Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 609 - Mega Heider (feat. Corey Heider & Nate Marshall)
15 Apr 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the background of Corey Heider and his work?
Wow, wow, Wes.
And Corey, what's going on? What the hell's happening? But I was just saying what a joyous occasion it was to meet up. You were telling us about the people of where was that? Pittsburgh? No, the tribe. The tribe that found the eagle and the snake and the lion.
The Incas and Aztecs, yeah. Oh, Tenochtitlan. We was talking about Tenochtitlan just a moment ago. Tenochtitlan. Yeah. I like that.
Yeah. It's a great story.
They finally settled. On straight willpower. They waited. They didn't settle. You know what I mean? So ladies out there, don't settle.
That's what I'm saying.
Don't settle.
True. What do you think of the modern dating market right now?
Oh, man. Well, I'm glad to be out of it. So I am, brother, because it is... It's like going bass fishing in a port-a-potty out there, brother. It is.
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Chapter 2: What are the insights on modern dating and relationships?
Yeah, yeah. You might be knocking turds around, but at the next point, you're going to catch a lot. Yeah, you're going to catch a lot.
Nothing I'd want to eat, though. Nothing I'd want to eat.
Yeah. Yeah, I peed in a port-a-potty like two days ago. I don't know if this was on purpose, but somebody clogged up the urinal in the port-a-potty with toilet paper. It looked like somebody did it intentionally, and it's like, why? Create a hell. Yeah, why would you want to disable the pee option You're going to hurt the only guy trying to help you. It was really weird.
I was like, I have a theory about homeless people that they thrive in fucked up conditions, like they want it as bad as possible.
And then when the port-a-potty, they see a port-a-potty, they're like, not nasty enough.
Not nasty enough, clog it with paper towel or toilet paper, piss on it, make it reek.
Some money, some men want money, some want power, some just want to watch the world burn.
Yeah.
What's the nastiest port-a-potty you think you've ever seen?
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Chapter 3: How does Corey Heider relate personal experiences to his comedy?
So I started seriously. Dude, I was like 385 pounds. I was like, I got to either die from this or figure something out. I was like, I could eat salad to go to the gym every day. And I was like, no, that sounds like some bitch shit, right?
I can't. I can't, dude.
I went to the gym one time. I was like, I'm sweaty. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home and figure it out. And then I saw an internet article that said, if you eat hot dogs wrapped in cheese until you feel like you're going to have a heart attack, like run that six, seven months, cuz. Right? Six, seven months. Just run it, dude. And that's what I did. And now you lost weight. Brother.
I would, there would be times where I walk past them and I'll be like, who the fuck? Oh my God! How much would you say your peak was? Sagging, dude! My peak was 385. So... Touching fours. Yeah, dude. Touching fours. That's what, bro. And this is like, I used to watch Robin Big back in the day. And Big was so big, like, you probably don't know this. You probably never knew this.
A home scale typically only goes to 330 pounds. They're like, if you're bigger than that, go to the hospital. Does it say error?
It's saying a Walmart. Yeah.
It's just zero.
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Chapter 4: What are the challenges faced in the plumbing and contracting industry?
It's just like, yeah, error. Error on the electric ones or the other ones will boop boop. I love them ones. Cause at least you can still tell you're like three 30 plus.
Okay. I should, you know, it would just be like, no. Yeah.
So back in the day, right. Me and my boy was scrapping metal for drugs. Just like any good hardworking American. And we was at the scrap yard. Right. And there was this guy that looked like the dude that live in the pit and water world. That's the only way I can describe him. He had never seen the sun, bro. And he just lived in scrap. He died by scrap, bro. He didn't leave his scrap shed.
And I went in there and he had the scale. And I was like, how high did that go? He's like 25, 3,500 pounds. I was like, can I stand on it? Do you mind if I stand on it real quick? He's like 385. He's like, God damn, boy. I was like, yeah, that ain't good, is it? And I was like, I'm just trying to like divert. I was like, how much you get for scrapping somebody like that?
He's like, after you boil a man down to the bare minerals, you only worry about 12, 11 cents.
00,00,00 that's either the first joke this guy has ever told or we should get the fuck out of here okay pretty pretty quick what were you scrapping that day uh i'm gonna say stainless steel dude it was a stainless steel uh hospital cabinet weighed about 400 pounds i'm the same as me and it's not a bad haul Oh, dude. How much does it make for a haul like that?
Oh, dude, we made like four or five per 30s.
They really do. They do cut the... If they think you're on drugs, you don't get the real scrap price. I know, dude. It's like a bartering system. You're like, come on.
I know I stole it, but... I've seen it in action.
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Chapter 5: How does Corey view the impact of the pandemic on his life?
Yeah, dude. It's like trying to keep apples away from raccoons. You ever do that? No.
No. Fuck.
Good luck. Bro, they'll break through your house vents. They will sneak through your fucking vents like Tom Cruise in Mission Fucking Impossible. They will scale down. They will unlock your door, let in their honeys.
I had one try to break it. I think I told you before. I had a raccoon try to break into the crib. I just had his little... This is back when I was living in Jersey. Just a paw reaching through like, where my... My air conditioner was like closed. It just was a little ball. I just grabbed my hatchet. I was about to hatchet his paw off.
You're going to cut his hand off? I didn't know what it was at first. You're going to cut the thief's hand off? Just hold it. Arjun rules, real quick. You should have shook his hand. My neighbor had pet raccoons. Had a pet raccoon? Pet raccoons, and he fed it Urkel cereal. Urkel?
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Chapter 6: What humorous stories does Corey share about his childhood?
I swear to God, I remember Urkel cereal. Did he do that? That feels fucked up. Dude, I remember going up there. I remember being like, damn, I never had Urkel cereal. I want Urkel cereal so bad, these fucking raccoons are going to eat it. Right out the box. You would just throw it in there and feed them.
You get down in there with it. It's good.
They were cool. They were actually, raccoons are cool. They're cool ass animals, but they're just, I don't know, they're just dirty. Bear family, technically.
That's kind of dope. Mini bear. Mini bear. Shout out to Ursus Major. Ursus Major.
So we should probably, you know, the way I found you, actually it was Brandon from Ruff House. Yeah, that's my boy. Yeah, he's the man. Dude, the videos are so good. Just going through, you know. So what do you do? Explain your thing.
Okay, okay. So I'm a contractor by trade, right? But all the houses, see this is the hook, right? It's like one of them Magic Paul, Monkey Paul, Genie wishes. Like you get to be a contractor, but every house you go into is filled with shit and diapers and dead things. How about that?
you like that you're looking for work how about that how about that for a pandemic job it's better than being like the home depot installer guy they're i think they're like absolute underworld of contractors the guy who puts in like a door a screen door from home depot he's like like dude nate you could sign up today and just be that guy and be the guy i would like and then you get there you go oh i gotta go up two flights of steps that's an additional 37 dollars
Bring this shit the fuck upstairs, man.
I'll give you a tip.
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Chapter 7: How does Corey reflect on societal issues through his experiences?
I'd walk around customers like, oh, yeah, OK. And I'd like talk, talk, talk and turn. I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you? How do you do? So, yeah, I could be I could be the guy with the iPad and like the clean tucked in polo that shows up being like,
yeah all right let me uh i'm gonna have one of my guys come out here you would literally be the home depot installer yeah it all comes full circle man yeah that's how i get there yeah 500 percent mark no idea so you you made the monkey paul genie wish you got your wish to be a contractor but you it's it's like the underworld of like just up houses terrible recording it dude it's i got so used to it though it's crazy what you can get used to
Yeah, that's what I mean, bro. That's why I see my buddy's granddad who was in Norm. I seen the way he looks at fire and I'm like, how do you get used to that? You know what I mean? He just looks at it like he's seen piles of bodies burn.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.
And now I'm just saying, and now I go, it's a wild look to see in a man's eye where he's just staring at a flame like, anyone of you want to move?
I'm like, oh man, dude, this is wild, dude. So you walk into the houses and you just, you're ready. You go in. Glazed over. Completely glazed. What's the worst thing you've seen? I think you may have showed me.
I may have showed you and we may not be able to talk about it on you. Can we talk? What's the rules?
I don't know. You can talk about anything. I think you just can't show it on.
Okay.
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Chapter 8: What future plans does Corey Heider have for his career?
So, because the fridge had been unplugged for Christ knows, you know what I mean? So the whole thing's just, from ground level, is no bueno. So when you go in there, and there maybe has been a lady laying face down in the kitchen for 11 months, you might not know right away. You might not know right away. They don't tell you that, you know what I mean? That's all the paperwork, usually.
So, yeah. So what do you do when you find that?
Kick it.
No, you have to.
Kick it, dude. Not on my watch, buddy. Nope, nope, nope. You give it the double tap real quick. You know what I mean? I got boots on. Ain't no big deal.
With the play dead trick. Stab me in the neck.
I get it. You measure twice and cut once.
That's true.
So that's, yeah, you got to give the tap. You got to make sure you don't turn your back on a corpse. No. I've learned that from every movie. And I'm not fast. If you're already on the ground, it's the only shot I got. The windiness. You're on the zombie bike. Dude, curb stomp.
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