Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Be warned, it's Luana, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants, and general explicit content, but you know you love it. Be warned. Be warned.
Are you joking me? Be warned, there are two little girls knocking door to door. Oh, my giddy aunt. I've never heard of poo juice before.
We just need to fucking suck it up, Buttercup, sometimes. I feel awkward for you right now.
Chapter 2: What entrepreneurial activities are Lu's daughters involved in?
I really want an update to this. I do.
I am, like, buckling. This is really awkward. I just hear her shout my name in absolute horror. One of the dirtiest...
Aloha. Good morning and welcome to a fresh new week in Luana land. It is of course Luana the podcast. Good morning girlies.
Crumble's got a new outfit on today. Crumble is here. He's rocking a jumper from the brand I love by Teddy.
Nice. It's a very country chic jumper.
I thought we both look a bit country today.
You do.
In our like kind of muted autonome tones.
Yeah, it's good. It's a good look to be fair. Well, good morning. Good morning. Imo, how are you IMS today? I'm all right. Thank you very much. Raring to go for a fresh new week?
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Chapter 3: What unexpected encounter did Anna have with a lawyer?
So what's been happening, Lou? Tell us, been a nice weekend or anything gossipy?
Can I tell you that my children, I know that I'm, crumble, you need to go down because you're being annoying. It's been a little bit hyperactive. So I know that I moan about them and this is like a moan and a boast all rolled into one. Right. They're quite tenacious, my tea. Apple would fall far from the tree. They have both got ChatGPT. All right. Do you know what they love doing?
Enzo likes ChatGPT. They love creating businesses on ChatGPT. From the name, to the branding, to the financial business plans, to this, to that. Go on. So now, my May half term... Yeah, yeah. Is made up of Saddle Sisters pony camp.
That's a good name.
That Clemmie is making me put on. Fully designed. Do you want to see it? So she's come up with Saddle Sisters? Saddle Sisters. She's done a whole fucking schedule. This is good. In chat GPT.
What's the business?
Well, it's basically, she's charging a couple hundred quid for people to come. What, in real life? Yes, I'm doing it for her. So we're putting on a pony camp. We did pony camp last year. Last year, her instructor did it. And this year, Clemmie wants to do it because she wants all the dough. So she's designed this poster, Saddle Sisters, on Chachi Petit. Oh my gosh, this is a brilliant poster.
She's got the date. She's done the schedule. Hang on, give this back. She's done the schedule.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of the social media ban for under-16s?
This is an absolute work of art. Anyway, basically, the camp is... Set up arrival. The camp is now full. It's not? Yeah, people have paid. I'm only going to have about 10. Might push to 12, yeah. How much is this costing? £250 for the weekend. £250. £30 for the parents' food for the weekend. So we'll be doing like pizzas, a barbecue, toasted marshmallows around the fire pit, lots of games.
And are you providing or Saddle Sisters providing all of the food?
Yeah, yeah, we provide everything. So it's flat rate of £250. So you come, everything's included. Where do they stay? You sleep in your tent or your lorry in the field. So it's a full jam-packed day of activities. So that's Clemmie, Saddle Sister. She got a bee in her bonnet about it. She wanted to do it. And that is that, fully arranged.
And are you allowing her to have the proceeds of this?
Yeah, of course she can keep after my costs. Yeah, but you should take the costs. Teach her real business. I will. Don't you worry. So done the financial forecast and stuff. That's phenomenal. And then Indigo has decided that she will also be doing a camp. Now she's gone. Obviously, the one for Clemmie is just at home. Easy to put on. Indigo loves cheerleading.
So she's part of Dubai Athletics Cheer and she misses cheerleading so much since we've been in England. She has decided she is doing a cheer camp called the Fire Flyers. Okay. She has been emailing
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Chapter 5: What are the dos and don'ts of plane seat etiquette?
The local village halls, I shit you not, in the local area, finding out their rates, their capacities, their availability for a few days in the May half term. She made Nanny C drive her round four village halls because she'd made appointments. Doing a recce. Doing a recce. She'd made appointments. You're not joking me. To meet people. I'm actually not even joking. I'm so impressed.
I was trying to brush her off a bit, but no. Don't squash that business acumen. She's chosen her hall. It's £21 an hour. Clever girl. And she has booked this hall. She's asked me for a business loan. She did the financials on ChatGPT. Who's teaching it? Like, is she teaching it? Well, she, well, no, the nannies will do it because they've got DBS and childcare qualifications. That helps.
So, no, but she will be there too. Influential in this cheer camp.
Well, how much are we charging for this then?
Well, you need to send out. It's in the May half term. That'll be £40 a day per child to come. Full day. That's quite good. I pay £60 for the kids' multi-sports. She's designed her schedule. Oh, my giddy-up. I can't find her poster. The Fireflyers cheer camp set. These are the same day? No, Kermie's is at the weekend and hers is during the week. You're going to be so busy that whole week.
Oh, my God. So, basically... I mean, I can't blame them for being entrepreneurial. Anyway, when I was trying to brush them off at first, I was like, well, you know, you need capital and blah, blah, blah to do that. So they decided, where will we get money from? Because mother gives us no money. I'm quite tight with my children. I want them to learn the value of money.
So they decided, and bless Nanny C, she's a good egg. She does do all this shite with them, right? Sort of. So they decide, right, well, we'll bake some cookies and brownies and we're going to go door to door selling our cookies and brownies to raise money. This is Indy's main idea, to raise money for the capital that she needs to book the hall.
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Chapter 6: What shocking cleaning confession was shared during the episode?
Oh, Lord Sugar, eat your heart out. So they baked all this shit in my house. Kitchen's a fucking shit show. And sorry, I'm really not.
Have you given them the gratis of the ingredients? Yes.
Well, I let them have the ingredients. Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. I let them have that. Although I did say to them they should calculate how much the ingredients cost. Anyway, they've baked all their shite. They get Nanny's seat. Oh, they went in the garage. They found our Luana spinning wheel. Oh, I saw that in their playroom.
Yeah, so they found our wheel and they went out with all their little cakes and cookies. They took our spinning wheel and they'd written on it, spin again, spin. Free cookie, 10% off, all these different options on our spinny wheel. Got Nanny C to take them out. Round the local village. Round the local village. Knocking on door to door, selling their cookies and their brownies to people, right?
I am so impressed. Nanny C didn't get out of the car. So she's just in the car, letting them go, do your thing, come back. They tried to find the Luana, I tried to find the Luana card payment machines. They could take card payment and I couldn't find them. We need to find those. We need to sort that bloody garage out. We actually need to find those. Anyway, so they've gone off into the village.
They made £29. Isn't that cute? Anyway, I'm then on the village Facebook group, aren't I? And somebody posts on there. So proud of you. Be warned. Are you joking me? Be warned. There are two little girls knocking door to door, selling cookies and brownies.
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Chapter 7: Who was crowned Weirdo of the Month and why?
Seems suspicious. Oh, what a bitch! There was a lady in the car who was shouting at me. Haven't you got any cash?
Yeah, bloody right. Go and help the kids. Can I just say, I treat your kids like my own kids. She said, be warned. That woman needs to fuck off. You've got two kids, not on screens, not being dickheads.
They are being entrepreneurial. Making a little business. I know. Oh, I'm raging. Be warned. She put a warning in the local...
Oh, you don't knock those.
Those girls are as good as my girls. You do not. You do not. She did a warning in the village group about Indian Clemmies selling fucking cookies and brownies. What, 10-year-old and an 8-year-old? Well, they're 8 and 9, yeah. And I was like, come on. So I commented and I was like, they were my little girls. They started a baking business. There's nothing sinister in this.
This woman thought, but is that the state that Britain's really in? I mean, I mean. Anyway, so... I was like, there's nothing sinister in it. They're literally like just done a little business. Yeah, a couple of people said they came to my door and they were very cute and polite. Few people said that. Anyway, they knocked on one woman's door and she went to them, oh, where do you two live?
And then they said, oh, we live at blah, blah, blah, Champneys 2. And she went... What are you doing knocking on my door? Your mum's rich. Why don't you ask her for some money? She's trying to teach me the value of money. That's what Indy said. Indy said, our mummy doesn't give us any money. We have to earn it. But you are doing so the right thing. Someone said that to them, but it's true.
You don't want trust fund kids. I'm not. I'm a skater spending kids' inheritance.
Let me tell you now, and I can say as a therapist, there are so many with kids because they've got no purpose in life.
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Chapter 8: How do Lu and Anna feel about the current state of parenting?
If you've got no purpose and you're always being compared to your parents' achievements and not recognised for your own, you are in a whole fucking level of hell. That is so brilliant, Lou. So do you want Elle to come to the cheer camp?
Yes, I really do. You could send Enzo too. Yeah, he probably loves the girls. Certified childcare people will be there, obviously.
No, I'm not even joking, yeah. Yeah, it's like, I think she's booked this bloody hall for three days. Do you know what? Jokes aside, this could be our golden ticket because you know why? We're hoping to kind of half start moving back into the glammy pad at that point. Bring her to cheer camp.
No, I'm not even joking. So I promoted Clemmie's pony camp on my Instagram and it blew up. And there wasn't even that many spaces, more space at the cheer camp. So I'll be promoing that soon. If I haven't already before this app goes out, I will be promoing it soon for Indigo's cheer camp for the Fire Flyers. Do you know what? They're quite amazing, aren't they?
I am so impressed.
Eight and nine years old, but they're so fucking like dog with a bone. I was hoping that they'd both just play on ChatGPT and then leave it. But oh no, they've made shit happen.
Well, I'm going to be honest. They are the daughters of you and Andrew, who are probably two of the most successful and business-minded entrepreneurs I've ever met.
Oh, you are.
Both of you are so entrepreneurial.
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