I was going to talk about corneas. Just a nice, focused anatomy deep dive. But then I found out UnitedHealthcare’s stock is down 20% and—what can I say? I got distracted by joy. So before we dig into layers of corneal meat (yes, I said that), we take a little detour into vertical integration, kickbacks, AI claim denials, and how a multi-billion-dollar behemoth is finally catching a whiff of accountability. Then it’s back to business: corneal nerves, LASIK, ulcers, transplant techniques, the great “your corneas are too thin” letdown, and why you should stop sleeping in your contact lenses. Also, I may have created a dating strategy that involves casually name-dropping Descemet’s membrane. You're welcome. Takeaways: UnitedHealth Took a Hit—And I Took a Victory Lap. Their CEO is stepping down. Their stock is down. Their karma might finally be catching up. I am… not sad. Your Cornea Is Clear for a Reason—Until It’s Not. It doesn’t have blood vessels. It doesn’t heal like skin. And when it gets cloudy, things get gross, fast. LASIK Isn’t for Everyone. Here’s Why Your Eye Got Rejected. If you’ve ever been told your cornea is “too thin,” I’m here to explain why—and yes, it’s as mathy as it sounds. Yes, I Called It ‘Corneal Meat.’ No, I’m Not Sorry. It’s the stroma. It’s thick. It’s important. And now you’re never going to un-hear that phrase. Please Stop Sleeping in Your Contacts. I’m Begging. Because you like seeing. And because I don’t want to have to dig bacteria out of your eyeball. — To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected] Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠ Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/ If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken If you want more information on models I use: Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact. For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15 -- A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. Today’s episode is brought to you by DAX Copilot from Microsoft. DAX Copilot is your AI assistant for automating clinical documentation and workflows helping you be more efficient and reduce the administrative burdens that cause us to feel overwhelmed and burnt out. To learn more about how DAX Copilot can help improve healthcare experiences for both you and your patients visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠aka.ms/knockknockhi⁠⁠⁠⁠. To learn more about Pearson Ravitz go to ⁠⁠⁠http://www.pearsonravitz.com/knockknock⁠⁠⁠. Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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