreme leader. Sick. Funny. Red Band, you need to get on the rowing machine, my friend, so we can add some years to your life. He's been on the growing machine. I don't know if you've seen that.
He does a thing. It's on his recliner. It's called the growing machine. It's a lot of this. Instead of that. Yeah, you're a big little boy, ain't you? Wow. But it's okay. He put a splash of Gatorade in his vodka soda, so he's super healthy.
I remember one time in high school, Tony, I drank a bunch of vodka Gatorade because I always heard it could make you drunker, and I got wasted that night and ended up driving back to my parents' house, and I crashed into their brick wall, and I wake up the next day to my mother screaming. It's everywhere. She was in the bathroom, and I had vomited everywhere and forgotten about it.
So, Red Band, be careful tonight since you're drinking vodka Gatorade. I can't believe it. It's like you're a high schooler or something. Drinking and driving is not safe to do. We do not condone that. And if your life has gotten to that point, may I suggest going to BetterHelp.com, using the promo code KILLTONY, and talking with someone.
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Chapter 5: What humorous plans does Tim Butterly share about his UFO investigator aspirations?
Because I want, like, the ID. Like, you get a card from this thing called MUFON, the Mutual UFO Network, and I'm like, dude, to have, like, a little badge with my face on it seems like I could do a lot of fun with that. So a lot of plans that don't actually move my career forward, and I'm like, why did I spend 300 bucks on that? But... Wow, what else?
You slinging Cutco knives or anything like that? You just have the wildest money-making schemes. It is absolutely incredible. Yeah. I'm trying to think. Ways to make money or how to... How much money do you have?
Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift towards financial struggles and borrowing money?
How much money do you have saved up right now? This is the only show in the world where people ask that question. By people, I mean me. I have 600. 300 is borrowed. Right now, yeah. You gave away $300. No, you're borrowing $300. $300 of the $600 is borrowed. And who did you borrow it from, a friend or a parent? A parent, yeah. Okay, are they charging interest?
Chapter 7: What insights does Tim Butterly provide about his comedy career and experiences in New York?
Your dad owns real estate. Is there an APR or something like that on there? No, no, no, no. It was a secret one that my mom was like, no, no, no. Oh, we love those secret mom borrowings. I never got one in my life. That's why I ended up wildly successful. Yeah. I mean, you can't have people helping you, you know what I mean? You got to fucking struggle. Yeah, I agree.
So what is that extra $300 doing for you exactly? What are you doing with that extra $300 that you wouldn't have done had you not had it? Just getting rent covered so I can like, yeah, and I'm going to pay it back. Of course. Plasma, feet pics. She doesn't have to know where I got it from. Yeah, exactly. She might be the one to support you secretly without dad knowing.
She might be the one buying your feet pics. That's, yeah. Just something to keep in mind. Sweetheart, I just want to like, I'll do anything. Just don't let dad know. Dad's tough on you, huh? Yeah, yeah. But he's a good dude. But he believes in what you're doing. Yeah, yeah. We've got some argument.
Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude with Martin Phillips and his comedic style?
We had an argument a couple months back. I was like, I don't even want to have this conversation. I've never borrowed money from you. And then like two months later, I was like, oh shit, I got to ask this guy for money. But he's supportive, but like, I don't know. He's like, you know, we'll see. But yeah, I don't know. Amazing. Amazing. You remind me of the guy from Office Space. You ever see him?
Oh, yeah, I get that a lot. Yeah, yeah. How much money do you get for plasma? And have you ever done double red? Because that pays more, right? Double what? Double red. No one knows what you're talking about. How do you know about that? Are you selling plasma? Yeah, dude. Red Band's buying plasma. Double red. Every six months, bro. I think we just found out how COVID started, everybody.
Red Band donating plasma to fucking people in Wuhan. Your dad doesn't know shit. You're going to make it. Thank you, dude. I appreciate that. Thank you, man. I appreciate that a lot. He's a good dude. He's just cautiously supportive. Fuck your dad. I'm going to beat the fuck out of your dad. I'll tell you what. You've been doing comedy in New York for seven years total.
What do you think the greatest venue to possibly play in all of New York is? Like outside comedy, like Madison Square Garden. That is correct. And I want you to tell your dad that you will be doing a minute on Keltoni in August at the greatest arena in the world, Madison Square Garden. You're doing it, buddy. Here's a big joke book. We'll see you in August at Madison Square Garden. Tickets now.
Going on sale extremely soon. I'm technically not supposed to announce it. It's supposed to be a surprise, but we do it every year. We go to Madison Square Garden every year, just like every other podcast does. All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the greatest regulars in this show's history here, an absolute phenom, a freak of nature that was once, at one point, known as the Dark Storm of Atlanta. He's now the Dark Storm of Austin, here with a brand new minute, like he does every single week, every single episode, no weeks off. This is Dedrick Flynn. Uh, armadillos are just Mexican turtles.
I thought that's what the word armadillo mean. Because I've been trying to create some secret ooze to turn these niggas into teenage mutant ninja Mexican turtles. You don't even gotta change the name. You know what I'm saying? It's just Raphael, Leonardo, Michael, but I'm Master Splinter. Now that I got y'all, and the silly thing, I gotta get to some beef that I got.
Fuck the nigga who made the low battery noise and smoke detectors. How the fuck? I got so many white friends that move next door to me, they smoke detector don't never go off. But when my black-ass family move in, that shit be on for 15 years. Nigga, either kill yourself or not. I hate a battery that don't actually want to die. But then now I know it's a conspiracy.
They turned us into sleeper agents. They want us to be ghetto. Because in 2001, I opened up the smoke detector. And if y'all remember, Duracell used to be able to have these buttons that you could press and see how much energy was left in the battery. Nigga, it was full. I'm done. I've said this shit too fast. Dead drink. Fucking unbelievable. Every single time. My God. Oh my God.
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