When your best friend tells you to stop texting her
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The last time Antonio Mays Sr. heard from his son, it was in a note the 16-year-old left in the family's garage. He told me he was gonna make me proud. Antonio Jr. left home to join a protest in Seattle. A week later, he was shot and killed there. I need some arrest made, justice for my son. Listen to We Keep Us Safe on the Embedded podcast from NPR.
I was telling Megan all about this. I was dog sitting for three days. Really? I feel like I don't have the, what's the word? The stamina, the like. Constitution. I was starting to be like, can I have a baby? Like if I can't even do this for three days.
And you know what they say, it's one of those things like when it's your dog, it's different. Like when it's your baby, it's different. Yeah. I was never a kid person. I just remember being like, they're just sticky all the time. Why are they always sticky? And now my kid is always sticky. And I'm like, fine with it.
You get conditioned to being a gross cesspit and like always having like jam and yogurt.
I don't know if you're selling this.
I don't know if you're selling this.
Gross cesspit.
Hello and welcome to another edition of Dear Life Kit, the series where you send us your questions and we try to dole out some helpful advice with help from the collective wisdom in our archives. I am Mariel Segarra and as always for Dear Life Kit, reporter Andi Tegel is here. Hey, Andi. Hi. And we've also got our digital editor, Malika Garib here. What's up?
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Hi. I like your Dodgers jersey. Me too.
Thank you. It's the Filipino edition.
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Envy. Cool. A lot of envy.
If you have a question for us, please get in touch. Write us or record yourself asking your question and email the file to lifekit at npr.org. Okay, Andi, let's get started. What's our first question? All right, let's do it.
So Lizeth writes, my best friend is expecting her first child, and we live in different countries. I want to be supportive, but my friend was clear in setting a boundary. No texts or communication until she appears with news when she has time and energy to do it. I just want to be a good friend, but I miss her. How can I be supportive, respect her boundaries, but still be there, even in the distance? I'm a childless person, and I don't plan to have kids. But being an auntie with my friend's child would be a dream. Wow.
That sounds painful. Can I just say, this sounds like a red flag for me, for the friend. Like, is she okay? Is the friend okay? Like... This is a long distance friendship already. Like long distance friendship is what? Sharing memes with each other, sending those Instagram videos to each other. Like, how do you feel right now? Are you okay? Do you need anything? And like not wanting any of that communication is kind of wild for a best friend dynamic.
Or does this friend just not know what's going to happen? I'm thinking first baby on the way, there's a very high possibility. If this is really what they think they need, there's a very high possibility if this person is really your best friend that that's going to change. So if it were me, if this was my best friend telling me this, I'd be like, okay, I'm going to do my best to respect what you think that you need, but I'm going to send you a giant care package. And in that giant care package, there's going to be a menu of options. And in that menu of options, it's going to be like, like a plane ticket that's going to be like ready to go. A diaper delivery, it's going to be a, you know, like a food train, whatever.
And you know, the other thing I might do is I'm going to like call that panel of experts that knows her. You know, I'm going to call your partner. I'm going to call your mom. I'm going to be like, is she okay? You know, like this is a strange request with a baby on the way.
And although you can send something like a care package, like you said, Andi, And just be clear that they don't need to respond. Totally. Yeah. I will say, though, like, the desire to be a supportive adult in a kid's life, I mean, it makes a lot of sense. And you mentioned that you don't have children and you don't plan to.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–6:04
2
How do I support a pregnant best friend who asked for no texts or updates?
6:04–9:10
3
What practical gestures can you send from afar to respect a friend's boundary?
9:10–11:47
4
How can child-free adults find meaningful roles with other people's kids?
11:47–18:46
5
How do single parents manage overscheduled kids and sports burnout?
18:46–19:33
Speakers
7 identifiedMore from Life Kit
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