Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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My first bit of advice is not quite a told you so, but this was bound to get messy.
I'm Rima Grace, and welcome to This is Uncomfortable, a show about life and how money messes with it. This week, we're answering your questions about money and dating. And don't worry, we're not going to do the whole who pays on the first date kind of questions. We're going to go to some more uncomfortable and outlandish places, from questions about dating a scammer to secret investments.
And by the way, if you have a sticky money situation you need advice on, you can always call us at 347-RING-TIU, or you can email us at uncomfortable at marketplace.org. All right, joining me to answer your questions is one of my favorite podcasters, Sam Sanders, host of The Sam Sanders Show. Hello, Sam. Hi, my friend.
People might not know, but we go way back.
We do. Like more than a decade at this point, right?
Yeah, we had the same fellowship many, many years ago.
Yeah, I think you did it several years before I did. And then we overlapped a little in the office at NPR. Yeah, I kind of helped show you the ropes a little bit. I know. I remember you as this, like, larger-than-life presence in the office and just, like, one of the go-to people for advice.
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Chapter 2: What uncomfortable money questions are addressed in this episode?
It's like you're looking at the wrong place. It's over here, actually. So before we get into the questions, I'm curious, what is like the weirdest conversation about money that you've had on a date?
In general, I have, and this is with my current partner, on our first date, we talked about dead moms and bad breakups, and I got all the details of his divorce. And let me tell you something. First date. Divorce is a story about money, always.
Yep.
Always. And the older I get, because I'm 41 now, so I have a lot of friends who are either going through or are done with divorces. It's crazy. So I guess my first piece of advice is prenup, prenup, prenup. Yep.
We just recorded an episode that'll come out next week about prenups and how we all need to get them.
You really do. You really do.
I was thinking about this question myself. This wasn't a conversation about money, but I have a memory being in college and going on this lunch date with one of my classmates. And we were meeting up at, like, the student union or something. And the plan was for him to show up with food. And I just remember him walking towards me and his jacket was, like, kind of bulging outward.
And he unzips the jacket and takes out these two boxes of, like, Chinese food or whatever. And I was like, oh, why were you carrying the food like that? And he was like, oh, well, don't judge me. But I stole the food.
Did he steal it? He stole the food. Ah! Wow.
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Chapter 3: How can I help my dad realize he's dating a scammer?
What are you thinking, Sam?
I think that there are some red flags for me. Because if this guy is not just supporting his family to the point where he is going into debt, but also paying a second time for things you've already paid for, I think there's some larger deep-seated issues around money here that haven't really been unpacked.
And I think that there's a lot of pride in there, a lot of maybe male-centric pride that needs to be addressed. But if he can't address it, I'd say run for the doors.
Oof, that's pretty sweet and simple. I think, I mean, honestly, this hits pretty close to home as an Arab American myself. Yeah, I feel like I've been in this situation before. What did you do? I mean, I didn't end up staying with that kind of guy.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah. And there you have it.
And there you have it. All right. I mean, it's tough because I do think in Arab cultures, this is very, you know, speaking very generally here, there is a strong expectation that the man in a heterosexual relationship is There's an expectation that they're going to provide financially.
And so it can feel shameful to show up sort of metaphorically empty-handed when you're dating or courting someone. So I can imagine, obviously, that's why he was like, I know I'm going to pay for these sodas. but I think you're right. I think that's because money and masculinity are very interwoven and it goes, like what he did was beyond just like a nice gesture.
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