Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Can We Just Be Honest About How Hard Motherhood Is? With Stephanie Biegel
27 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing.
First of all, cheers.
Cheers. Love you.
Love you. Yay. Happy holidays.
Happy holidays. But by the time this airs, it will be the end of January. So happy new year. Oh my God. And you will be older at that time.
I will be.
It will be my last year in my 30s. I can't.
I'm actually like so excited for you. I think 40 is like awesome.
I'm actually not weird about it. I don't think. Yeah, I don't. Don't pretend to be weird about it. I don't actually care at all. I love getting older. Right? I love getting older.
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Chapter 2: What does motherhood really feel like according to Stephanie Biegel?
It's like, you know, being a mom, people used to say to me like, Oh, you'll really feel like the connect, like men can't feel the connection at the beginning because they're not breastfed. I'm like, no, it's like being a mom, stepping into that, like into that role overnight for me, like I am a control freak. I love knowing what to do.
As a mom, every day, the minute you think you know what you're doing, like the next day it changes. I know. That's like so, excuse my language, so fucked up, right? Like there's days that I'm like, I've got this. And then the next day I wake up and Oliver's like, you thought you got that yesterday? He doesn't say it to me because he didn't speak yet, but.
And I think the one other thing I'll say, it's not the last thing, but the thing I'll say on this is the identity piece. And honestly, the fact that I don't feel like everyone's truthful and very honest and open is really hard for me because I love being open and honest. Yeah, you're very open.
And I love being able to say, it's totally okay for me in the same moment, in the same day, 400 times a day to say, this is the most joyful and the hardest thing at the same time. And I don't feel like people... are as honest. So in being a mom, I'm like, does anyone relate to me? Like, am I the only one who thinks it's this hard?
You know, like, so that's why it's important to have these conversations so that we don't feel so alone and isolated in those moments. I mean, we've all been there. Like, and I think too, it's so interesting because everything is a phase, right? And like when they're little, it's really hard in different ways. And as they get older, like for me, I think my kids are easy right now.
Like we're in a very fun, awesome phase, but it's harder in other ways, in other ways of like, So now where I stand is it's like everything is actually sort of an opportunity, like a teaching moment or like really setting, you know, by example right now or leading by example right now is really important. And it's like real life stuff.
They're like they're humans.
They're humans now. But I can come out and work out at 9 a.m. and I don't have to worry about them getting out of bed. It's not like I have to get them out of their beds every morning.
You're not like wiping their asses or shit like that.
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Chapter 3: How does becoming a mom change your identity?
Should I leave him at home? I have to go to the grocery store. Like, thank you for Amazon. You know, like But I don't think that there's one that is perfectly easy or not easy. But I do think that the fact that I was so set in my ways that now it's even more mind-blowing to me of how much has shifted and how much has changed. Yep. Right? Totally. And I think…
I wish almost, for many reasons, of course, I didn't settle. So it took me a little longer to get here. And I'm here now. I do wish in many ways that I was a bit younger or a bit less stubborn or a bit less selfish because I do think I would probably be more flexible. And I think part of that identity loss, which I really believe it is, is because I had that identity for a very long time.
I've been on this planet for a long time before Oliver arrived. And even my husband, when we talk a lot about this, we both lived a lot of life before he came around. So we're still getting to know each other. We've been together for five years. We're trying to stay connected. We're trying to navigate this. He's losing parts of his life, our training.
It's a lot all happening at the same time in the same orbit. Yeah.
Right. Where for me at 25, it was almost like I didn't really have an identity. I was still shifting and growing and changing.
Right. Which I do think that there's beauty to, right? Totally. And like, I think you were able to be a lot, like have a lot more agility than I feel like I have today.
And I gotta be honest with you too. Like even the energy and like sleep factor alone, like today as a 39 year old woman, like- No, if I don't get my eight hours, like, fuck off.
I get in fights with my aura ring. I'm like, you're just such an asshole. Like, why do you keep telling me that I got to do better? I'm like, I know I have to do better.
I could never have. I couldn't do it.
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Chapter 4: What is the mental load of motherhood that no one warns you about?
Not tired, right? And so even now, I go to bed before my kids. My kids all go to bed after me. I love that. Jackson sleeps with me, so he goes to bed. Yeah, that's right.
That's actually so true. But you also go to bed at like 8.29. If I text you at 8.34, I'm like, eh, I might hear.
Yeah, you might not hear from me. Anything after nine, like forget it. I go to bed between nine and 9.30.
But like, we know how important sleep is. And like, that's the other thing. Like at the beginning of motherhood, like everyone's like, yeah, sleep, you know? And I'm like, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Like imagine that, right? Like in those first one, everything's changing around you. And then like, let's add that you don't sleep. Like, okay, cool.
I know it's, God, it really is so hard. All right, let's take a quick break, guys. Do not miss Jay Shetty's new Audible original series, Messy Love, Difficult Conversations for Deeper Connection. Join Jay as he guides three couples toward a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship. This isn't about achieving perfect love. It's about practical love.
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Listen to Jay Shetty's new Audible original series, Messy Love, Difficult Conversations for Deeper Connection. Go to audible.com slash messy love to start listening today. All right, let's talk about figs. I'm sure some of you guys have friends or even family who work in healthcare. Or maybe you work in healthcare yourself. Well, I noticed something recently.
The people that I know who are nurses and doctors and estheticians, well, they all have these really cute uniforms. They're scrubs, but they fit really well. And they come in all these really beautiful colors. Turns out they're figs. And figs are definitely a thing when you work in a clinical or hospital setting.
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Chapter 5: How do relationships change after having children?
Car.
That makes sense.
Obviously. Yeah. Like, okay. I feel like David was laying in bed like car, car, car. But like, it helps a little bit that he talks like, or like says a few words. Cause I'm like, at least you can kind of communicate, but he's frustrated. Cause I don't really understand him, but he speaks a different language.
It's so frustrating when you can't understand.
It's crazy. I'm like, dude, I'm trying. I'm trying my best. But now he has like some words. So that's nice. And listen, he's just he's a boy. He's nonstop. He has like a personality. He's opinionated. Like, hello, this is not surprising. And yeah, it's just like truly we said it. But like every every week at this age, like I know it's been a little a few moments for you.
But at this age, it's like so wild how they change each week.
Yeah. And yeah. No, I remember. Keeps me on my toes. It definitely does keep you on your toes. Yeah. I'm trying to remember like what age they sort of like settle into who they are. I would love. If you remember that, let me know. Because Jackson and Sailor were both very difficult. Like Sailor was the best baby on the planet.
I fully remember that. I feel like by that time, it was like, you have to be a great baby.
You're the third. Sailor, there's no other option. Take care of yourself. Why can't you take care of yourself? But once she could start walking, I was like, holy shit, this girl is fire, man. And I remember being like, okay, Jackson at age eight sort of mellowed out. And then Sailor hit eight. And I was like, oh no, why isn't she mellowing out? Sailor is just now starting to.
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Chapter 6: What challenges do moms face when balancing personal and family life?
oh my God, my it's so rare. Like it's not rare that I'm with my kids, but between school sports and now they want to be with their friends all the time. Actually, when you look at it, my time with them is pretty limited. You know what I mean? And like that actually breaks my heart. And I don't want to go back to that phase because I actually love where we're at.
But if I could have my kids at age two or three for a day, all I would do is snuggle them and eat them up. So and everyone always says it. I remember being like, oh, I know it goes by so fast. Shut the fuck up. But like as hard as it is to just know it's a phase and you're going to look back and be like, fuck, I have a 13 year old. Like what?
Right. And even now it goes so fast. You're you're so right. And I try I try to stay grounded in that daily because again, like The highlight of my day is being with that dude, right? No matter what he does. And like, don't you miss him so much when you're like, I'm like, I literally was gone. I'm gone for 24 hours.
And like, you can't wait to leave. But then as soon as you leave, you're like, wait, I miss him.
I literally, I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, I literally left him two hours ago. But I think, I think you're, you're so right. Like, yes, everyone says it. It goes so fast. I think staying grounded in the fact that it is all a phase does help me because some of the phases are amazing and some of them are really challenging, right? But I think for me,
getting to a place where I don't really believe in balance. I think balance right now is really hard, but getting to a place where, you know, he's a little bit more of my buddy and I can like stay connected to myself, do things that are like with him, with, for me, with my husband.
It's just like, that's what I think I struggle with is I, I'm someone who really does like, I believe you can have it all in some capacity and I want to be the best mom for that dude. But I also really do believe that being like good to myself is important too.
Well, that's what will make you the best mom is making yourself a priority. And you do have to take care of yourself so that your tank is full in order to give. It's like the oxygen mask thing, you know? Totally. Here's what I'll tell you too is like, and that's why those first few years are so hard. I remember dropping Sailor off at kindergarten and being like, Oh my God, I made it.
Like I have full days. A hundred full days. Right.
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Chapter 7: How can moms find support in their motherhood journey?
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, listen, I know I'm a good mom and I really appreciate you saying that. It was the most important still is the most important thing to me. But also I've had so many moments where I'm like, I really fucked up there. And like, I really I'm like, am I damaging them for the rest of their life?
Like, no, especially I had moments with Sailor, though, where I'm like, Jesus Christ, that brought out a side of me that I never want to see ever again. Yeah. And kids are resilient, first of all. On the podcast, actually, I've had some incredible people and we've had conversations with therapists about kids. And they say, I think it was, you only actually have to get it right 30% of the time.
No way. Oh, God.
Which, right?
Doesn't that give you so much relief? So much hope.
Right. Everyone's going to be okay.
Yeah, 30%. I've got this, babe. 30%. I like to be an A student.
So 30%. You've got this. You're golden. And the most important thing is when you have a ruptured connection. So let's say you yell at your kid, right? fine. You have to repair it. So coming back together, I mean like, yeah, Taylor, I want you to know that is not how I want to react. And I hate that I got like that with you. I am so sorry.
You don't go, but by the way, you shouldn't have done X, Y, and Z right now. I'm just apologizing to you for my fuck up later. We can talk about what you did and how actually God, that's super powerful. I love that. It's those little things that make such a difference. The most damaging is sweeping it under the rug and pretending like it didn't happen. just for, you know, it's, it's important.
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Chapter 8: Why is it important to acknowledge the hard parts of motherhood?
I've got this.
Truly. I think at the end of the day, like Oliver doesn't know if everything's perfect. Totally. He just knows how you make him feel. Yeah. And oh, another thing that I've learned too, and this is important to me, when you first see your kids, whether it's in the morning when they first wake up, coming home from school, he's not there yet, but whatever it is, it's...
Full undivided attention for at least 10 minutes. Warm inviting. Hey, how are you? Present. Present. First thing in the morning, I give them a big hug. I mean, you get them out of his crib. Totally. But like having that connection when you first reenter together is really important. That's how, that's what kids remember, how they feel when they're with you.
Not if their filet mignon was cooked medium rare.
I haven't done filet yet. All of my kids might remember that.
That's what I was going to say. I'm definitely going to work to feed my kids what you feed them.
Oh my God.
It's so true though.
It's so true. They, they remember if they're loved.
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