Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in. I am so excited for today's episode. She is truly my girl crush.
She is so honest and so real and so inspiring. I know you guys are going to love this one. Today we are joined by the beautiful Sarah Shahi. Wait, so 16?
God.
Yeah. I'm not ready for all of that. Like that freedom with them driving. Do you ever see your 16-year-old anymore?
Yes, I do. And you know what? He, thankfully, like, you know, I think it's hard to be a teenager today. And, like, I don't allow him to have social media. But, you know, he still sees it, right? And he's got his phone and his friends are doing shit. And he's a good boy. Like, I'm lucky. Like, he is a really good boy. So he goes out, but we've got rules. Yeah.
You know, like when he needs to be parked somewhere, I track him. I track his driving. I track how fast he's going. Oh, you can do that? Oh, yeah. What app is that? There's a great app. Wow.
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Chapter 2: What personal experiences does Sarah Shahi share about her divorce?
OK, you'll have to tell me that later.
Yeah. Oh, wow. It's called Life 360.
Oh, no, I know. that app.
You know that one. Yeah. So it will literally tell you like how many times they like, you know, break really hard. Like if there was something happening, tells you how fast they go, how many times they looked at their phone while they're driving. Like it's literally like it's your eyes and ears inside of the car.
That's amazing.
It's incredible.
Did not know it did all of that. My ex has life 360 for my kids. But of course, my kids told me how they they've figured out a workaround. They can pause it so that He thinks that they're one spot, but they're not. I love they told you. They tell me things. So I will take it. Yeah. But the driving thing, the texting while driving is, I think, the biggest thing that makes me so nervous. I know.
Because I just don't want them to be stupid and think that they're invincible.
I know. I know. That's the thing. It's like everything happens like that. Exactly.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Sarah provide about being single for the first time in over two decades?
That's great.
We just had a, we celebrated Christmas, like all of us.
Chapter 4: How does Sarah Shahi discuss her journey towards self-empowerment?
And it was the first year that we were able to do that. And that was another kind of like a moment that the kids were like, oh, my gosh, I don't have to pick between mom or dad for Christmas. Like usually we would alternate. But it was really nice that we could all be there at the same time. The kids could go back and forth between us.
You know, it's like, look, we're going to fuck them up anyway.
I know.
So it's like, why not give them as less trauma as possible? And, you know, and I think I think kids I come from a divorced home and this wasn't the case with me. But like kids want to know they came from love. Yeah. You know, and I think as long as they sense that, then.
I agree completely. So you said this is the first time you've been single in, it's 22 years, right? Is that right? Yeah, 23 years maybe.
23. How you feeling? Girl, let me tell you, I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. I was... We've all been there. I was like, give me male validation, please. But after that was unsuccessful... You can only do it for so long. You can only do it for so long. And then you're like, hold on. Maybe I'm not meant to do this right now.
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Chapter 5: How does Sarah Shahi navigate co-parenting after her divorce?
And I ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it. Like, I just... I'm learning about myself in ways that I didn't before. And I think as women, you know, when you're in a relationship or at least this was my past in all my relationships, not just the last one or my marriage, whatever, just like all of them, or at least I did.
I dimmed my light a little bit like I wasn't as like I'm somebody who loves people. Right. I'll see a beautiful woman and want to give her a compliment and the tightest hug ever just because I appreciate her femininity. And then I'll see a guy who could be someone who has something about them that I just want to do the same thing with them. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. Right.
But I can just appreciate humans for what they are. I always tampered that down and like wasn't as flirty with life. And so because they would get upset about it because they would get upset and there was insecurity or I was being labeled as being, you know, something that I wasn't.
And because I just was afraid to rock the boat and I didn't want any conflict, I just accepted sort of this lesser version of myself throughout all areas of my life in order to make the man feel comfortable. Mm hmm. And now not having that attachment, it's really allowed me to discover these areas of myself again and to be like, yeah, I want to flirt with life.
Like I want to carry myself with a little bit of extra mischief, just getting my coffee. You know what I mean? And like and it doesn't mean anything.
anything one way or another it's just an expression of the spark inside yeah so it's been nice it's been nice like feeling that and getting comfortable with that yeah and then you know the next person when they come along like I'm not going to change those things like I like that that's what allows me to have fun yes good for you I love that yeah it's just owning who you are
owning who I am and like, yeah, exactly. And not being afraid to like take up space as a woman. You know, like I tell all my girlfriends now they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just taking hot selfies. I know. I love that you post the hottest picture as you should. I'm like, you know what? I've got one fucking life and I want to live my life.
I'm not going to post the shit when I'm 90. Exactly. You know what I mean? So I'm going to do it now. And if somebody thinks it's too much or it's one way or another, like, I don't care.
Well, because that's not about you. That's about them. Exactly.
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Chapter 6: What challenges did Sarah face while filming steamy scenes in Sex/Life?
Oh, yeah. I'm going to I'm like, I'm a cancer. Capricorn, Aries and cancer.
Yeah.
OK, very cool. Very cool. Oh, my God.
Chapter 7: How does Sarah Shahi view her on-set romance with Adam Demos?
No wonder we hit it off like so well. Like we have.
So anyway, earlier when you were talking about what did you say earlier? Oh, that you really want to, you know, like not dim your light anymore and flirt with the world. I immediately thought Aries immediately popped because I was like, that's that's that fire. That's the fire of being like, damn it. This is who I am.
Exactly.
You don't get to hot selfies for life.
Yeah.
Hot selfies. Yes. But like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, no, I so I'm always not always, but I was very much in my masculine for a long time and like always making the first move and always, you know, being the initiator of things. And now within this last year of chasing dick and not going anywhere, I've decided to take a different role. I've decided that I want to be more
in the receiving mode and be more in my sort of grounded femininity for this next chapter. And it, you know, it feels really good because honestly, the people that are not meant to stay, you kind of weed them out really quickly by not chasing. It's so true. You know? So it's been a nice, it's a nice change for me, but yeah, I made the first move. We were out to drinks and
We were out to drinks and I just.
Is this before or after a sex scene with him?
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Chapter 8: What is Sarah's perspective on slow-burn relationships?
That's tonal.com promo code honest for $200 off. So you said that you're open to receiving. What does that mean for you? Does it mean in love or does it mean with everything in your life? I think it means with everything. Yeah.
Yeah. Like even with my career, you know, like this book has opened up doors, opportunities, meetings with things that I never tried to create or even had attention on in the past. So it's a whole new pool of people that are in self-help and motivational speaking. And, you know, again, I never saw myself as one of those people, but I'm starting to have a foot in that world now.
And that feels really great. Same thing with my career in acting. It's like the opportunities that are coming. I just filmed a movie in London. It was, again, that was something that just, it came to me. It was not anything that I chased. No. So I'm just starting to learn too, that it's like the things that, I chase don't happen.
You know what I mean?
And, but the more I'm just hands off and like, okay, whatever's meant, just surrender. Surrender. That's the word. Surrender. And, and to also to like, I write and, you know, just I'm on sub stack. So that brings me a lot of joy. Just doing things that fill my cup as opposed to doing things for a result.
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. What made you want to write a book?
Yeah. So when I was on sex life and the show came out, so the, the show came out around the same time that news of my divorce broke and women from all over the world wrote into me and they were like, how did you do it? How did you have the guts to, you know, leave the life that you knew the very cozy, very comfortable life that you knew and start over and And you bagged the hot guy on the show.
Like, how is this possible? What was the formula? Everyone's inspiration. Right. And then so a lot of my press became advice columns. And I was like, I need to put this somewhere. And then women would write into and they would talk about how, you know, they were really inspired by the sexual part of the show where like women's sexuality was front and center.
And because normally it's always the man getting service, but I was getting service almost every other day on that show. And so they felt that was really empowering. And I wrote an article for Glamour magazine in 2023 that went viral. It was called Why Desire is Not a Dirty Word.
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