Episode 681: True Crime Round-Up - You're Not Chris Hansen
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What is the opening banter and premise of this True Crime Round‑Up episode?
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
That's when the cannibalism started.
What was that?
Cock and cock and cock and fuck. Cock and fuck. And we can't start like this, Marcus.
Why would you do that? Why would you start an A's episode? Why would I ever stoop
to the level of
dirty words?
Cock, fuck, fuck, shit. Stuff like that,
Marcus. Everybody
knows it's cock and suck. Cock and suck. Cock and suck and fucking suck. That's better. Thank you. Yeah, it's a little bit better. I'm just copying Marcus, my hero. The only way he only knows it, that's how he opens shows.
I remember
that being an intrinsic
part of the vows to your wife. It really was, yeah. That whole ten minute cock and fucking suck and cock and fucking suck, yeah. Cock and fucking suck. I
remember when you said all that.
We rehearsed for weeks.
And then Carolina did all the splacking.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mrs. Hidalgo, I mean, mom. That
was a
great
wedding. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the splacker himself, Henry Zebrowski.
I splack all the way from the front to the back.
That's right. And we have the family man, Ed Larson.
That's right. I'm a family man. I don't have kids, and I have dogs, and I put hats on them, and I call them children. Honestly, it's better. It's better. You know why? Because if one of them dies...
was
going to come
looking. Nobody cares.
That's true. That's true. Just keep them off of social media.
You
can voluntarily
kill it. I don't think you can. What do you mean? Well, I mean, if it's dying. I think there are some rules.
Yeah, you can't just take a dog into the vet and say, hey, I'm tired of this thing. Whack it. Get rid of it. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. I feel like it's a couple of home-based euthanizers, like those guys that you can pay to come home. There's a couple of them, I bet. Kind of like what you do with your grandpa.
Oh,
like Kevorkians. Dog Kevorkians. Yeah,
yeah,
yeah. I'm pretty certain that you could probably slip him an extra hundred and he'll fucking whack the dog for
you.
Sir, my dog is depressed. And he's just like, I can tell. Let me get my gun.
And today, we're doing a little old-fashioned true crime
roundup. Because we really wanted to get back into the true crime spirit of things. We're gonna get back into heavy hitters this month.
Yeah, we're gonna get to a serial killer next month. We're gonna cover a Canadian again. It's been a long time since we've covered a Canadian.
And I'm excited because they are the funniest murderers. Because I really feel like we've been so heavy. And, you know, because in terms of we covered the My Lai Massacre, we've been talking a lot about the state of the country and the world. And I think it's important to do something light, like a guy that's only murdered and sexually assaulted like 15 children.
11,
please.
Thank
you.
Yay.
I think that's something light, something fun.
Yeah, something fun. People are tired of all of these massacres. Let's do Rape Joker.
That's
fine, finally. Because that really takes the tension in the room down. You know what
the best part of a Canadian serial killer is? What? They apologize. Every
time. Every time. It's almost like they didn't even mean it in the first place.
Well, we got a few true crime stories to go through because, of course, the world is never bereft of true crime. So let's start with our first story. An influencer known for his efforts to catch alleged child predators is facing charges after being stabbed during an altercation with a person he accused of trying to meet with a minor. No way.
That's what's hard is you really got to set them up. I'm really excited for the new movie. The R. Pat's
movie. Oh, the Chris Hansen
movie. Yeah, that's going
to be
incredible. My friend reached out to me because she had a boyfriend that was featured on To Catch a Predator
after
they dated years later. She dated him when she was 15 to 17. Right. He was 17. She was 15. That was in high school. And literally he smelled like cheese. So she broke up with him. And then later on, turns out he was on to catch predator.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the opening banter and premise of this True Crime Round‑Up episode?
0:01–5:32
2
How did the Chris Hansen‑style “catch‑a‑predator” stunt end in a stabbing at a Tim Hortons?
5:32–15:32
3
Why did a former news anchor stab her own mother with a cheese‑grater and knives?
15:32–26:52
4
What were the charges and courtroom drama surrounding the Ohio ex‑wife attempted‑murder case?
26:52–40:26
5
What are the bizarre details of the cattle‑mutilation cases in Harney County, Oregon?
40:26–54:47
6
How do the hosts speculate about extraterrestrials and the “nature‑preserve” theory?
54:47–1:02:13
7
What funny tangents and side‑stories (coffee, Tim Hortons waiters, local news) do the hosts explore?
1:02:13–1:04:08