Ep 609 - Mega Heider (feat. Corey Heider & Nate Marshall)

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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast 1h 3m 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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What is the background of Corey Heider and his work?

Unknown 0:00
Wow, wow, Wes.
Shane Gillis 0:02
And Corey, what's going on? What the hell's happening? But I was just saying what a joyous occasion it was to meet up. You were telling us about the people of where was that? Pittsburgh? No, the tribe. The tribe that found the eagle and the snake and the lion.
Corey Heider 0:19
The Incas and Aztecs, yeah. Oh, Tenochtitlan. We was talking about Tenochtitlan just a moment ago. Tenochtitlan. Yeah. I like that.
Shane Gillis 0:27
Yeah. It's a great story.
Corey Heider 0:28
They finally settled. On straight willpower. They waited. They didn't settle. You know what I mean? So ladies out there, don't settle.
Shane Gillis 0:35
That's what I'm saying.
Corey Heider 0:36
Don't settle.
Shane Gillis 0:36
True. What do you think of the modern dating market right now?
Corey Heider 0:39
Oh, man. Well, I'm glad to be out of it. So I am, brother, because it is... It's like going bass fishing in a port-a-potty out there, brother. It is.
Unknown 0:48
I can't tell if that means it's super easy.
Corey Heider 0:51
No, you do not want to catch bass in a port-a-potty, cousin. No bueno.
Shane Gillis 0:56
No bueno. Hold on to Nate's point. It is easy.

What are the insights on modern dating and relationships?

Shane Gillis 1:00
Yeah, yeah. You might be knocking turds around, but at the next point, you're going to catch a lot. Yeah, you're going to catch a lot.
Corey Heider 1:07
Nothing I'd want to eat, though. Nothing I'd want to eat.
Shane Gillis 1:09
Yeah. Yeah, I peed in a port-a-potty like two days ago. I don't know if this was on purpose, but somebody clogged up the urinal in the port-a-potty with toilet paper. It looked like somebody did it intentionally, and it's like, why? Create a hell. Yeah, why would you want to disable the pee option You're going to hurt the only guy trying to help you. It was really weird.
Unknown 1:31
I was like, I have a theory about homeless people that they thrive in fucked up conditions, like they want it as bad as possible.
Shane Gillis 1:37
And then when the port-a-potty, they see a port-a-potty, they're like, not nasty enough.
Unknown 1:40
Not nasty enough, clog it with paper towel or toilet paper, piss on it, make it reek.
Corey Heider 1:44
Some money, some men want money, some want power, some just want to watch the world burn.
Yeah.
Shane Gillis 1:50
What's the nastiest port-a-potty you think you've ever seen?
Corey Heider 1:52
Port-a-potty, dude. I've seen one that breached. No.
Shane Gillis 1:56
Oh, yeah.
Corey Heider 1:56
Breached water? No, not breached water. No! Yeah, brother. You're talking about the fucking portal? Above sea level, cuz. You couldn't sit on it.
Nate Marshall 2:06
You would have been penetrated by everything.
Shane Gillis 2:07
I don't know how the last person done it. They must have had a stem ladder. That would have truly been Montezuma surveying. Oh, my God. There was a fucking mountain... No, dude. I'm telling you. I believe you, but I'm telling you.
Corey Heider 2:22
I didn't think that was possible. Yeah. What? Here. Okay. So here's the dynamic of it. The last two, three people or last serious game changing last person because they would have done the last four or five pounds, bro. They had to put the keystone on the fucking, you know. 13. That was the peak. 14. Dude, it had to have been an Asian. Really, you know what I mean? Get down on the squat.
Shane Gillis 2:43
The Japanese squat. But they had to have been facing the outboard wall, not the door. 15. That'd be funny too. It was just a mountain of diarrhea, but then a single solid turn.
Unknown 2:53
16. Just floating like iceberg.
Shane Gillis 2:55
17. It's just like you guys have been eating broccoli and rice and chicken. It's just a 12-incher turn. 18. Usually it goes the other way.
Corey Heider 3:01
I get the plug. then to break because on keto you know what i mean you get that cheese plug cuz for two days or you get one that you turn sometimes you see it oh you did a full you that's what's been happening that tried to go back on the one way you can't be that's it yeah it does suck when you get it you like when you poop and it's the shape of your intestines and you're like oh yeah that's good that's good you know you clean that out you're like i'm good for at least you know 18 inches in there you're ready
Shane Gillis 3:30
13. How's the keto going? How long have you been on keto? 14.
Corey Heider 3:33
Oh, dude. On and off.

How does Corey Heider relate personal experiences to his comedy?

Corey Heider 3:34
So I started seriously. Dude, I was like 385 pounds. I was like, I got to either die from this or figure something out. I was like, I could eat salad to go to the gym every day. And I was like, no, that sounds like some bitch shit, right?
Shane Gillis 3:45
I can't. I can't, dude.
Corey Heider 3:47
I went to the gym one time.

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