Marcus In The Morning "ON DEMAND"

Fat But Fit

21 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Great news! You can eat whatever you want and still be fit. Plus, who get the armrests when you sit in the middle seat on an airplane is finally answe...

Boring Music For A Better Drive

20 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Don't listen to basically every kind of music while driving... it could kill you! Plus, the best worst way to quit a job, and Jason's kid free anniver...

Take Years Off Your Life Like A Pro

16 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Three things you did last night are killing you! Plus, Marcus wants to be taken seriously as a Mexican, and things single people should know about mar...

Mercury In Retrograde Incoming! Hide!

15 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Mercury in retrograde starts soon, prepare to hide in a bunker! Plus, Sandy is forced to say hi to her neighbor, with surprising results.

35 Is Middle Aged?!

14 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Middle aged at 35? Nope, not cool. Plus, Ed Sheeran is on the phone, avoiding the airplane seat next to a baby, and all the ways we misread that innoc...

Sweet, Another Excuse To Be Lazy!

13 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You don't need 10K steps anymore! Plus, Sandy hears about some savage revenge, and Marcus can't eat all morning nor can he find anyone to give him a r...

Hidden Camera Freak Out

10 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

That's it! I'm never leaving the house again! Plus, Marcus would love to wear PJ's and Ugg boots to Starbucks, and Sandy is right to be still recoveri...

Get Me Out Of This Meeting!

09 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Is having a family the only easy excuse for getting out of a work meeting? Sandy needs options! Plus, how to talk to a neighbor when you have no idea ...

Thanks For The Invite

07 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This one comment will never not be annoying!!! Plus, Sandy stars in a romantic comedy in Vegas, Marcus gardens and grosses out at the same time, and k...

The Scientific Way To Flirt

03 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You have been sliding into DM's all wrong. We'll teach you how! Plus, the games married people play, and why we are not ready to let summer go just ye...

Two Minutes of Torture

02 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Want to avoid eating sweets and junk food? Just smell it! Plus, Marcus breaks up with his gardener, and Jason thinks his wife his testing him.

Receding Hair Line Vs. Male Pattern Baldness

01 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are bald dudes sexy? What about "balding" dudes? Plus, another horrifying "I didn't know I was pregnant" story has Sandy freaked out.

Peppermint In The Summer?

31 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Pumpkin spice at Christmas? Peppermint in July? No! Plus, the best pro tip to take a nap at work.

"hey there..."

30 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This is the single worst text message you could send someone. Avoid at all costs. Plus, how to avoid small talk with your neighbors, and how to fight ...

I'm Against Office Gossip But OMG Tell Me Everything

27 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you gossip at the office? Sandy and Jason think its key to bonding with your coworkers. Plus, how to dumpster dive like a pro, and then take a powe...

Tik Tok Bad Moms

26 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Is this mom just stunting for Tik Tok, or she really this terrible? Plus, Marcus shamed at the pool, and Sandy goes ham on a lamb... burger.

Congrats On The... Pregnancy?

25 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This is the social disaster we all have nightmares about. Plus, the science behind why hooking up with a ex is so easy, and keeps happening.

No Alcohol - No Deal

23 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Airlines banning alcohol? How will Marcus ever fly again? Plus, eating that hot dog for dinner tonight is taking minutes off your life.

How To Be A Creeper

20 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Is there any possible way to take a photo of someone without them knowing, and not looking like a creepy weirdo? Also, single guys over 50... damaged ...

It's Go Time For Halloween

19 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

When is it OK to put out Halloween decorations? Producer Jason has the answer drilled down to a science. Plus, grossest thing you have ever seen a co-...

You Better Text Me First

18 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Gen Z is bringing back the phone call! Marcus is thrilled! Plus, our drinking increased how much last year? ...and I dream about being a hero, but I d...

The Light Therapy Mask I Never Needed

17 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

How much money have you wasted on crap you bought online that you never used? No matter your answer, you can't beat Sandy she is the queen of buying j...

Baristas Are Over You And Your Complicated Drink

16 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Really? I thought my barista loved me? Also, Sandy forgot how old she was over the weekend, and was horrified when she found out. Plus, Sundays are ve...

Get Me Out Of This Conversation!

13 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Pro tips on how to get out of a conversation with that co-worker you want nothing to do with. Plus, how your insane drunk uncle made your wedding weir...

Accidental Exercise

12 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

My cardio isn't an accident, it's purposely integrated into my daily life, ok!? Plus, do you really want to live in Stockton? ...and the things that b...

Gyms, Blockbuster Style

11 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are gyms dead? Sandy hopes not, but Marcus could do with a few less guys using the locker room to blow dry... everything. Plus, Marcus "let it slip" a...

Cameras In My House?! OK, Maybe, If I Get More Vaca Time

10 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy is horrified there is a company that wants to put cameras in the homes of their work from home employees. Nightmare! ...but what if you got more...

3 - 4 Minutes Is All I Need?

09 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

"Experts" say you only really need 3 to 4 minutes in the shower. Pfft, I'm going to need a lot longer than that to ponder my life choices. Plus, Marcu...

Don't Call Her A Hermit

06 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy dreams of living alone in the desert... just call her a goddess, not a hermit. Plus, Marcus is behaving badly in front of his therapist.

Recline Drama

04 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

To recline, or not to recline... that is the question. Sandy is SO pissed if you recline in front of her on a flight... Marcus can't recline soon enou...

...Just Don't Want To Be Around You

03 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What is it about ourselves that makes people just not want to be around us. Deep soul searching time! Plus, Marcus is all about food pics, but you bet...

Camping Fail = Hospital & Bruised Ego

02 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus tried to camp this weekend but hurt himself badly about one hour in. Plus, your most random and funny celeb sightings, and Sandy is thinking ab...

I Can See Everything

30 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What if you were taking a shower and your neighbor could see... everything. I mean, opening to get a date with the hot guy across the street? Plus, yo...

Zoom In -- Catch Cheaters

29 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

If you think your boyfriend is cheating, you need to perfect the art of the zoom in. Plus, Marcus plans an epic taco night, only to get a soul crushin...

Short Term Rentals For Your Pool? Creepy!

28 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Want to rent someone's pool? Sounds cool, until the homeowner wants to kick it with you. Plus, I've been using Doritos all wrong, and Marcus doubles d...

Cheater!

27 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Ladies, a married man is trying to get with you... do you tell his wife? Plus, Marcus wouldn't wash himself, or anything, if it wasn't for his wife.

I Need A Magazine, Cheetos, Bottle Of Water...

26 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you get embarrassed about buying certain things at the store? Marcus DGAF. Plus, is a device free dinner even possible?

SF, San Fran, Frisco?

23 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Which nickname for San Francisco is the most offensive? Plus, Sandy ate way more junk food than we previously thoughts on her east coast trip a few we...

A Wife's Guide To Being A Husband

22 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Can your husband not remember a damn thing about you even though you have been married for 20 years? This new product may help! Plus, Sandy knows how ...

My Brother Is So Lazy That...

21 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Who is the laziest person in your family, and what are they not doing that drives you nuts? Plus, Jeff Bezos: Space Cowboy, and the great hot dog cond...

I'm Not Moving Off This Throne For Anything

20 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus will do the basic household duties, as long as you make it super simple for him. Plus, Sandy is ready to work alllll day as long she gets an ex...

Pantless At The Party

19 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy went to party this weekend that came with a disclaimer: Beware of the naked guy. Plus, do you love the drama of reading about break ups online? ...

How To Online Stalk Someone

16 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy has a friend who is the master of online stalking... wait, let's call it "research". Plus, the list of things that officially mean you are old. ...

Helpful Tips To Not Exercise

15 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The top excuses to avoid working out? Sure, we just used 3 of these yesterday... and probably will again today! Plus, in search of 3 foot tall bigfoot...

Doritos & Red Wine Meal Plan

14 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus has a very unique approach to his new "diet". Plus, kids please don't put household bleach on your teeth? OK?

I'm Married To A Robot

13 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The time will come soon where we can order our robot bride online. Great idea or nah? Plus, is THIS hairstyle for old ladies only?

Jersey Shore & The Livin Is Easy

12 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy is back from the Jersey Shore were she had the best time of her life. "Legendary" doesn't begin to describe it. Plus, Marcus has an 80's vaca, a...

Road Trippin & Tantrums

09 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus the parenting pro tip givin, road trippin super dad. Plus, drink wine, love long, but do mixed drinks count as well?

Make A Man Chase You

29 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We've got the pro tips to make him fall in love! OMG this is so stupid. Plus, how to get paid for 15 years by doing nothing.

I Can't Eat That

28 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus and Sandy both have a message for the kids... don't eat that. Plus, Marcus has great power with his new handicap sign, but he also has great re...

I Need A Vacation From My Vacation Prep

25 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Preparing for a vacation can be stressful! Well, for some people at least. Sandy is stressed, but Marcus is chill as hell. Plus, Marcus is prepared t...

I Can't Date A Dolphin

24 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A new Netflix show has us asking ourselves... would I rather date a sexy alien, or a dolphin? Plus, Sandy is going to make an afternoon charcuterie bo...

Marcus Will Live Forever

23 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

One of the secrets to a long life? Marcus has been doing this every night for years! Plus, how do you spell that?? ...and how to avoid burn out.

I Wanna Be A Billionaire

22 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What you would you do if you tried to withdraw 20 bucks at the ATM and found out you were a billionaire? Plus, what food should you avoid on a first d...

Your Love Doesn't Cost A Thing, But Also $200 Please

18 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Father's Day coming in hot and you don't need to spend any money on Dad... unless your Dad is Marcus. Plus, inviting 300 people to your wedding is on ...

JUST. STOP. TALKING.

17 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

How do you deal with someone who just won't stop talking? Sandy needs pro tips to deal with her neighbor who won't let her walk through her front door...

My Name Is Not Mark...

16 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Someone has been calling you the wrong name for over a year... do you correct them? Plus, team wife or team stupid husband in the battle of Bed Bath &...

Peloton Shamed In The Desert

15 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus is trying to relax in Palm Springs but all his friends want to do is rise and grind. Plus, things you can do to piss off your server, and reply...

Poolside All Day (Melting)

14 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus is currently melting in Palm Springs. This is a vacation?? Plus, Sandy has not slept, and to boot her car was broken into by a lazy criminal th...

"You Made The Cut"

11 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I can't stand people that announce "social media house cleaning"! Plus, Marcus in Palm Springs where its 300 degrees, and is a vacation with kids and ...

I'll Wear These Undies 10 Times

10 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A guy on Twitter thinks that every guy wears their underwear 3-10 times before washing them? Bro, you need help. Plus, Marcus dumps his Dad!?

Do I Really Need To Shower Everyday?

09 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus loves to push the limits of showering. I feel bad for his family... those odors. Plus, what TV are you embarrassed you love so much?

Spiders vs Roaches

08 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Which insect freaks you out more... Spiders or cockroaches? Marcus will bare knuckle box a spider but cockroaches are scary. Plus, Marcus is such a ba...

Father's Day Gift Registry? Really?

07 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus know what he wants for Father's Day, and it's a lot nicer than what he got his wife for Mother's Day. Woops. Plus, Sandy is back in office, but...

Sorry, Can't, Mercury In Retrograde

04 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Mercury is in retrograde so that's my excuse for everything wrong right now. Plus, 9 year olds can drive cross country now???

Vegas Spending

03 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Things that cost $40 at Trader Joe's cost $300 in Vegas, but Sandy is willing to do what it takes to party big. Plus, Marcus is the king of excuses an...

Toilet Phone Me Time

02 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you use your phone in the bathroom? I bet you don't use it like Marcus does though! Plus, we will go to extreme lengths to eat as much cake as we c...

Sandy In Vegas!

01 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy was in Vegas over the three day weekend, but she almost didn't make it there on Friday! Plus, Marcus is going back to school, but it's not becau...

Sandy On The Border

24 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy left the country this weekend, and she almost didn't make it back in! Plus, why do airplanes make normal people rude as all hell??

Friday Is The Best Day - Duh...

21 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Someone got paid to tell us that Friday is the best day to take a mental health day. Wow. Plus, use these vocab words to pretend you are smart.

Rules For Phone Calls

20 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you need to text someone to give them a heads up that you want to call them? Plus, all alcohol is bad alcohol, apparently.

Hugging is back... but do you even want one?

19 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus and Sandy love to hug but lots of people are glad to see hugging gone forever. Plus, what you did last night is making you look older than you ...

Your Job Will Kill You

18 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

That job is going to kill you if you are working more than 50 hours per week. Take that science to your boss today! Plus, being weighed at the airport...

Marcus' Hidden Snacks

17 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus' family hides snacks from him, Sandy hides snacks from herself. Plus, the robots are taking over and delivering pizza, and how smart is it stag...

26 Million In The Laundry

14 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You just learned you won $26 million... but you ruined the lottery tickets in the laundry. Yikes! Plus, free KFC will land you in jail, and having an ...

My Dog Hates You

13 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A shocking number of people let their pets decide who they date... but Marcus has a hack to get around a dog that hates you. Plus, why you should let ...

The Lazy Guys Guide To Exercise

12 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus just found out all he has to do is walk to get super sexy. Plus, these new rules about showering are not going to be good for humanity.

Crap...Get Me Out Of This Ticket

12 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The list of the top ways to get out of a speeding ticket doesn't include Sandy's epic story of how she successfully got out of one, but it really shou...

900 Popsicles FTW

07 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What this 4 year old did is every parents nightmare but we can't stop laughing. Plus, Furry Fridays goes huge, and stay at home mom deserve $$$

Leave Me Alone For Mother's Day

06 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What does Mom really want for Mother's Day? To be left alone. If you can't pull that off, at least get her a card. Plus, Sandy just put her 2 week not...

Washing My Sheets Once A Year

05 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I try to wash my sheets once a week, but some people wash them once a year? Or less!? Plus, are you excited to go back to your open concept office? Mo...

Waking Up In Vegas

04 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy is back from Vegas, but she didn't sleep, won and lost a ton of money, and bailed on her fitness goals. So, pretty good trip! Plus, Marcus is re...

Talks At 2 AM

30 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus has been very busy lately taking care of his elderly father, but it's given them a chance to really bond... thing is, does it have to be at 2 A...

Used Undies For The Win?

27 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Where do you draw the line when shopping second hand? Used jeans? Undies? Plus, thanks to COVID people are really just done with crowds.

Zillow Sexy

26 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are you down to look at new homes instead of get it on? Plus, Sandy the law breaker, and follow these easy tips to make a man chase you.

15 Years Paid In Full

23 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Why can't this happen to us? Guy gets paid for a job he hasn't shown up to for 15 years. Plus, there are strange noises in our house every night... Ma...

Toilet Phone

22 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you take bathroom breaks when you are talking on the phone with someone? Happened to Sandy and she didn't care at all, but then again she does that...

Snobbier Than You

21 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus is pissed California is snobby, but not the most snobby in the country. Plus, roomba or robber, and married couple lives together for the very ...

Pierced At 40

20 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy just got her ears pierced... at 40... at Clarie's! LOL Plus, what's the worst lie a married guy has ever told when he's been caught cheating? Ju...

Ketchup Black Market

19 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus is trying to get in to the ketchup packet game for a good cause. Plus, Sandy gets emo over her first comedy performance in over a year, and lot...

"What, no call?"

16 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Just because I'm in a 50 mile radius of you, doesn't mean I have to call you. Plus, don't paint your bedroom this color if you plan on sleeping anytim...

He's Mobile And He's Dangerous

15 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus' father is making a speedy recovery after his fall and that's great for him...but Marcus is all hands on deck now and just a little nuts. Plus,...

Man Hating Dog From Hell

14 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This little pup is perfect for you if you hate men, and want to live with a gremlin. Plus, going back in to the office is going to be tough if you hav...

Going Cheap For Dental

13 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus has pro tips if you don't want to spend $3500 on dental work, and Sandy is having a password panic attack. Plus, here's a way to go to the stri...

Chicken Lessons

09 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Marcus' family has chickens, and he was surprised that his daughter had to console him when they arrived the other day. Plus, please don't a woman she...

Dinosaurs Are Back!

08 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you want Jurassic Park to be real? Maybe if Jeff Goldblum is part of the package, but otherwise, I'm good. Plus, Sandy doesn't care about your "Clu...

Professional Internet Creeper

07 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy was stalking someone on the internet... ok no it was just "research", ok? Plus, I'm ready to quit this job if you force me to come back to the o...

Making Contact

06 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Experts say we will most likely make contact with Aliens soon. Soon? Sandy says we have been making contact for a long time. Oh! Plus, Sandy is sharin...

Dead Beat Daughter

05 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sandy feels like she uses her parents for food and nap space. Plus, 4/3/21 is huge in Vegas for people that can't remember dates.

April Fools Fail

02 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Didn't we cancel April Fools for 2021? Guess not, because someone got arrested because of her terrible joke. Plus, Easter eggs can make you very sick,...