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Chapter 1: What happens at Joanne's housewarming party?
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Woo! Are you going to talk about Stephen Bartlett? Yes!
I'd be good at it. Imagine me, Peggy. You'd be brilliant.
I would be good at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I would. I already know. Yeah. You wouldn't even need the strap on.
I know.
He just, he boils my blood. Jesus Christ, I hope he never bumped into him. Maybe I fancy him.
Say hello and welcome.
Are we on? Are we up? We're on, yeah. Are we up? Yeah. So this is like the, do you know when you're in school, you'd have the non-uniform days? Yeah. And it felt like just chaos.
They call it a mufti day over here.
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Chapter 2: How do Vogue and Joanne celebrate with champagne?
Oh, I don't know, charity box. I'd be like, charity.
I just wanted to get signed. Seven years of age. But like, I have to say, if a child knocked on my door now and started singing and dancing, I don't know, I guess I'd have to listen to them. You'd feel like you're going to get in trouble for it. That if you don't, like I'm just surprised at the generosity of the neighbours that they actually put up with that shit.
Some of them would invite me in and let me do it in the sitting room.
You see, you just couldn't get away with that name.
I'm like, you've got to pick a pocket or two. I think I was playing the spoons at one point.
Oh my God, Gina at Mary Black. I'm going to get her. Magnificent. She played all her bangers and she really, she left me hanging because at the end she went off and she said goodbye. Then she came back on and she did one song and I was like, oh my God, she's not doing my favorite song. She edged you. I was like, I honestly was like, where's past the point of rescue? How could she not do that song?
I'm not as familiar with her work as you are.
It's a glorious song. It's an absolute banger. Sent us all out on a high and it was the last song she played.
Oh, she teased you and then came out and sang it.
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Chapter 3: What are the housewarming gifts unwrapped during the episode?
Joe suggested we film in a house and we were like, oh my God, this is so much better. And then I was like, I could get Joe to help me. There's a couple of boxes and I need a mirror board upstairs. And...
That's why we're here. Yeah.
I can't lift. I'm pregnant. I'm not even joking. Oh, watch. And you hadn't seen the house? The house is fantastic. I love showing love.
I'm like a proud mom. Yeah, but I said to Joanne, I was like, it's like it was made for you because all her furniture that never fit in the flat fits perfectly here.
Everything suddenly makes sense. How this sofa was in your flat, I don't understand. I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. I finally found a place to fit the furniture. Anyway, because we're in the house, I want to celebrate.
And by celebrate, she means have a bottle of champagne.
to celebrate that's all I know well it is it's actually I think it's like it's bad luck I have to have a sip by the way listeners and you're allowed to have a sip because it's bad luck not to toast a house well Bonnie Blue apparently is hoovering the shots into her and she's pregnant although I think that's a I think I'm assuming that's a press stunt she is she is pregnant she had a fake pregnancy to me congratulations to Joanne there you go you got so much look at the wine glasses you got me I know
That's all you can have or the baby will have a tiny head. Just... Jo, are you pregnant with child? Is your period late?
You can have a full glass.
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Chapter 4: How do Vogue and Joanne discuss their childhood antics?
Do you want me to measure for you? Yes. Do you want your present? Yes! I'm going to get the rest of the present because I know you're not going to have what you need for the present. Is it willpower? What do I need? You'll understand now. They'll just sit there as ornaments. Oh my god!
I love it!
I was like... Oh my god! Open the other one.
There's
It is a neon salt and pepper mills.
Shut up!
I know.
Oh my God.
It's very you, isn't it?
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Chapter 5: What are the highlights from the Steven Bartlett conversation?
Do you remember this, Joe?
Was it to Amazon?
Yeah, something like that.
Well, Amazon, you can send stuff back. Yeah. Fair play. Whoever decides to send something back should really get a free product. But some people use like... I can't send anything back. No. Some people use a whole product and then send it back and they're like, this just wasn't right. Or fill it up with something else. Like K18.
I think they had a real problem with that on Amazon where people were using the K18 and refilling it with something else and sending it back and then it wasn't real K18. Wow.
I know but K18 is brilliant it's really brilliant it's kind of spicy oh for fuck's sake okay anyway I got those I was at the Chelsea Flower Show and I saw those and I was like who is going to buy them and then I thought I am for Joanne they're like who'd buy those monstrosities oh they had loads of them though they said loads of people would be into them I absolutely love them and I'm going to use them both for salt because I don't eat pepper oh you don't eat pepper your people guests you have over will eat pepper
You'd never put pepper on any food. I don't fuck with pepper at all now.
Have you ever seen spennies and pepper?
Do you eat pepper?
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Chapter 6: How do they react to Stephen Bartlett's recent comments?
Well. I'm actually, so I was obviously building myself up towards a hot girl summer because it was a heat wave and I was kind of planning out the garden because, you know, I have a garden out. Did I mention I have a garden? I'm glad you decided upon a gardener. I'm going to get a gardener. And I ordered this stunning, bright red, heart-shaped paddling pool. I took ages picking it out.
Where'd you get it? Yeah.
I don't know that place that we're not supposed to go to but I mean I had to get it from there because I needed to know when it was arriving because I was away for work it was like when I was thinking about it I was like where would you get one of them and then I was like oh did she do that that dirty bitch I don't look listen what can I say every now and again Joe hasn't even figured out what we're talking about have you not but before before you say
What was wrong with it or why it was wrong? Can I ask the next question? Of course. Did you measure?
No, no. But I had a good look at it. Oh, yeah, no. I looked through it with my eyes, up and down, up and down. You saw how many people fit into it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I saw there was a woman and a dog, I think. And I went, perfecto. That's exactly the size I need. And you knew where you were going to put it. And I knew where I was going to put it. Okay. In the garden. Yeah. Yeah.
Or maybe just as like a foot spa in the sitting room. I don't know. There's no rules. I live on my own now. Do what I want. And anyway, ordered from...
I'd love to know do drop a comment below if you know what she's saying they're really unethical place yeah it's not great but they do they do have stuff like that they do have stuff like that and what's great about buying stuff on you could buy another one if you got it from them because it was probably a fiver it wasn't it was a hundred it was a hundred pounds I don't know it was 70 odd and then they charged me for the delivery because I had to pre you don't have prime
i don't have i don't have prime because i don't like to shop on i have prime we could use mine i mean none of us like shopping but i i remember i was offered a business account they're like shut the fuck up because i was offered a business account for delivery because i worried about so much yeah they thought it was a business are you fucking joking me i know i know i know i know i've since cleaned up my act anyway planning that arrived i was buzzing like an elf ridge
yeah still roasting ripped it out and I have a box cutter now oh crap because one of the lads from yeah Caroline left it here and I'm having a ball I'm using it to butter bread it's really sharp you had my fellas from Caroline they're really nice aren't they they're really lovely but one of them left their box cutter here and I am so happy with it I'm tweezing I did my whole bikini line with it laughing
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Chapter 7: What funny stories do they share about drunken antics?
And didn't I? Didn't I slice the paddling pool? Didn't I slice and dice it like Jeffrey Dahmer?
well I said I can't say who it was damaged by I said it on Instagram and in fairness because obviously I tell all my news and someone did say would you not just send it back no that's dishonest I was joking you can't do that they're the one people that you would take the piss out of yeah but it goes back to the seller so they take the piss out of the seller Amazon never lose in the race fine I don't want to upset the paddling pill community
I did get into a taxi there the other day, right? And you know when someone's, like, there was a young fella, like, young guy, kind of alright looking, but he was listening to a podcast and, like, the only lines I heard in it were like, oh, and when women are ready to mate.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like, what the hell is it? And then I was like, a bit concerned. Manosphere vibes. But he looked so normal.
No, no, no, that doesn't necessarily, when someone says, the line when women are ready to mate isn't of its own, like, The context, that in itself is okay. I mean, it suggests consent. He's saying ready to mate, not just saying when you're ready to ride them.
I just found it such an odd conversation. Speaking of... Yes.
Are you going to talk about Stephen Bartlett? Yes. Can I just say... where I do you know like if you have a dinner party by the way I used to like him he's the what happened to his job he's such a knob I think I think he might be alright in real life I think I've heard that he's kind of sound so what we're talking about is
Stephen Barrett, he's only over one scandal where he basically said that maybe society should intervene with incels and because incels weren't going to get the ride and that should society intervene. And everyone was like, what are you suggesting? Some sort of giant, unconsensual gangbang. Yeah, it was all that jazz. And we weren't too pleased about it.
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Chapter 8: What reflections do they have on Susan Boyle's comeback?
Well, that's what he said. Yeah, that's what he said. I drank three glasses of wine and it ruined my life. Now, obviously, ruined my life. I was like, oh my God, ruined your life. You got pissed, sold an organ, hired a prostitute, tried to pray for Aunt Clarna. Like, what happened? Like, this is obviously like high-end self-destruction. Read out what he said.
He said he had a drink and it ruined his life. His life! So he had three glasses of wine and it ruined his life because it made him not optimal for three days. First of all, he said that he wasn't able to podcast well, which I actually don't agree with because I think when you're hungover, you are on full fuego.
I hit my stride at three. I won't podcast today, three drinks a week.
I think you're at your funniest when you're hungover. I also think you're at your best two drinks in. Yeah. That's when a human is at his best. I get that. I do. If everyone went around two drinks in and they were all kept at that level, we'd all, there would be, there would be no war. Everyone would be getting on.
If Putin had a little Prosecco in the morning, He wouldn't be half as angry.
A little Prosec, like maybe a little mimosa in the morning.
Nigel Farage, a little Negroni in the morning. He wouldn't be such a melter. They don't have live, laugh, love.
Nigel's gone overboard. I'd say Nigel's on drink five, probably. And when people get to drink five, it gets stoppy and messy and they talk shit. That's what's happened to Nigel.
I know Michal Martin has a pint of Guinness every morning. Does he? Yeah.
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