8: YOU ARE NOT YOUR WORST MISTAKE: 10 Beliefs Keeping You Trapped in Shame
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What’s the difference between shame and guilt?
Moro, moro. Hei, ootko tulossa tänään yhteen kokoukseen? Joo. Ei itse. Jätiks mä avaimata autoa. Mulla on avain kännykäs. Mikä se tunteet? Mulla tää Jail Linus älylukku. No, ethän voi tehdä. Totta kai voi. Noni, moikka. Avaa kotiovi kännykällä. Abloin jeil-linus älykko, myös kerrostalokotiin. Jeil. Yksinkertaisesti turvallista. Syksy on saapunut normaliin! Ja sitä on syytä juhlia! Pidämme siis ove kiinni, sillä Tobleronen hinta voi viedä mennessään. Hinta Euroen! Säästä nolla euroa! Ja vaikka sataa kaatamalla, patista kuiva shampoo hinta on yhtä sään kestävä kuin aina ennenkin ilman minkäänlaisia alennuksia! Pysyt myös kuivana, kiitos! Oisite teiden 0 prosentin alennuksen, joten antaa syyssäinen tulla.
Normaal pysyvästi edulliset hinnat.
Shame is one of the worst emotions we can feel as humans. Today we're gonna talk about 10 shameful self-beliefs that we have and ask you to question what you're holding on to and what you might be able to let go of.
Welcome to Late Bloomers where we are getting our lives together.
Eventually brought to you by our amazing sponsor. N Earplugs, you're ready for a funny
This one sounds awful.
Why do I feel I can’t let anyone see how I live?
Shame episode.
Yeah. Great. Hopefully we haven't got we've got something fun to do after this.
Let's go and play golf, yeah?
Yeah, okay.
So look, shame is that deep sense of like personal hatred and failure. It's like being disgusted at yourself. It's it's not feeling guilt, which can be healthy. It's a really just deep sense of disgust. Well I I
liked I heard this um few years ago, but like the difference between shame and guilt is like shame is I am a bad person. Or and guilt is I've done bad things. Like one is real like core identity.
I think it's Brene Brown. So you can be aware that you've done something wrong and feel guilty and that's actually very healthy. But shame is if you do something that you feel is like awful or unforgivable, like you'll never get over it. And if you feel shame You're actually never gonna lead like a really happy, calm, nice life. So we're here to kick it in the bum. By the way, have you written your card upside down?
Right, be
honest. I wrote your card. I've only just remembered I wrote your card. That's fine. Okay, I'll start. Okay, so we're gonna read like ten shameful statements that really relate to our lives and us. But it also might relate to someone if they're neurodivergent. In fact just human. I feel this is a very human episode. So number one, I can't let anybody see how I live.
Ooh.
This was one of my most shameful beliefs from probably eighteen to
Just before we met?
Thirty eight, yeah. Probably two decades. Um when I moved out of my Parents' house and went to uni, things fell apart. I lived in Complete. Pig sty.
You had a fly infestation. I had a
fly infestation. Then when I moved out of union and got my own place. I never did the washing up, so there was mould, um you couldn't see the floor, I never cleaned my sheets. I would save up um like my well, I'd wear dirty clothes and then every six months take bags of IKEA stuff to the local laundrette. I just felt like bags
of IKEA stuff.
Like bags. I th the IKEA bags. Ikea bags full of dirty clothes I hadn't washed for six months. I'd wash it all in one go. And I just felt like the most disgusting, despicable human. And I wouldn't tell my friends, I wouldn't tell my partners. I'd really try and hide it because I was so ashamed of the most
The most emotional thing you've ever said to me in this lane was um when you worked, I think in a bank and you hadn't done any washing and somebody said, What's that smell? and you realised it was it was you.
My clothes.
Yeah. That must be pretty soul destroying.
I mean shameful. Um, obviously, didn't go home and wash my clothes.
Mm.
That's the real difficulty when you're you're unable to connect your mind, what your mind wants to do and you get your body into action. Um yeah, God, I've just been so embarrassed, so ashamed. Uh, even when we were first together I would pretend to be cleaner and More organized than I was. More organizing our wives.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What’s the difference between shame and guilt?
0:00–1:24
2
Why do I feel I can’t let anyone see how I live?
1:24–5:41
3
How did Rich’s gambling addiction become his worst mistake?
5:41–8:32
4
What does it feel like to think I’ve wasted my life?
8:32–12:09
5
Why do I believe I’ve failed in my relationships?
12:09–14:58
6
How does feeling like a terrible friend affect my self‑worth?
14:58–19:29
7
Why can’t I trust myself to follow through?
19:29–24:23
8
How does being an emotionally unavailable dad create shame?
24:23–30:37
Speakers
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