Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. And you know you love it. You cannot turn a blind eye to this. There's a lot of DNA in that bath.
I've got you your own pussy pumps. You deserve a life. Like, what are you meant to do? Not live your life because your adult child is throwing her toys out the pram.
One of my biggest perks about doing Luanna the podcast and having our vast listenership is having my direct access to my own personal GPs. I might just start telling people I'm a prophet. Well, I was going to say. Good morning everybody and welcome to Luanna Land.
It's Monday. It is, it's Monday the 20th of April. Oh my gosh, do you know what that means? Go on. April's basically finished now. It means basically with the summer, it's basically Christmas. It basically is Christmas.
No, actually like how fast has the year gone? Can I just say, I know it sounds like an old granny-ish thing, but yeah, it's like everyone goes, oh where's the time gone? But can you believe it?
Where's the time? Do you know what else today is?
Mm-hmm.
First time my children have been in school since February. This is a huge milestone.
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Chapter 2: What milestone is mentioned regarding children returning to school?
Theo says, oh, no, no. She just wants you to birth. Well.
Well. Safely. Safely. That's what we do. Theo, Theo, Theo, Theodora. She's the MP.
that you want before you.
Well, Theo Clark.
She's going to campaign for your rights with all her very might. Theo, Theo, Theo, Theodora.
I've just wrote you a tune. Well, all I'm going to say is, Theo, when you listen back to this, you are welcome. But yeah, we are campaigning for maternity commissioner.
She's actually welcome. She's got a bloody jingle now.
She's got a jingle.
What other MP can say they've got a jingle? On Luanna.
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Chapter 3: What are the hosts' thoughts on team sports?
Yeah. We're laughing. I'm due a tash wax. I was looking in the mirror this morning. Oh, let's have a look.
Well, there is a slight shadow.
Yeah, and I thought before we go to that theatre tonight, I'm going to cleanse and wash my face and I'm going to get my hot wax machine on and I'm waxing the nostrils and the tash. That's why it's quite set on our finish time for today. Oh, because we need to do a waxing. I've got beauty admin to do.
We've got beauty admin. What are you going to do?
Avenue Q. Yeah, I'm taking you on a date night. I know. It's back in the West End. Sorry, Anna invited me and she didn't invite you.
I only got two tickets.
Well, I'd have to bring a wheelchair now for him.
Yeah, true. I've probably got one knocking about in my garage the amount of injuries I've had.
But no, do you know what? I'm really excited about this because also with Lou being back, I was like, and this sounds a little bit schmaltzy, I know, but you know. You booked it when I was depressed. You were depressed. I'm quite happy I'm back now. Well, I'd say she loves it. Fucking love her life, to be honest.
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Chapter 4: What shocking revelations are made about the FLDS cult?
So it's another cult sort of offshoot of the same thing. It's wild. It's all about the wives. It goes into this whole massive... Had like 26 wives. Yeah, uncovering some underage. We don't want to spoil it in case you haven't seen it.
Chapter 5: How does the documentary approach the story of the cult?
The whole thing is shocking. But what I think is an interesting lens about this one is it's done through the lens of a couple who were nothing to do with FLDS, but moved there. Not even like the police or anything? No, and she and him, what's her name? Christine and Tolga, husband and wife.
She is someone that used to be in a cult like that and now wanted to really kind of do an expose, an undercover expose to try and save the women. And she infiltrated the cult. So it's done through her lens and then you will see what unfolds. It's a little bit dark, it's a little bit disturbing. But yeah, what did you think? It's a watch, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a watch. It's terribly sad. I mean, we obviously watch it from the sofa and it's like jaw-dropping, but that's actually people's lives. Like, it's horrific. The coercive control is shocking. I just don't understand how one person...
can be that influential I said to Andrew Andrew and I watched it together last night and I was like are they like really thick the women are they just so sheltered that there's nothing have they just been so sheltered their whole life that they don't question anything because they have no external lens there's no external it's all brainwashing and it's just from such a young age they've been so brainwashed they don't question anything because you don't know there is anything else yeah and that is where it comes from they don't know there's like
Life out there. It's absolutely wild.
It's wild. And I don't want to spoil it, but it's quite, in the last episode.
And he's a fucking loser.
I'm sorry.
The guy is just the most insecure, sick fuck ever. Pedo. But we were talking about this.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of parental responsibility in child behavior?
I don't even know if he's a pedo in the sense that sorry Emma that we would say like oh that pedo is like a predator pedo I think for him it's more about controlling and manipulating whoever he can because some of the wives were like nine and some one of them had like grey hair I don't think he cared who it was or what age they were as long as they were like idolising fawning like it's just wild anyway sorry I totally interrupted you
we were talking about this and part of me was we were like is it that it's really hard because I have never been very religious at all yeah me neither so it's very hard for me to understand how that can affect your life so heavily but at the same time I'm like does he truly believe because of his because he was religious he was brought up really religious blah blah blah
Does he truly believe that he is a prophet and that he is being spoken to by God and therefore he's allowed to do this? Or is it more, I'm going to be manipulative and use the God thing as an excuse? I don't know where that line is.
And I think the answer to that will never be discovered. But I think that's a really interesting point.
I think he's obviously like sick in the head. And maybe to like justify in his brain, like these weird dark thoughts. He thinks it's God talking to him. Watch it.
See what you think. We'd love you.
Stuff like that puts me off religion even more.
It is a strange one, you know, because I am, I do have faith and it does make me, I am faith. No, but I do, I do have a, I've had a religious upbringing, but I wouldn't say an extremist one.
Andrew's Catholic and like Bible bashing and all that stuff. And the thing is, I just think, how do you go from like living a normal life like you do, but believing in like a higher power, I suppose, is God or is Allah for some people. To taking it to extremism. To taking it to that. And I just, that's what doesn't sit well with me as a religion.
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Chapter 7: How do influencers impact small businesses and what are the ethical considerations?
He dug, I was going to say. Was spitting at people, was honestly horrific. She remembers nothing of that three-month stint when she was in the psychiatric unit. And before this, she also went on a massive spending spree and just absolutely bizarre behaviour. And again, does not remember any of this. It was a really terrible time for her family and for all of her friends.
And at one point, we didn't know if she would actually make it out of the psychiatric unit. I do absolutely believe that Kanye could have lost the plot. And this Nazi stuff was just very, very odd behavior. And he probably doesn't actually remember doing these things because he was having a manic episode. Just thought I'd educate you a little on how bipolar can work. Love, Linny.
Yeah, in response to obviously our new story from last week around Wireless Festival being cancelled and Kanye being denied entry. Really interesting take. Yeah, yeah. Message from Hannah. Hi, Luanimo. I listen to you girls all the time. Thank you, babe. And the advice you give to others often brings so much comfort and clarity. Well, thank you. That's kind. I'm hoping you can do the same for me.
It is quite lengthy, so settle in, peeps. Almost two years ago, I moved to New Zealand from the UK with my wife of almost 14 years. Thank you. In January 2024, my wife returned from a month-long trip seeing family in New Zealand and was so enthralled with the place that we started to seriously look into moving there.
As I'm a nurse, our entry into the country was pretty much a given and the decision was made to go. We spoke at length to my daughter about this and she had agreed to move with us. However, during the process, she changed her mind as she didn't want to leave her dad, family and friends. By this time, we had put the house on the market with an offer pending.
I had got a job secured in New Zealand and employment resignations were handed in for my wife and I. In July 24, we left the UK and the plan was for my daughter, then 17, to live with her dad. However, she decided to live with my mum instead. Although it broke my heart to leave her, I knew she would be safe and well cared for.
We flew her over to us in September that year, hoping she would see what a great life she could have. And she didn't allow herself to enjoy it because she had a new boyfriend and she wanted to go home to him. She left after a month and immediately got pregnant by him. Her relationship with him was awful and abusive, so she made the brave decision to leave him and be a single mother.
In January 25, my wife and I offered her to come and live with us and raise the baby here. She agreed, so all plans were put in motion and I even got her a midwife and an immigration appointment in New Zealand for her visa. I flew back to get her and three days after my arrival, she changed her mind again and decided to not come to New Zealand.
So I set her up with everything she needed for the baby to make sure she didn't struggle and flew home to New Zealand without her. I was devastated. I had my daughter at 17, so I knew how hard it was going to be for her. And I just wanted to support her. That is really hard, actually.
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