Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me.
I can't stand live TV.
Live TV is my favourite thing in the world to do. That's what I want to do. I love it so much.
Chapter 2: What do Vogue and Joanne think about live TV?
I can't stand it. Well, I'm impatient. So like, at least I know with live TV, they're not going to tell you to hurry up and wait. It's just like, hurry up and go. It's the only time in TV.
I think as a comic, it's trickier because you're second guessing and you're filtering things a million times.
Do you know?
Because I like the dark stuff. You just can't. I don't think it represents me very well as a comic and as a person, to be honest. I like a time delay and a heavy edit. I like to know it's there that I can lean on.
You get away with no edit, though. I can't get away with no edit. I can edit on the go. But there were a couple of things, even in the jungle, I was like, uh-oh, probably shouldn't have said that.
well no because you're I edit on the go as well like on this we'd be I know because with the way we talk and then we're like oh that we won't put that in and we'll take that out or whatever but also if you're in the jungle like you can't edit yourself 24-7 in a reality TV show space like that or you'd literally be sitting there mute maybe that's what Martin Kemp was doing
He didn't say a lot. No, he didn't say a lot.
But we only saw the edit, didn't we? In fairness to Martin, we only saw the edit.
Maybe out of the edit he was chatting 24-7. Maybe.
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Chapter 3: How do they handle editing in reality TV?
I want you to guess the royalties that Fairytale in New York make every year. Now, bearing in mind... 500 grand. You're not far off. 400 grand.
Is that international or is that just Ireland?
Well, I read it in a UK...
publication I'm glad you opened that because I looked at it and I was like interesting but not interesting enough for me to open so I'm glad you opened it I opened it in a little paper called the Faley Cale I opened it and I think that's pretty it was never number one in the UK never once word of grandeur for sitting on your arse Joanne get yourself into studio with me we're starting a band I know last week we said we were starting something else we're starting a band now
They're sitting in heaven, actually. They're not sitting on their arse. Kirsty McCall's passed away. She was killed in a water skiing accident years ago. And Shane has passed as well.
She kind of was, she was on a jet ski and then somebody ran over her with a boat. Oh, God. Desperate, desperate. So grim. God love her. So grim. What a way to go. It's Christmas Eve. Sorry. I'm sorry, sorry.
It's Christmas Eve. Not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse.
I'll tell you what, I've done something very un-Christmas Eve.
So we're recording this before Christmas Eve. Don't say you've gone down the Easter bunny route already with the hat.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of singing in their Christmas special?
Some of them aren't, what? Some of them aren't, some of them are. I nearly invited myself to your house last night because I'd had a few drinks when I went to that Christmas party and I was like, maybe I'll just go over to Joanne's. And then I thought... No, I won't get home till very late if I go over there.
You'd have been more than Malcolm. Yeah. See me shooting up on my own in front of the telly. Watching Gavin and Stacey. Happy Christmas, dogs. Come in.
Come, come. I really was tempted. I nearly did it as well. And then I was like, that's a late one. It was like that time when we did our cork shows and I was like, and then I didn't touch your door handle.
You're making it like this is a sort of crack den, some sort of brothel where you come in and never leave.
John, you and I together are a problem when we have drinks.
This is a very innocent, family-focused, civilised apartment with some drink in the fridge. Like, come on. I'm a brown woman.
I know that, but I don't trust me and you together. That's the problem. It's the combination. Anyway, I'm really in the Christmas spirit. I just came home from Elf the Musical with my friends. My kids.
My friends.
I have no friends.
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Chapter 5: How do they feel about their holiday traditions?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah, as you're staring your mother in the eye singing and holding hands. That'd be good. So I'm so happy to miss the countdown, but I would like to do something on the day.
I'd like to do a nice New Year's Eve luncheon where I put on a pair of nice boots, jeans and a nice top vibe, get a curly blow dry, head into town, do some lunching, then home, take a melatonin, sleep through the countdown, wake up, smug, rested and vested, go for another luncheon.
yeah this is in your this is in your wildest dreams that this will happen and now I've realised I fucked up trying to get you to Dublin because I mentioned that we're doing all that boring stuff and you won't want to come there now I have no luncheon plans no one has invited me to luncheon and I haven't arranged any lunch if you've no plans you're invited to mine and I have a spare room and it's downstairs it's out of the way no one will be in your way thank you
I'm very committed to my invisible plants. Thank you so much. I might just do a shout out on Insta and be like, is anyone around? I don't know. It could get pathetic. If you see me doing a shout out on Insta, no judgment, please. Everyone's away, okay? I'm just trying to live my life.
If you see her taking a melatonin at two o'clock in the day, you know that her plants were cancelled. I'm just cleaning out my sock drawer on New Year's Eve. So New Year's Day will be one of your sleeping tablet stories. I'm 14 hours.
I woke up, it's 2027. I can't believe it. And I got them across the counter. You've been asleep for a year and a half. I did notice though, the other day, I was like, I was really ratty and I felt very exhausted and I was like, oh, just,
this year just needs to go now do you know I'm ready to like just it feels like I've been ready to tap out for about nine days but there's been nine additional days of kind of work coming in that I obviously want to do and need to do and I've noticed that I have a habit because I work like for myself where I can work remotely and I don't have unless I'm touring I don't have a huge amount of reason to leave the house
Yeah, well, I kind of just want to be in my house all the time, to be honest. It's my favorite place to be.
I don't want to be anywhere else. Well, you have kids and a dog. So at least you have some sense of purpose in the day to walk outside into nature. I don't. I could literally sit here and rot all day. And I realized, I said, Joanne, you haven't left the flat in three days. That's why you're ratty. You're like a cooped up gerbil. You need to get out. You got to get out for a little walk.
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