Chapter 1: What is the story of Topsy the Elephant?
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started.
I don't care if I run into Alec Murdoch.
No, no, no. Because if you have, if you do, that means you've committed murder in South Carolina.
Hey, hopefully. Or you're visiting.
Thanks for the content. If you're in town. Are you guys ready?
Ready. So should I not do any of my Crow or Raven characters in this?
no no no no well maybe if you change the voice a little bit maybe if you use the hong kong henry zaprowski voice oh then that's fine they'll all cancel each other out sure yeah yeah okay if you use one racist voice to replace another racist voice maybe it can work out 60 yeah
At 60, yeah.
And we are focusing more on Asian elephants than African elephants today.
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Chapter 2: What were the circumstances of Topsy's death?
Okay.
Absolutely not. And there's nothing corrupt in it. Nope.
Nothing at all.
Today, I didn't use a particular book or documentary as a source. I just researched to the best of my ability about stories that intrigued me and found some even crazier ones along the way. So let's get this pack of thermos stomping in true Marcus Parks fashion with a little context.
Yeah!
Elephant context. Elephant context.
That's right, man. It's big. Yep. Slide right in. Very similar to a human vagina.
You can put your whole head in there. Elephants can be found naturally in Asia and Africa. Africa has two types of elephants, bush and forest elephants, which can get as large as 13,000 pounds. In Africa, elephants are the third most deadly mammal after humans and hippos. Hmm. In Africa, elephants kill about 500 people annually. Cool. But today we're going to focus on Asian elephants.
At about 8,000 pounds, Asian elephants are smaller than their African counterparts, but they are the elephants we're more familiar with as far as circus performers go. Yeah. Even though they could be 5,000 pounds smaller than African bush elephants, they are still extremely deadly. To help put their sheer size in perspective, a Honda CR-V weighs roughly 3,500 pounds.
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Chapter 3: How did Topsy become a notorious elephant?
There's nothing racist about this. I'm not a scientist. I'm just obsessed with huge living creatures killing humans.
Yeah. And that makes you woke, I think. Yeah. I think so.
I think it does. Disgusting. I at least told you there's a difference between the Asian and the African ones. Oh, we know.
Yep.
Obviously, we know that humans have been killing, kidnapping and torturing all animals and especially elephants ever since we figured out how to do so. When it comes to killing elephants for their ivory, that is much more popular in Africa than it is in Asia. And in a positive spin, those numbers are going way down. But they are extremely high still.
How does it, like, in the, like, let's say the cutting off gorilla paws for, you know, to make medicine and such, where are elephant tusks on that scale? It's much worse. Much worse.
It's much, much worse. It's a horrible thing. You know, the exact number seems... To be impossible to find. Sure. Current estimates suggest that up to 15,000 elephants are killed for their tusks and skin in Africa every year, or 41 a day. Dang. In peak poaching years, that number was expected to be around 40,000.
And that's when we were making like every piano was made with elephant tusks.
Honestly, back then it was probably worse than that.
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Chapter 4: What role did public perception play in Topsy's execution?
Wonder why.
Yay, Stephen.
Eventually, a hunting party was sent out to kill Osama bin Laden, and he was shot down by a team of men, but many believe that they killed the wrong elephant, and bin Laden is still at large. Where's the fucking body? Yeah. Where's the fucking body? Probably in the Indian Ocean.
Yeah. Did they dump this elephant in the ocean, too, without letting anyone look at it? I think they just left it in the field, probably. I imagine.
Rodded. It's interesting. A lot of these elephant news stories, not much detail.
Yeah, they just kind of let it go.
I think a couple things got lost in translation over multiple oceans.
I get it, yeah. It's not like there's a New York Times elephant reporter who's really on the elephant beat. That's my fucking job. Yeah, it's true.
Now, Osama bin Laden, or just Laden, is often a name given to murderous rogue elephants. The most recent rogue bin Laden is still on the loose as of January 18th, 2026. This rogue elephant killed 22 people in 10 days. He is believed to be currently in Moth. He Moth be. As well as being rogue and only has one tusk. Whoa, like Hitler.
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Chapter 5: What were the methods used in Topsy's execution?
You never know.
Sometimes you do. The cure. We can say that there was no sexual attraction between the elephant and Miss Mermu.
There's nothing sexual about being fascinated with the sheen of pantyhose.
You love pantyhose. No, I just love its containings. Now, apparently in history, every time an Asian elephant killed someone, it was not the elephant's own lust for murder. But until the early 20th century, some South Asian cultures used elephants as a form of execution. I didn't know about any of this shit. I actually didn't know about this either.
And I'm a bit of a student of execution.
Yeah.
This was not really seen often in Africa except around 240 BC in Carthage, but that's the story for another trunk. Execution by elephant seemed to be a tactic primarily seen in Burma, India, Thailand, and Sri Lanka. Each were similar in the basic fact that elephant big, human small, elephant cross human.
It does! It does!
But let's not discredit all of them. Each had their own methods of torture and execution by way of elephant. Cool. Do you want to hear them?
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Chapter 6: How did Topsy's story reflect the treatment of circus animals?
Like fucking dino wars. Dude, it's fucking crazy. crazy and terrifying and i love it yeah it's awesome i just wonder what it's like to try if they don't want to go no more that's the problem the thing is the elephants because they were like get rewarded they liked it of course from all reports it seemed like the elephants were having fun oh i bet I bet.
When someone was tossed to the elephant garden, there would be a trainer riding the elephant and command the elephant to kill the wretch. And the elephant would then pick the person up with their trunk, throw them in the air, and impale them on their tusks when they came down. The elephant would then cut the victim into pieces, throwing their limbs into the crowd watching. There was a splash zone?
Yes.
It is legend that sometimes Emperor Jonganir would... It doesn't matter.
It doesn't fucking matter.
He would order the elephant to skin people alive. His staff would then stuff them with hay and feed them to dogs. So that's nice. For everyone but the dog. Yeah, because he's got all that hay in his mouth. Yeah, the dog thinks it's going to be eating a dude and he just gets hay. I get some outside skin and then the hay is good for fiber.
I didn't understand why you would stuff them with hay and then the dogs would eat them. Yeah. It didn't make much sense to me. I think, again... We're just talking about fun. Yeah.
We're just talking about why do people do anything? Yeah. You know what I mean? Why does Bob Dylan do the fun thing where he used to put a cigarette in the frets of his guitar? It's fun to do. It looks cool.
It does look cool. I also don't know if the elephants knew how to skin a man alive.
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Chapter 7: What other infamous elephant stories are mentioned?
Yeah. There is the story of a slave that killed his master and was sentenced to death by elephant. They laid him on the ground and tied three ropes to his legs and arm. And then those ropes were tied to a ring on the elephant's hind leg. He then walked across a 500 yard field over the course of an hour. Every couple of steps the elephant took, it would dislocate his limbs from hip or shoulder.
His elbows and his knees came out of socket while he was very much awake for the entire process. By the end of the march, the man was covered head to toe in mud and was screaming in unspeakable pain. Well, that's not unspeakable pain. I'm the true mind of a sultan. Yes, he was screaming in pain. Because he was saying the word, ow, very loudly.
Let's think about this for a second.
Ow. But he was then put out of his misery when the elephant was instructed to step on his head until it was soup. Eventually, in the late 19th century, this form of execution ended in India and Sri Lanka, only when the British found it to be too cruel.
Yeah, when the British were telling you to calm down. In this time period, in the late 19th century, yeah, you're... You're going pretty far. You're going very, very far.
Well, I believe perhaps that elephants are a bit far. My question is, aren't elephants cute? I don't think there's such a thing as wonderful, cool animals. And also, you can just shoot him. Shoot him in the head. It's actually quite fun.
No fuss.
I do like how you make them slaves.
That's quite enjoyable for me.
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Chapter 8: What lessons can we learn from Topsy's tragic tale?
Let me see what it says. Let me see what it says here. It says not interested.
Well, he started using the elephants himself, and eventually they became sort of like a mascot of his. You can watch that shitty Oliver Stone movie. They're in there. I'm pretty sure they were the producers. The war elephant concept started evolving especially after the invention of gunpowder. Eventually, they started covering them in armor and placed archers and musketeers on top of them.
But once muskets evolved into cannons, bombs, and machine guns, elephants were in great use in battle, big targets and such. But they never stopped being used in an auxiliary role, pulling heavy equipment, building bridges, launching ships, and even in World War II were used to perform tasks in regions where... That were problematic for motor vehicles. They couldn't get in there.
So they'd have an elephant get in there and pull something out.
Those elephants had no idea they were working for the goddamn Nazis, man.
I think they're on our side. Are they both? I'm pretty sure the elephants were ours. You think Rommel didn't do anything with elephants?
I don't think the Germans ever did anything with elephants. They'd be scared of them, I imagine. I would imagine if there was something like the elephants, I would imagine that would probably have been an Indian thing from India, which, of course, India at the time was a British colony, and the British were allies. I would imagine anything elephant-wise was us.
Actually, the allies were pretty good about it. We had Wojciech the bear.
The Polish had the bear. We used a lot of animals. That's fucking awesome. The Italians used fish. Useless. I can't believe this.
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