KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 785 Duncan Trussell + Kurt Metzger)

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KILL TONY 56 min 3 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What is the opening vibe and who are the first guests on the show?

Tony Hinchcliffe 0:01
Joe White. Joe, how
Unknown 0:04
old are you? 183 today, Tony. How much? Just
Tony Hinchcliffe 0:07
183. 183.
Unknown 0:09
Yeah.
Tony Hinchcliffe 0:12
Unbelievable. The light's still wild for 183. I
Unknown 0:15
fucking love
Tony Hinchcliffe 0:18
you, Tony. I'm
Unknown 0:19
getting picked tonight.
Tony Hinchcliffe 0:21
I'm getting
Unknown 0:21
picked. Remember me. I'm getting picked. Me and my bro getting picked, bro. I'm about to become famous. I'm about to be famous. Give me 350. Dick, dick-riding-ass boys, all right? But we out here, real comedians. Is it recording? Real comedians out here in Austin doing the motherfucking thing, all right? My name's Lingo. See me on the other side.
All right.
Corey 0:55
Why
Unknown 0:59
are you here on a Labor Day? Huh? Why are you here on Labor Day? Is it Monday? That's why I'm here. I moved to Austin for this, so... I wanna be famous somewhere. Might as well start here. When I first moved here, I had a one-minute set ready for Kill Tony. Time went by. I had another minute that was funnier than that one. Time went by, now I got this new minute that he was funnier than them other two. So if I can get on and do this joke, man, oh my God, it's gonna be on. Please, Kill Tony, call my name J.P. Madison, man. Trying to tell you, I done been through it to get to it. How many times have you signed up? At least 35 times, 35, 40 times. And not a single? Nothing. I ain't never been picked not once. So, maybe tonight will be the night, but I'm going to keep on trying.
Unknown 1:53
I started comedy in 94. I was a teenager. Hold on, let me show you something. Look at this. This was in 94. This was my first head shot. I started comedy in 94. I went on the road for a while, then I moved to LA, then I moved to Miami. But I've been doing this for a minute, son. I'm a seasoned veteran, you know what
Tony Hinchcliffe 2:17
I'm saying? You are the fucking man, B. I swear to God, you have more swagger than everybody put together up here. I know that song.
Corey 2:28
Hey, Keena, is this lighting
Tony Hinchcliffe 2:30
whiter than normal or something? Joe White, did you get laid this week? Did you get any cuss?
Unknown 2:44
I did when I laid down on the sofa. What? That's the closest I came to getting laid this week, is laying on the sofa.
Tony Hinchcliffe 2:52
Oh, nice. What did you do on the sofa? I had a date with my hand. Oh, okay. Did you look at porn on your phone when you did that?
Unknown 3:00
No, no, I'm past
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:03
that. You have enough in the spank bank. You've made a lot of
Unknown 3:06
deposits. Yeah, I don't need porn.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:08
Now let me ask you this. When you're picturing a girl in your mind and you're jerking off, right? Because you're a little bit older. I'm guessing that you picked your girl with a full bush, am I right?
Unknown 3:20
Oh no, never.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:21
Really?
Unknown 3:22
Oh no, that's a total turn off for me.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:24
Oh
Unknown 3:24
wow.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:24
Total turn off. I would have guessed you're a bigger bush supporter than the Republican Party. No, no,
Unknown 3:28
no, no. I lived with that for 25 years, I'm over it. That was back when I was very...
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:35
Wow. Your ex-wife had a big bush?
Unknown 3:38
Oh, moderate.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:39
She trimmed it a little bit?
Unknown 3:41
She was Hispanic, so,
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:43
you know. Oh, okay. They're good at landscaping.
Unknown 3:46
Hi,
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:46
Heidi.
Unknown 3:47
Hi, Tony.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:48
Oh, my
Unknown 3:49
God. Oh, nice. You
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:50
look so nice.
Unknown 3:51
Why do we look so nice? Redband, you didn't get the memo.
Tony Hinchcliffe 3:53
Wow. Redband. You got your basic instinct. Redband's never gotten the memo.
Unknown 3:59
He forgot that we're supposed to be nice. His Wi-Fi's not working.
Is the president here?
Unknown 4:16
Is this recording? Are you recording? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Am I supposed to say
Tony Hinchcliffe 4:22
something?
Unknown 4:22
No, no. What's up? Uh-oh, don't get this
Tony Hinchcliffe 4:24
on
Unknown 4:24
camera.
Corey 4:24
Look out.

How does the host introduce the new Kill Tony Plus subscription and its benefits?

Tony Hinchcliffe 4:27
All right, before we get into it, I gotta tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content, Q&A episodes, behind the scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony.supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters.
Tony Hinchcliffe 5:13
Go to killtonysupercast.com. All right, back to the show. Hey, y'all. You know, taking control of mental health can feel overwhelming, but Talkspace makes prioritizing well-being simple and accessible.

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