Loving BDSM

Q&A: How Do I Handle Having a Bad Local Community?

04 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A newish kinkster live in an area with a local kink community they’re not comfortable being part of and driving to another area isn’t an option. H...

Dominants and Communication

01 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We didn’t know where this would go before we started other than saying, “Yes, Doms need to communicate effectively, too.” (Obviously.) JB shares...

Q&A: How Can I Motivate My Dom to Bring D/s Out of the Bedroom?

28 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s episode, a submissive wants to bring D/s out of the bedroom, but their Dom doesn’t seem motivated to try. Here’s the question: My...

Old Relationship Energy in Power Exchange

25 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve probably heard of new relationship energy (NRE) but we’re more interested in the idea of old relationship energy. So let’s talk about it....

BDSM Reddit Response

18 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re back and coming in hot with a BDSM Reddit response/reaction episode! In this episode: This week’s episode is sponsored by Flure, a welcome, ...

Q&A: Can We Go Back to Normal?

07 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s episode, a kinky couple has gone through a few shifts in their relationship and now things are a little off. Can they go back to norm...

When Life Interferes with Your Power Exchange | Back to Basics Series

04 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we talk about the thing that anyone who’s ever had a D/s relationship knows…life will definitely interfere with your power exchange. In...

Q&A: How Do I Enjoy Scenes with a Nervous Domme?

30 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A submissive isn’t having a good time during scenes with their nervous Domme — and is getting more and more frustrated. Here’s the question: Hel...

Where to Find a Dominant or Submissive Partner | Back to Basics Series

27 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve been getting the same type of question recently…Where do I find a Dom? How do I find a submissive? So let’s talk about it this week. In th...

Q&A: Is It Okay to Enjoy Our Power Dynamic Without Labeling It?

23 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster wants to take things further with their partner – who isn’t interested in being a submissive. Here’s the question: My wife and I have...

What to Watch Out for in New D/s Relationships | Back to Basics Series

20 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve figured out you’re kinky, met a partner (or talked to your current partner), and negotiated a power exchange. Yay! And also…there are a f...

Q&A: How Do I Move Past Bad Memories to Enjoy Old Kinks?

16 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we’re answering a question from a submissive who wants to get back to a more primal, CNC, sadomasochistic way of playing with their partn...

Consent in D/s Relationships | Back to Basics

13 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In the next episode of our Back to Basics series, we’re discussing consent in D/s relationships. In this episode: Get the Kink Bundle while it’s a...

Q&A: Can I Avoid an Active Member in My Local Community?

09 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a kinkster wants to get back into their local community but wants to avoid someone who seems to be an unsafe kinkster. Note: Content warnin...

Starting a New D/s Relationship | Back to Basics

06 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re starting a new “back to basics” series for power exchange. The topics may be things we’ve talked about in the past, but with 400+ episod...

Q&A: Am I an Unreliable Dominant?

02 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a Daddy Dom worries that they aren’t being a good Dom because they promise fuckery at the end of the day and then change their mind. Here...

Kinky Q&A

30 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We asked for your questions over at that handle we hate on Instagram, and you delivered! In this episode: The Kinkery is having a sale through Labor D...

Things We’ve Learned About Power Exchange in Nine Years of Podcasting

23 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re a bit late to our own party, but we’re celebrating our 9th podcast anniversary! We’re sharing things we’ve learned, discovered, and figu...

Q&A: Can We Be Switches in Different Ways and Still Have a Good D/s Relationship?

19 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a kinkster is figuring out their switchy self but isn’t sure how to navigate wanting different things in different ways than their partne...

The Pressures and Privileges of Dominance

16 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

With great power comes great responsibility…or something like that. The weight of the responsibility a Dom carries can sometimes feel like pressure,...

Q&A: How Can My Dom Become Comfortable Initiating Free Use?

12 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

After life got in the way, this kinky couple is ready to get back to their fuckery – including free use – but the Dominant partner isn’t initiat...

Imposter Syndrome in Power Exchange and Kink

09 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Anyone and everyone can experience imposter syndrome. While it’s most common in professional settings, it’s definitely possible in personal situat...

Q&A: What If a Dom Doesn’t Always Want to Lead?

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re willing to bet that this question comes up more than some Dominants are willing to admit. Here’s the full question: What should you do if yo...

BDSM Reddit Response

26 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we react/respond to BDSM questions shared on the kinky side of Reddit. In this episode: Oh yeah, Kayla has a vanilla Etsy shop that’s boo...

Q&A: When is the Right Time to Meet in Real Life?

22 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster wants to know when the right time is to take things from dating apps or Fetlife to in person. Here’s the question: How do I know when to ...

Answering Cute and Spicy Questions

19 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we’re letting Therapy Jeff tell us what to talk about – by answering several “cute and spicy” relationship questions he posted abou...

Q&A: How Do I Trust My Dom Again?

15 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A submissive has gone through a lot with their Dominant partner with consent violations, a broken D/s agreement, and just being made to feel awful. An...

Radical Honesty in Power Exchange

12 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A moment when Kayla admitted wrongdoing has us thinking about the concept of “radical honesty” which potentially has a deeper meaning for kinkster...

Q&A: How Do I Tell My Partner I Want to Switch?

08 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A submissive who was once the Dominant in their power exchange wants to add their Dom energy back to the dynamic but isn’t sure how to talk to their...

Needing External Motivation in Power Exchange

05 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

External (extrinsic) motivation is about doing something because of outside expectations – your partner set a task, you were asked to do something, ...

Task Creep in Power Exchange

21 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve experienced “task creep” – the act of taking on tasks/routines that weren’t specifically negotiated. Thankfully for us, we figured it ...

Celebrating 400 Episodes with Kinky Q&A

14 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We don’t know how we’ve made it to 400 full-length episodes, either, but here we are! We didn’t get a lot of questions for this one, so we just ...

BDSM Reddit Response

07 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re one week away from our 400th episode, so we’re starting the celebration early with a BDSM Reddit response episode! In this episode: Ask your...

Over Communication in Power Exchange

31 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Most kinksters aren’t communicating too much, but some of us (like Kayla) could be, so let’s talk about it. In this episode: We need your question...

Q&A: Is My Dom the Problem or Am I?

27 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A submissive has a recurring issue about aftercare with their Dominant partner and wants to know: are they the problem or is it me? Here’s the quest...

Submission With Control Issues

24 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We joke about Kayla’s control issues, but they’re definitely a thing we both have to navigate in our power exchange. In this episode: We joke abou...

Q&A: How Do We Get Our Kink Life Back After Having a Baby?

20 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a submissive is ready to get back to their previous kink life but their partner might not be as ready. Here’s the question: I have a ques...

What Grounds or Centers You in Kink?

17 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Hair pulling inspired this week’s episode – because it was a grounding and/or centering moment in kink. So let’s talk about it. In this episode:...

Q&A: How Do I Help My Dom Act More Commanding?

13 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A submissive needs more commands and strictness from their Dominant to feel the power exchange, but they’re not getting what they need. Here’s the...

Responsibilities to Your Power Exchange

10 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Each partner has responsibilities to the other, to yourselves, and to the power exchange relationship. We’ve talked about this in the distant past, ...

Q&A: Should I Just Let My BDSM Relationship End?

06 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a kinkster asks if it’s time to let their kinky relationship go. Here’s the question: My BDSM relationship is disintegrating. I don’t...

Answering Feel Good Relationship Questions

03 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week we answer relationship questions that are supposed to make us feel “warm and fuzzy.” In this episode: Our Wednesday live streams are cha...

Q&A: What Make Good Punishments and Rewards?

29 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week, a submissive has been assigned the task of coming up with ideas for punishments and rewards in their new D/s relationship, and they’re no...

BDSM Reddit Response

26 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If Kayla Rants™ are one of your kinks, our BDSM Reddit episodes are made for you. In this week’s Reddit response, we talk about spanking “ugly”...

Q&A: What Do I When People Reject Me For Being Kinky?

22 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s question is something both of us have dealt with – and there aren’t any easy answers. Here’s the question: How do you handle famil...

A Bonus Section Episode

19 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We didn’t have it in us to focus on a single topic, so this is a bonus section episode – rambly, pointless, and chaotic (on purpose!). If you pref...

Q&A: Are Most Kinky People Also Non-Monogamous?

15 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster feels like they’re the only monogamous person in their local kink community, and it’s really bothering them. Here’s the question: I r...

Building Confidence in D/s and Your Kink Identity

12 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s topic came straight from a recent Patreon live stream where we were asked about how to be confident in a power exchange dynamic and with...

Q&A: What Kinky Lingerie Options Are Available for Big Breasts?

08 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We are so sorry for the sound quality on this episode. We knew we had issues with the video, but we didn’t realize the mics wouldn’t be picked up ...

Do Submissives Really Have All the Power in D/s?

05 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We are so sorry about the audio quality! We had tech issues for the live stream/video side of things and didn’t realize until afterwards that the fi...

How Do I Introduce My Kink Partner and Honor the Requirements of My Divorce?

01 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster’s ex-spouse figured out they were kinky during the divorce, and it impacted the divorce decree. Now they want to introduce their sub but ...

Answering Random But “Deep” Relationship Questions

29 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re back from our break and answering some random relationship questions we found on Instagram! In this episode: Get your free ticket to the Dom/s...

Q&A: How Do I Connect With People in My Local Kink Community?

18 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster is part of their local community but still finds it difficult to make connections, especially with a possible long term partner. Here’s t...

Responding to Your Kinky Hot Takes and Unpopular Opinions

15 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’re going on break next week but before we do, we asked for your kinky hot takes and unpopular opinions over on Instagram! Here’s what we think…...

Q&A: Will These Household Items Work as Pervertables?

11 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster had a question about specific items they wanted to use in kink which gave us a great excuse to talk about pervertables in general! Here’s...

Ask Us Anything!

08 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

For this week’s episode, we asked for your questions over on Instagram. In this episode: Check out our newest products on our Etsy shop! Disclaimer:...

Q&A: How Do I Navigate a Complex Poly and Kink Relationship with Two Partners?

04 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The person who submitted this question said it was complex, and they weren’t wrong. Here’s the question: I have a question on how to handle loyalt...

Submission and Pleasure

01 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s episode isn’t meant to be a continuation of the pleasure Dom discussion from last week – though it seems that way. Instead it’s a ...

Q&A: How Do I Let My Dom Know I’m Ready for Sex and Kink Without Feeling Like I’m Initiating Play?

26 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s question comes from a submissive who’s getting their desire for kink and sex back but doesn’t want to feel like they’re telling th...

What is a Pleasure Dom?

23 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Pleasure Dominant is a relatively new term, probably born from the internet, but what does it even mean? Let’s talk about it. In this episode: New p...

What Do I Do When My Dominant Can’t Handle the Mental Load?

19 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s question comes from a submissive who wants to be told what to do in power exchange, but their Dominant can’t handle the mental load. H...

BDSM Reddit Response

16 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It’s been too long since we’ve responded to the BDSM side of Reddit, so here we are! In this episode: We’re live streaming on Friday, February 1...

Q&A: Can I Be My Authentic Kinky Self With a Vanilla Friend?

12 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A kinkster wants to be their most authentic self with a close friend but isn’t sure it’s working. Here’s the question: I am currently struggling...

The State of Our Power Exchange

09 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Think of this like a “state of the union” but for a D/s relationship – specifically ours. In this episode: One week left of our Patreon membersh...

Q&A: Is Anger Part of Dominance?

05 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s question, a kinkster wants to explore their Dominant side and wonders if they can use that to work through their anger. Here’s the ...

Age Gaps in Power Exchange

02 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We’ve talked about age differences in D/s relationships before, but this time, let’s discuss the perception/belief that “all” age gaps are bad...

Q&A: How Do We Make the Most of Our LDR?

29 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s question, a submissive asks how they can keep things going in their D/s even while apart. Here’s the question: How can I make the m...

How We Show Up in Our D/s Relationship

26 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s episode was inspired by a conversation we recently had about how we behave and act as Dom and sub and how that doesn’t always match th...

A Commercial Break Ramble

19 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There’s no episode this week because JB got sick and needed to rest. As of the day this commercial-like episode goes live, he’s feeling a bit bett...

How Do We Renegotiate Our Marriage For D/s?

15 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s question, this couple asks a question that a lot of kinksters have gone through — how to go from a vanilla relationship to a D/s re...

Free Use and Blanket Consent in Power Exchange

12 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When we started researching this episode, we thought it would just be on the concept of sexual free use in power exchange. But there was so much more ...

Q&A: How Do I Get Kinky Punishment Without Sex?

08 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s episode, we answer a question from a submissive who wants punishment outside of a fun, sexual moment but doesn’t know how to get it...

Our 2024 Kinky Goals and Plans

05 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In what seems to be a new tradition, we’re sharing our plans and goals for 2024 and reviewing our goals from 2023. In this episode: Join us on Patre...

Q&A: Is This Past Trauma or a New Beginning for My Submissive?

18 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s episode, a Dominant worries their submissive expects certain rules due to their past trauma and not because of the dynamic, and they ...

BDSM Reddit Response

15 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, on our way out for a two week break, we’re doing the last BDSM Reddit response episode of 2023! There be rants ahead… In this episode: ...

How Do I Negotiate When They Want to Experiment With Kink?

11 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s episode, someone asks how to negotiate with someone who doesn’t even really know if they like kink yet. Here’s the question: Hey ...

BDSM in the News

08 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We’re back for another BDSM in the news episode, talking about articles we’ve come across that focuses on or mentions kink in some way. These arti...

Can a Submissive Negotiate Their Rewards?

04 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s Q&A episode, a submissive likes the positive reinforcement of rewards in their dynamic, but they don’t feel like they’re getting ...

How Well Do We Know Each Other | Answering Relationship Questions

01 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We were inspired by Therapy Jeff on Instagram again and decided to answer questions he advises people to ask to figure out how well they know their pa...

What Do I Do When My Dominant Wants Something Silly?

27 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this week’s Q&A episode, a submissive can’t wrap their mind around the kinky scene their Dom wants. Here’s the question: What to do when your...

Pure Randomness | A Bonus Section Episode

24 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Things happened this week that derailed the podcast a bit – plus we’re getting ready for Black Friday for our shop(s) – so we kept it simple for...

What We Find Easy and Hard About Kink

17 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Even if your kink life and/or power exchange relationship feel natural and good, that doesn’t mean it’ll always be easy. On the other hand, someti...

How Can We Have the D/s We Planned While We Were LDR?

13 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s question takes a turn from where you think it’s going based on the title. They were in a long distance D/s relationship for six years....

Brat Tamer vs Brat Handler

10 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We’re back for another look at what certain terms (that you may or may not have heard of before) mean and how we feel about them. This time, we’re...

What Do I Do When My Dom Leaves Me Hanging?

06 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s question is similar to a previous episode about how a submissive gets their needs fulfilled. But in this situation, this isn’t about p...

Changes We See In Each Other After a Decade

03 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We celebrated our wedding anniversary on October 28, and that particular milestone got me thinking about how much we’ve both grown and changed over ...

BDSM Reddit Response

27 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Yes, another one, lol. But we promise we have a very good reason. JB is under the weather, but insisted on recording, so we needed something easy to t...

How Do I Get More Kinky Fun When I Hate Planning For It?

23 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we’re talking about something that might be more common than you think — needing to plan and schedule your kink scenes but feeling like...

The Difference Between Power Exchange Relationships Being Hard vs Requiring Effort

20 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Buckle up, y’all, this episode is a ranty one. Too many times we’ve heard, “Relationships are hard!” But we don’t believe they’re meant to...

How Do I Make Sure My Submissive Needs Are Fulfilled?

16 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we answer a question that a lot of submissives have at some point in their kink life — how to get your own needs fulfilled while fulfilli...

Silliness and Playfulness in D/s Relationships

13 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I (Kayla) am often in a silly, goofy mood, and thankfully JB either is or will play along. So let’s talk about it from a power exchange perspective....

How Can I Be Vulnerable With New Dom After Bad Vanilla Break-up?

09 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s our first Q&A episode! These will be short episodes that focus on a single question that we’ll answer with our D/s perspective. Here’s the ...

Top 10 Kinkiest States, Sex Toys, and Fetishes

06 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we’re talking about the results of a “survey/study” we received from Kinky Cloth. They used Google search data to figure out the kink...

BDSM Reddit Response

29 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Another week, another BDSM Reddit response episode — and this one has some heavy topics. Including one that comes with a content warning. If that se...

Navigating Stress Before It Happens in D/s Relationships

22 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week’s episode is brought to you by our own personal stressors and more inspiration from Therapy Jeff! We’ve mentioned in the past that – w...

Breadcrumbing vs Doing the Little Things in D/s Relationships

15 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

After an unplanned week off, we’re back with a topic that we know too many people have faced — breadcrumbing. We’re talking about what it is, wh...

A Random Episode

01 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Thanks to Hurricane Idalia, we were a little out of sorts this week. The storm missed us, thankfully, but our heads weren’t in it, so we turned this...

Responding to Kinky Hot Takes and Unpopular Opinions

25 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We let y’all help us out over on Instagram this week and asked for kinky hot takes and unpopular opinions. We’re also celebrating our 8th podcast ...

And Now for a Break(Down)

18 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Those of a certain age might recognize that line. It’s from En Vogue’s My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It). “Never gonna get it, never gon...

BDSM Q&A

11 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, before we take a week off, we’re answering you asked over at the handle I will forever fucking hate on Instagram! In this episode: We’r...