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Life Kit

Secrets to a successful couple's trip

12 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 18.28 Unknown

From Spider-Man to a new Steven Spielberg movie, we know the TV and movies you'll want to watch this summer. I'm excited about this film. I just know suspense, intrigue, aliens. And I'm like, all right, Spielberg, I'm in. Check out the summer guide from Pop Culture Happy Hour. Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get podcasts.

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20.023 - 45.859 Mariel Segarra

You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey, it's Marielle. Have you ever been on a trip with a partner and they wanted to spend the day one way while you wanted to do something entirely different? They wanted to go to the art museum and you wanted to wander around the old cobblestone streets, take photos, pop into cute shops and cafes. They wanted to go on a hike.

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46.339 - 56.436 Mariel Segarra

You wanted to chill by the pool. They wanted to see the ancient ruins. You wanted to go on a food tour. The good news is you do not have to spend all of your time together on a couple's trip.

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56.897 - 64.429 Amelia Edelman

What's the secret to a successful couple's trip itinerary according to the experts? Build a balance of alone time and together time.

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64.409 - 82.673 Mariel Segarra

This is travel journalist Amelia Edelman. Now, in the scenario I mentioned, one solution could be splitting up for the afternoon. They do the museum, you wander, then you meet up for dinner. In another scenario where you both need a little alone time but you don't mind being in the same space, you could try being alone together, both reading by the pool.

83.534 - 106.87 Mariel Segarra

The key, as always, is knowing your partner, knowing yourself, and knowing how to talk to each other. Lucky for us, Amelia also reports on relationships. And on this episode of Life Kit, she walks us through how to plan a couple's trip. We'll hear from couples therapists, a travel advisor, and a couple's money coach. Because money really can shape the entire experience. That's after the break.

111.457 - 118.849 Unknown

From Spider-Man to a new Steven Spielberg movie, we know the TV and movies you'll want to watch this summer. I'm excited about this film.

Chapter 2: What should couples discuss before planning a trip together?

118.869 - 129.887 Unknown

I just know suspense, intrigue, aliens. And I'm like, all right, Spielberg, I'm in. Check out the summer guide from Pop Culture Happy Hour. Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get podcasts.

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132.213 - 154.361 Amelia Edelman

Sure, traveling across the globe with your partner sounds romantic, and it can be. But particularly for newer couples or for those who are busy parents getting away for the first time since kids, it can also be a crash course in how you each make decisions, spend money, and yes, how you fight. So I wanted to find out, how do you balance different travel styles?

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154.602 - 167.319 Amelia Edelman

Like one person who loves a packed itinerary and one who just wants to wander. How do you talk about money before you're faced with splitting a $1,000 hotel bill? And what do you do in those inevitable moments when expectations don't match reality?

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167.8 - 188.761 Marissa Nelson

One of the things that I always invite couples to think about is, like, when I think about a vacation, the feeling I want most is... Dot, dot, dot. And I want you to fill in the blank for that. That's couples therapist and travel advisor Marissa Nelson. You know, for some people, is this vacation about ease? Is it about excitement?

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189.021 - 194.511 Marissa Nelson

And I think if you start there, we then start to examine what some of our hidden expectations are.

195.893 - 212.759 Amelia Edelman

That's takeaway number one. Find your why. Marissa and the other experts I spoke with recommend not just talking with your partner about where you want to go, but about how you want to feel when you're there. Are you looking to explore, reconnect, try new things, do absolutely nothing? Because if you skip this step, you're not just planning a trip.

212.939 - 216.625 Amelia Edelman

You may well be planning a set of mismatched expectations.

216.858 - 233.001 Will Messer

I would say that it's very important for both partners to be in the conversations about the trip and to actually express what they want, how they're feeling going into the trip, getting real clear on, like, what do you need from this trip? Here's what I need from this trip.

233.582 - 235.845 Amelia Edelman

That's couples therapist Will Messer.

Chapter 3: Why is alone time important during a couple's trip?

241.866 - 247.332 Will Messer

Nobody really wants that. They want to feel like my partner is wanting to be here and is excited about this, too.

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247.753 - 264.01 Amelia Edelman

For Will and his wife, their travel why was partly a why now. Not long after they first got together, nearly 18 years ago, she had a summer break from grad school, and he had a job that was willing to let him take a mini sabbatical. So they decided to do a five-week backpacking trip, just the two of them.

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264.158 - 270.532 Will Messer

It was a tremendous experience for both of us. We kind of realized this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as far as time.

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270.592 - 274.16 Amelia Edelman

Their trip was about experiencing adventure and novelty together.

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274.521 - 282.859 Will Messer

The best things were happening spontaneously or things you couldn't predict. And even the things that weren't so pleasant turned out to be the best stories.

282.907 - 286.111 Amelia Edelman

Maybe yours, on the other hand, is about reconnection or relaxation.

286.712 - 296.284 Marissa Nelson

Maybe it's more laughter or time to talk. In some cases, when I see couples and they're really at a crossroad in their relationship, it could be more clarity about how to move forward.

296.824 - 311.563 Amelia Edelman

That's Marissa. She says that while you and your partner are honing in on your why, ask yourselves. What does fun look like on this trip for us? And how can we plan that? Once you've landed on your why, it'll give you all the information you need to choose a destination.

311.543 - 330.979 Amelia Edelman

This is where working with a travel advisor can help, especially if you and your partner are newer to traveling or extra concerned about safety or comfort levels. If you're a person of color, for example, what destinations won't make you feel othered? If you're a queer couple, where will you feel confident and at ease? Another idea, Marissa says a great tip is to ask your friends.

Chapter 4: How can couples balance different travel styles on a trip?

649.877 - 654.323 Amelia Edelman

Whether you're more of an introvert than your partner or you're craving more togetherness time. Here's Marissa.

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654.824 - 677.412 Marissa Nelson

We forget that in the absence of these conversations that many times we will turn it inward. Or we will make stories and say, my partner doesn't want to spend time with me. When sometimes it's just about more effective communication. It really is more about, hey, this is what I need. I just want to check in. I just need an hour to myself. I'm going to go do a walk.

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677.772 - 687.825 Marissa Nelson

I'm going to call the parents or the kids or whomever. And then I'll be back and we'll spend time together so that we're prioritizing self and us at the same time.

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687.805 - 708.365 Amelia Edelman

If you, like me, are the hooray couples trip, let's spend all our time together partner and feel like planning solo time on a couples trip is defeating the purpose, well, Will says don't discount the restorative power of being alone together. Set aside some reading or journaling time when you're not having to engage, but you're still nearby, maybe even cuddling.

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708.786 - 720.805 Will Messer

It's like there's still quality in we're in the same room together. That's still meaningful. And there are definitely times where I feel that way. We're I like just being in each other's presence, even if we're not doing the same thing.

721.085 - 730.735 Amelia Edelman

Whether you're having alone time, together time, or alone together time, make it intentional. Marissa says to plan a few mindful you and me activities, whether creative, active, or relaxing.

731.056 - 749.215 Marissa Nelson

Are you doing cooking classes? Are you doing activities together that are bonding? I just want to know how you are connecting while you are away, or is this more of like you know, parallel lives together. Like I'm on my phone, you're on your phone.

749.455 - 762.82 Amelia Edelman

Parents in particular might experience a cluelessness as to what activities to even plan. Maybe it's your first trip away without kids, like us, or maybe your kids have grown and you're re-acclimating to what it's like to live as a duo.

763.121 - 782.747 Marissa Nelson

I think that that is a cue for us to know that it really has been about the kids as a priority, which is a wonderful thing. However, how can we hold these two things in balance too, that our kids get to be a priority, so do ourselves and our relationship.

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