Mind Your Being Podcast
#25 Who Am I Now? Feeling Lost in Midlife & Finding What Matters
29 Mar 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hi everyone, I'm Cass and this is the Mind Your Being podcast. A space where we'll explore health and what it really means to care for our whole being, our physical, mental and emotional health. Each episode you'll hear from leading health and wellness experts or everyday people who share powerful insights and lived experience.
And sometimes it'll be just me, sharing thoughts, tools and reflections from my own journey. More than anything, I want you to feel supported, encouraged and empowered to make informed health choices that feel right for you. If this sounds good to you, please enjoy. Welcome to Mind Your Being. Today's episode is a solo one.
Chapter 2: Why do many people feel lost in midlife?
And before we get into it, I just wanted to shout out listeners from a few areas around the world. And they are Sachse in Texas, Santa Rosa in California, and Madrid in Madrid. Thank you all for taking the time out to listen today. I hope you're enjoying the content on Mind Your Being.
So today's episode is inspired by conversations I had earlier in the week when I attended a peri and menopause expo here in my local community.
Chapter 3: How can menopause be seen as a reset?
So I had an exhibitor stand with Mind Your Being and many women were generous enough to come up and share a conversation. And I asked them what they really wanted to know about peri and menopause, what topics they'd like to hear on the podcast, what topics they found it hard to get information on. And while everyone's experience is different, there were a few common themes.
And one that came up quite frequently was a number of women told me that they felt like they didn't quite know who they were anymore. And it struck me that this stage of life invites us to pause and ask, What actually matters to me now?
Chapter 4: What are values and how do they differ from goals?
What are my priorities? What gives me meaning? How do I want to live my life going forward? As I was reflecting on these conversations, I was thinking that rather than see menopause
just for what we lose, I thought that it also presents an opportunity at this time of life to gently begin to see it as a reset of sorts, a natural transition point, a moment for us to reflect and to consider how we want to live our lives in this next chapter. And maybe you felt that too, a sense of feeling a little unsure, sometimes a little disconnected from yourself, or even wondering...
Who am I now? So you might have spent years showing up for everyone else, meeting expectations, caring for others, holding things together and somewhere along the way feeling a little further away from yourself. So today I want to gently explore something that can help guide us in times like this. and that is our values.
Now this isn't about having all the answers but it is an invitation to pause, to reflect and to consider whether the life we're living is aligned with what truly matters to us. So what do we actually mean by values? Well, values are the qualities or principles that matter most to us. They're not goals. They're not things we achieve or tick off a list.
Chapter 5: Why is living in alignment with values important for well-being?
They're more like directions we move in, a way of showing up in our lives. For example, a goal might be, I want to get a promotion. But underneath that, the value might be something like growth or contribution or learning. Another example might be the goal of, I want to run a marathon. But the values underlying that goal could be health, vitality or challenge.
Or another goal might be, I want to host more dinners. Well, underlying that goal might be values like connection or community or love. So a simple way to think about it is, Goals are destinations and values are directions. And values act like an internal compass. They help guide how we spend our time, where we place our energy, and how we make decisions.
I'm going to attach a list of values in the episode show notes, or if you Google it online, there are many, many lists of values out there. So you can start to have a look at some of the values I'm talking about, but I'll just quickly run through a few examples of what values might be. Things like connection, kindness, curiosity, creativity, honesty, integrity, growth and
Chapter 6: What is a simple way to identify personal values?
community, learning, authenticity, and compassion. Now that's just a slice of the values that you'll see on a values worksheet. Just to give you an example, I'll share a few of mine. I really highly value curiosity, learning, education. And so doing this podcast is a way for me to live those values in my life. And another one is I really value connection.
And again, the podcast is a way that I practice connection through sharing conversations with people on the podcast, through communicating with you, listening right now, but also in my friendships and my family, like making time for people So something I wanted to clarify is that values are personal, they're not external expectations.
So our values are ours, they're not based on what other people expect of us, they're not what society says we should prioritise, they're not what we've always done or what we've been praised for. They're the things that feel deeply meaningful to us.
And sometimes, especially in midlife, we realize we've been living for a long time according to roles, according to responsibilities and expectations. And when have we paused to ask ourselves, what actually matters to me now? Well, I'm suggesting that this is a perfect time in midlife, where we are right now, to stop and ask ourselves, who are we? What is meaningful to us?
So I want to touch on why values matter. Why am I talking about this? Well, there's a lot of psychological research that shows when we're living in alignment with our values, we tend to experience a greater sense of meaning, more internal contentment and a stronger sense of who we are. So without that clarity, life can sometimes feel busy but not deeply fulfilling.
Like we're moving from one task to the next without a strong sense of why.
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Chapter 7: How do everyday choices shape a meaningful life?
We're just on autopilot a lot of the time. Whereas when our actions reflect what matters to us, there can be a greater sense of intention and a sense that your life feels more like your own. And this is different from short-term pleasure, because we can all experience moments of pleasure, moments where we buy something new, achieving something, ticking something off a list.
But those moments can be fleeting. Whereas values-based living is more about a deeper, steadier sense of fulfillment, a sense that my life reflects what matters to me. So in acceptance and commitment therapy, known as ACT, it recognizes that having a sense of purpose is vital for human flourishing and that this really comes back to identifying our values.
It invites us to consider questions like, what do I want my life to be about? What really matters to me? There's also research from ACT that shows when people clarify their values and then take actions aligned with them, they often experience less psychological distress, greater resilience, and more meaningful engagement with life, even when things are hard.
And I think that's an important point because living in alignment with your values doesn't mean life suddenly becomes easy, but it can help you navigate life with a greater sense of direction. And on that resilience point, some studies show that even briefly reflecting on your personal values can help buffer in times of stress.
It can help you feel more grounded, more centered, because you're reconnecting with what really matters. So even in challenging moments, values can act like an anchor. They don't remove the stress, but they can help you move through it in a way that feels more aligned with who you want to be.
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Chapter 8: Why do values matter in times of stress?
So for example, if you're feeling overwhelmed but one of your core values is connection, choosing to reach out to a friend, even if it's only briefly, it might not remove the stress but it can help you feel supported and help you feel more yourself within it. So I mentioned before midlife really is a transition point because this stage of life often comes with a lot of change.
For many years we've been growing, learning, building careers, caring for others, meeting expectations and then we arrive here and things begin to shift. If we have children they may become more independent, roles within the household and the workplace may change. Our bodies are changing, our energy certainly feels different and sometimes there can be a sense of exhaustion or burnout.
It's that quiet wondering of where you fit now beyond the roles you've held for so long. And so when we find ourselves asking, who am I now? rather than seeing that as something to fear because it's very common in this stage for people to re-evaluate their priorities and their meaning.
So many people will move from externally driven goals like achievement, approval, productivity toward those intrinsic values like connection, purpose, autonomy or contribution. And rather than seeing that as something to fear, we might gently reframe it as an invitation or an opportunity, a moment to pause and reassess, to ask ourselves, what do I want this next chapter of my life to be about?
So I want to take a few moments now, if it feels right for you and this is something you want to look at, you might take a moment to reflect on your values. So you don't need to stop what you're doing, just let these questions sit with you. You might begin by thinking about moments in your life where you felt most like yourself, where you felt most fulfilled, most alive.
It could be something simple, a beautiful conversation, time in nature, helping someone, were you learning something new? And then gently ask yourself, what was present in that moment? Why has that moment resonated for you? Was it connection? Was it creativity? Feelings of calm? That sense of growth, freedom, authenticity? love?
And as you reflect, you might begin to notice some patterns, certain qualities that show up again and again. Well, these can be your clues to your values. And if you were to choose just a few, maybe three to five, what might they be? You might also gently ask yourself, what do I want my life to be about? What really matters to me?
So if you have a look at the values attached to the episode show notes, or if you Google values checklist, you'll see that there are so many values to choose from. And when you first start looking at the list and trying to identify your own values, you'll probably select many of them. And that's okay, there's no perfect way to do this.
Once you've selected a whole heap of values that feel right for you, then we want to try and go back and rate these according to their importance to you right now. Because this values exercise is something that we may do many times in life.
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